257 Central Street Project Updates

Below left how it can be, once rehabbed, & the house might have been of colors similar to now, the right image shows in traditional white.
In the middle is a revised floor plan with the suggested restoration of the "el" torn off in 1923 and area indicators in roman numerals.
If you click on the blue text saying Updates above it will take you to the former header for this page.  Mr. Knight has had difficulty getting funding for the rehab of this project that the city kept asking for things to be done that pushed it to near $97,000 and the funding people refused.  He is still seeking funding, but the city has since sent a letter revoking his designation as a preferred developer.  He hopes to have drawings of how the house would look with the "el" ad porches and south-side dormers in place.  ONLY God knows if this can happen. But I no longer have the authority from the city to even attempt this endeavor.
Please Pray for God's will to be done in this project.

 The 2011 tornado did damage to this house & we would like to restore the "el" taken off in 1923 to make a rental section. This image now shows the restored "el" and the proposed back and side porches a well as the extended front porch. The concept is to extend the living space in the warmer months and insulate with dead air the enclosed porch spaces in colder months in the 1860's area of the building.  Over the back porch add the "hall" area would be a dormer on the south and eastern sides s that there is access up the stirs to the area above the "el" and thus make another habitable space, with the dotted lines showing the porch areas that might come "last".  I, Charles Knight, might never be able to rehab and live in this house.  And my dreams for S.C.A.R.F. might never come to fruition while I am alive, but at the very least my thoughts and hopes and dreams will here be presented for all to see, and if God wills, then something like it might be done, or the $125,000 or so that the final project would take might "appear".   I doubt we need to spend an additional $100,000 as I think with "sweat equity" all of this can be accomplished to provide habitable spaces, and even office space, for at least 3 entities, all under $200,000 and maybe even under $100,000.

house at 257 Centaral Street, Springield, MA and how it could look. Ground Level floor plan with additon and prposed addition and restored el and porches including n/w corner
257 Central St., Springfield MA, how it could look with lighter sides.

email Mr. Knight at ceknight.spfd@gmail.com                   His "go Fund Me" link is:  gofundme.com/zkwvfk 
or mail us at scarf@usa.com   Do friend us at our facebook page  and/or  check out our twitter account anytime.
Mr. Charles E. Knight has edited most of the comments below and his phone number is (413) 732-7077.

Currently we have only raised $215 towards this project.
Daily Planned and Most recent
activity (such as this May 1st floor plan about having 2 apartments to help pay for loans to do this work).
The following are documents I have created recently about the continued hope and dream for this property that effectively the city has shut the door on:
Restored 'el' & added porches/dormers,   Central Climax Corporation idea,  
Some of this is planned activity and will be altered when it is history.  Please scroll down to today's date.

28 July, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict.  Then I have no idea what I will do today.  I want to rest. I want to be closer to God.
27 July, AD 2018
This is left blank.  Nothing planned so far. Maybe see about employment.
26 July, AD 2018
Time at apartment and at AQCA, then go to the East Springfield Neighborhood Council and maybe speak with Kathy Brown early as to  how she has that council work so well. Maybe bicycle so I can bicycle back even though Wayne has offered me a ride. 
25 July, AD 2018
Work on Model and maybe get different mat board for it. Finish it to help put an 'cap' on things.  Webinar at 1PM, then afternoon washing clothing.
24 July, AD 2018
Inspection, I hope early in the day.  I meet with a counselor at 1PM regarding many things, one of which is the possibility of depression.  The to Bob's tonight to do the trash.  I feel so discouraged and sad and just feel like maybe all of my life has been a waste from 1962 on.  Maybe I have had nothing to offer since my Dad died in 1993 and my Mom died in 1995.  I certainly feel like I have made only wrong decisions and have not benefited many.
23 July, AD 2018
Prepare for Board of Directors Meeting in Morning. Then the meeting and minutes about it.  Then final clean up for inspection tomorrow. Call election commission office or go down there and ask about the way to get the final listings for the candidates for the primaries, I want the Hampden county and Springfield wards lists and I wonder if they have a sample ballot as yet..
22 July, AD 2018
Church and then work on the room and something for this page.   This week I see someone Tuesday and expect to ask this clinical person's help. I do not mind taking medications if my body is NOT producing something, but I don't want to take medications as "happy pills".  I would rather go back to the Berkshires and be with nature and God and maybe, if it is God's timing, lay down and be buried with my family.  I am to tired to fight more right now and it seems much of the fighting in this town is so senseless, so polarized along racial or ethnic lines and so far from what God wants of us. Obtain paper, maybe at Bob's for printing the next day.

21 July, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict and see if I can get Steffi to help me clean up and box up stuff to go to storage tomorrow and make the place look ok.  Would like to check out the "yearly homeless event" at the Progressive Baptist Church. I need help, I am so despondent and discouraged. I need to establish "magic jack" or pay for another month of long distance telephone services by the end of the day.
20 July, AD 2018
Up and got the bus schedules and Pam and I went down to the meeting about Property Management to continue after HMR leaves the building we both live in on August 31st.  We will bring this and a forthcoming language for some motions to select these people as the next Property Managers and maybe give us some direction as to what to do with the Million Dollars worth of debt that never got paid.  The balloon payment is coming up and I can not see right now any other solution but to sell the building for the amount of the debt that is due.  Twenty years of trusting property management companies to pay off a debt and only to find out they only paid the minimum and I think made costs that probably should not have been made or that might not have correctly existed and they made a profit on those costs to our detriment.  I got back late and went to speak with some about the other board of directors meeting I missed.  Pam lives on my floor and is our Low Income representative on the board of directors for the building and has bad knees and has not gone out by bus in many months. This was her first time out and so we had to go slow. She could not walk well to stop at one place and then get the bus on the other side of the road coming back so we went all the way to the bus station and took a bus back.  So we spent a lot of time.  She had some home made lasagna made for her and invited me in for some pieces, I ate a double helping, it was so good.  Then I got back and lay down and did email and came back to tell her of some of what the people we saw had emailed to us. I will send it out to board members after I have sent it to our lawyer who is our treasurer for comments. 
19 July, AD 2018
Not much this morning, a little done, don't feel like doing anything. I got late to the conference call about the meeting tomorrow with a company to take over property management when HMR leaves August 31st.  We voted not to have them take over the building I am living in now.  I was bit by a small dog as I walked with my bicycle past some people talking with their dogs on the sidewalk as I went down to the AQCA office and worked a bit . Then Doug of MassLandlords came to the AQCA office with some cameras and a technician to interview me on my thoughts about Housing, being a Land Lord (I am clerk of the board of directors of the company that owns the building I am renting a deluxe SRO in), and what the Civic Association desires to do.  We did the video-graphing (with the property management's permission) in the lobby of the very historic Kimball Towers (a former very fine Hotel that is now condominiums). Much of this revolved around my desires to work with people and work cooperatively and collaboratively to make life better for all that live and work in an area.  So that concluded and I did some email at the AQCA office and will see if I can get the phone number again Monday to contact regarding people for the AQCA candidates night in August (primary election is in September near Labor Day).  Where did the summer go.  It was hot a few days and I had to take a loan to get an AC unit and I was pretty much heat stressed I still have not fully gotten over.  But somehow it seems and feels like it is October weather already.  I got to the Historic Commission meeting and spoke saying I did not feel good about tearing down a building that a group wants to bring back to a Church or Meeting House in the area.  The neighbors were afraid what was coming out of the decaying building was asbestos with NO proof of that fact and so the Historic Commission agreed to the demolition. I fear 257 Central Street will be the next one to go.  I don't know if I can do anything to preserve this house and live in it.  I am very discouraged, depressed, and saddened.
18 July, AD 2018
Tried to do some more but go nowhere, 9AM I awoke and got to the clinic. When I was seen it was by my own Doctor.  So great.  She has taken all the test that can be taken and in 3 weeks we repeat the blood tests.  I come early in the morning to do it, she has written the order already.  She has an appointment with a neurologist and they want to check on the nerves in my neck. BUT she thinks I might have been troubled all this time from depression and it caused the physical symptoms and not something else.  I feel inside this is like a diagnosis like my father was told by his relatives when I was diagnosed as having epilepsy, that I was no good and pretty much crazy and useless.  I left the Clinic near Noon and did not get to the Picnic table near Armoury for a VIMUG meeting as planned as I had to go back and alarm Bob's house and then went to my apartment and was pretty much exhausted and discouraged and very sad.  I did get to use the stuff Steffi had helped me get at Michaels (foam board) to make a model of what I wanted to do at 257 Central and get that up to the location on Walnut Street for the Springfield Preservation Trust meeting. They did not look at the model and I showed them afterwards some documents I made of my thoughts.  It all looks like it is going down hill and I can do nothing right.  I agreed to email pdfs of these to the president and they will look to see if the building can be saved.  Dave Gaby and I talked for quite a bit after the meeting, I am so discouraged and depressed.
17 July, AD 2018
Nothing done, some work on items to tell of 257 Central Street project and what I wanted to do. But feel so depressed. Inspection lady called and I was so sick she said to put it off one more week and I should call the clinic.  I did and left a not for her that I have an appointment Wednesday at 9AM.  Over to Bob's house for the trash and then bed. So very tired. So very discouraged. Started reading the right book for Order of St. Benedict.
16 July, AD 2018
Nothing done all day. Should be packing up stuff.  Small amount to storage building but not in my storage area.  I was at computer but nothing good. I feel so much like a worthless piece of junk. Others came to check on me, at computer but nothing good done.
15 July, AD 2018
The month and the Summer seems to be half over and I have done almost nothing.   Feel so inefficient and worthless so many days.  So tired and exhausted, so dull, not bright or quick witted at all. Got nothing done all day. Did go to Church and Steffi tried to help me. Back to apartment and nothing much done, feel so useless and sick and not able to think or do anything good.  But I am not in school, still all of a sudden dull tonight.

14 July, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict and Bob's house. Then back to apartment.  Feel so sick, so tired, so just not bright, very dull, very exhausted and sick.
13 July, AD 2018
Work on a presentation and model of what I had hoped to do with 257 Central Street and see if I can show it to our Mayor.
12 July, AD 2018
2nd Thursday  I don't think there is a MassLandlords meeting tonight.
11 July, AD 2018
AQCA board of Directors meeting at 4-6PM at the AQCA office.
10 July, AD 2018
9AM be at the clinic for a focus care appointment, can only look at heat problems.  Housing Inspection, 1PM VIMUG meeting has to be cancelled, I am just to sick and need to do what the medical people say to do, and 2PM health appointment. Housing inspection might still happen, if I am here or not.
09 July, AD 2018
First Thing is to call the clinic and talk of my problems that might be heat related. Monday, last day to get room ready for the housing inspection.  Maybe call Professor Hall and find out where to get some butter board for the model. Called clinic, they can see me tomorrow at 9:30AM, be there at 9AM. Will try and put of inspection. Am supposed to be at a Google event at the Mass Mutual Center, do sick to really go. Feel sick to my stomach as well as tired, and such.  Checked online, this expensive AC I bought is crap.  It is not energy star rated. It is an "Ocean Breeze", apparently the energy star rated one is a "sea-breeze".  I have made the wrong decision again. Will I ever do anything right?  So very sick today.
08 July, AD 2018
Church and such, then back to apartment and hope Steffi can help me. So weak but MUST have things out for inspection Tuesday.  Steffi did not get back until to late to help.  I am to sick and tired to do much of anything. Ate with a neighbor.  So weak. So very cold when it is even 75 or 80 inside.  Am sleeping with the snuggle warmer and a blanket with the AC turned off.  Feel so very cold now.  Drinking all the gatorade I can. I am NOT well.

7 July, AD 2018
Remembered I should have been at Bob's to take the trash out. Order of St. Benedict. The book is to be finished and I just got my copy from Amazon and am trying to read it before today. I got the wrong book I find out. So tired, went to Bob's and checked on plants, got some older pastries, then to apartment and then back to Pharmacy to get the medication.  Got there and I had left back pack with lock and keys in apartment hall. Came back and got into the building but not into my hall. All sleeping or out. So waited for Pam and her helper to come back. Got in and got back pack and went to pharmacy and got medications, some candy and ice cream. Came back and Pam and I had ice cream. Then I cooked the hot dogs I had and her beans and some cake I had from Bob and then came back to my apartment. So washed out by 9PM, this is all wrong.  Started AD unit but it just blows air around right now as the temperature is not hot enough to be cooled.  Will finish this and go to bed and do the work for the Parish Council meeting in the morning after Church sometime after 1AM I guess. I am so tired and exhausted and just plain weak. I wonder if I "picked up" something else?  Virginia, next to last Resident Manager at the building came down and I made here a card as God directed. So good to see her again, like "old times".
6 July, AD 2018
I got the AC Unit in, took all morning to put the parts together and get the window ready and close off the new $60 fan I had bought, but did not keep me cool enough.  So this unit seems to run the fan all the time even if no cooling is required, but it is fairly quiet.  Be at the Kibbe house early in the day and a meeting from 1-3PM.  I know Bob wants some things and I may go over to his house to see about the plants and such, but MUST work on the apartment.  I did stay there at night and was to tired to do much else.  Only figured out I was supposed to do the trash at Bob's house but could not remember that Friday night. His trash pick up is Saturday as July 4th was on his normal pick up day of the 4th (Wednesday).  I did have room cool and invited Pam over for supper.  Then went to bed.  Place is cool but I feel so washed out and worn out and tired and exhausted.
5 July, AD 2018
Well I have been very lazy all morning, got almost nothing done. A lady asked if I could talk with her, and I did.  Must box up things to get them out of here by Monday, The annual HUD housing Inspection is Tuesday.  Might go over to Bob's to see about the plants for a bit.  Still feel weak, am afraid. Went to Job Lot by Bus.  I checked online and they had the units I wanted, only at the Liberty Street Job Lot.  I got there and I was told they were all sold out that morning. And this was the first day of the current sale flyer. I had not choice, I had to buy the most expensive model. I was so weak. I was there by bus. I had to do something. So I took out a loan and bought the most expensive model, the only one left.  I now that chapter 93Asection 2a or whatever the bait and switch provisions are in Massachusetts most probably apply. BUT I did not get to the store until after noontime, and it is entirely possible with the high heat that people had come in the morning and bought all the lower priced air conditioner units.  I cam back and started cleaning my room as I have to pack things anyway and then read the instructions as I tired to sleep that night.
4 July, AD 2018
Left the apartment at 8:45AM and got the express buss (P21E) to Holyoke and then the B48 to Northampton, got in a bit before 10AM. Took the Norwottuck rail trail (now called or part of the Central Massachusetts Rail Trail) to Amherst and got to the Amherst Community Connction at thier new spot at 236 North Pleasent Street by 11:11AM. At 11:30AM I called and asked if I could help any. Hewei-Ling Greeney came in shortly and we set up for the free meal and she showed me around their new offices and the special room for the interns to work out of.  The attendance was sparse as the day was so Hot and so she and I cleaned up afterwards, talked a bit, and I left at about 1:30PM.  My rear end is so sore and seams like blisters that join the troubles with the rectal bleeding.  So I had to stop to rest a bit. Hewei-Ling had given me some excess watermellon and home fries wheich I ate at times.  I got into Northampton and it had taken me so long, 1.5 hours to bicycle the short 7 mile route.  I had sat down around 2PM and fell asleep at the bench. So I just missed the bus  back to Springfield and had to wait and take the 4PM bus.  I watched he children playing and was blessed with good company and ate some more watermelon and home fries.  Got into Holyoke and took the P21E express bus to Springfield and then bicycled back to the apartment. Was online and found out how to get to blunt park by 5:30PM.  Left the apartment and went to blunt park and found a beach towel on the road along the way.  I used that towel to lay on the grass in the shade of the sound booth.  Nice event.  I left just before the fireworks, have no desire to see these representations of some of the most horrible methods of waging war on civilians.  Got to speak with brother Bruce Bittlingmire who asked for prayer as the lumps and such have "come back" and folks I ask you to pray for "Brother Bruce" as this is a life threatening situation.  Got back to the apartment and drew a bath and by 10:30PM or so I was watching the "capital 4th" and other programs from DC and reminiscing about my summer there in 2000; in between phone calls.   I experienced the clicking again, so might go to Make It Springfield next Monday to have them check out the Bicycle as maybe I need that bushing after all.   Want to get my bottom (butt) o bicycle seat fixed so I can ride longer distances. I am still weak and if this does not clear up by Monday will need to contact the clinic and see if I am somehow dehydrated. Must clean up but feel so weak
3 July, AD 2018
Tuesday I cam back to my apartment and also went to Savers to get some things at the Liberty Street Store and then bring some jewel cases for cd's to Bob.  Then back to the apartment to sleep as I need to be at Union Station by 9AM. Took another cold bath. Feel very weak today, can't go much. I am just like I was dehydrated but am drinking water.
2 July, AD 2018
Monday I was around with Bob doing things and finally got to Savers and bought clothing in both stores.  Then at Bob's for the night. So tired and sick with the heat. Took a bath at about 3AM with as cold a water as I could stand.  That cooled me back down. Bob had turned the house fan off and it was over 90 in the room I was in.
1 July, AD 2018
Church, plants at Bob's house, might be all dead by now.  As it was I was taken by Steffi to the Family Bicycle shop in East Longmeadow and we dropped off the bicycle to be repaired. They said it would be two days so I will not expect it before Tuesday or Thursday since the 4th is Wednesday.  I tried to get the plants outside and will need to water them more as the air circulating also helps to dry them out.  At Bob's that night.



30 June, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict at church, then to Complete Streets Demonstration and Bike Rodeo, and then to apartment, most box ups stuff somehow.
Maybe start wearing my patriotic white shirts I bought to day and wear them through the 4th of July to next weekend.
29 June, AD 2018
Wet to Family Bicycle and bough fenders that were ordered. They put them on, had to use other hardware as the bicycle I got from Deacon Michael that he bought new for me needed other hardware.  I bought a handle bar bottle rack as the one that came with the bicycle the bolts were not functional.  A clicking noise and I need to have something changed and that will cost another $30-$50.  Must have it done by next week, crack shaft item. Then rode back to get a board meeting. I had misread the notice the day before, it was no on Friday but on Thursday that week. I was updated as to what went on and we had a good discussion with the main person as to what to do going forward.  I hope to help, if I can be of any use.
28 June, AD 2018
Not much in the morning. Got to the meeting with Mayor Sarno about the McKnight walk/bike trail initiative. So impressed with Mayor Sarno.  He asked all the right questions about how this might have funding to have it done and maintained and policed.  Then went to try and get OSHA-10 card but person was not in. Then to the graduation of this years Citizen Scientist class.  Saw lots of pictures of last years class and the person that took them seemed to have me in a lot of the scenes, looked like I was trying to get the attention, but that was not what I was doing consciously. Could not remember having anything else to do that night. (Thought a board meeting was Friday, found out later it was moved to Thursday, misread email.)  Slept a little and then went to a neighbors house and made some supper with stuff she had and I had.  Don't usually do this, but felt like it after resting.
27 June, AD 2018
Nothing much in the morning but the iTree webnar at 1pm. I worked up and revised plans for an apartment at Amity Lodge for a caretaker to be presented that night (it was ans shot down). Prepare and print things for the Green Committee, City Council Sub-Committee and then go to that Committee meeting and then to lodge and present my ideas orally there. Did not pass out papers, should have. So it is almost as if I had not presented the ideas. The other people were insistent in the false idea that you could not divide a property and get a certificate of occupancy for a portion of the building while you continued to work on the other portion. It needs separate services and entrance and egress.  I know I am right.  Back to apartment in rain and get minutes done now and in early morning the next day for the green committee meeting. Lodge notes & stuff to be finished by next Monday.
26 June, AD 2018
At 8:00AM  I am awoken, or before, by a phone call and when it ended I remembered I was to be at an appointment with a Clinical Social Worker, so I rushed off and got there in about 15 min. by bicycle.  Then missed Steffi but will meet up with her at my apartment at 11:30AM and go to Westfield to help in cleaning up at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore, Store.  She invited me for the next day but I had a lot going on that afternoon.  She took me shopping and I spent like a  drunken sailor.  All sorts of clothing and stuff at Savers and Dollar Tree.  Bought a fain and an old looking "cathedral" radio (that was just because I always wanted one of these) and two folding tv-dinner tables.  Also a book on Latin phrases for common sayings today.
25 June, AD 2018
Prepare for board of directors meeting about 32 Byers Street.  No reason to make decision but I was tired of it all and we voted whom to give the building to.  We could have still gotten someone else to fund it I think. BUT there as has been so much miss-management and refusal to do what was right by the people I think are Marxist-Leninist leaning in their philosophies that I think maybe a change is right for the tenants. Personally I am not happy with either choices, but we picked the lesser of two evils.  (Later on in the day I found out from independent sources how right I was and how wrong it was to make that decision. BUT I still think it is time to move on and I need to remove myself from this situation and the way to do it is to aid in the peaceful transfer to someone else. All the promises when I came "on board" have been broken. 
From there I went to the Occu-Health people and did the paperwork and such for my physical exam.  When the examining physician found out I had epilepsy not controlled by medications, he just stopped the exam procedure right there and refused to go further.  As often happens people think if you have narcolepsy you can not do any sort of employment, you are worthless, a total drag on society.  If he had suggested I sign papers and walk through a door to a euthanasia room so that I would be "liquidated" and not a drain on society any more, I think I would have done it.  So as I left I turned to the south and went to Family Bicycle only a few miles "down the road" and they said they could order fenders for me.  I spent money I should not have spent and ordered them. Be abut $75, installed.  I felt so miserable and worthless I did this to feel a bit better.  Ever since 1957 when I was diagnosed as having epilepsy I have felt this "write off" as being worthless.  I thought maybe I was beyond this now.  I had hoped the college degrees and construction training would allow me to be hired somewhere.  I guess I need to accept my worthlessness, move away from here, maybe back to the family home and just retire from society & maybe get a kitten and live with nature until God ends my useless life and I start my eternal damnation.

24 June, AD 2018
Church, Bishop John is here, invite all to come.  Probably Parish Council Installation, Baptism and Chrismations.  Very big day. Probably just rest afterwards. Prepare reports for Deacon Michael about attendance. I would really love to have everyone that can come to visit up Sunday at 9AM when we start the service at 400 Wilbraham Road. We are renting the sanctuary space at the Trinity Lutheran Church and then have usage of the fellowship hall downstairs for an hour or so after the Divine Liturgy (Mass).
23 June, AD 2018
Got to the Bible Bowl, Steffi can not be there due to her final exams at class. Went to Boston the night before. Stayed at the Hampton St. Shelter. Got a ride back from a couple when Steffi did not arrive as her daughter said she was going to come.
22 June, AD 2018
Did not finish up stuff to go to storage but did prepare for the Parish Life Conference. Last reading of Book of Acts.   Will somehow get to Bible Bowl.
21 June, AD 2018
This is the first day of Summer, did we have Spring?  Must work on stuff at lodge and try to start another batch of forsythia.  Also get lodge bad stuff out of cardboard so the recycling can go away. Do stuff at Amity lodge building to get my stuff organized and throw out more stuff.  Need to check on appointments to replace the ones I cancelled.  Do job search.  Get things ready for the meeting at 95 State Street with MGM-Spriingfield at 6:45PM tonight.
20 June, AD 2018
Must be at 3300 Main St. for the CT scann for Dr. Plummer.  It is my legs that pain most but this is ordered to see about my neck that hurt so much and have difficulty swallowing at times.  Maybe prepare some more for the MGM-Springfield Meeting tomorrow night at their offices.  Probably Amity Lodge meeting tonight, but it might get pushed to the last week in June.  Have to have proposal ready for them re-apartment at lodge idea. Read book of acts again.
19 June, AD 2018
Have email checked, about 5 days worth, over 1,500 messages and then be at 120 Maple street, 3rd Floor, for Stop Access Coalition's meeting with their people from Washington, DC.  Today I go to Bob's to  help with the trash.  Stay there the night.  Final questions cleaned up and sent to MGM people.  People changed the wording in the questions they gave before.
18 June, AD 2018
Nothing I can see scheduled for today. Should check on things at Bob's house and do laundry at the apartment and clean and get things boxed for storage. Lot's to do including the trash here and throw out a lot of going bad or old food in my fridge.  And finish up more work on my Curriculum Vita. I need to set money aside for the St. Stephen Course, if I can take it.
Tonight was to be Agawam Encampment and Springfield Lodge meetings at Springfield Lodge's hall, but one of our honored members is very ill and we have no communications and heavy business to take care of, so we will skip this meeting.  I will try and get typed up soon not only the minutes from the last Encampment meeting but also a short report on the Grand Lodge session.  I can present the report to Amity Lodge Wednesday if we meet that night.  The Independent Order of Odd Fellows I have really appreciated and enjoy when I can meet my friends at Grand body meetings.  Also by today I need to get an e-blast out for AQCA and tell them of the meeting the 21st and do any other advertising I need to do.  Also get Jose to sign the paper so we can cut a check for him for the clean up work he did before and during fiscal year 2018. 
17 June, AD 2018
5:15AM Bob called to ask if I got the message to please come to his house and pick up the pies for Church.  Steffi called and she brought me down to Bob's to get the pies.  Then we got her kids back to her house and got the tickets to go to New Haven via the Hartford Line. I messed up and did not realize that both Amtrack and CT=Hartford=Line honor each other's tickets so I called and said we could not go and so we did not. At 6PM I saw that we could have gone down, but then it was to late to do so.  I feel so awful I messed up this opportunity for Steffi and her kids.  I have no idea why I just don't see things through some times.
16 June, AD 2018
Grand Lodge Session, so glad I was there, talked with folks and then went to the stop-and-shop grocery store, high costs down here, and got a ride after Grand Lodge to the Ashland Commuter rail into Worcester. BUT that did not work on Weekends now and had to take a bus to Framingham to get another bus to Worcester. There my bus that was to leave at 6:30PM did not arrive until 8:30 and left by 8:45PM, and I got into Springfield at almost 10PM and was back at the apartment b 10:30PM, took a bath at about 3AM and otherwise tried to sleep.   
15 June, AD 2018
Got down to the ribbon cutting for the CT Department of Transportation's Hartford-Line, high speed rail. Was given an ride on the train to Hartford and then back after a ceremony and speeches there.  Got back to Springfield by 2PM and the apartment by 2:30PM. At about 4PM I found Bob could not bring me down to Grand Lodge this year after all as he is going to an equestrian event. So I rushed by bicycle and left the bike at the bus station and took helmet and all to Boston.  Missed connections all over the place and finally got to Forge Park/495 about 10pm.  Called the hotel and they came and got me.  Talked with the Grand Master and designed some things on the hotel computer that night. Made the mistake of emailing an image to him. Apparently that awoke him by ringing on his cell phone.  Won't do that again.
14 June, AD 2018
Bob could not bring me today so I took the bus up to the Holyoke Mall area and then Whiting and Bobala Road down to International Drive and bicycled to the Class on Mold best practices.  Bleach is the WORST thing to use. The mold can still cause sickness and death when dead itself, if can be so toxic. You clean it off and remove it. A good class but about half of the "students" were very lazy and wanted to get out early.  So finally he agreed to give the test early.  He had spent the appropriate time to teach us but they were so slow and playing around that the teach was way behind schedule but the "children" had to have their "beaks", etc.  We had the exam and I don't think some things were covered we had questions on because of these foolish people.  Someone else was paying for the training, they just wanted to get their way.  I only got an 80 on this exam, a full 5 question wrong.
13 June, AD 2018
Last day of lead paint instruction and hands on items and then the exam.  I did not do super well, only got an 84, probably 8 questions wrong.  I have trouble with remembering these measurements a in microns per cubic centimeter. I went to the South End Neighborhood Council meeting and after that gave the questions we wanted to ask to the MGM-Springfield representative that was there and then back to The Great Escape at the owners invitation to see his establishment and then back to the apartment.
12 June, AD 2018
Bob got me to ATC again for this class and I got a ride back again.  We had quite a good meal at lunch.  But one fellow who is an Islamic wants all things changed in his favor and things he does not need to follow the rules.  I hope I do not need to work with the likes of him.  I go later in the evening to Bob's house to help with the Garbage tonight. Got a ride back with a classmate. Then went to the Maple/High/6Corners Neighborhood Council meeting.
11 June, AD 2018
Here we go again, the Pioneer Valley Planning Commission location for the Gambling Task Force gave me a call and that was cancelled also. I did not mind as I was supposed to be at ATC in West  Springfield for training. Bob came and got me and I was there by 7:3AM. Classes start at 8AM. I really want to learn about Lead Paint removal.  Got a ride back to the AQCA board of directors meeting.  Betsy started it and I concluded it. We had some questions for the folks at MGM that we will have them answer at the meeting June 21 at their offices.
10 June, AD 2018
Church.  Then back to Bobs to work on the plants and I am afraid they are just going to die fully, all of the forsythia I tried to root.  Parish Council meeting was today, then back to write up the minutes and rest some. I feel like such a failure most of the time.
09 June, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict but I don't feel like doing much.  I did get to Relay for Life and then Steffi took me with her to see Maya in the Oratorical Festival.
08 June, AD 2018
Had a continuum of Care meeting today, but it got cancelled. Tried to help Bob with some things and then back to his place to water the plants, I think they have already died.  I got a call today and the training to start Tuesday will now start Monday.  I will see if Bob can take me there to ATC in West Springfield.
07 June, AD 2018
Went to see Dr. McGovern and he ordered some new cream for 14 days.  I will get it in a few days. This rash is healing up since I bathed and such daily.  Steffi will meet me at Graduation while we finish this 168 hours of training so that next week we can take the classes in lead paint removal and mold abatement next week.
06 June, AD 2018
Still problems with the rash but it seems to be better, I go to see Dr. McGovern today.  We finished the saw horse today at Carpentry Skills and I walked it home to Bob's.
05 June, AD 2018
Still finishing classes and this is the bright side of the day.  Still lots of pain in my legs and difficulty swallowing.
04 June, AD 2018
Consultant meets with us at Rainville, I feel every uneasy about this whole thing. Think we are being used and this is just another method to steal property.  If HMR can not extend the mortgage for 5 years and we make $x a month payments, so it is all paid off by 2024, then something is wrong.  I should not be saying this but I fear all of this is NOT on the "up and up" and we have been "milked dry" and now they want to transfer the property I am living in as a tenant to another entity to do the same thing with.  We asked for advice and consultation and all we got was a push towards giving it to one of two entities and I think one of them I am not comfortable with.  BUT if this is the position the lender has to take, I fear that means that lender is over extended and "on the ropes" themselves.  The idea that a property manager has to take 92-95% of the income on the property is just plain ridiculous.
03 June, AD 2018
Church, next week is Parish Council.  Big decisions. Do I continue in this office or ask to have none.  I feel no good at all.

02 June, AD 2108
I guess I am going with our Church as they present a singing group at a diocesan event.  Should be getting Bob's flowers out.
01 June, AD 2018
Last day of the workweek and another CDC weekly board of directors meeting. It is actually more of a group to decide what needs to be done next week on a variety of entities.  I think it works much better than a 60 min. meeting once a month.  It is 2 hours long however, yet we discuss much in detail so it is  board meeting and and sort of executives think tank meeting.  In the end I think it works well. 

June Begins

31 May, AD 2018
Neilson Rating starts today for radio.  I record what I listen to, which is not a lot, but internet radio seems to count.  This is the last day of May. I have wasted March, April and May by not being in the Berkshires on the weekends working on fixing up the roofs that are failing.  All my fault.
30 May, AD 2018
Nine AM I need to be at counselors, then finish work on clock (computer print out of seal on a clock face that will fit by scanning in the one that I take out of the clock I buy, put seal on it, print it and replace it). Should be doing letters at AQCA office today if I did not get there yesterday.  MUST get all stuff out of alcove and to storage by end of this month. Classes in Construction skills last one this month.
29 May, AD 2018
Clock for city needs to be obtained from Savers today. Yesterday was the 50% off sale I did not get to.  Go to Bob's tonight after construction skills carpentry class.  Probably focus on roofing to start with.  It is trash day for Bob. Need to have the resume I had for the classes and various version in the ugly MSWord format sent to ILiana Caez at Futureworks.  Was there to see her Friday and so proud of her position and such. I can remember when she first started in that job. So very proud of her.
28 May, AD 2018
Memorial Day.  Bob is to be in Agawam at 7AM and West Springfield at 10Am and I am to be ready to go by 10:30AM. We will most probably leave for the Berkshires to cut an put flowers around the graves by noon and be going back by 4pm. It is about a 3 hour job up there as I am trying to do it for Alice also. Tried to work on a resume and am discouraged, can't get the stuff down to one page very well. We also need to cut forsythia to trim them off at the "homestead" and bring them down for Bob's place.  Bob has no idea of the extensive work that now needs to be done to get the invasive species out since the city required him to cut down all the bushes and shade trees he had and then it was seeded with these plants.  Maybe the forsythia will help a bit, but I have much work to do at his place to repair this damage, if it can be done.  I still have a month of classes and will be finished by the beginning of July and hopefully can get hired somewhere.
27 May, AD 2018
Got up to Church by bicycle, had to be there early with fixed Deacon's Liturgies.  Did not get to Berkshires and Steffi can not but take me and she knows not when.  So I will ask Bob. Was going to go to his house but it seemed like rain was starting so I went back to apartment and then to bed.  So tired.  Legs and left knee  hurts so badly. They took an x-ray of the knee and I guess it is all my fault I did not go sooner.  Everything seems to be my fault.  I was having chest pains and a tightness so I relaxed as much as I could and emailed Steffi saying how much I appreciated and cherished her. Wanted to say something while I could.  No real reason to go to the ER, I have had these before.  Probably a small heart problem, but nothing they seem to be able to do anything about.  If I live, I live. If I die, I die.  Don't think there is much difference and as the song says "and this world will carry on".  Thanked God so much for all the creature comfort blessings I have.
26 May, AD 2018
Saturday before Memorial Day.  If I can not do anything else I think I need to be putting flowers on the family graves.  I feel like such a huge failure. And no word from the Grand Encampment, I wonder why.  If I do get to the Berkshires and try an hitch hike to get a bus to come back I might be so tired that I might not put anything here for a bit.  Tomorrow is the anniversary of the date I put my bid in for 257 Central Street back in 2015.  A month late I graduated but could not get the diploma because my senior waver got turned into a loan and then a bill because I got sick.  Now, unless I get some funding and the city allows me to do this project after they had taken my authority away, well I will have failed big time again.  I am so tired of being a failure every single hour of every single day.  I absolutely hate the looser I see in the mirror.  I got to Staples in West Springfield after spending an hour at Church going through the out of order pages of the Deacon's Liturgy.  Then back to apartment and rested, so tired.  Then with bicyle and by bus to Staples in West Springfield and bought tools to take staples out and got usage of their long tongue stapler to put them back in. Used special staples I bought for this.  Got back about 8:30 or 9PM via bus. So tired and exhausted. Must get to church early.
25 May, AD 2018
Friday and the last one in May, where did the month go.  I need to talk with Steffi and see if she would be willing to take me around to put flowers on the graves this year?  If not then somehow I need to do it myself.  I really need to spend weekends in the Berkshires and no one seems to understand that.  I think I will tell Deacon Michael I can only guarantee the 2nd Sunday of the month through October.  I feel so guilty being away and not doing the repair work I should be doing and having everything fall in.  This alone is enough to condemn me for being so irresponsible to my family and its homestead and heritage.
24 May, AD 2018
Lots of things happening today, and I have a special meeting Dr. Plumber carved out of her noon hour at 1PM so she could see me.  Then the Construction Skills at Putnam.
23 May, AD 2018
Metalworking at the Construction Skills Class, and hope to file off the rough ends on the tool tray I tried to craft and got the measurements wrong on.  Why is it everything I try to do comes out wrong, done poorly.
22 May, AD 2018
Plan to keep a low profile and rest some and maybe go to the AQCA office and craft and male out letters to the Planning Board and Liquor Commission. Was going to do it Friday but did not get it done as Bob wanted me at his place and then I got sick Saturday.  If it is not done today it MUST be done tomorrow.  This evening I go to my Construction Skills class and don't want to miss that at all.
21 May, AD 2018
So I seemed to reach a point somewhere between 3am and 8AM, when I hit a point or peak I think, in this sickness.  I seem to feel better and did sleep for a few minutes twice in that 5 hour period and might have slept for many 15 min. periods, can't tell with narcolepsy.  Bob and Wes Browning are fussing at me to call the clinic.  Last night Wesley Carr called and we talked about 3 hours.  I was getting sleepy when he hung up the phone.  It is almost as if we visited.  When he used to live across the hall from me we would have our doors open and talk, but both be doing things on  the computer.  This morning Ray Pauley called and also about 8 or more advertising calls.  Betsy Johnson asked about things with MGM and I gave her permission as Vice President of AQCA to go ahead and make the contacts as I was just not feeling well at all. I am better, but not good enough to be on the phone with folks. Bob and Wes kept calling and asking why I had not been seen by the clinic. Bob thinks he should take me there, I thin it is only the call from the nurse I need.  This comes from the time I worked as an orderly in a hospital.  Yup the call came at about 4 pm and I am to stay here and just drink fluids and rest and try and sleep.  I am much better. Took the canned food off my pantry, pulled it out, plugged in two 14 gauge extension cords, put the pantry back and the food back in it.  Then read the instructions and put up the ice maker.  It make about 5 small things of ice and then stopped. Been waiting as of this writing for 5 hours.  I read the instructions a third time and found out it was supposed to be stored in a climate controlled room. Nope it was in the lodge and that got below zero up in the attic area.  So I guess I destroyed this item I paid over $106 for.   Why do I always do the wrong things. Can I never do right?  Bob took me to the lodge Friday night and I found the ice maker but the Vita Mix machine is somewhere, I don't know where. I was told certain things would not be moved,and then they were put in different places on the third floor.  I feel so discouraged.  It seems like about every 8th or 10th box had been opened.  I need to go over there with a tape gun and reseal the boxes, if the stuff is still in them.  So disheartening, makes one just want to give up and not fight at all.  I am not presiding over the lodge meeting tonight and was told not to have the minutes ready for the encampment meeting, even though I have them done.  So the next in charge will do the meeting. I'm unneeded.
20 May, AD 2018
Did not get to Church, so sick.  Did Dollar Tree's brand of "Tussin" and it seemed to help some.  If it is not better I will call the clinic tomorrow.  I am certain it is just something I have to "ride out".  Lots of people calling and saying I should go to be seen. Why waste the taxpayers money when the clinic can do nothing for me but say I am to stay in and drink lots and sleep. What have taxpayers pay for that?

19 May, AD 2018
I did get up early and watched the Royal Wedding from England.  Now that I am part of the Church Jesus founded all else just seems to be theater, as show, form but now substance.  I honestly thought the main speaker was a huge failure.  Lots of words to get people to say "wow" on his delivery, but little life changing effects.  Same thing Charles Spurgeon complained about. We got to the Putnam Plant Sale and then I went to the Order of St. Benedict, the Bike-Rodeo had been postponed because of the rain.  I got a ride from Church to Bob's house and made a form for the medical stuff I am having trouble with.  I started coughing and blowing my nose at church and only got worse by noon.  Bob came back and I should have asked them why I got charged for an item I did not buy at the plant sale, but I was feeling so sick. I mentioned it but just let me take me to the apartment.  I got much worse and coughing all night. Was wondering if I was dying like this.  Maybe I will get nothing done this next, as usual.  A huge and complete failure ever since I was around 15 years old. This view of my life is affecting everything, and so much I just want to lay down and let death get ride of this useless thing I am. 
18 May, AD 2018
I should have gotten the letter out today to the town of North Canaan, CT asking for a birth certificate so I can renew my ID card, but instead I did some other stuff. All sorts of stuff hang on me getting that done.  I hurt so much and all I did is go to the McKnight CDC umbrella board meeting, and brought some cookies Bob had given me. I went back and was going to stay the night but Bob wanted me to come over to his place to help him take in food he had been given, and he would take me to the plant sale tomorrow.  So I went to Bob's house and stayed the night, boy was it cold there.   We go to get flowers tomorrow for him. I will  buy them at the Putnam Plant Sale.
17 May, AD 2018
Don't know what the morning will bring, maybe laundry and looking for lost keys. The afternoon is the carpentry classes at Putnam High School.  I know so little and seem not to learn very well at all.
16 May, AD 2018
Went to see Alan Seigle, license social worker about hoarding issues and he called to try and get an appointment.  I went to check on the lodge and the police came, the alarm apparently goes off every day at about 9:30-10AM.  I will need to be there to see what happens.  Went back to Bob's, took trash can back and watered plants and did some papers he wanted, maybe I will need to do them again.  Back to apartment and printed out a sheet of my account of the tripping that happened in Northampton on April 11, 2018.I went to class and of course I somehow bent the sheet-metal wrong. I am so tired of not being able to do much of anything right.  Had other meetings today, but just came back to apartment and soaked in tub, cut toenails and slept.  I will maybe eat more than candy later and then update this record of my failures and then go to sleep.Much difficulty with the throat. Glad I have an appointment with my doctor June 14th, if I live that long.
15 May, AD 2018
Not much done, need to get to Class and finish some walls, I am trying to learn, if I can. Did not get to savers to buy a clock to replace the one that got smashed at the Albano room. Don't get much done.  After claws I walked back to Bob's place and put out trash. We also had the police come over and shoo away someone sleeping on our back porch at Amity Lodge.  I was so tired, did not eat.
14 May, AD 2018
Got ready for 32 Byers Street Board of Directors Meeting, then over to AQCA board meeting. Then to the City Council meeting. Then back to the AQCA office until bout 2 AM the next day. Did minutes, etc. Troubles with swallowing.  Even to breath I need to move the esophagus around every few minutes to open he airway around so I can breath.  Sent a paper to Peg Keller in Northampton about this.
13 May, AD2018
Church and Parish Council and back to see about getting things ready at the apartment to go to storage but first I need to find the key that I am told was given back to me, but I can't seem to find it anywhere.  I did the minutes of the parish council and then to bed.  Not getting much done.

12 May, AD 2018
World's Largest Pancake Breakfast at the Main Street of Springfield, AQCA folks were there in a great showing and some came even with the very cold weather and rain.  Gerry Enright was there early in the morning about 6AM.  I arrived about 6:30AM and Dan Battisiti at about 7AM. Mr. Dixon did come by, the General Manager for MGM Springfield, and we hugged and shook hands and he is committed to having a meeting with us. I suggested the meeting happen in June and perhaps the three groups covering that area, AQCA, Maple/High/6Corners and South End Neighborhood Councils could do this together, I am hoping at the MGM hotel site.  And at 11AM Gerry and Dan left and I stayed a few minutes to make certain everything that was to go back to the Spirit of Springfield got to the appropriate hands.   They let me have near a gallon of opened milk, which was greatly appreciated.  I got back to the apartment and put things away and went to lay down, very tired.  Must bath and get a bus over to Bob's house for the night so I can take down the window insulation stuff after the Parish Council meeting (assuming we have it) and then bring it down there.  The throat problems have still continued and are getting worse.  Used the milk with a protein shake to suffice for a meal and eating a few crackers.  It hurts to swallow even liquids.  Started after I almost chocked on some chicken balls Bob had for me.  It feels like the esophagus is ripped open in some way.
11 May, AD 2018
Must work on boxing up stuff and get it out of Rainville, but did not get that done.  McKnight CDC  board meeting I think at 1PM.  Will try and look for Mr. Dixon from MGM Springfeild at the Pancake Breakfast tomorrow (who emailed back to me from an email shared by the Mayor's office).  I got to Union Station and missed Congressman Neal, so I spent the extra $2 dollars and bought a month long PVTA elderly and disabled pass. It starts when I first activate it. Maybe next week.
10 May, AD 2018
Seniors Health Fair at YMCA I thought was happening but did not see it on line so at 2PM I was off to Putnam High School for the Construction Skills Class.
09 May, AD 2018
Went to Mail off money and form for State of Connecticut to issue a birth certificate for me and realized I needed more copies of forms and such and a MoneyOrder.  I will get all of this maybe Monday and send it off.  Then to Putnam High School for OSHA-10 class
08 May, AD 2018
Tried to check email and get to MGM. They were closed.  Interviewing job applicants at Mass Mutual.  I went to Putnam and then Bob's.  I was told that the property management people would be sending a access fob to the front door by 5PM, but I had to be a class.
07 May, AD 2018
Bob and I go to STCC by 8:30AM. Wait until Woody got there and bought Tomato plants I could not get the day before.  I missed out on about a dozen or more and got some others.  Hope to put them at Bob's as he enjoys tomatoes so much.  I must start spending time at home in Berkshires to make a place to store stuff and a place to live. At apartment by 11AM, actually before, for meeting with HMR developer and then to WRAP meeting and then Lodge and then to Bob's.  I told Jodi I still did not have access to the building and had to ask people to let me in.
06 May, AD 2018
To Church and then to bicycled back to apartment. Went to Bob's and we will go tomorrow to see about getting tomato plants.
05 May, AD 2018
Went to Order of St. Benedict and then back to apartment and then I was supposed to go to Bob's.
04 May, AD 2018
Went to McKnight CDC meeting after being at STCC for the plant sale and before that I was with Bob did hedge some more with new trimmer.
03 May, AD 2018
Tried to do hedge at Bob's, cords bad, then the trimmer would not work. So to Putnam to have Construction Skills training class.
02 May, AD 22018
Nothing done on SCARF, looks like I am useless again.  Third OSHA 10 Class at Putman High School today
01 May, AD 2018
Could not sleep. Worked on plans for 257 Central Street with the addition of two apartments to pay for the work.  Still want to do this project.  I may be foolish but I think it can be done.  One apartment could be a studio style unit or a sort of business where you do most of your work "at home" and have hardly any people visit your location.  This is a nice site and I really do not  think it will take the money the city was talking about.  However we could spend about $150-200k in putting in a cellar and putting on the porches and dormers and the back el, yet the dormers are on the back side and so they would not be seen  from central street and hence the 'view' would be the same.  The floor plan was done and put up by 7AM.  Now I rest a bit and then go to a meeting with a counselor.  Then to the classes at  Putnam by 3:45PM, I do need to try and rest before that.  Then to Bob's tonight to put out his trash and maybe cut the hedge before that while it is still a bit lighter and I can see better.  Must also see about renewing the non-harrasment order in court and paying deposits to citizens bank, just changed that to once a month, or I pay lots of fees.

May begins

30 April, AD 2018
10AM, made It to the stake-holder meeting with UMass Students about area around Worthington St. and Armory Commons Park.  Did not go to meeting in Worcester with the Attorney General about immigration and legal issues around that topic. Next to the next to the last Monday WRAP training meeting today, 1-5PM. Then back to apartment and crashed. So tired and so discouraged.
29 April, AD 2018
Church, and then maybe collapsed at the apartment, so tired and discouraged.  Found out more things I did not do right.  Later got a call and we went up and uploaded files for a website, but somehow there is a server issue and they are not displaying.  I also need to get to work on a shopping cart for another person, and yet I seem so tired and so useless.  Maybe I just need to 'go away' & leave these folks in peace.

28 April, AD 2018
Can not be at Antiochian Women's group in Warren, as I am the leading person in the AQCA contingent to help in cleaning up the area from 9AM to Noon. Then we did eat a light lunch and I left after some important conversations to go over and help the folks at Revitalize CDC on Manhattan Street clean up that effort and put things away. I could hardly walk and I guess my days helping may be numbered.  I do want to get a place of my own and even a shed at the family home to live and die in.   I did not get to the unused drugs at the drug take back event at Central High School on Roosevelt Ave. The tickets to the symphony did not get to m and maybe I was not really supposed to go.  I am so thankful for the people that donated them to me.  I had a call from someone that waned to talk, it was a call over 180 min. long.
27 April, AD 2018
9:30AM, UMass, Amherst, Design presentation, then back and meet Cicily at 4PM at AQCA office to write out job description for person to do the work I have not been able to accomplish satisfactorily. I seem to be such a totally worthless failure at all I attempt.  Could not make the date with someone else and might do that Saturday or Sunday.
26 April, AD 2018
UMass, Amherst, 9:30AM to 12PM, School of Public Health, then down to rest and go to Putnam for the Carpentry Classes. Must get in report today if not yesterday on people that will help us Saturday for the Keep Springfield Beautiful Clean-Up.
25 April, AD 2018
Things at UMass. Things at the STCC Stustainability event. A Workshop at the same time. And then the classes at Putnam High School this afternoon and evening.  I MUST rest a noon as I need to be alert there from 3PM on as it is OSHA 1- training continued through  today and two more weeks.
24 April, AD 2018
Had some other things in the morning and apparently more fraud done to a tenant I know.   Could not help her much and will try to later.  Got to the school for our Construction Skills class.  I hope something can come of this course.  I want so much to hope that I am good for something, but I have not been able to use much of any of the education I have received to be hired anywhere.  Went and put the trash out for Bob and did some dishes and got some food and came back to the apartment for tonight. I need to figure out about tomorrow, have at least 3 things to do at about the same time. I thought I was meeting someone about the Western New England COSH website, but no call.  I must try and contact them tomorrow.
23 April, AD 2018
Clara Sarno, our Mayor's Mother died and her funeral is today. I just could not get there for the calling hours Sunday so I am going to the funeral. I said I could not be at 32 Byers Street, Inc. for their board of directors meeting as it starts at 1PM and I must be at a Wellness Recovery Action Plan training session.  I did not get to sleep at noon and so I passed out a bit but I am learning good stuff there.  It might be my last hope to try and salvage life.  We had a list of rights at the last meeting and I just can't accept them as my "rights", I don't feel worthy enough to have rights like those, such a self determination.  I am reaching out for help but this project is an example my failure to get to anything good.
22 April, AD 2018
Church, Parish Council was put off last month and not this day either, we will see what next Sunday brings. Most likely everything pushed off a month and that is just not right.  This is an Earth Day celebration at the Library and Museums and I did get there last in the day. Two beautiful people that just wan to love and follow God were chrismated today and joined the Orthodox Church through St. Stephen Antiochian Orthodox Church.  Fr. Chris was here to do the ceremony. I came late as Steffi gave me a ride and she had to stay later in conference with some others.  I did bicycle down to the Earth Day events at the library.  I got back and was so tired I went to bed.

21 April, AD 2018
At 1-3PM Arise for Social Justice had an even on Mold and the dangers it presents.  This is partly why I became homeless.  So it is with the family home.  I should have done something when I first got the property and I know it. I just seemed to be "frozen" and afraid to move in any direction.  I attended this event and when I got up to the one about the bicycle trail the library had closed. Please pray for me.  I am so depressed and utterly hate the person I see when I look in a mirror, he is a waste and a failure.
20 April, AD 2018
At 11AM I meet with my counselor and clinical social worker.  Probably review the long list of failures and missed goals that is my worthless and uneventful life.
19 April, AD 2018
Last Minute stuff for AQCA's General Meeting tonight. What I failure I have been in this job.  Good thing is they will most probable elect Betsy Johnson to the office December, ratified by the General Meeting in January and I am certain she will be fine. She has "covered" for me many times and I hope that is good enough training to "ease her into" the office and she will know what to do.  Then have our next Vice President put together the community block grant items and help them to learn how things happen.  I will try and put together a table of things and questions to ask an such to try an make the meeting interesting, as we might not have the many presenters that we had hoped for.  I really need to carve out some time for S.C.A.R.F. and get the apartment so I can work on that stuff. I don't think I have accomplished much in the past 25 years, and to tell you the truth I am not looking at much of anything of value after 1962, or even 1957.  A worthless life for certain.
18 April, AD 2018
First thing is to write out a letter and send off the Bank Check I got yesterday for the Taxes. Came when I was in the Hospital and such and so I did not pay before.  Withdrew almost all the money to pay this past due and next quarters taxes.  I do not want to lose the property but need to do a lot on tearing down and repairing existing structures.  Everyone wanted me down here in Springfield and so I did no work up there, and it shows.  Please pray for me as I seem to have messed up everything and expect them to want to 'euthanize' me soon.  By that I mean put me in a Nursing Home.  I have seen nothing good come of these facilities, and I have also worked in them.  Much better alone I think. Need to Check at AQCA office on food for tomorrow night and make calls to see whom it is that can come. I have messed up on this royally. I hope we have a Green Committee meeting tonight as I can come and classes start up again next week and I could not go then.
17 April, AD 2018
Had to be around the building until about 10:30AM as I was asked to speak with the laundry service.  Looks like they are changing to a card system and putting in new washers.  When they took over in 2008 they replaced the ones we had installed in 1995-1996 with reconditioned machines. Probably time for new ones now.  This will be a "smart card" system with the recharging station maybe near the front desk. I wanted it to be where it was "on camera" but I guess that will not happen after all.  I messed  around on the computer but no email and then went to the Healthy Homes meeting by bicycle. Got back just as it started raining heavily.  I had tried to get to Make It Springfield to see if Professor Paquali was there, he was not. So I tried to learn some things on the computer and then see Dave Bloniaraz, but he was not in and the class is Thursday, not Tuesdays.  So off to Dollar Tree, but had to leave to catch the bus. But the bus went up the old route and I was stranded. I called Bob about not going over to his house tonight, but he wanted me and said he would come and get me.  But the phone went dead and I thought he had hung up on me.  He thought I had hung up on him. For an hour or so I tried every 10 min to call, but always his line was busy. Bob tied to call my home phone, but that line was busy. I walked from State Street the short distance to Bob's house, but it was painful for me. Can't walk much without pain now, hip, knee, leg pain. Got to Bob's house and put out the trash, did not understand where he said garbage bags were and I washed some dishes.  I just don't seem to understand much of anything these days I guess, or at least that is what people are telling me.  I think if I "went away" most of them would be happy.  Ate some oranges, had a protein drink and going to bed.
16 April, AD 2018
Nothing in the morning, feel so depressed and worthless. Play a bit with the computer but don't get any worthy things done. Go to WRAP training 1-5PM.  I refused to  help Bob this morning as I wanted to be rested for the Wellness Recovery Action Plan training. Felt bad, but want to not be sleeping through this training. Then much to do but I go back to computer and bed and I have not even looked at email. Started and it is over 700 and most are "push" things I don't look at much at all.  I waited until about midnight to take out my trash. I said I would take out Pam's but she did not have it by her door.  I have to try and not be around the common areas so I don't interfere with the comings and goings of Mr. Barnett, I am to stay 5 yards away from him, by court order.  So I don't come back often until Midnight or so if away.
15 April, AD 2018
The Third Sunday and this is the Parish Council meeting, deferred from last Sunday,  which (when in the middle of service we found out it had been deferred again at the last minute).  I wonder if I am any good there at all.  Now the month is half over with and I have done nothing good so far.  Lord have mercy upon me the greatest of all sinners.  I want to rehab this house so much but the authority is gone from me now and I have no idea of how the money could come from again.   I am so tired of being an absolute failure. I want so much to make a model and plans and put down what I had hoped to do with this and then maybe just let history look at it again. I am so tired of messing up and being so worthless. 

14 April, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict. Would like to go to the MassLandlords policy meeting but doubt I can get there.
13 April, AD 2018
Fair Housing and Civil Rights conference at the Marriot, last day, it is shorter this year as we still celebrate 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights act.
12 April, AD 2018
Fair Housing Conference from 8am on and then rush off to class leaving at about 2PM so I can be at the school by 3PM.
11 April, AD 2018
Need to be in Northampton at 9AM today for a meeting and then one at 11 in Springfield at the MassLive building and then to the apartment to rest and then to the OSHA -10  Class.
10 April, AD 2018
Meetings this morning and afternoon about transferring ownership of the property I live in to someone else because they did not pay their loan off.  So sad, I have failed in not getting them to understand what we needed to do.  I feel so negative towards myself for such failures.  Actually I hate myself for my many failings. Got to class with hardly and nap, hence I passed out some during the video presentations.  Then to Bob's for the trash detail and sleep the night there.  It was snowing this morning and a lady I talked with said she was taking her son to school and he asked if it was Springtime or Winter since it was snowing, she said it was Sprinter. I liked that comment.   I was told today by telephone  I can not attend some workshops at the Civil Rights and Fair Housing conference as I had been named in a Mass. Commission Against Discrimination action.  I understand this and have no problem with it.  The case comes from people who were doing wrong and not paying rent and the property management people took steps to evict them. They responded with discrimination case against the building and since I held an office in the corporation that owns the building, I was named in that case which was found to have no merit. I explained what had happened and reiterated my offer to help in any way to get the conference set up and such as I do have time Wednesday after Class is over with and I could come down to the Hotel earlier on Thursday morning.
9 April, AD 2018
Thought the appointment was for 8:50AM, that was last week, but my leg was so good I gave them a paper I had recorded the images and thought I had an appointment in the afternoon at 1 PM so I could not go to the clinic then.  I really think I am well. Went to the pharmacy and then back to appointment and then class.  We had a sheet metal fabrication test and I guess I passed, sort of.  I was so tired tonight I did not put out my own trash, just slept thenight.
08 April, AD 2018
About 1:30AM I left the Service at St. George as it was getting out and refused rides home to go to Saints Peter and Paul for the OCA service for an hour or so and met some of my friends there.  I did not stay and I was so very tired so about 2:30AM I walked back to my apartment and went to bed.  By 9AM I had been up and revised minutes for the Parish Council meeting scheduled for this day and then go to Pascha Service at St. Stephen.  The clean up some and go back to the apartment and crash.  Ankle looks so good without treatments.

07 April, AD 2018
No Order of St. Benedict today so I went down to St. George for the morning Service, I got back to the apartment and then off to 7PM Service at St. Stephen and then back to the apartment and walk to St. George for the Pasch Evening Service there.  Ankle looks good with no treatments. I bathed and that was it.
06 April, AD 2018
Good Friday, to church with Bob Schmidt, then to the Pioneer Valley Planning Commission for a CHIP meeting and then to a McKnight umbrella board meeting at the MPU office at 20 High Street and then back to St. George, but fell asleep on the bus, awoke in West Springfield and walked back and got there just as service was ending. So no class tonight, hence I got to the apartment and then up to St. Stephen for service at 6PM and then down to St. George for Lamentations, then to bed. Lenny Danos brought be back from St. George and we talked like old times.  My ankle seems better, one last treatment.
05 April, AD 2018
Did get to Morning Service Wednesday with Bob Schmidt, what a great time and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Got to the individual services committee meeting just to check in, then back to the apartment. Then to Class in the afternoon, evening.  Then the cream treatments.
04 April, AD 2018
Back to the Apartment and not much else. Did the nose treatments and the cortizone things Morning and Evening.  It seems to be helping.
03 April, AD 2018
Supposed to be at the AQCA office but did not get there, now a rash on my left angle and pains.  Did get to the class and I may call others if this does not get better.  Over to Bob's after class to help with the trash.  Did not get much done.  I called the clinic and the nurse said to use the hydro-cortisone cream I had and focus care could see me Monday.  I did so as the ankle now had purple spots among the rashes.
02 April, AD 2018
1-2:30PM Unaccompanied Youth meeting at the Frost Building at Holyoke Community College, then to school, last of the "make up" days.  If I can get a ride back from HCC, that is.  But I did none of that as Bob needed me in cleaning up and I did not get back from it in time to go to Holyoke.  So tired again and not feeling well at all. A lot of rectal bleeding and my nose is bleeding. If this does not stop I will go to the clinic.I called and they said to come up and I saw folks at Focus Care.  They had me go and get a nasal spray to spray every 2 hours.  I don't think it does much good but am doing so.
01 April, AD 2018
Today is Easter in the west and Palm Sunday in the East. For us this will be a whole week of worship services. I hope to go somewhere for tonight's service. Must be in Class Mon., Tues., Wed., Thurs, and then St. Stephen for Fri., Sat. and then Pascha on Sunday.  We will mot probably have a vigil.And yet I was to tired after the Church service and then down to the apartment and over to watch the back halls and bathrooms of the High School where the Holiday Meals was served that I just went to bed.  Did not get to the Palm Sunday evening service, did not wake up in time.

April begins

31 March, AD 2018
I think this is the Grand Encampment in Newburyport, although it is very far away I do want to go there because Elmer Bowman has died and as Grand Patriarch he asked to have me on his board of officers and hence I also served as a Grand officer in the Grand Encampment. So I left the night before and told the Senior Warden, our current Grand Master of the Grand Lodge of Massachusetts I was coming in at about 1:18AM.  He asked if I had a place to say yet and I said no. So he had the Grand Scribe, who lives nearby pick me up at the commuter rail station.  I was in the wrong parking lot and it was almost an hour (2am) before we connected although we had contact by cell phone.  Our Senior Warden picked me up at the hotel and the Grand Encampment session was a fairly good one. The Encampment branch is a regional lodge of the Independent order of Odd Fellows and promotes tolerance justice, cooperation, respect, etc.  It is the branch of oddfellowship that helped, with the Grange, to heal this nation after the civil war, and I think it's message of tolerance and respect are sorely needed in this world today. During the session I was surprised when a respected past Grand Master and past Grand Patriarch put my name in nomination for Junior Grand Warden.  I was elected and humbly accepted the position.  It was the least I could do to honor the memory of Brother Elmer Bowan, under whom I served when he was Grand Patriarch and the confidence Past Grand Master and Past Grand Patriarch, Sam White had placed in me about a decade ago when he first nominated me for this position.  I got a ride back to the Boston Peter Pan Bus Station with Brother Gerald Gilmore, under whom I served as Grand Conductor of the Grand Lodge of Massachusetts, I.O.O.F. when he was in his first term as Grand Master.  Then go back to the apartment early but was so tired I went straight to bed.
30 March, AD 2018
But I had to help Bob with putting up signs, stayed at his house last night and then to the Registry but I can not renew my ID card as I do not have a Birth Certificate. Could have done it last Friday but not now. Must get to AQCA office and send out some letters.  Also apartment work and maybe something on this project.  So much I am just not getting done. Hope we can get the bureau to Steffi by today, but it looks like not until Sunday, maybe. Tonight I thought was the Parenting Village School Committee event, I wanted to go to this because of what I had promised to our kids, to help them, but when I got back form another board meeting I found out that it was at the same time, 1PM and not 7PM.  Must go to AQCA office & send things out that they are looking for. Must see about Dakin, I NEED to volunteer with animals. Today's the western Good Friday.
29 March, AD 2018
I need to help Bob with the holiday meals in the morning.   The online iTree workshop is today at 1PM. We can not get to the School to do signs until 2PM Then the classes in construction skills at 3:15PM.  Can not tell how I can do anything much, my view of myself and my abilities is pretty much "in the toilet" and often, like 1AM today, I can not sleep because of the guilt.  It is now 3:30AM and I am typing this and if I can't sleep will be doing minutes I need to do.  Put a folding stand by a computer so they'll maybe get done before Friday night, afternoon when maybe going to Boston. 
28 March, AD 2018
Try to get everything "squared away" and but was not able to begin models for 257 Central to sort of "close out" this project and yet hope for funding.  Did see a counselor today at 1PM to make up for the time I messed last Friday.  He is concerned with my riding the bicycle.  Jamie (my next door neighbor in the building I rent and SRO apartment in) put a tube in my bicycle front tire and I was able to go to the meeting and then come to the school to get a newspaper article about millions of dollars in investments coming to the city then to R.L.Putnam High School for class and back.
So good to feel at least some independence with the bicycle. 
27 March, AD 2018
I want so much to change. I can't read what I wrote for today, I think it is Crown Plaza hotel, but I am not going much of anywhere. Did get to last 15 min. of meeting at Friends of the Homeless for the Individual Services Committee of the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness, of which the leadership council no longer functions.  More classes tonight at Punam.
26 March, AD 2018
32 Byers Street, Inc. board of directors meeting. I dreaded this meeting, there was no concrete progress towards paying off our commercial debt, just the decision to give the building to others.  I really hate the socialist/communist attitudes that someone else will take care of things and that people actually are not as important as the "goals".  Michaelann, the current board president, is still either in the hospital or rehab.  We made a card for her but I doubt I can find the address and get it to her before Friday.  Also our "snow days make up" classes continue on Mondays.   I like this course of instruction, and pray I can continue through it, I am learning so much a to what a laborer is expected to do. I need to get that birth certificate from somewhere.
25 March, AD 2018
This starts "Holy Week" in the west, and we have a board of directors meeting tomorrow.  I see nothing good ahead, just failures all I seem to have done is fail.  Congressman Neill  is to speak at the Library tonight about the Kennedy images going back into storage, and I  do want to see them before this talk.

24 March, AD 2018
Well the week ends and it seems like February was only ending a week ago. We are so cold.  No real sign of spring. I feel so depressed and worthless.Order of St. Benedict this morning.  So little done.  I feel I have failed at just about everything I have attempted.  My communication skills must be in negative numbers.  Tomorrow is Palm Sunday for those in the west.  I do need to have the Parish Council minutes done and the deacon's liturgy books done by today.  I am so far behind in all I need to do.
23 March, AD 2018
This is the day. I am supposed to be in Amherst and in Agawam and in Springfield all at the same time. Do pray for me. I fear I must be here for the people that want to kill me to come and look at my apartment.  As I said, I really think I should cancel my health insurance, and in so doing I will most probably live a healthier life.  Wanted so much to rehab and live in this house with at one if not two rental spaces.  Don't know what I am doing wrong.  Need help.  Need a good lawyer. I might not do anything but see the insurance required witch, a health appointment and then the AQCA meetings.  What a mess.  I think the requirement for a house visit is only a regulation to have me "put away" as I have seen little of any "elder affairs" office that actually did anything of good for an older person.  In my past experience it only exits to foster the goals of some people that older people need to be warehoused until they die as they live to long.
22 March, AD 2018
Last day of instruction tonight and inspection of the room by Property Management. I waiting until 1PM, but the property management person did not show up.  So I went to help with some things and then to school. So very tired. Could not stay awake. On the way to class I saw a great sign "Vocational Education IS Hire Education".  So true, the focus is not on grades for the sake of grades but learnes skills so that someone can be hired in a job and be able to support themselves and their family.  So I had best do the laundry before today, but someone else was using the machine (the dryer had not been working for a week).  So much I need to do and I need to get out of here. Tomorrow the nurse witch comes to try and find something wrong with my living arrangement.  I want so much to fix up the family home and go back to the more rural life that seems so much more humane and sensible than this city life.  So many problems to try and work out in a city. And so many evil criminals.  A flurry of emails and now we do need to
21 March, AD 2018
Go from Bob's to do things on the pass and box up things at the apartment. I think the people think I sit around all day and watch TV or something.  But I will need to do what I can and then get it all out of the place before Noon on Thursday.  I am now supposed to be at 3 places on Friday and the lady will not like it if I change and cancel something.  But I just don't care much about that right now.  I see no sense in at least three $80+ costs to "evaluate me just because I am over 70.  I think urban life is maybe built around the idea you need to be with someone all the time. A neighbor on my floor called me yesterday, she had not seen me in 2 days and was worried.  I could not fathom why she was worried!  But I come from the country, and sometimes we only see other people twice a week, if then. Once when we go to Church and if we go shopping that week, then at that trip. Other times it is only once a week. A really nice life in the country, you don't need to be interacting with some other person every day to validate your existence.  I have lived most months of my life in a city because of transportation problems, and it has been "hell".  We start OSHA - 10 instruction this time or next Wednesday.  No Lodge tonight as there was not lodge Monday.  We have no real business in the winter.
20 March, AD 2018
Got only a little done on cleaning up yesterday and today. Apparently there was an inspection set for today but I did not remember it.  I got the assistant property management person to put it off until Thursday, when she will be here again.  Go to the Healthy Homes meeting and then off to class and down to Bob's for the night.  But out Bob's trash and I am all set for traveling tomorrow as someone gave me a three day pass he did not need any more. I can use it until tomorrow until 11PM.  I messed up in class today.  Did not drill the holes and put in the screws fast enough. Could not get things lined up right. They said to remember the safety items and I just did not do it safely as I was thinking of other safe things.  Messed up a lot. Hope I can learn and get better. Don't want to be a failure at this also.
19 March, AD 2018
Make Ups Class Day at the School, same thing next week, If the nurse is not today, then I need to get the apartment really clean.  Nurse in employ of those wanting to shove me in a nursing home (which would be sure death) will be this coming Friday, maybe before.  I had a board meeting to go to so I could not be home for her. I see no value in these gestapo type visits and am thinking of canceling my insurance if this means I do not have to deal with these "evil" people any more.
18 March, AD 2018
Church and then get back to pack up all I can at the apartment, it must be out for a new inspection with the nurse, maybe Monday. 

17 March, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict is today and bring some of the juices I have bought for Church fellowship hour..
16 March, AD 2018
Cancelled the Nurse appointment for today and set it up for next Friday as I was asked to go to another board meeting.  I went and now find out I have to change that appointment Monday as I am to be in Amherst that time, I had not written it down.  She will be mad and maybe the best thing to do is to cancel the health insurance and then she will not have to go snooping around. Got back and went to AQCA office and sent out some emails as a lawyer was trying to set up an appointment with AQCA to talk about his clients desires but he only left voice mail messages, so I changed the website to say the telephone is the worst way to contact us.  I can not figure out why so many people want to use the telephone. But that I guess is our world where everyone things everyone else should always be "accessible" for them.
I stayed until almost 9PM and took the B7 bus up to Mass Mutual area and then walked to Bob's.  He had been trying to call me at my apartment, and he did not notice his own voice mail on his "smart phone" was full.
15 March, AD 2018
Got some emails out and just barely got to the AQCA office to put things out and then catch the bus up to Putnam.  Then after the Construction Skills class I caught the B7 bus back down to Classical High Condominiums. Only 10 showed up for the AQCA meeting but the speaker was really good.  We cleaned up and took stuff back to the AQCA office and I got a ride back to my apartment with Wayne. So very tired.
14 March, AD 2018
 I did get not over to the AQCA office and put stuff out for tomorrow. Did not do much but just barely get the bus to Putnam.
13 March, AD 2018
Storm again, everything closed. No housing inspection either.  I had places to go and things to do; but instead I just stayed in and accomplished nothing.  Bob  had me go with him and we went to get things at CostCo. I will stay over at his house Friday night as the Trash is not put out this week until then because of today's snow.
12 March, AD 2018
AQCA board meeting and figure out whom will do what.  I bent to a person's desire to have it starting at 5:15PM, but then that person did not show up.  So at 5PM we all started the meeting, including those that had been waiting since 4PM, the usual time.  We agreed to meet through Fiscal 2018 at 4PM on the 2nd Mondays of each month and I stayed to try and get an "e-blast" out what a mess. I had to have our IT person send it out. I am messing up a lot with MS Outlook.
11 March, AD 2018
Church and Parish Council Meeting and then back to apartment and nothing much but eat and sleep.

10 March, AD 2018
I thought Grand Encampment was this Saturday in Newburyport, but I texted the Grand Master and he said it is now not until the 31st.  Did not get to the Order of St. Benedict either.  Just messed up all around today. And I totally forgot about the concert at Classical High Condominiums.
09 March, AD 2018
Nothing Much. Tried to have a AQCA board meeting but only Betsy could come. Bad snowy weather. We will try again Monday the 12th.
08 March, AD 2018
We had been told no class if the Schools were closed and Putnam was closed. BUT Bob had me going around with him and we got back to late for me to do much of anything else.  He thought there would be nothing but I went anyway and found out our Graduation was on and I was about 3/4 of an hour late.  Got my diplomas and then as we were cleaning up Dave Bloniarz (the program's head person) invited me with the UMass Arborist students from Stockbridge School to the Red Rose Restaurant for pizza.  I had such a good time with them and Dave gave me slices to take home and soda and I ate feeling loved for the rest of the week &  weekend.
07 March, AD 2018
Got up to U.Mass in the snowstorm and saw the Master's level students in the Landscape Architecture and Regional Planning Department's "studio" presentation. They were very good and I was there representing AQCA.  The Professor was going to bring me to Northampton and then thought it was best to bring me right to my door. We had a great conversation on the way down.  I then packed some food and go the bus up to Putnam High School for the Construction Skills class. No Lodge tonight.  And since we did not get an email to come in, we did not go to a Construction Skills class either.
06 March, AD 2018
Bob Called and had an emergency. Needed to get to Westport, MA, and put a tarp on his roof, and his son could not help him and a storm was coming the next day. So I went down with him, leaving about 6:30AM.  We got down there and he had to borrow things and then go to the Home Depot and buy some stuff and then we got on the roof.  I found out I no longer can deal with it.  My dislike of heights has turned to a fear and for the most part I helped him get the tarp up and then clung to the roof ridge.  I was so glad to get back down on the ground.  I do not know what it is but in 2005 I could get on a roof OK, but after the bicycle accident in 2009 that left me with Central Cord Syndrome and a shattered T5 vertebrae (they have me put together with screws and rods and wires), I am told that 80% of the people that have either of these two conditions can not get out of bed by themselves.   I guess thee nerves have gotten so bad that now I can not function up on a roof.  What a frightening thing to find out.  But at least I now I can not do that sort of thing, I might be partly aging and my internal "gyroscope" not functioning well any more.  So Bob had to go to this one and that one and eventually we got going and I had to call in late, a bad mark on my record.  I got there over an hour late. Not good at all. BUT I think Bob was going well above the speed limit trying to get back.  I want to be hired somewhere to remember what a work schedule is like, and b needed.  I went to Bob's house that night to put the garbage out and the next morning he brought me up to Amherst instead of having me get the 5AM bus.
05 March, AD 2018
Some threat of a storm and I was told I was wrong. I had a meeting of the Cultural District and when I finally got there I was almost an hour late.
Once again I sat as someone was leaving.  Good discussion, good group, wise board members, glad I came. The will be looking for a new Exec. Director.  Went back to AQCA office and working on things until about 1AM, the back to the apartment and the internet some.
04 March, AD 2018
Church and then back to apartment and accomplish nothing some more.

03 March, AD 2018
9AM to 2PM, Life Skills Class at St. George Greek Orthodox Church and speakers, in addition to Fr. Chris Stamos, was Mayo Sarno, that gave a very inspiring and insightful talk.  We had lunch and in the morning twice and in the afternoon we went to workshops, so very, very good information given. So glad I went. Others were going to the cap for an event, but a winter storm stopped that event.  I came back and just did not do much at the apartment. Surfed the internet.
02 March, AD 2018
Nothing.  Messed up all day, got nothing done good.
01 March, AD 2018
Purim is today.  I go to the Construction Skills Class.

March begins

28 February, AD 2018
9:30AM to Noon at Kitridge Center at Holyoke Community College and the Leadership Council meets of the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness. We agree to vote to change lots of things and end with voting ourselves out of power and transferring authority to a small group of people, not unlike the old Central Committee of the Communist Party in the USSR that will be called a Steering Committee. We had such a committee all along, but it has sort of become useless and not very effective.  But the idea is that if we do not get funding in the future this small group made up mostly of people that are receiving government funding will be able to quickly move to accept such funding.  It is like "Friends of the Homeless' and Open Pantries Incorporaters, here I am sitting on another board and being asked to vote ourselves out of existence.  I am tired of inactivity and the only one that seems to benefit are the people hired to "help" people. From this sad event I got a ride back to Springfield and then up to Punam Vocational School for the Construction Skills class, only bright part of the day. February ends also today.
27 February, AD 2018
3pm at Commonwealth Care Alliance agreed spot for a Nurse talk.  Useless.  Done twice a year, total waste of taxpayers money.
I just wonder if it would be best for all if I just cancelled my health insurance and tried to go without it.  I pay for nothing, everyone else pays.  I am worthless.
Construction Skills Classes begin. I am so blessed to be able to take these.
26 February, AD 2018
Church and then back to apartment and just do nothing good.  I am so sinful and do so much I don't want to do.  Lust of the Flesh, Pride of Life, Gluttony, etc.
Had to see Joe Mineo at Futureworks and I now need to ask for my Birth Certificate.  Construction Skills classes start tomorrow at Putnam High School, 3PM.
25 February, AD 2018
No  Job Fair at Re-Green Springfield, vendors would not come.  I worked there for the afternoon redesigning a flyer for our graduation.

24 February, AD 2018
Last Healthy Homes class from 8:30AM to Noon this day. Got dropped off at Wayfinders and talked with Carmen Reyes. Saw an image on the wall, I cried.
It was all about a woman and her child and they had no place to live, shut out and the child is clinging to her had.  I cry think of this pain I know is all to real.
23 February, AD 2018
Healthy Homes Training, I took the bus and got off the wrong stop. Had to walk. Training picked me up so got there on time. Got a ride back and attended aTown Hall meeting at Rebecah Johnson School Jesse Letterman had set up about 6 councilors and some Senators and Reps and School Committee there, a very good start.
22 February, AD 2018
Not much, but Healthy Homes training to help people make there homes healthier started, will receive a certification for the time.
Bob wanted to take me up there so I said OK.  Classes go from 8:30AM to 4:30PM
21 February, AD 2018
Did not do much but did get down to Green Committee and agreed to take notes.
20 February, AD 2018
2PM Baystate Health Appointment, then bicycled on RiverWalk bicycle trail to City Hall for Green Committee press and photo opportunity.
19 February, AD 2018
Wanted to go to the RV show, but did not do so.  Got nothing accomplished.  Just thought of my inabilities to complete goals I have set.
18 February, AD 2018
Church and then back to apartment, nothing  much done good.

17 February, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict, nothing much else
16 February, AD 2018
Byers Street conference call I believe, nothing good, sort of Japan's leaders in WWII doing things before committing suicide.  No effort it seems to really seek help from the public, trying to do things secretly and then announce the solution. To man made. Not much trust in God. To Liberal and the worst of communistic.
15 February, AD 2018
Prepared for AQCA board meeting. Got there by 3:30PM. UMass Students came , then the board and guests planned much of the year, sort of.
14 February, AD 2018
Wednesday, scheduled for an Unaccompanied Youth meeting at HCC. Met young lady I like who seems to be sensitive to nature around her.
Went to bed again thinking of the women I have loved and praying God Blesses them and those near to them.
I had totally forgotten this was Ash  Wednesday, so I did not get to Church.  Instead I thinking of the women I have loved but knew I could not be married to.
13 February, AD 2018
Shrove Tuesday, but nothing at Church, I get a bit foggy lately, think of how badly I have messed up things the past few years.
Can't remember if I went over to Bob's or not, might have snowed or I was to tired to go.  Did think about ladies I have loved and went to sleep praying for them.
12 February, AD 2018
Nothing much, then from 1-4 PM at Holyoke Community College's Kittridge center. Good meeting by many "stakeholders" about future of Network to E. H.
11 February, AD 2018
Church, nothing else good, I think we had a parish council meeting we invited all to attend. Discussed current friction with landlord's staff, etc.

10 February, AD 2018
Nothing recorded.
09 February, AD 2018
Went shopping and spent a whole lot on stuff. Walmart, Dollar Tree, Walgreen's.  Shopping like a drunken sailor.
08 February, AD 2018
Met with Dr. Plummer at Mason Square Neighborhood Health Clinic.  She will order more tests, agree with me not to take drugs that make you want to kill yourself.
Did get to 700 Wolf Swamp Road and here Judge Abrashin speak. Then Fred brought me to lodge and he put out trash for me and then took me to apartment.
07 February, AD 2018
PVPC meeting, I did not go because of the Snow. Got to AQCA meeting and told people not to come to dangerous walking. Stayed at AQCA office until near midnight.
06 February, AD 2018
Nothing much productive. Baystate Health Appointment at 3300 Main Street, then at night a meeting at Spring Tech with was about new health organization and was very informative.  Good news, and the main hospitals were working together on these changes for the benefit of all.  Good meeting.
05 February, AD 2018
Nothing, 32 Byers Street Board Training cancelled by same lady that has thwarted an election for the past 3 or more years. Saddened.
04 February, AD 2018
Church, did nothing else of note.

03 February, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict and then back to the apartment and try to rest.  Must box up Christmas stuff for storage and do a load or two of laundry.  And maybe sleep???
02 February, AD 2018
Scheduled to get going early and try to get a bus near Tapley Street I will need to get the bust to get me to Union Station to get the B6 at 9:30AM which will be a 17 min trip, and then another 17 min. walk to the building I am to meet him in.  If I can I will get there earlier and try to do some other business there.  After the meeting with Ed Whitley I go to a meeting there at 1PM of the Hampden County Continuum of Care board of directors and following that (which is to conclude by 3PM) to try and get back to the Pioneer Valley Planning Commission for a Rail transportation plan hearing and report to the people, with questions answered.  Then back to the AQCA office and send out an "e-blast" if I have any energy left and then to the apartment to collapse.  I have stopped taking the Dollar Tree cough medications as I no longer feel like I need to vomit all the time. Still a post nasal drip but I can suppress that urge to vomit a bit easier.
01 February, AD 2018
Get lost in email and a friend calling to ask about things and walk over to Friends of the Homeless for an Individual Services Committee meeting of the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness.  Then to the A.Q.C.A. office to straighten up and do some paperwork.  Check the bank first and then wrote the check for the rent and got the statement it was paid and stapled that together with the photocopy of the check so we can be reimbursed from Community Development Block Grant funds and made an appointment to meet with the many that oversees these things tomorrow.  Left to pay a bill for A.Q.C.A. at a lawyers office and then the the Women of Color Moving Ahead meeting about historical black women who have pioneered the way for others to follow.  I asked if a person I met can come and be there for most of the meeting as I need to also be at the Sector E Community Policing meeting. So they don't get started on time at 5:30PM and at nearing 5:50PM I have to be going out the door and trying to catch the bus to Main and Saratoga Streets.  I get the next bus and arrive a bit late but attend the Community Policing meeting and then get a ride back to the Pioneer Valley Planning Commission for the Walk/Bike Springfield meeting with the representatives from MassDot and other groups. Finally walk back to A.Q.C.A. meeting and Steffi calls saying it is raining and would like a ride home? I know it is out of her way but I take it and close up at the office.  Was going to do more work at the apartment but just go to bed. No word yet about the training opportunities, looks like I was not selected after all.  I replaced the image of the floor plan of the house at 257 Central with one that shows the North and West Porches joined.  This way it can be a continuous porch around the building that can be enclosed in the winter and act as an insulating dead air space to keep the main building warmer without messing with the lath and plaster walls to insulate.  The hydraulics to raise the flooring and expose the ramp below can be easily accomplished whit two sets and that might be better. We could even enter from the Western side and not the Northern to keep the same porch line view from Central Street. Don't know if the historic commission will go along with it as that was not what was there before, but such a narrow porch is seen in the area so I have hopes.  Even if I never do this project I want all the thinking put down on paper so folks know what my thoughts were. I just want that much to be accomplished.  I get so 'energized' thinking of what can be done there.

February begins

31 January, AD 2018
Left Bob's via bus and went to the Pharmacy and got a top-up card for the telephone. Then put the food away Bob had given me and off to the A.Q.C.A. office to try and do some paper work.  Back to the Apartment and then try and sleep.  Mot of the medications are gone and I still feel like vomiting, so I take the Dollar-Tree brand cough medicine and within a day I feel much better. Back to the apartment to take a hot bath and collapse.  Extremities are so cold so much, the only way to heat them up. The heat is turned on a bit but nothing happens. I can tolerate the 66 degrees F though and put on a hooded sweat shirt and get in a sleeping back to sleep.
30 January, AD 2018
AT the apartment most of the day and then Bob gets me and we go to his house to put out the garbage and recycle and muscle another washing machine down to his cellar/basement.  Ten I go to bed.  I think I have meetings the next day but I do not.  When leaving the apartment the assistant property manager hailed me and the books I thought were missing were actually given to me. They had arrived and were kept in the office while I was in the hospital and no one told me they were there.  The regular person was at another property doing an audit.  I had to leave them at Bob's and will get them later. Need to build a larger bookshelf for my books.  I do enjoy books, sometimes obtained only for a chart or graph or an index, etc. 
29 January, AD 2018
Bob gets me and I have a paper put together and we attend the funeral of Willie Broadhurst of Amherst Lodge, I.O.O.F. at 11AM.  We were asked to join in the evergreen ceremony Amerst Lodge put on and we felt to honored to be included.  After we stayed a bit for "refreshments" and to speak of Willie and then got a bit late in the car to come back to the apartment building for a board of directors meeting. We got back about 32 min. late and found out the others had left because they thought they did not have a quorum.  The papers were given to them that said what a quorum was, and the did have it, but I guess they never bothered to read the same.  It has been like this with the leadership of that board of directors for at least the past 4 years or so, some want to run the place like a social action group and not like a business.  So many people have not the desire to come to meetings. We had a funeral and one person had a medical appointment that did not get finished in time and a third person had to be somewhere else with a child and a fourth had another funeral.   The regularly scheduled time would have been Monday the 22nd and I had given the paperwork so that the meeting could have been held without me.  But again, many did not show up.  This reminds me of the same thing that happened in 2007-2008 or 2009 with the same person as President of the Board of Directors.  Some people slot out their time and if you change from one Monday to the next Monday they just can not make that change as they have other time commitments already spoken for.  It is so amazing how we can look and act so busy in a city, and actually get nothing much done.  After this meeting failure I go with Bob to bring up some "pellets" for a stove at the lodge to keep a meeting room warm and then back to the apartment to lay down. Still feel like vomiting.
28 January, AD 2018
Sunday and Church. Steffi comes to get me, I am late. She brings some paper as I am out of it.  We have things printed and get there, but late.  Furnace has failed in sanctuary and our fellowship hall. So we meet in another room. Shows that even with great liturgical vestments and such we can pretty much meet anywhere.  Some images of the property up for sale in Belchertown I have on a flash drive and could show to the congregation if requested.  After Mass I go downstairs to a secondary room where Mia, Maya, Gabe and Carter join me and we fold agendas lengthwise to make also voting cards.  I cut the printed ballots for the Parish Council member election.  We have Annual Meeting in the classroom where we had fellowship all crowded into a small space.  Our Older teens call out the names as another teen hands our the agenda/voting-ballot cards and a third teen records that the person is there. This way our older teens that are not yet 18 have a part in certifying the quorum for the meeting.  We just barely met quorum.  Deacon Michael opened with prayer and technically ran the meeting, but I fear I just followed the Agenda and kind of pushed things along. At one point our Parish Council President spoke, but it was a smooth meeting. The report on the parish council and the treasurer's report were the only oral reports and the reports as sent out electronically were approved by a vote using the voting cards.  Volunteers among our much younger children passed out the election for parish council ballots after a motion from the floor put Jeff's name in play.  He is up for a renewal of his 2nd term of 3 years.  The first Annual St. Stephen appreciation award was given to Dick Richards and after that we had the balloting and he was asked to tally the ballots while the Secretary recorded the tally. This, on a form, was attested to by Deacon Michael and we ended the Annual Meeting having accomplished all we set out to do in less than a half hour.  The whole congregation got together and worked to put everything back the way we found it.  Steffi brought me home to the apartment and I collapsed.  Later on I eat again and make the minutes for the meeting and make arraingments with Bob to be taken to Willie's funeral in North Hadley.
27 January, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict and then back to Apartment. Feel so very sick. But massaging bowls and will take prune juice.  First time since before entering hospital I actually feel like eating.  Prepare as best as I can for the Annual Meeting tomorrow.  Put off many a suggestion we put off this meeting.  I might not live much longer, but want this done as a template for others.
26 January, AD 2018
CHIP meeting at the Pioneer Valley Planning Commission large conference room. Then back to apartment and then to School Volunteer appreciation with a focus on recruiting more mentors.  It is national Mentor Month.  Got back to apartment fairly exhausted.
25 January, AD 2018
Tried to do stuff at the apartment but mostly just ate and slept and took a hot bath twice.  The afternoon Betsey picked me up and we attend the all neighborhood council and civic association meeting at the East Springfield Neighborhood Council building.  It was a good meeting, lots of things discussed and plans made for the future. Then Betsy brought me back to the apartment and I went to bed immediately.
24 January, AD 2018
Had more tests and finally am told I can be discharged today, Wednesday at noon.  The discharging physician said I was vomiting phlegm and such because it was so dry in the hospital?  At any rate she sent me down for physical therapy to determine if I should go back to the apartment or to a rest home somewhere to recuperate.  Doreen Faddas that I had known from MCDI days and the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness came to visit and during our short visit the person came to transport me to rehab. So I was taken by wheelchair down to physical therapy / rehab and I walked rings around them and they wheeled me back and then I walked the last few 150 feet or so to my bedroom.  I started to walk past it and when asked why I said I had never been out of the room outside of on a gurney.  So they let me go and I started dressing right away.  The full discharge papers came and so did lunch, so I ate it. I finally got a hold of Bob by phone and he came and got me.  We went to the pharmacy and once again one of the medications I am allergic to.  I took the antibiotic and a laxative and said to discuss with the ordering physician the other medication as it was to treat a possible condition that was not really bothering me right now. I might wait on that until I speak with my primary care physician. Bob brought me to my apartment and then I rested some, people knocking on my door, etc.  Then I walked to the AQCA office (by the way walking seems to help a lot towards eventually getting bowel movements back in order) and got paperwork ready for the board meeting and greeted Betsy who came with someone from the liquor license commission.  Betsy said the next day I looked like "death warmed over", no color, etc. I thought they just discharged me so I would not die in the hospital.  I was fighting to get better.  The two people to come before the AQCA board of directors appeared and we did some work afterwards and then left.  I walked back almost immediately after the meeting and went to bed, so tired and sick and can't defecate and urinating almost every hour and feeling like vomiting.
23 January, AD 2018
More tests at the hospital. Tried to get a word to the lady that was going to interview me that I was in the hospital and call me on my cell phone.  No success there. They hope I will be discharged Wednesday, but that might happen at noon or at 5 or 6PM. So I called the Armoury Quadrangle Civic Association Vice President, Betsy Johnson and asked her to please chair the special board of directors meeting.  More tests and IV fluids constantly to "hydrate" me.  I am told the urinary infection sucks up all the liquid and dehydrates you.   Late I got medications and then towards evening I am told I will most probably be discharged.  However instead of fleeling like I am going to vomit I am actually doing it. Do not want to eat because of the vomiting.  So worn out.  Steffi came to visit me and I fell asleep on her. Doreen Faddas came but I was still sleeping. The sleep of exhaustion. One room mate left and then another one came and he had a horrible night.
22 January, AD 2018
Awoke early, about 2AM, and could hardly get any sleep. Waking up each hour.  Called the Clinic and before that sent papers needed for a board meeting to the board President. In the past, when I have come to "focus care" I have had to wait hours and felt I might not get back to the building in time for the 1PM meeting. I called the clinic and the nurse called me and said NOT to get dressed put put clothing over my pajamas and get tot he bus right away to get to 3400 Main Street, The Baystate Urgent Care facility, that would open today at 10AM.  I did so and got there by 9:45AM. I did not bring any medications with me but did bring my medication list.  They saw me and would not allow me to go to the Emergency Room by bus, as that was where they were sending me from Urgent Care.  I reluctantly agreed and an ambulance got me, I had to go back to the examination room to wait.  The ambulance said that Baystate Medical Center's Emergency room was full and suggested I go to Mercy, I agreed.  I arrived at Mercy about 11AM and by 4PM they had taken all sorts of tests and because of the quick wit of a Nurse named Amy a urine sample was taken and testing found I had a Urinary Tract Infection. They gave me an IV drip for that and to hydrate me and then discharged me to get more of that medication from my Pharmacist.  I took buses back to the Pharmacy and when I put in the prescription was called up to the pharmacist as he was going to call the prescribing physician as I am allergic to one of the compounds in this medication formulation.  At about that time I was getting very cold and this continued.  Sure enough I was having an allergic reaction to the medications.   Now my pharmacist insisted and another ambulance was called and I was taken back to the ER at Mercy Hospital.  I left from bed 20 and now was back in berth 25.  So many more tests and by 10PM I am signing admittance papers and by 11PM I am in room 560 on the fifth floor of Mercy Hospital, bed 2.  I try to help in drinking lots of water and flushing it out.  Do not sleep much but got some sleep.  About 3AM I think it was they took me down for another test.  I had called with tears in my eyes to Boland School before I left the apartment saying I could not read at Boland School, that hurt more than the sickness.  I was somewhat stabilized as they continued to take tests. I felt comfortable with the nice night nurse that tried so hard to help me rest and sleep.
21 January, AD 2018
I must find some $60 to pay the hosting service, or this site goes down maybe as soon as Tomorrow!  Took a Bus to Church, gave Deacon Michael the list of reports we don't have.  I took the bus late so I got here after the Gospel.  John took me down to his new corporate headquarters and other from church came and Deacon Michael arrived after another house blessings and blessed the new office.  I was given much food after the fellowship hour and John took me back to my apartment where I will finish this, eat and sleep.   Need to look online for the  book "Brick by Brick" as I read that  at Boland School Monday at 10AM, need to get there around 9:50AM.  So very, very, very, tired.  Passing out so much.  Found out a check had not been cashed and might not be until the end of the month. So I paid this hosting company as I still have hope against hope for this project.  I hurt so much near my heart, in my chest. I am going to bed.  Can't breath deeply either.  Other than that and some head problems I guess I am getting over the fall some.  I appreciate your prayers.  I have a board meeting Monday a 1PM but need to be at a medical appointment at 2PM, don't know what I am going to do, but will call my Doctor's office for an appointment Monday, let's hope they have one soon.  Around 11PM or later all this changed and I got worse.  Pain all over and I just tired to sleep but did not do so hardly at all throughout the night.

20 January, AD 2018
Took a bus to and from the order of St. Benedict if.  Then back to the apartment to rest.  Head, neck, back, side, arms hurt.  Pain on the inside of the right side of the skull seems to have subsided.  Another week gone and I have not much of anything good accomplished.  Might have been better to have gone to Washington, D.C.
19 January, AD 2018
I wanted to be at the Right to Life march, but with the AQCA meeting that night and we normally leave the night before I doubted I could do it this year.  Made me feel so sad.  BUT I can only do what I can do.   My body hurts so much and I fear the end of this sorry life is near.   So today I walked back to the AQCA office at about 11:30AM to put stuff away and do some other small paperwork.  As I was turning Mattoon Street to go onto Pearl Street going west, I stepped on what seemed to be a  hard surface of snow and such over the brick sidewalk.  All was fine and I moved my right leg up to step forward and half way in mid air the left leg slide on what apparently was ice on top of the snow.  The full weight was to much and it moved. My left foot slide to the north and I went down onto my head first, then my arm, chest and rest of body on top of it.  Below it was my bag with bubble wrap and such to put on the AQCA office ac unit to keep the cold out.  In that bag also was my blender bottle with a double serving of a drink.  I do not know if I passed out.  I do know I tried to get up and at that moment I found it difficult for the brain to make my leg work, they just shook.  I also noticed I was now on my back.  A Hispanic man came over to ask if I was OK  as he had either seen me fall, or saw me laying on the sidewalk, from across the street.  I said I thought I was OK though because at that point I was getting up. I was soaked in the blender bottle meal, and the worst of it was that the bottle was broken.  I went to the office and had difficulty doing much of anything.  I called Steffi, but she was on her way to see one of her children's presentations.  Later I called the clinic. They got back to me and said to stay sitting up for as long as I could.  Cold compress if I had them, out of the question; and a hot bath Saturday night or Sunday.  Stayed at the AQCA office and drank about a 6 pack of soda and ate  cake and yogurt and such and was at the  computer. Called Bob and told him I was told NOT to help him get the washing machine down stairs until Monday, and maybe after Monday.  Got a little more productive around 10PM and did some work for the special board of directors meeting coming up Wednesday and then went back to my apartment.  At about 1:45AM, Saturday, is when I left.
18 January, AD 2018
Community Music School event, be there by 8:30AM.  iTree online presentation and round table at 1Pm to about 2:30PM, Then do last minute things and be at the AQCA office by 3:30PM.  Might just listen to the iTree round-table discussion at the AQCA office.
17 January, AD 2018
Get the lat minute things needed and go over all minutes and craft a end of the year, look at the future report for the AQCA Annual Meeting.  Amity Lodge meeting might be tonight, but if people are still sick it will be postponed again. Nothing much to do in the winter.
16 January, AD 2018
Housekeeping inspection at the Apartment and yet I can not stay past noon as I need to be at the Springfield Healthy Homes meeting at 1600 East Columbus Ave.  Then plan to get stuff for the AQCA meeting.  Bob will help with cookies.  I need to get sodas and such and we will see about the other stuff.  Maybe Dan can do some. Must get everything up today.
15 January, AD 2018
Pam had her daughter call late last night and I let Pam use my phone.  Such difficulties.  I could not sleep well until this morning.  I think I will record when I use the telephone. I might not need to continue to have a telephone.  This is the form I crafted to record telephone usage. I have a cell phone for emergencies.  I am beginning to think I do not need to be as "plugged in" as most people want.  These comments updating this website and then off to the AQCA office. I did not get the things done I was supposed to have done last week. What a mess. The posters are not approved by the board and printed and up in the buildings.  And I have many hours of work to prepare for the Annual meeting and the email to paid up members  and e-blast MUST be out today.  Thankfully Lodge has been called off as many are sick and I can spend the time at night, maybe until midnight or so at the AQCA office.  Must have email out to Church ministry leaders tonight as well, at the latest before Thursday.
14 January, AD 2018
I got a call from Steffi and she brought me to Church, but for some reason I had 9AM-1PM listed for Holyoke Community College. The Parish Council finalizes the order of the Annual Meeting today and then we should have reports in soon so they can be sent out electronically before the Annual Meeting the 28th.  I had troubles printing things and could not get the printer to print even though it was "seen" by the computer.  I have had 5 computers and only one works sort-of-faithfully at the moment.  But I did get agendas printed.  We had issues that came up that will only be settled with Prayer, much Prayer.  Our parish council president was dealing with broken water pipes I think someone said, so our Vice President, Walley, did an admirable job in running the meeting.  I did the minutes in the afternoon.  I do want to be at the family land from March on through September working on a shed to put stuff in and get it out of the lodge.  I have imposed on them way to long. It is so cold again after a day or two of warmth.  It is time of our "January thaw" and Farmers Almanac says it will be mild. Probably last weeks cold was the beginning of the wobble that will happen until we set into the axis for the earth for Spring and Summer.  Want to be planning for seeds &growing transplants so that we have all of that done &make the plans for the weekends at the land in the Berkshires to at least get the stuff out of here to there. Here is a thought about 28 days ahead of time. Click on the image of the person kneeling in the rain to see it much bigger.
 do not wait to tell someone you love them.

13 January, AD 2018
Order of St. Benedict oblation formation group. Must have forms to have final listings done for Church and see about this Holyoke Community College listing as I can not be there and at the Parish Council Meeting tomorrow. Order of St. Benedict did not happen because of the ice and cold and I just stayed in my apartment and slept. Do not feel well at all.
12 January, AD 2018
Second Friday of the month.  Oh what a waste I seem to be and have nothing much accomplished.  What a fool I am. Must get at least one book of the St. Stephen Course of Theological Studies to try and learn a bit of what I should have been doing at least 40 years ago if not 50. Might go to Bob's tonight to walk the short distance to the Order of St. Benedict. 
11 January, AD 2018
Thursday, the month is flying by.  I need to finish the work I was going to do on 257 Central and the estimates for this work and the additions and the drawings of how it would look and at least how much materials would cost.  I need to finish my work on this, even though it looks like I can never live there. 
10 January, AD 2018
Got to apartment by 10 and Steffi came late but we got to Big Lots and I spent $45 or so between that and Harbor Freight on expansion rods and a tool kit (screw-drivers and bits) and some batteries for Steffi.  I had to sit down three times.  This overwhelming tiredness came over me. It has done this before.  Steffi took me back to the apartment and I did nothing all afternoon long. Have to check on the AQCA meeting and get the 'eblast' out. Did not do the one for the regular members yesterday, opps. Will try and do it soon if it is not done by now.  The Flyer has to be done and out for people to distribute and in the papers by today at the latest. Have to create it and send it to the board for approval.  Spoke with assistant property management and after she left for the day the Republic trash people came and finally took the trash away.  It had been sitting there for over two weeks. The city had taken some pictures, or so we were told.  I went to the men's group meeting, but it was not happening tonight.  Then up to the AQCA office and took down the Christmas decorations.  Will leave poinsettia plants in windows for a few weeks more.  Worked some on email and e-blast. Lay down and rested a bit.  Then up and at the computer some more.  Got the initial flyer put together.  Left for apartment at about 3:03AM the next day and did not get back and into bed until 4AM.
 09 January, AD 2018
Got on a bus by 9:15AM so I can get to a neurologist meeting at 10:30AM at 3300 Main Street.  He thinks I need to take mediations for epilepsy that will make me fat and I have no proof from him that I need medications.  He wants me to take the drugs as a prophylactic measure just in case I might have a thought of having a seizure in the future.  Took another bus  up to Holyoke Community College for a meeting at 2:15PM and paid for a month long bus pass.  Not going to Savers this week.  Get back to Springfield and at the end of the day got to apartment, took pills, and then walked to the Maple/High/6Corners Neighborhood Council meeting.  I will then went to Bob's to do the trash.  The garbage was heavy and I had to shovel to make a space for it as we have about 3 weeks or more of food and such thrown in there.  He got things but we did not eat it fast enough. Us old folks don't eat as much, so what we could eat in a day or two when younger takes about 4 to consume now.
08 January, AD 2018
Called the man at FutureWorks today, and have an appointment set up for Friday morning. When I called Friday and left a message I find that when I turned off the phone after another call on a "speakerphone" I had apparently hit the button twice and so instead of turning off the phone I turned it off and then back on. Since it was an answering service I was still recording and no dial tone. So for hours he could not call me back. So I needed to call and ask about my test scores from last Wednesday. Not a good impression I am certain.  Need to continue to pack up stuff but what I did was  move things to mop the apartment door.
07 January, AD 2018
Church, we celebrate Epiphany, in the east it was Theophany and celebrated starting yesterday.  Don't know abut today, probably back to pack up stuff at the apartment and put down on paper some possible changes to make a tenant reporting form better and yet conform to the sample in the HUD chapter for section 8 tenancies.  Did not get the 'eblast' out for AQCA Friday or yesterday, maybe today.  I am really remiss in not remembering what I should be doing.

06 January, AD 2018
Bob brought me to Church for the Order of St. Benedict and some cakes and such.  I got in but apparently the alarm had not been shut off.  I did so and told the alarm company when they called that all was ok. Then called Steffi and found out we did not have an Order of St. Benedict meeting today but we were going to a service at the Cathedral in Worcester. So Steffi came and picked me up and because she came back to get me we were late to the service.  We missed Matins/Orthos and was in on the Divine Liturgy as we celebrated Theophany.  Then a luncheon and a workshop on sharing our faith that Bishop John led, it was really great.  Then we came back to Springfield and I got the can of fruit cocktail and Steffi said she would keep it at church to make a special dish with. So we went there and deposited the cakes and such.  Seffi looked at the email and it said that the concert that we were to go to was not in Worcester but Cambridge.  We maybe could have gotten there but I thought it was just to much for her as she still had to get to Amherst and pick up he son who had been at an event there.  So Steffi dropped me off at Bob's after I had gone to my apartment and taken my medications.  At Bob's I took out the trash as promised but it was to late to shovel and to cold. Tried to water the plants some and then try to update a laptop.  Then to write this.  At about 10 or e10:30PM I will take a bath and then go to bed. After I took out the trash I had gone to bed before and slept. I was passing out trying to peel a clementine, time to rest.  So much worry about my friend that lives on the hall that is not doing well. Seeing things that are not there and I know I can not help.  BUT the discussion of theology I loved today. That is the type of job I have wanted to be in.  When I was a part of a rural pastorate and served that small congregation was the only time in my life I really felt alive, and frustrated as well. Updated the Windows 10 OS on the laptop at Bob's and now it says the subscription to the antivirus software expired 125+ days ago. I am just uninstalling it and use avast for now and Windows Defender. MacAffee is the one that charged me almost $100 with an automatic renewal on a product they were selling in stores for less than $40.  So I said goodbye to them. BUT sometimes that software come "free" with something else you have bought, so I updated all only to find that out. So I have uninstalled it.  My extremites are cold and I seem to hear a sound like music or choirs, maybe I am going batty or about to die.  Wonder.Would like to fix up and get back to the family home, at least a structure to live there in the summers before I die.  I miss the animals and the gardens and just the walks on the road.  I want to go physically "home" in order to  leave here for "home" with Jesus.
05 January, AD 2018
Friday and we are to have a housekeeping inspection of all on my hall today.  That way they can check everyone and no one feels singled out. We all have a lot of stuff for our small rooms. The person I was hiding from was hollering to me that they needed a ride to court.  I still made out like I was not in.  I do not think I can do much of anything to help them. I checked 3 times but no one at the office, last time put the complaints in the rent box.  Got back and a counselor for the person was there to take the person to a doctor's appointment, or that is what they had told them before, and that person left their card and one with me. The person who said they had to go to court came back but hung out in the community room. The counselor called and I checked the room and then the community room. I got my phone for them but they went into my place and ate what I was eating. [They asked for more food but I did not tell them about the portion I had just put into the refrigerator for another day. I am certain they have spent their money on drugs and now have the story that someone stole it.  Same story each month for the past 4-6 months, or even more.  Apparently they can't get it together to be in the community room waiting for a meal every day at about the same time, so they miss out on the meals on wheels.  When they come with the food near noon the person is still in bed.  Lots of indications that the person needs a lot of help and I am just plain not the person to provide it.  So they came and asked me about their windows, they had at least two open about 1/2 inch and snow from two days ago had come in.  I closed the windows and then the came and asked if I had plastic to put on the windows.  At that point I decided to leave for the night as I figured there would be more banging on doors again.  I gave them two black garbage bags and a translucent on and some scotch tape.  They said they did not know how to use the tape as they wanted push pins, but I could not find them.  They are saying someone got into their apartment and stole all their money and such, but this is the third or fourth month with a similar story.  All this is beyond my ability to help. So I rushed off to catch the bus, should have put more clothing on, as it was very cold.  I got the bus and told my friend I was coming.  He will bring me up to Church tomorrow.  I slept a bit better.  So good to be where I can try and rest. 
04 January, AD 2018
The storm came and thought I was offered an opportunity to get out I just stayed in. I am in hiding. Don't want the person to know I am here. Was back and forth to bed and cleaning up a wet mess. Apparently the counter tilts backward and water came out of the humidifier and went back towards the wall and then down the floor so my bed was all soaked.  What a mess.  Why can't I even set up a humidifier right?  I took and cleaned it as best as I could. No brand name, no instructions with it.  This was another night of not answering door knocks or calls at my door or telephone calls. Because of the storm, only about a foot or less of snow, the all neighborhood councils and civic associations meeting was postponed from tonight to January 25th. The Community Policing for tonight cancelled also, no word on another date for that one.l stayed in my room and did call a few people to say I was OK but not answering the phone.  Feel very depressed and not good for much.
03 January, AD 2018
Feel so sick, no sleep last night. Banging on door at 2AM. I need to move somewhere else but fear I can not now.  Tried to get some documentation for a birth certificate, I needed to get a resume put together.  I did the latter, a shorted form of the resume is here, and will need to ask the town of New Marlborough for another birth certificate if I can not find it.  I did get something from social security that says when they say my birth is according to documents they have. Will need to try and get stuff from the state regarding food stamps also, I think it a little over $100 a month. I try to not use that much.  So I just barely got this work done and got to Future Works One Stop Career Center in time to go into a room and do the testing from 12:30PM to 3:30PM. Then they talked a bit with me and I just got to the AQCA office about 2 minutes late, don't walk as fast as I would like to apparently.  Our Vice President had started the meeting and I just came in and got scissors and cut the 2-up agendas and passed them out. We did the business and another past President offered to send the letters and such for me as he thought I was not doing a good enough job at it and I agreed.  After this I, did not go to the Keep Springfield Beautiful meeting, but instead stayed at the office and made a quick synopsis of the meeting in lieu of the secretary's minutes which will be forthcoming later and send out some pdf's and had some instruction by the IT person in how to send out some email items and also defragmented the AQCA's laptop with some additional updates to it. Got back to the apartment it seemed at 11:40 or so there was not security on duty.  Went to bed and once again the banging on the doors and such. I just stayed inside and did not answer the door or telephone calls. Checked out some of the routers and cd player, seem to work.  I wrote out a complaint that I will file with management so the person can maybe get some help.  No one should be in fear or to be thinking someone is getting into their living space or is doing them harm.  BUT I can not really be involved. So again I do not answer the door or phone calls.
02 January, AD 2018
Did not get much of anything done.  Did some minor things for the assistant property manager and then went up to FutureWorks.  Filled out some papers and tomorrow I go for testing to see if maybe I can be trained to do something in construction work.  I have always been told I did not know enough how to do things that way and have always liked building and architecture. So I am giving this a shot.  All I have really loved was God and Theology and worship, but seem to have made a mess of that also.  Still not getting things done as I need to for the board of directors meeting for AQCA tomorrow.  Afterwards I went to see Dave at ReGreen Springfield and he gave me a ride to Savers and a bus pass to get back with.  I bought a hot-air popcorn maker, a humidifier, another child sized sleeping bag and some routers, cd player, and egg molds and 3 ring binders, to much money, but I did want some of the stuff.  Went to catch the Bus and missed it, so very cold outside. Called Bob and he said it was OK not to take out the trash this week, we do it double next week.  I went to the apartment and bed.  Took a hot bath first.  Then a person on the floor was banging on my door asking me to call the police and such. I did not answer it nor the phone.  I will just stay in until tomorrow. No sleep.
01 January, AD 2018
The new year started. This is what some of the new year, a new opportunity to try and do things right, a chance to try it again. BUT I do not see it that way, I see it as the beginning of a time of sadness.  I messed up with the hope for a house. Messed up with the hope of a job.  Messed up even trying to find out why I got sick. 

stext says 2018's a sad new year and shows the image of a sad girl with black around the image.

31 December, AD 2017
Last Sunday and last day of this pagan year. Supposed to have none of the electronic greetings created and sent out, maybe before midnight, probably not until Epiphany.Was supposed to have created new page for here.  This one ends today at midnight.  My sorrow is great about my not being able to accomplish even the rehab this fine building and one of the last examples of the type of house that was the "city of homes" dwelling for the craftsmen that created the Victorian mansions we are known for.  For all who have followed this, good bye.  Thanks for the prayers and comments and encouragements.  Pray I follow God's leading. Did not get it coded so will change things later, maybe it might be more like Easter.  I just can't seem to get anything done right these days.  Cold at my extremities.  Seem to hear organ or praise music a lot. Have a sense that death is "just around the corner" and finally it will stop the sinning and uselessness of this life I have led.  Each day I add more pain and more suffering for Christ as he hung on the cross.  The weight of my sins and my total uselessness is almost unbearable now that I now see that everyone is paying in taxes $10 for each $1 in services I consume.  The "benefits" of this society are down right damnable.  Went to Church, Steffi came and got me, and we had a great time with Bishop John.  Chrysmation and Baptism and all of that.  Wonderful.  I sealed up air ducts so the cold air was not coming in the building.  Nothing done for the god Janus's day, New Year at midnight.  Did search the internet for crap.  Why can't I give and receive love like a normal person. Answer is quite evident, I am not normal.  I sin and don't achieve and have not been keeping promises and in general am a total waste and useless destruction.  Why love that?

30 December, AD 2017
Order of St. Benedict.  Don't know about the rest of the day. Pray for Steffi and her safe travels. Must clean up apartment, another inspection coming up.  I have not gotten anything done this month I wanted to on this project and the daily reporting here at least ends Sunday.  I fear I can not do anything right.  Will estimate high for some things and indicate what I would have put off.  I feel so worthless and unable to do much of anything.  Must pack up many things and get them to storage. 
29 December, AD 2017
Wanted to do final things and greetings sent, but none of it got done.  Maybe a lazy day as well.  I had submitted the bill for Bob to the AQCA treasurer yesterday.  Bob had me get some stuff and go to lodge and check on  pellet stove and then try to get stuff at Walmart. Can't buy what I want, probably do it online. I sent things to Deacon Michael and the church emails I had.  Order of St. Benedict tomorrow but I need to help Bob with stuff out of the school we did not do earlier. I am tired. Got the frozen plants I had put in the heated room and Bob's son took back into the unheated room and then many days below freezing.  I only found out about them today.  I was taken by Bob to Savers yesterday and bough a book, or maybe it was Wednesday. Anyway I read part of the work on the Republican party and its founding and why and such and learned much more about our Civil War.  I really did not want to get up at all and get out of bed today.  Thought we were going to the school to get things, but that is now tomorrow.  I ride around or search the internet and do nothing it seems to me.  Such an absolute failure. Can't even keep church records straight.  Is there anything I can do right?  Talked with the counselor today and the subject was touching females and my failed interactions with them. I have really wanted to be loved, and yet felt that was not allowed.  I do not want to surrender and commit all to a person again and then have my heart ground up as so much hamburg and fed to the dogs.  It just hurts to much.  Much better to live a life with little love and some menial pleasures like drawing than to love again and be hurt again, or worse yet, to love her, she loves me, and I make her life a living hell.  Read things today about highly functional depression and thought of the psychological diagnosis of some 8 syllable words that mean I negate anything said nice to me.  That is not really true. BUT at aged 73 I can see very little good in much of the complements that come my way.  They are complementing me on something I should be doing anyway.  I am not certain but maybe it is time for me to spend time this summer trying to create some sort of shelter for myself and maybe move out of the city after all.  I have NEVER functioned well in a city setting, especially one where it seems to be ok to have someone else pay for you.  Over $52,000 of goods and services have been paid for and all I have to do is use them. That means, at the rate of 10 cents at the local level spent for every dollar sent in to government, that ove a half million dollars has been paid every year for me to just sit here and eat and sleep and not contribute anything to society.  What a damnable situation to be in.  And I could not even get it together for 257 Central, was a useless fool I must be.  All the education of the past 25 years is apparently not coming back in a way I can even volunteer to help.  Felling useless and worthless is no fun at all.  It looks like this is going to be one of my last inputs at this url address. Don't know if I will post things on this website or where.  I feel so much like I am nothing but a burden to society and fear greatly that the over a half million dollars in taxes collected to let me "live free off of society" is more like 1.75 Million dollars.
28 December, AD 2017
Was to finish up things for AQCA and do work if warm enough in apartment but it was cold so finished board meeting notes and then to bed. Did wash stuff and bring back to AQCA office, work a bit there and then talk with Dave and Gerry who dropped by. I brought a fleese sleeping bag in case I get caught in a storm at the AQCA office. Back to apartment and to bed. Could not sleep and so at 3AM or so worked on Church stuff. Then to bed again.
27 December, AD 2017
Board of Directors meeting and then more clean up.  Need to be at AQCA office to do stuff. Helped Bob with some stuff then to apartment and sleep.
26 December, AD 2017
Put things in mail for AQCA board this morning or preferably at the post office last night. Talk to folks at FutureWorks and help clean up after Holiday Meal. Appointment at 3PM at 3300 Main St. Maybe help Bob with garbage tonight.
25 December, AD 2017
Got Up to a call from Bob. Then tried to make a poster for the Rainville and to put up online.  Then to the Holiday Meal by at least 10:30 as I guess I am not making it before 10AM.  Here is a jpeg of the image for the Rainville and here is a PDF of a card I created with a similar front cover theme. The card is to be printed and folded in fourths.  May the Blessings of the Christ Child be given to you this day.  Maybe put up insulation on more windows at apartment and get dead plants from lodge

24 December, AD 2017
Christmas Church Service in the Morning, I walked.  Then Steffi brought me back to the apartment and I was able to offer some things to help her keep warm, she has spent all she could on her children.  Then did some greetings for church that night and Steffi picked me up and we got there.  About midnight I came back to find the lights on in the community room and other silliness. Got to bed by 2-3 to e awakened by noise at 4:30. This place is a mess. Oh how I wish I could have gotten the funding to repair 257 Central Street.
23 December, AD 2017
Bob will get me this morning. Wes Carr called as well. So tired, can hardly stand up. Do a card and an image and found out the printer solution online so it would work. Had to disable something.  So tired, must lay down.
22 December, AD 2017
So tired, got almost nothing done early as I slept some. Inspection today so I I was working on it until she arrive. Then about an hour after also. . Did help Bob with stuff over to the school for the Holiday Meal and then back to the apartment. Should have gone to get the book scanned I promised by Saturday. But I did not do it.  So very tired.
21 December, AD 2017
So depressed. The help with lots of things has not happened. Checked email. At about 11AM I told the AQCA board I was just not able to do what I had hoped for and they all agreed to help.  I got down to the Bank to get quarters the other day and brought some extra things to the AQCA office and started the computer. Dan emailed me he was going to CostCo to get something that might be appropriate. What a lifesaver he was.  He got two plate of wraps (delicious) and a tray of cookkies and some Doritos. I had crakers and chips and cheese and sea straws and pretzels and such.  Cicily came by to help serve after she got through work. So did Gerry.  Wayne came to help bring things down and this left me to make the sign for the party and post up notices about the work training opportunities and other events. I had brought a hat to wear and one for Mike, other has also so Mike will have a choice as he plays Santa's chief helper.  The new Vice President of the City Council, Katerie Walsh came by shortly after we started and we introduced her at 6PM or so.  She spoke and then we announce Santa had arrived.  Then after the toys were given out to all children, we had a sign-a-long at a bit after 6:30PM and afterwards announced we had more food and also a few more presents as we had less than 50 children come. So the music planed from the cd's and some adult ladies also dance with Santa.  Councilor at Large, Jesse Lederman came by also after the Arise action that was going on at the same time as this event. We cleaned up and talked some and Wayne brought me back to the apartment after we put some things in the refrigerator.  I will have to come over Saturday to get things to wash up but to tired tonight.
The AQCA board of directors did a great job of pulling together and making this work. I had no confidence today.
20 December, AD 2017
Back from Bob's and yet so tired, did nothing most of the morning.  Stop Access Coalition 3-5PM meeting was at 3PM and I got to that and then delivered some flyers about the Holiday Party tomorrow and went to a dinner at the Student Prince restaurant a person had paid for me to be at..
19 December, AD 2017
10:30AM, was at 3300 Main for consultation with Dr. Ruby. This is the long awaited consultation to give an evaluation and most probably conclude I am really crazy after all. I have been so incapable of making "correct"decisions it seems.  But all they said was they were not able to do any tests to determine if I had problems or not, and sent me on my way.  I left and got over to Byers Street from this.   I was a half hour lat for the 12PM-1PM, with the consultant, Vinnie, at the Rainville.   Also no RCC/UCC/CCC done today.  Why can't I do anything right?  I went to help with the trash and stayed at Bob's tonight.
18 December, AD 2017
10AM to 11AM, Read at Boland School.   1:30-3PM, was the SBA event but I spent the time delivering invitations to the Holiday Party to elected officials and then was so tired I did not go to city council meeting, just lay down and slept..  Also S.C.A.R.F. work was not done. Did not hear from Steffi so I guess the evenings things were not to happen.  Did some stuff on computer and went to bed.
17 December, AD 2017
Church, rest of insulating of windows was to be done by tonight, but I am so tired and worn out I asked Steffi to let me put it off some.  Made certain I have re-read the book (by watching in on you tube) that I am to read at Boland School tomorrow.  Brought some plants over from the lodge, as Bob wanted me to move a bag of pellets up to the 2nd floor.  They are going through these things like water, trying to keep the place like 70 degrees or more when it is 27 degrees outside.  Got the places for water, food, and that tv they have to have.  So there was little room for plants and since they did not move the plants in they were pretty much all frozen.  I brought two back and will try to see if I can revive them, but I fear not. I had watered them at the last meeting and did not know they were going to turn the electric heat totally off. They did and the plants had their roots frozen.  Of course it is I that can not do anything right and they are just fine.  I am so tired of being so wrong so much of the time.  Just plain tired of it all. When I got back to the apartment I went to the AQCA office to do some work and make letters of invite to the elected officials for Thursday's party and to try and update the laptop we use with the projector.  Got back around 1AM the next day.  So good to get away from the apartment to do some work.

16 December, AD 2017
Order of St. Benedict at Church, food is earlier, meeting starts about 9AM, got there by 9:55AM.  Left early and bought a sleeping tent and a Himalayan salt light at Walgreens. Arrangements to be made - food for AQCA Party. I wanted so badly to go and sing with the kids from
St. George, but felt it would be the wrong thing to do because I would enjoy it so much.  When I got to the apartment I needed to use the toilet and then  found out I had been rectally bleeding again.  So it was a warm/hot bath and such and then to bed.  Don't know why I can't make the right decisions.  I should have been talking with people in stores about putting up flyer for next Thursday's Holiday Party for AQCA, but did nothing.
15 December, AD 2017
Supposed to have the mock-up of end of year Newsletter for Rainville. Go to AQCA office early. Have things planned for Christmas Party, Holiday party, at The Kimball and ready for board special meeting to get food and such ready for next week's party.  Read things so I will know the story before I go to read to the children Monday at Boland School.  I stayed for a while after the board meeting and got some things done at the AQCA office.  Printed flyers and will need to get them to the apartment buildings by next week for next Thursday's party.  It is good to be at the AQCA office and not surrounded by all the people that remind me of how much of a failure I am and how I can not do anything right  and am a burden to all.
14 December, AD 2017
I attended the iTree workshop online today and it was GREAT. Artistic things and prepare to get out and redo Famous Artist Schools work in 2018. Took the bus to Twin Hills Country Club to walk there by 6:30PM for the RHAGS presentation with Judge Rob Field.  I was given a free meal by a board member and got a ride back from the same.  I feel so horrible earlier; I really needed to come and hear Rob speak.  They gave a "mock" view of the court and Rob gave the same talk he gives every Thursday about mediation.  Other people talked about the court process, a great meeting.
13 December, AD 2017
Must get to Savers to pick up that item bought last night and then back to the apartment.  I guess I should send out some Christmas Greetings but don't feel like it at all.  I have failed at getting the funding for the 257 Central Street project and even after the contractors and architect had everything ready.  I am at least $15,000 in the hole over this. I can't seem to do anything right. I did NOT get an 'a' on  my final exam in Green Skills and there was NO reason why I should not have scored well, even at 100%.  My fault all around.  So I put together a grey-scale Holiday card and probably broke some laws in using Dr. Seuss images I found online.  BUT it is a card and I am publishing it here.  I really hate myself and feel I am a total failure at everything.  I did some quick figuring the other day and it was sickening.  Over $1,000 a wee in goods and services are paid for and available to me each week.  When tax dollars are sent in, I am told only 10 cents out of every dollar actually gets to be used on something as the other 90cents is used in accounting practices, etc.  So at that rate, with $52,000 paid for me to live, it means that over one half a million dollars is collected in taxes for me yearly.  And I am contributing NOTHING back to society.  If there was ever a reason to put someone up against a wall and shoot them then this is it.  I was sternly warned, after being diagnosed as having epilepsy, to not date anyone or marry anyone as I might want to have a child and if I did that I would be weakening the gene pool.  And now a half million dollars in taxes is collected just to have me sit here and live???   Why????   The feeling of guilt and over whelming shame and disgust at yourself is just almost unbearable.  My solution usually is to get into some sort of a training program to try and hope towards some sort of employment and learn something.  I do like learning. And it takes my mind off the abundant proof that I am totally worthless and only a burden on society.  Today is, according to my planing calendar, the 1st Day of Hanukkah  Somehow I need to squeeze in C.H.I.E.F (Creative Habitations, Innovative Environments Foundation) work in some part of the day. 1PM, itree online workshop. Be at AQCA office after iTree if it is today, if not be there in afternoon to do paperwork and make calls and distribute flyers. And I am to be at the Valley Ventures event tonight at 5PM and then maybe go over to the Hot Table for the Men's Group meeting.
12 December, AD 2017
Did no RCC/UCC/CCC work in AM but talked with on-site management staff about newsletter, will need to talk with higher ups, portfolio manager. Went for a consult with A. Seigl at 3300 Main Street at 1PM but that was cancelled and the message was not able to be left on my telephone.  Will need to contact the telephone company on that one.  I was supposed to go to the AQCA office to send out invitations and flyers posted but instead sent out the flyer for board approval and then went to Savers and bought $44 worth of stuff. Still can't see how it got that high. BUT I did buy a medicine cabinet sort of thing that was water damaged for over the toilet storage and a cash box and a key box and 4 books and a little "cathedral" for Christmas.  I will need to come back tomorrow with my two wheel cart to pick this up as I could not carry it also on the bus (3 item limit also). I got to the apartment and to Maple/High/6Corners Neighborhood council meeting and then to Bob's to help him with trash. cI could not, I thought, get to the walk/bike presentation and it was rainy and cold. So I took the ride with Linda and Jim Bartlett after the M/H/6C meeting.  Then to clean up at Bobs and go to bed. Stay her the night and then get going up to Savers by 8AM.
11 December. AD 2017
8:30AM be at Dakin Animal Shelter on Union Street for the volunteer orientation.  Then get read for the unaccompanied youth meeting at HCC from 3-5PM.  Try to have windows insulated, at least in Bathroom and Sleeping area by the end of today. Do SCARF, maybe. But Steffi took me shopping at Savers. I got 7 warm scarfs and two fleece vests (for warm winter wear over other clothing before you put on the outer coats) and a Christmas decoration or two, probably get more soon.  I spent about $50, really foolish of me. BUT we had a good time and I do enjoy getting things there. I got a black and white TV I want to use in the bathroom to maybe watch a dvd or something like that or listen to something as I drift off to sleep or relax in the tub.  I spend more time there than in the big room in the winter, it is warmer.  After that Steffi brought me to my apartment and helped me put up the insulating plastic in the bathroom, we do the other room Friday.  Then helped her carry some things out and she took me to Holyoke Community College for an unaccompanied youth meeting. I took the bus back and then to my apartment and collapsed. 
10 December, AD 2017
Church, then Parish Council, and then maybe clean up at apartment. Must send emails about AQCA meeting and produce flyers by tomorrow. Needed to do the Minutes and send them out and Pam was acting up again.  I was so tired I pretty much slept most of the time.  So disgusted with myself, can't seem to do anything right any more.  Need to get the junk out of my apartment and  probably get things fixed to put all my junk in one place by the end of summer so that when I die it is all in one spot sothe fire department can burn it & the house up and the evidence of this long string of failures called my life can be buried with the ashes and forgotten.

09 December, AD 2017
Parish Council Meeting tomorrow. Order of St. Benedict today. Then other stuff in the afternoon. Must get put up the insulation I have taken out of storage and see if Steffi can help me as I don't want to get up on the ladders and such alone to do it.   I often feel so sad I don't seem to be able to accomplish much. I wanted to save my art table and such but just let it all go when the roof fell in at the family home.  I have enjoyed art work so much, but felt so guilty as I could not seem to accomplish much with it and all the stuff I tried to do were so poorly done. Adolph Hitler's art looks so much superior to mine.  I do enjoy it and hope to once again take the Famous Artists Schools materials I have saved and just "do them again" as if I were taking the course again. That might be a fitting end to the years I have spent so far in formal education and thus keeping me away from messing up to much in life.  I think the government has been happy to have me learning things all along and every little while directing me to new studies and fields.  In this way I have the hope of learning the skills for this new thing, and not focus on the many things I have failed at so many times in the past.  These years in Springfield, outside of the classroom learning and the committee meetings I enjoy going to, have been many years of looking at the man I see in the mirror and wondering if there is any task which he can do to complement society or is he just a useless drain on resources.  Already things are available to me that are a cost of over $1000 a week. So unless I can show a value of over $52,000 a year, there does not seem to be much reason for society to continue to "pick up the tab" for me, or so it seems.  I wonder sometimes I anyone will ever read any of this, most probably not.  More and more I think about how Judas Iscariot felt.  He thought he knew how things were to go.  He was doing the things those of us who call ourselves "liberal" do to help folks, even it is does mean dipping into the funds of "Peter to pay Paul", but we are doing good.  Then it all fall apart. And it is so crystal clear (or so it seems to be presented) that the entire blame for things not going as you had planned falls upon your shoulders.  You despair of every being able to go in the right direction and fear you are condemned to do wrong no matter what you do.  So Judas thought he could not change his life and the only way to stop the wrong doing was to end his life.   Of course that was the wrong decision and did not show even a small measure of faith.  BUT I certainly can comprehend his thinking and fully empathize with his evaluation of the situation, given what he thought were facts at that time.  I find the shallow pleasures of so many that are so self seeking so abominable I find NO pleasure in the many "parties" around this time of year.  With the early Church I look forward to Epiphany. In the east it started November 15th and in the West Dec 3rd.  It sort of concludes December 24th, but then Christmas tide begins and goes through Epiphany. It is Epiphany, the presentation of Christ to the world, both in the Magi and in his Baptism by John, that was celebrated by the early church.  I like to do so also.
08 December, AD 2017
So far nothing (Dec 1st) is scheduled for today, but I am certain that will change.  Need to do what I need to for ReGreen and redo resumes. I think I want to make a  listing of all the skills I have learned in the past 50 years and maybe collect them together in various resumes.I think I could make up 10-20 such resumes and redact the name at the top and it would look like I had a staff of many people and not myself providing those skill sets.  So why is it I can not seem to get hired? I do want to prepare for the Parish Council meeting Sunday and finish up a lot of things. MUST have the plastic on my windows and decorations up and lights and all both at my place and I want all the insulating plastic and such up on the apartment and such.  Must find and individually scan each 257 Central Street document to a pdf.  I might be able to then convert them to a word document, clean up the mess that Microsoft makes, and then save it as and electronic file again.  Must work on it.But today I did absolutely nothing but some sin at the computer on websites I should not be at and I felt so cold. Had to take a hot bath to try and get some sleep. No real sleep until about 6:55AM or so, then awoke at 8:15AM, was late to the order of St. Benedict by bicycle.
07 December, AD 2017
Was supposed to be at the meeting of the individual services committee for the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to end Homelessness by 9:30AM in Northampton, but did not sleep well and then fell asleep at 5AM and slept until 8:15AM. So I took the bicycle to Union Station and a bus up. Got there in time to be counted there as they were closing down at 11AM. The bust from Holyoke to Northampton runs on the half hour, except for 10 am when it does not run.  I then come back down by bus to the Pioneer Valley Planning Commission by 1:45PM for the 2PM Gambling Addictions meeting, after buying a Microwave Popcorn Popping dish at the Senior Center. I was then to go to  AQCA and write up about last night's meetings and then go to the Community Policing meeting at Saratoga Street.  But I was so tired I traveled by bus so much I just came a half hour early to the Gambling meeting and then to Saratoga Street by 6PM . After the community Policing meeting at Saratoga Street I  tried to bicycle to the Walk/Bike Springfield meeting but was so tired I had to take the bus and then got there 20 min. after the people had left. I would really like to know the address for Bunny Kopp and maybe just ask James Parrish if he would sent a card off to her for me.  Her Birth Day is today.  I have dearly loved that woman, even if it was only just in one direction.  I remember fondly the some 3 or 5 months we were together as some of the happiest days of my life.
06 December, AD 2017
Finish whatever I need to for Bob and contact Dave about the stuff he needs done at Re-Green. Then Dave and I went to the Climate Change meeting at STCC. Also maybe ask about employment for the rest of the Christmas season at some place.  Need to get all the stuff about 257 Central Street finished and scanned and put up online, but that will be some other days.  Redid the sub-agendas for the AQCA meeting tonight and the items needed before Bob picked me up to go over to Amity Lodge for their meeting. The Amity Lodge meeting I wanted to plan out things for the year and have us be more active visiting Amherst lodge. But there was "push back" as this night all the guys wanted to do was get through the meeting and eat and go home.  After the meeting I needed to prepare for the meeting tomorrow at the Pioneer Valley Planning Commission about gambling addictions; but all I did was get items out of storage to re-insulate my windows. To tired to do anything but go to bed.  Everything I had stored in a warm room has to be moved and plants consolidated and such as things need to be moved to a cold spot and that means many things will be destroyed.  All I have down in another spot will need to be thrown out as it was water damaged and I only got the fob to gain entrance to the storage tonight.  Yet from what I hear I am still evaluated as someone who can not do much of anything right.  So tiring to always have to do things wrong. I must arise early to get on a bus to get to Holyoke to catch another bus to Northampton for a meeting tomorrow morning.  I refuse to hold onto someone's wallet for them as I would maybe not get back tomorrow until 9PM.  Never know how things will happen when I do not drive.  Also need to stop at Home Depot and pick up the items that were not there Tuesday but I am now told by email have arrived so I can put some trim around the poor job of some sort of a make-shift shelf for the microwave. All of this is also considered to not be the right thing for me to do.  I can't seem to do even the most menial things correctly and thus it seems I am so worthless in the eyes of others, and I am so discouraged at my inability to do much of anything as I had set goals to accomplish.  I also felt so sad I could not attend the meeting with our Bishop today as I had to be at the lodge meeting and it seems when we reviewed that meeting nothing much got accomplished other than the evaluation that I could not do anything right and much of my stuff in storage must be thrown out.  I am so tired of being always a failure and a hindrance to others.   NO one likes to think they make the lives of other people they care about unpleasant or that they can not seem to have the brains to do anything right.
05 December, AD 2017
I think the assistant property manager will be at the apartment on Byers Street and I want to get a rental receipt and remind them of the meeting with Rob Fields, Judge, at Twin Hills Country Club othe 14th.  Need to write something in support of a liquor license in case it goes through as we are to meet as an AQCA board tomorrow and there is another meeting that night that this letter needed for.  Must have all the decorations done and agenda sub items for the meeting.  I also should do the minutes for the Agawam Encampment meeting and things ready for the Amity Lodge meeting tomorrow but had to do other things for Bob and was to tired by the time I got to bed to do any of that.
04 December, AD 2017
Need to call Tom Smith at STCC again and see if they are having a Holiday Sale and can I help the Landscape Dept. there with that if they are doing one. Probably get to Amity Lodge once I get the key-fob to get in and then move what I can up to the 3rd floor. The things that do not need to be kept from freezing of mine need to get out of the way for the workmen to do their jobs. Get things about decorating done today and must be at St. George Greek Orthodox Cathedral's Cultural Center by 4:30PM for a Community Policing meal.  I am to sit next to Carol Costa, so I was in hopes they were going to give her an award.  She has done so much for this city and I think she deserves a lot of credit.  I had a Lodge Meeting at 7PM and was to be picked up at 6:30PM . The dinner meeting I thought would begin at 5PM and would notl be over with until about 6:55PM at the best, so I had to leave early.  I did but the fellow had a flat tire so we waited and yet the mechanic could not get it going but did take us to the lodge meeting. Linda Bartlett, citizen liaison for the Sector E Community Policing meeting was at our table and received a special award. It was an honor to be asked to attend this meeting and all attendees got a certificate of thanks.  we got back to Berkshire Ave in time for the Agawm Encampment meeting and we finished with that for the Springfield Lodge meeting at the normal 7:45PM start time. e could not stop anywhere to get toys and also I did not have money for Pauline La Borde to buy them. We help with toys for needy children with a Christmas dinner and party in the West Springfield area.  I don't know if anyone has minutes for the last meeting as I only had the installation and that was not a regular meeting night and the next meeting I was just to sick to come out.  No word from Alice Davis, and I am afraid the dementia diagnosis was maybe true or the person is keeping her pretty much under "lock and key".  I never did get my encyclopedias and other things back and lost the computer stuff that was in her house in Pittsfield.  Some strange things happened those last 3+ years between the fall of 2012 and 2016.  I thought she was "sweet" on an old high school classmate of hers that she was staying at his house and helping him with things after his wife had died.  It might be that things were happening and it was her way of coping with things and hiding things and not him as much at all. But was not like her not to send a card or make a telephone call or anything like that.  I have seen something similar happen to people down here in Springfield, folks alert and active in the Springtime and almost not knowing whom people are by Winter.  Need to help Bob a lot I think.
03 December, AD 2017
Church, then to St. George Greek Orthodox Church and the Cancer Concert by 2PM, hopefully 1:45PM, and bring something to read. Must have the decorations up at the AQCA office and by Tuesday have bought the curtain hanging equipment to put the curtains up and tape over the AC unit for the winter.  I need to buy more carpet cleaning powder and clean up the carpet and clean the AQCA office well Need to have the Christmas/Holiday party poster mock up done by Tuesday night.  I need to have my rental check in the rent "drop box" by today if I have not done so by Saturday Night. Was going to do it Friday night, but did not do so before Bob got me.

02 December, AD 2017
I stayed at Bob's last night and he said he would bring me to Wayfinders his way over to his granddaughter's horse stable where she is doing equestrian things. She likes that and won first place in a contest recently.  I should be through with the glass, that will cover gypsum board installations as well at about 3PM.  Then to come up to Bob's and do some work and then back to the apartment to wash things.  I might stay at Bob's and I might stay at the apartment, don't know ahead of time. I only know I have been one big failure at this project of 257 Central and I need to find and scan in as pdf files anything I printed before the electronic files were destroyed in a hard drive and a flash drive failure to document what I wanted to do.  I had, up until this past February, been producing a document about every two or three days.  Right now I wonder if I can do anything 'right' and if I can contribute anything, anywhere.  I feel like going off back to the country and just live happily with nature and wait for God to take me away from this earth.  I should at least try to do the things God has asked me to do so I can fail at that also before I die.
01 December, AD 2017
Andre Rieu and company sing "O Holy Night" (another song that I have sung just to uplift my spirit and proclaim the view I have of life).  Today we planted a tree in memory of a lady's husband up by Sumner Ave and it was such a joy to be there.  At least another person from the class (he got an 84 on his exam, Yea, way to Go Darryl! People from "ReGreen Springfield" and the city Forestry Dept. were there as well.  Such a good time. I was brought back to Magazine St. and I walked ove to Dollar Tree and bought $33 worth of things, including about $12 or more to decorate the AQCA office with.  This afternoon Bob said he would be by so I did not do laundry. Then he came by and got me to help clean up his house. BUT we did not do much and then it was time for bed.  I will try and comeback after the Wayfinders class tomorrow. It starts at 9AM so I need to be there at 8:30or so in this morning. So I will sleep at Bob's house and hope I can come back and do some things and then go back to the apartment to wash clothing and such to have things ready for the Cancer Concert. I also need to put my rent in the box. No one at the office today and I did not wan to try and get up to the main office shared with HMR and Home City Housing on Oak Grove Ave, so I will try and put it in Saturday, a dday lat

December Begins, only 31 days left in 2017

30 November, AD 2017
6PM at 759 Chestnut Street I have an appointment to do something and I can't read what it is so I just did not go. It might have been the hosptial, but I had no idea of what I was supposed to be at. This month is ending on an unhappy note, I fear.   Thanks for your prayers for S.C.A.R.F., the 257 Central St. Project, my health and that I do what it is God wants me to do. I can not express to you in words how much of a "life line" it is to know that some people are praying for you when it seems like all I am walking in is storms.   I am reminded of happier times and my High School Glee Club and the song that I think our graduating Class had adopted in 1962,
"You'll Never Walk Alone".  Here are other renditions of this song with Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, and this Richard Rodgers arrangement (is more like we sung it) and that rendition includes another "theme song" of that time (one of them was our class and one our glee club)  was "climb every mountain" and that has also been a "rock" for me to "throw my anchor on" in times of trouble and doubt like I seem to be going through this month. I also like this you tube presentation from the Gimnazija Kranj Symphony Orchestra and Choirs on YouTube.  But this rendition from the "sound of music" is in the spiritual setting that speaks to me.  I leave this with the Andre Rieu version of Never Walk Alone.  Please pray again that I see God walking beside me when I follow HIS WILL and that I KNOW what his will is for the "dream" HE has for me.  I spent some time yesterday at the AQCA office and did not get back until 5AM.  So now it is time to rest.
29 November, AD 2017
The big exam at the computer was today. All the training and lectures and such either are validated or I am once again a complete failure because of this computer exam.  I was so fearful.  I have done really poorly on computer exams.  I don't guess well and often I can not put my answers into the multiple choice things they often give.  I dread this whole exam and am so fearful this is only going to serve to prove once again that I can not learn any more and that I have no employable value any more.  This, and the 257 Central project have both been attempts to show I have some worth. And it looks like that attempt is not going to be successful. Rather it seems they are proving the opposite, that I have no value at all.  There is now such a longing to just go back to the country and read and order food, and await the death that will finally end this miserable existence and a waste of taxpayers money that my breathing has been since 1957.  Once again, I do NOT feel I am "depressed".  I am just realistically looking at a situation where the liabilities to society for my continuing to live far outweigh any benefits.  The costs to the taxpayer for me to continue to live as I am with the 'benefits' that I am provided or that are made available to me, regardless of whether I use those benefits or not (they have already been paid for) is well over $1,000 dollars a week. This is not just me.  It is true of most of the people like me who are on subsidized housing, get SSI, have SNAP (food-stamps), and "third party payer" health insurance and who are classified as 'poor', 'needy', 'elderly' or 'disabled'. The guilt and knowledge of total worthlessness that comes with these 'benefits' is just astounding.  I can not help but think that this is the reason for so much drug abuse and alcoholism and so many car accidents in this country today.  It is people not wanting to try to commit suicide but looking for "a way out" so that they can stop being such a burden to society.  I could not sleep and have awoken at 2AM to write these things.  I hope someone sees them at some time and understands that 'benefit' programs without asking for some sort of a return investment on the part of the 'beneficiary' and that have income level and savings restrictions to them only serve to demean and demoralize those they are created to "benefit".  I have been in higher education for over 50 years and NOT ONCE have I been employed at ANYTHING for ANY period of time because of the education I received in those classes.  So, for me, they have been state sponsored "day care" to for a few hours a day "keep me off the streets" and therefore be a benefit to society because they do not need to deal "with the likes of me" for some few hours of the day.  How does that build up anyone's self esteem?  Maybe some people, like myself, actually have no value, are not trainable, and the only real value they can have attributed to them is maybe the value their bodies might provide if converted into fertilizer.  This reality is a very hard thing to accept and then somehow "move forward" looking to the future.  I know God has asked me to do things and I have refused and even run in the opposite direction.  My withdrawing from any social interactions with the tenants in this building outside of the one tenant I have asked to receive packages for me, is my first steps towards trying to reduce my negative impact on the social structure around me.  I hope in the future to repair some structures in the Berkshires to hole my belongings so that the contents can be burned as a whole upon my death as a fire drill practice for that town and then the sorry history of this wasted existence might be forgotten by the historians or at least the footnote added that the wasted life was finally ended and that the rest of the world could maybe sleep in a little more peace that night as I would not be messing up their lives any more.  Getting back to this project. I did some over estimating of the square footage for each of the areas on the image above, including the new areas of [xxi] through [xxiii]. Two more porches, one along the west side of area [vii] and one on the west side also of area [xxii] (with a connector and covering over the steps to the west of area [xxi]) and another porch to the east of area [xxii] are envisioned.  There is also the possibility of extending area [iii] southward to the maximum setback and thereby obtaining another room's worth of space or more.  The initial idea might include a south facing 'green house' or 'bay area' or the room and that area to help in heating area [iii] in the winter with the southern sun.  Shades might help to cool this same space in the summer.  It is now hoped that my ideas can be passed on and someone can rehab this house before the city bulldozes it into history.  And if that can not happen, then at least show my thoughts so that someone with more prestige than I can use the same concepts to save and bring back to life a similar house.  It is noted that with the 'el' dormer over back porch and possible side porches and maybe a western dormer at least one if not two "away spaces" can be provided in this house to make it a home in the tradition of the "Not So Big House" movement espoused by Sarah Susanka.  The away spaces in this iteration would be for each or at least two of the possible 3 dwelling spaces in this redesign of this house to make it a happy home. The key to ll of this is reducing the backyard space a bit and yet increasing the plantings in the "front yard space" so that the result is appealing to the eye and yet provide the home owner with some space and privacy.  The three dwelling spaces are NOT designed for private active sports but for a more quiet activities like reading and container gardening and bird watching. The 'away spaces" would be spots to get away from all and read, write, meditate, think, study, etc.  It is possible that in years to come the city might allow the reconstruction of the house that was in the front until it burned in 2014 after the tornado did damage to it in 2011. I may have lost this opportunity because I was so worthless and not able to function well enough to gain the funding for this project. But maybe some others can use these concepts and hopes and dreams to create something nice for someone to live in.  My list of failures grows by the day.  I will return to sleep maybe now and then prepare to bring my books and notes and such to the exam room to accomplish this latest group of failures.  It is so noisy back at the family piece of land now that the house used to stand on that I think the only way to get peace again is to dig into the littler rise in the back lot and create a building in the earth that might have some insulating properties and cut out the din of man made noise that basically as no benefits to anyone. So silly we are, to have to have a cacophony of noises to mask the fact that we are accomplishing nothing but calling attention to that fact, that here we are. Accomplishing nothing.  After this fiasco of the exam I hope to remember and go to the Cancer Concert rehearsal.  I was told basically what my score at the exam was, and again a failure. I passed but failed to get an 'a' and mainly because I did not take the time and go back over my answers and try and find them in the text, it was an open book exam.  So I failed again but at least I passed.  One of the fellows came into the exam room a bit late reeking of marijuana. I am told.  I was so surprised when he finished early and left the room.  I now find out he did not pass the exam.  It was really not bad. All you had to get was a 70 to pass.  I then did go back to the apartment and then down to take the bus to the cancer concert rehersal. They are going to let me sing so I now need to practice and the only time seems to be Saturday night.  But I guess Saturday afternoon I need to go to Bob's and help with things.  I was so sick I could not attend the other rehearsals for the Cancer Concert Sunday afternoon, but would did attend this one as I enjoy this effort so much.  So after all this "downer stuff" how about a fun video about how a family with children builds an underground studio, neat video.
28 November, AD 2017
I went to see a counselor today and try to do last minute studying and go to bed early after eating well. Can not study tonight, if I learn anything it will block the ability to recall the knowledge at the test tomorrow.  Probably no studying after noontime. But I only got one Chapter read, so I will maybe study until later. Ate food and begged off of doing the garbage for a friend. Another one called, and then another asked advice about a blood pressure problem with her relative.  I did not think to go online and look for advice.  By 11:58PM I only had part of as second chapter read, what a fool. I can't seem to do anything right. It would be so much different if I thought I was the center of the universe and the world owned me a living, as many of the people in this building seem to feel. I know that is not true.  I can not even seem to get it together to study for an exam and pretty much I have had a month to do this in.  Nothing extra-ordinary here, nothing even ordinary.  I feel so overwhelmingly a failure in just about everything I attempt.  This project of the house is probably dead.  I can not seem to convince anyone, including myself, to do the 'right' thing.  I get so negative towards people and absolutely hate the image I see in the mirror. I do NOT want to die, but hear from so many on so many sides of how unpleasant their lives are because I exist.  And it seems so clear that if I were dead then I would stop messing up their lives and the people around me would be so much happier.  What conclusions can one draw from this huge body of evidence that you seem to not be able to accomplish anything but to make the lives of people around you miserable?  A friend called and then I remembered I was supposed to be at a sub-committee meting and take notes, but I remembered in the afternoon and then forgot after sleeping for a bit of time after getting back from the counselor.  My friend called an that reminded me, as I was finishing a late supper, that I has been expected at city hall at 6:30, over an hour ago and the meeting would have ended by now. Why can't I keep commitments and do things right for a change?  I hate myself so much for failing at even remembering to be at a meeting close to my heart.
27 November, AD 2017
Board of Directors Meeting for 32 Byers Street, Inc. and I did absolutely nothing good.  I did speak with the Property Management people, however, and told them of the incident where someone showed me what I thought was marijuana and asked me for "rolling papers" and because of that I have created a paper that says I will be for the foreseeable future not interacting with anyone in this building socially, except for my next door neighbor who receives packages for me.  I got the study guide which is intense and yet a very good resource, but if I had read all my email back last Friday I could have had it then.  Now it looks impossible to read and understand all of this today. Looks like a failure coming up again and I really do not want this to end up that way. No more than got the book that is the "study guide" than I was told the moving of furniture had to happen tonight and not Tuesday night. So I went an helped with that . Arguing all the way. Bureau I wanted to get for Steffie is all scratched up on the side.  I think it is when the person took it otu of the truck by himself, but it could be when I tried to push it in. Regardless I will take the blame for destroying this fine piece of furniture.  Can I not do anything right at all?  To tired to read but will try tomorrow.
26 November, AD 2017
Sunday and I want to get to Church for Divine Liturgy and Communion. 

25 November, AD 2017
First off I want to get to Church for the Order of St. Benedict.  Maybe get winter window coverings, if I am well enough and can get to where they are stored.  It is cold in the apartment without the coverings on the windows.  I want to put up some Christmas decorations and lights, but that means the window coverings first.  I know there will be more "Holiday Meal" clean up and then start for the Christmas one.  I see NO need in these eating things when there is not a spiritual element of thankfulness.  All I can say is: "Holy, Mighty, Immortal God, Have MERCY on me" !!!  Bob wants me to help with Holiday Meal clean up also like 8AM but the Order of St. Benedict is at 9AM to about Noon.
24 November, AD 2017
Parade of the big balloons. I got down there and it really tiered me out.  There were about 4-6 of us holding the large Cat-in-the-Hat balloon while everyone else stood around and had a grand old time.  The balloon had been removed from its sand bag moorings to soon I think. At any rate it was mostly us old guys trying to hold the thing down.  The image taken by masslive is fond by clicking on "Cat-in-the-Hat".  And I know not what else, other than help Bob get furniture of Nelson (of blessed memory) L.'s last dwelling. That is apparently going to happen Saturday, and we need to move some more things around at the school Saturday.  I want to go to the Order of St. Benedict fellowship meeting since I was to sick for that and Church last week.  I turned down an offer of lunch with a friend.  He had been asking about the failed attempts I had at this property at 257 Central and we met as we were both handling various balloons and we stayed a bit to hep deflate them.  I just did not want to talk about it, even though the dear friend from the Rental Housing Association of Grater Springfield chapter of MassLandlords was offering a meal and a ride back to my apartment.  I wanted to walk.  I wanted to think.  I was so thankful I met Rex again whom Alice Davis and I had met at the Congregational Church in Otis at their events and Dinners. And I was thankful I was allowed to be in this event since I did not have to clean up at the school today (it was not open, not even janitors).  But it was sort of over whelming how worthless and a failure I have been.  I very small house under 1,000 square feet on the first floor and I could retain funding for it or argue expensive costs down so the city revoked the authorization to rehab the place. (They had never let me do any work there outside of taking measurements a few hours her sand there.  The promised building inspection report on what we really needed to do promised last October never happened.  So all of this somehow is my fault.  Then with so many other things I was doing wrong, as some said I held the balloon tether wrong, etc. etc.  I have failed to achieve so much to the pleasure of others and I needed to hobble back on my own and think.  I got back and gave Pam her eye drops and was told the Dr. wants them done 4 times a day.  I don't know how we are going to do that evenly in a 24 hr period when Pam does not respond to be awakened for it at 6am.  Puzzling over what we can do.  I can not seem to get the link to the on-line study guide and I think the exam is Wednesday.  I am looking at another failure coming up at me.  There is at least 60 years of being told I did not do things right.  And I guess I don't know what "right" is.  So very depressing.  So I walked back and took a long bath and sort of dozed a bit in the tub.  What am I to do?  Is there any value in any of the education I have participated in or is it that I am just a worthless piece of crap and the sooner I die and the world is rid of the hindrance that is me, the better off they will be.   So I plan once again to do a square footage guesstimating for the 257 Central Project as it now sands with the possible addition of a back hall, the 'el' restored sort of as Hattie B. Hill had before she tore it off in 1923, and a back porch or two with a shed-type dormer extending over onto that porch to provide extra space in the second floor of the 1860's house so an apartment can be comfortable in that spot.  I wasnt all this put together so that if I die maybe someone with money can save this building. I feel certain some people in the city just want to bulldoze the historic structure down.  It is one of the last examples of the homes the builders of the city of homes lived in. The artisans and craftspeople that built our Victorian and other fine home.  I have not done what God told me to do.  I have run to much towards sin.  I have not been able to convince the board of directors of the place I am staying to put money aside for a balloon payment, so they might lose the building.  The list goes on and on.  I can not seem to provide the proof of why I got sick the winters of 2012, 2013, 2014, and then again this winter.  I do not know why either. When BayState Medical finally has a test, weeks or months after the problem, they find nothing.  So the senior waver turned into a "loan" that turned into a bill I own of almost $2,000. So now i think I have IRS bills, but can't get the lawyer to meet with me about. I earned $100 a week and apparently I was an independent contractor and not an employee of the Republican Newspapers, as I had thought I was.  So I did not earn enough to pay the IRS taxes on my wages, BUT apparently as an "independent contractor" I was supposed to be paying them %18 of my $100 each week for delivering the newspapers at college for about 4 years.  I am not certain what the bill is now, but I think it is over $27,000 for fines and such that I saw the last time I opened a letter from them.   I have asked social services people for a lawyer to talk with them, but nothing has happened in the past 2 years..  So I am wrong again for that.  All I can do is put down as best I can what I had planned for 257 Central Street and document it as best I can.  The flash drive I put all the files on became corrupted and they are all gone.  The second time this happened the expensive backup device also failed.  But I do not see this as a word from God, it does not "feel" like that.  It seems to be more from the Devil as the result is for me to feel so guilty about my inability to do much of anything. In all cases I do not expect to be living in this SRO (Single Room Occupancy) unit by the end of the Summer/Fall of 2018.  I do not know what I will do, but I feel staying still in this type of dwelling is once again a justification to call me a total failure.  I am having a hard time dealing with failures one after another and I not seemingly be doing anything right.  I am so tired of being the reason that all around me do not have a pleasant life.  At least when I took care of a cat or dog when I got back there was someone coming to see me and happy I was back, if only to fee them.  I miss the country and the birds and feeding them and the garden and a much happier life where I was not daily being reminded I can't do anything right or say anything right and my thinking is also somehow "wrong".  I am tired of being evaluated and the analysis is that I am junk.  So my ramblings say I want to put down my thoughts and hopes and dreams about 257 Central Street (one of about 18-20 buildings I have hoped to "fix" since I first came down here) but this one I had hoped to rehab and live in the rest of my days on earth and hopefully start something with S.C.A.R.F. that other people could "pick up" and "run with it" to make the lives of so many more much better.  I am not even able to go out on a "date" successfully.  I just don't attempt these things any more.  It is one thing for people to say you don't know things and you need to learn when you are young.  It is quite another to have people say you don't know things and maybe the inference is you can never learn and you are a bother to others when you are older. And the latter hurts.  The other reality is that probably NO ONE ever looks at this website or reads anything I have put up here.  Another failure to communicate on my part and another piece of "evidence" that I can not accomplish anything good.  It is NOT that I have depression, it IS that I get depressed when regardless of my attempts to do good I am told I did bad.  I then tend to 'freeze' and do nothing as I try to figure out why I did not do things 'right' and if I can in any way remedy that situation I have a nagging fear that there might not be any remedies at all.  Bob wants me over at his house to help him move something. And that will essentially be a period of me not doing what he wanted me to do and it will be all my fault if the new item gets damaged, etc.  I will try and help, but I wonder why they ask if it is agreed up beforehand that I am bad and so useless and can't go anything right.  I will await the call, and as I write this it is almost 7PM and still no call. After 7PM it is to late to take the bus and I will need to bicycle over.  I am to very tired of not ever being able to do much of anything right.  So it is now almost 8PM and I did the drops for Pam and got a call that we are doing the thing for Bob tomorrow, he is calling me at 6AM. We will be at the school by 7AM.  I doubt they will be there that early on a Saturday, but we will see. So I will be going to bed very soon. 
23 November, AD 2017
I got over to the Holiday Meal to put up signs at 10AM, had to wait and see if Pam awoke to put eye-drops in, and I had good young helpers putting up the signs.  At 11AM I sat down to watch the bathrooms so no one goes into other halls, a condition of our being allowed to use the cafeteria at Commerce High School, Springfield, MA, and then clean up a bit and then go back to the apartment and ready for bed.  I made the Thanksgiving Greeting found at this link as a pdf to that you may share with others. Also worked on square footage estimates for 257 Central. It seems so much like something that can not happen now. But I must continue to put my ideas down in hopes that some sort of funding comes through and this house is restored to function another 100 years at least until 2118, Lord willing. I feel so depressed and discouraged that I could not even get this house in order.  But miracles still happen, if it is God's will then it might happen. The way it is envisioned now there could be an apartment upstairs (space provided by dormer restored and 'el' upstairs. And with only 16x16 feet (which is 256 square feet. That is 36 square feet more than needed. So the 'el' could function as a 'work space' for the person that rents the living quarters upstairs. OR could be the Urban Christian Conference office.  Lots of possibilities.  It's the possibilities I must document even if I will never live in that house.  Thoughts for bird and butterfly sanctuaries are endless.  Please pray I do God's will and not my own on this.
22 November, AD 2017
Will try to help Bob in the afternoon, I feel so bad that I got sick and have not been able to help him so far, I got that knee problem and could not help at the Grand Lodge Degree Rally Day.  Same thing about this sickness and missed meetings and school and other things.
21 November, AD 2017
Tuesday and I am inside and would like to go to Savers, but instead I guess I will be staying in and not even able to help Bob in the afternoon and also I missed the Stop Access Coalition meeting.  But then I don't want to give them what I have had.  I am still sick at 6PM, don't know what to say but this virus is NO fun at all.  I did update this page and put in a new image showing the possible floor plan with the restoration of the "el" Hattie B. Hill took off in 1923 when she put the addition on.  That "el" might have included an "indoor outhouse" (with maybe a stable for a horse and space for the carriage) and the new "addition" had the plumbing with running water and all. The Porch allows for space to put a dormer extending to the west to the "el" and have it extrude out from the house onto the porch, which has been observed in other homes in this city.  This allows for another bathroom and kitchen upstairs in the main house and a walk space to the area over the Hall connecting the "el" to the main house which is also a pass through to the porch from the western side and makes a natural division so that a person with a small office or at home work, such as a consultant could rent and still have this be a residential home.  Since the view from Central Street would be actually more of a restoration than an addition there should be no problems with the historic commission. And the dormer over the back porch allows more space so there is a possibility of restoring the original chimney in the main house to return the fire places to functionality and the ambiance that a functioning fireplace gives to a dwelling.  Perhaps I will never live in this house, or enjoy its back yard or put in plants for birds and such that I wanted so badly to do. BUT I can put up my thoughts and hopes and dreams that if there is any benefit in them they can be used and replicated by others.  The more I research the more I see this to be a very historic property and it is one of the last standing homes that really did typify the "city of homes" as opposed to the Victorian mansions we are known for. These were the homes the tradesman and craftsmen lived in. No servants but enough money to obtain your own home instead of living in a boarding or room rental situation.  Without these craftsmen and tradesmen none of the fine Victorian and similar homes could have been erected in such profusion.  This was at the crossroads of commerce with the Armory soon to be producing many a Springfield Rifle when the building was built and with car coming to the city with many invention in automobile desire when the "el" was torn off and addition put on.  It is this house that so profoundly, for me, is the real icon of the "city of homes".  Look at the newer homes that were built after WWII. They all have a left and a right side and a central direct entry door.  Often they are double the with of this rectangular house with a more squarish footprint. But from the street they look the same with our 1923 addition being replaced by a grange and breezeway. With the more squarish footprint 4 instead of two rooms could be on the ground floor and another two larger rooms upstairs.  So the pattern established by this house patterned after the hemenway plan became the model for most of the single family homes of the new middle class of the city during the reign of the automobile and the WWII efforts of the Armory and the expansion of other large employers like Westinghouse and Smith and Wesson and such. I note the house at 138 Mazazine Street is very similar to what I envisioned the house at 257 Central before Hattie B. Hill took the "el" off. Look at this image. The letter 'A' is looking at the house from the south, looking north and seeing the 'el'.  The letter 'B' image shows the house from the air with an insert that is looking at it straight on from across Magazine Street. Image lettered 'C' sees the house from the east side of Magazine Street showing the 'el' from the other side and exposing the type of porch I would have put on 257 Central on the back side.  Both of these houses are central Chimney, direct entry, Hemenway plan like houses.  So tired, feel so sick. Going to bed and hoping I can help Bob some tomorrow afternoon.  Thanks for all your prayers, and if God directs, maybe some folks can help me get the get & money to fix this house at 257 Central Street.
20 November, AD 2017
About 2-3AM somthing seemed to "break" and I felt better.  Went to Boland School and read to the children, but 2/3 of the way through the cough came back. I left fairly quickly. Went back to apartment. Bob got me at 3PM and got Walgreens "tussin" mixture to help in suppressing the cough. Agawam Encampment and Springfield Lodge were cancelled for tonight, because we had installation Saturday and I was sick.  Bob dropped me off at the Post Office and I walked back to the AQCA office, put some things away and then brought old Styrofoam Packing to trash. Got back and tried to get some sleep.  Before Bob got me the folks came in to put a shelf up for my microwave instead of the appropriate brackets.  In the end I think they are spending about as much money to make something fairly "hokey" that is just plain not quality.  There needs to be a better view of how you treat tenants, more like Mr. & Mrs. Rainville did when they owned this building.  A lot of post nasal drip.  The medicine from Walgreens is 12 hour, I think I liked the 6 hr better. 
19 November, AD 2017
Still very sick. Did not go to Church. Bob brought me cheese, milk, paper towels and food.  Steffi brought me soup and Kleenex and vitamin c and other food, as well as some tennis shoes that were to narrow for me, I take a triple E.  Tried to sleep, not doing so well. Phlegm moving to post nasal drip, Ugh.

18 November, AD 2017
So very sick today. Did not go to order of St. Benedict.  Texted Steffi, she said she would tell them  Did not go to Agwam Encampment Installation. Am trying to sleep and eat and try to rest.  Cough is now worse and I feel really rotten. Unless something else occurs, not going to Church tomorrow.  Just about out of milk, cheese, paper towels, Kleenex, etc.  Had hoped Steffi would stop by.  So sad I can't seem to do anything right. Wanted 257 Central.
17 November, AD 2017
I stayed in all day and was very sick.  Went out in the afternoon to ask if the assistant property manager was going to inspect our rooms and found the computer ordered Monday but paid for Tuesday had arrived.  No 10 days folks, it was here in about 3 and then delivered to my building today.  The Assistant Property Manager has been so busy with things she just did not have the moments yet to call me.  I showed it to her and then went back to my room to set things up on that computer, Microsoft codes, etc. Took more me than I thought.  I started to come out and there was a noise and many people in my hallway and Pam's voice.  I saw that the ambulance had been called and she is refusing to go.  I did not get to ask the assistant property manager what happened, only help her to get out to the building as now it was after 5 PM. I got my male and put it back in my apartment.  When I came out again there tenants were in the midst of a Pizza Party celebrating one of your tenants achievement in becoming a US citizen. I ate some pizza with them and Pam cam out.  She sat down, ate Pizza, talked as of nothing just happened. The table was  being use as a buffet and serving table and Pam sat down as Liz often does at the food and proceeds to eat right there as if it were her private kitchen table I left and came back for a chocolate doughnut.  I don not think anyone else had one. So when I got there only on chocolaty covered doughnut was left.  I left it for Pam and took a sugar coated on and went to bed.  To much "drama" around here, and all I want to do is try an sleep some.                                                                                                                                                                  
16 November, AD 2017
Rested as best I could and then went out and got the items from the Fire Department and some extra folders of things and then back to the apartment and bed.  Pam wanted me to do stuff again for her. But I just did not have the time. The assistant property manager came by and I told her what I did for Pam and she said the supervisor said this was what I was supposed to have done.  Got some rest and then just threw clothing on and went to the AQCA office and got things ready and made agendas.  Only 11 people showed up. I was just to busy last week and sick this week to put them up.  I do want the people to select a building nearby them and put up the posters for the Christmas Party and such.  I was told an ups delivery will be today and now it is tomorrow.  So I had not left until 5PM.  The last minute a third person "backed out" and so Jesse Lederman, newly elected councilman at large, has agreed to speak on the climate action resiliency plan and some of his concerns.  He did that and then the people at Museum Park Apartments launched into a whole host of issues. Apparently much was promised by the police when they were with us for a meeting last year at that same location and nothing much came of it.  So we agreed to help as best as we could.  The Safety portion I messed up with horribly. I was feeling so very sick and had to twice get a napkin to blow my nose.  We had sat around in a circle so at least 8 people shared what they did for safety measures and I think it was a good program in that respect.  I walked back the apartment after asking Wayne to email me the points he had from an October meeting as I guess the letter for Malecon did not get set. I also walked through Armory Commons Park and the lights are back on now, they had been off for about 3 months or more. Got back to bed and a friend called and we talked and I guess I fell asleep on him.
15 November, AD 2017
Bob was going to come back and I raked some leaves an brought the trash can back up to the house.  I finally called him after I missed a bus and he said he had called but I did not answer the phone. I wonder if that was the 15 min or so when I took the trash can back or the 20 min I raked up leaves. At any rate I missed that and was feeling much sicker than last night with a sore throat since 2am.  The clinic said to go to 3400 Main Street and have the clinic there test me for strep throat.  So I got on my bicycle and rode to get the bus and took it with the bicycle to the Union Station and then took the G1 to the clinic at 3400 Main Street and got there by about 1:05PM.  Waited there about 2 and a half hours, then was checked in and then waited to be seen by a doctor. The Strep Throat test was negative and if I stayed in bed most of the time she thought I could do the meeting Thursday. So I rode to the garage and got a bus to Union Station and then a bus back to my apartment.  Got the bicycle to the Fire Dept. but got there to late.  Bob came by with a battery (I owe him about $7 for it) and later that night after resting I replace the battery in the computer I bought last summer. A stylish Dell, almost looks like it came from Europe. It seems to work and I went to bed.  I am using up the Kleenex's fast.  Pam insisted on me fixing her TV for her. I got a regular cable connection wire I had and put that is as for some reason it was not seeing her hdmi cable and I was to sick to fuss with it much more.
14 November, AD 2017
Got up and finally had to excuse myself from a telephone call and went to the bank. Got the money out and was ready to take it to another bank but that bank said they could print out for me a card that day if I kept the money there. So I did so.  Rushed back after putting the money back in and the lady called back at 10:30AM as promised. I gave her the numbers and a 14" laptop was ordered. I got this so I could take it with me to play CD's for lodge or other meetings as needed, I hope it will work that way.  I am way broke. The ID card has expired and I do not have the money to buy another one. Often I have gotten about $20 for my birthday, but not this year.  So I will scrape around and see if I can get the money, or not use an ID until December.  I did go to the ReGreen Green-Skills class but they did not have it.  So I went home and then back to the computer and found out emails had been sent out at 4:25 and 4:55 PM saying we are to go online and use the online study guide they have paid for us to use. I think it is a $300 value.  I went to the Maple/ High/ 6 Corners Neighborhood Council meeting. We did not have a quorum but talked of good things and issues and ate some delicious pumpkin bread and other good things Linda Bartlett brought. Then Jim, her husband, brought me over to my friend Bob's house.  I helped him with the trash and went to bed there. Feeling not good and I think I am getting a cough and runny nose with sinuses filling up
13 November, AD 2017
Could not get a hold of Dave B. at ReGreen through his cell phone number last week and will continue this week. Computers died, all of them. I was able to use a 'live' cd and get an old copy of the ubuntu operating system to work and I got online and found out about what I needed to buy a computer through Comcast to use.  I had to wait until tomorrow to move money around and borrow the $150 needed for it.  They would not take my Discover Card and had to have it in a master-card or visa card format.   That night Wess Browning picked p myself and Steve Wine and we went up to the Amherst Lodge's membership night. Very informative and I want to share how this went with other lodge members.  Steve was coughing all the way up and back.  I was feeling very weak so I fear I might get whatever he has. I normally do "pick up" stuff if I have not been able to have good bits of sleep.  When

12 November, AD 2017
Church and parish council meeting and youth events at fellowship hour. We went very long and I will need to type up the notes for this.
Then I can not remember if the following happened Monday Night or Tuesday night. In either case people were having a Thanksgiving Dinner brought in and I had not seen more than 2 names signed up for it, so I thought, after these incidents I am about to relate, I would not present complaints to management until the day after their holiday event, at least. I thought I was getting to sleep, Pam had apparently come out of her roomt o the community room, sate down and upon leaving accidentally taken the tv to the community room's remote control when she left for her apartment. Here Samsung and the Tenants Union bought Westinghouse have similar looking remote controls.  The children here (as the people were most certainly not acting like adults) were all upset they did not have their remote control, could not walk across the room and push the button to the tv. So much is assumed to be a premeditated act when it is not.  Pam is very sick and the sickness might become terminal.  So now she is hollering to the security guard that she does not have the remote and I just go back to my room and hope it all "blows over".  But no, Pam is knocking at my door and wants me to come down and try and find it for her, as if I were a miracle worker.  So I get some clothes on and go down, sleep might not happen for me much tonight.  I find the remote in her top drawer and turn around a DeMarcus, the Tenants Union vice president is at the door. So I ask him if that is the one and he says yes and then I give it to him. I leave and go back to the community room and agree to make labels on the computer and then tape them on the remotes.  Thought to myself, we had easier times at the Nursing Home I was an Activities Director at.  Got back with that and explained to the people that the community room and cable was NOT part of anyone's rent. This is a rental property and not a program.  Danna was fussing and talking a lot and not willing to write out complain forms and then she accused me of doing something sexual with Pam.  That was it, I left her to go to my room. Somehow Danna got the guard to let her on my hall, as I guess he had let DeMarcus on the hall, and was knocking at my door to apologize for what she said.  But I saw no remorse, just an attempt to have me not report it I think.  I had enough of all of this   Ever since a man promised to kill me, just right out of the blue, I was not talking to him or anything, ever since that point things seem to be going down hill and a small minority thinks they can say what they want to whomever they want to 'win' their argument and no one will 'call them on it'.  Shortly after that I tried to sleep and could not. The community room is supposed to be closed by 11PM. It was 1:15AM and still a loud noise like arguments going through the hall door and into my unit. So I got up to see and the community room door was open, lights on and talk going on as if it was only 9PM.  I went back to my room and typed up 4 complaint forms.  As I said when I started relating these episodes, I will not hand them to property management until maybe a day or so after the planned "party" here. I am typing this on Saturday morning as I did not go to the Order of St. Benedict meeting and will not be going to my Installation as Scribe of the Agawam Encampment, I.O.O.F. on Saturday afternoon.  Just to sick from what I picked up Monday night.  So my memory is not very good right now as to if something was Sun, Mon. or ?

11 November, AD 2017
Went to the Order of St.  Benedict and afterwards Steffi took me to Costco. I spent over $100 on food, much of it to be used for the AQCA meeting next week.  I brought some peanut butter home to the apartment and a gallon of milk.  Preparing for Parish Council Meeting tomorrow.
10 November, AD 2017
Friday and nothing done well. Trying to get things ready for another inspection. This time the Wayfinders (HUD agent) people are reinspecting and as yet they do not have the new microwave up to give me counter space.  I did not want to use the new one if they had to take it back and so I did not cook for a few weeks, then I really got hungry and so I got the the old one thrown out but not taken away and used it to put back on top of the old one so I could cook.  I did eat a good meal eventually.
09 November, AD 2017
Spent most of the day on the internet and playing with GIMP in manipulating images. Went to the non-profit foundation's meet-up at the Central Library.  I hope this does not mean this is the way I will spend the rest of this year.  The idea is that you do on your birthday what you are to do the next full year.I feel very much a failure and that from March of 1993 on when my Father died, well I just have not done much of anything good.  When June of 1996 happened and I was ejected from the church I was serving by people who had never really come to services but felt they needed to "take over" the church, well I shortly after that went to Boston and served a bit as a temporary help person and then came back here to vegetate from 1997 on.
08 November, AD 2017
Did nothing but surf internet and play with GIMP today. Still upset over the Credit Union's rejection of this project Friday. Got to Holyoke Community College for the unaccompanied youth meeting. I really doubt if my presence at any of these meetings over the past 23 or 24 years has done any good.
07 November, AD 2017
Tried to get some things done for AQCA and then go VOTE and then see if I can get the web page updates for CLAeast done.
06 November, AD 2017
I go to New England Orthopedics today and hopefully they will know what is happening.  Friday there was great pain in the left leg as well. Well the "professionals" say there is arthritis on the bones and that is why I had the sharp pain. I don't buy it at all. So I am to take the brace off and go home and live a normal life. We will see about that.  Tonight Amity and Springfield Lodges were installed.  I am the one selected to see that the business part of the meetings run smoothly for this term in both lodges. Not a difficult task, you just call off the order of business and committees and such respond.
05 November, AD 2107
Got up a bit at about 1:45AM and took a bath at Bob's, then back to bed and got up again at 7AM to write these notes.
Praise God, the totally useless and stupid Daylight Subtraction Time (when the government decrees that all clocks must record the time as one hour later than it really is) has ended.  Now we can figure time as God intended, the noontime, or the middle of the day, being when the sun was directly over your head.
Church, and something afterwards, seek God's will.  Seek funds.  Attempt to move this boat (that is my life) away from the winds of sin. I want to busy myself with sweeping and mopping the rest  of the main room in my apartment.  I have to do something to take my mind off of what seems to be my failures in convincing the Credit Union people to lend me the $70K to rehab the house at 257 Central St.   Actually I think much less than that needs to be done right now.  That is to get a certificate of occupancy for the first floor and have the basement/cellar repaired as need be with the electrical and plumbing and masonry items taken care of.  But now the focus must be on WHAT is GOD's WILL with regards to what my remaining hours on this planet should be filled with.  I do think I will attempt to find and then scan in as pdfs the ream or so of paper I think I have stored somewhere that were printed from one of the two flash drives I stored documents laser printed from.  If I can do this I will upload them with a link here for you to read.  This has been such a roller-coaster ride so far.  Somehow it seems to be a strange thing for people to think of just rehabbing a house to a point of a certificate of occupancy and then letting the home owner do the decorating later.  I say just patch the roof, if the person is really poor, and then see if they can get help in replacing it once they had lived in the building for a couple of years.  Somehow I think people are only looking at the "flippers" view or the "total remodel" view and not the "not so big house" concepts.  There is a strong sense about me that I am stuck in the SRO apartment for this winter and by springtime I need to have S.C.A.R.F. and C. H. I. E.F. formed as well as the R.C.C., U.C.C., C.C.C. and Feast of Tabernacles formed (and also "Fisherman's Friends").  I have a very real sense I need to have these ideas formed, and made into realities, and then be willing to LET GO of these ideas I have nurtured for years, and LET THEM DEVELOP AS GOD DESIRES.  This is not unlike a Parent making the decision that it is best for their child to take a "hands off" position and let the child grow into adulthood with their own trials and tribulations and creating their own solutions without your involvement, unless your advice is asked for.  A hard decision as it per-supposes your own position as becoming pretty much "obsolete" as relates to the "child" which are the ideas I have had. BUT wait a moment, did I have that idea in the first place or what is planted in my head by God and now I am just returning it back to God to continue the development of?  I think the latter, just as a parent views the child as a gift of God that they have been privileged to raise and develop and then when the child reaches adulthood they gently withdraw and allow God to do the rest of the development, as the child allows.  So must I do.  This is so good that this understanding of the clear path I must take comes on this day when we shed, for a while at least, the fake and foolish lies that are called "daylight savings time" which is only a method to take an hour away from people in the beginning of the day so they do not grow their own food and become not dependent on the government. But an even greater and sinister development of daylight subtraction time is to have the person dependent on man made methods of telling time and not on the natural world around them that God has provided.  Let us all turn back to following God and what HE has provided for us.  I feel much more confident in that. Also please pray for me that I follow God's will and not get distracted by the "URGENT" requests that, in reality, amount to not much at all in the great "scheme of things".   AMEN  All of this was written before I dressed for Church.  I will start walking at about 8:30 EST !

04 November, AD 2107
Oblate and Fellowship of St. Benedict.  I need to seek God's will more than ever. Maybe Bob's house to take clothes off the plants and then go back to the apartment. So tired, emotionally drained. Need to do something, probably sleep and then clean up the room.  I need to have the floors swept and mopped and maybe some  more boxes of stuff packed to go to storage and excess boxes stored before Monday. Left for Bob's at about 6:55PM and Thought I had missed the bus, but then it went by me.  I bicycled there anyway and put the clothes on the plants again and did things and got to bed.  Had to turn electric heat on as it was 60 degrees in my area.
03 November, AD 2017
Went to the Freedom Credit Union person and they figure a mortgage of $100,000 (I think that is the lowest they will touch) would be $880 dollars a month and my income will only allow $440 a month. Wayfinders had figured the mortgage with taxes and all insurance and such to be about $350 a month.  She also said that I had to have $10,000 of my own money to put down and that could not be a load from someone else.  The Subsidized programs only allow me to have $2,000 and so I am just about "don for" on this it seems.  I gave her a folder about S.C.A.R.F. and said I wanted God's will to be done.  They have had this opportunity.  Maybe this is not something for me to do.  I do not know.  But I did tell her I wanted God's will to be done and if He wants it to happen He will provide a someone or many people with "deeper pockets" than I and the money for such "will come".  I left saying to her that since she had admired my work on that folder, if I could assist them in any wan in the future, just ask and I will do what I can.   I was so very discouraged and went over to Berkshire Bank but they could not help me until I owned a property and then could give up to 80% of its value in a line of credit load type product.  I might go back to the Berkshires after all and travel the country in the winters.  On the way back I was so tired and sad and pushing my bicycle up Byers Street from State Street I was so discouraged I did not pay much attention to anyone or anything, I was 'lost in my thoughts'.    I had taken the bus back as I was so tired. As I came back a lady called out to me from a car outside the DHCD office for finding shelter for families and that 'got my attention'.  She asked if I played Santa Claus commercially ever. I say I do it 365 days a year in asking a child to be good, but not commercially.  She asked if she could tell me a wish.  I suggested we pray, and I prayed for her needs and for her housing and the needs of her children, for the Glory of God the Father by the power of the Holy Spirit and in the Name of God the Son.  She thanked me and I thought of this as I came into the apartment building.  This is where I should be.  It is where I have been happy. since 1996 I have not been serving a church anywhere.  BUT I am only feeling "fulfilled" when I am in that 'role'.  Please pray I know what God's will is, and look around to see what I should be doing.  After I came in the door to the building I went to my apartment and took the medications I should take at noon.  Then I came out to be with the assistant Property Manager when they inspected my friend's apartment, since the 'friend' had gone off somewhere. The friend had not yet returned my telephone, and now over a day has passed, so I will take a nap and hope to awaken by 9PM and then just disconnect the base station to the telephone.  I was in the apartment as a witness for the assistant property manager when she took pictures.  The smell was bad so I opened the hall window. The friend had left the refrigerator door open, the cook plate on, a mess everywhere, and drawers open and a card on the floor the new debit card from the government had come with.  I helped to shut off the circuit breaker to the cook top after a handy man friend could not turn off the cook top either.  I also rearranged stuff, shut the refrigerator door and turned the circuit breaker to the refrigerator back on so it lit up again.  I showed the assistant property manager some sketches of what I had hoped to do at 257 Central Street to make a  rental spot for an office at first and later a regular rental housing unit to help offset the mortgage. I told here I would show her these things when she came to take pictures of my unit.  I got a call back and found out we did not have an event at Emerson Wight park this Saturday after all and I promised to help with some other things and call them next Monday.  Also got a book I bought online about tree identification when all you had was the leaves.  It feels so good to learn some of the things my Uncle Harold (who acted like a 'father' to me when my Dad just could not figure out how to do that) had known about plants and gardening and trees and such.  My friend Alice Davis knew a lot about this once also.  I finished a letter I was typing and I went down to a bank and changed my type of account so I could get a free check. They keep changing the type of account, maybe I am not "up" on what is best.  I got the check written and put it in an envelope and brought it to the Post Office and the weight was OK so the lady stamped it today and it will go into the mail stream and be delivered for the family's land taxes for this quarter by Monday.  I took the bus up State Street to almost the Mass Mutual Insurance building and then drove Roosevelt Ave. down to Bob's house. Put the sheets and other clothes on the plants as it might get down to 30 or 32, at least the dewpoint, but 7AM tomorrow.  I was going to stay there but came back to the apartment.  I really want to be alone and seek God's will for me life.  I have chased sin so much, and it gave me not of the pleasure I have had with God.  I want so much to take the St. Stephen course and learn of God and how to minister to His people. Can I still do what God desires, I do not know. When Jesus appeared to me in Italy in 1972 when I was there with Transcendental Meditation he said "My son, I have other things planned for you", and I have pretty much run away from what He presented to me in prayer at The Advent Christian College in Lenox in 1981 and at Hepzibah Heights in Montery, MA, in 1982 and fully developed through the time I left for Springfield in 1994-1995.  Oh God have mercy on me.  As I was writing this and it was not as yet 9:30PM, someone from the Brightwood health group called and I told her to call again and I would not answer the phone as she wanted Pam and Pam still had it. I think she somehow messed up her telephone that is connected with the cable company. So I will leave it plugged in with power so the system can allow her to make an emergency call if necessary to the emergency section of her health care people.  He actions remind me of what I read about Dr. Timothy Leary as his usage of drugs eventually caught up to him in the last months of his life. 
02 November, AD 2017
I accepted Collen's invitation to the Revitalize CDC breakfast at the Mass Mutual center and then sort of toured the Business show an as people asked about the S.C.A.R.F. button I told them of the vision of Saving Culture, Actively Reclaiming Lives.  Maybe I will just get it going and then walk away and never be in a house that was rehabbed that way, but I have wanted so much to have a winter home here and 257 Central seemed so ideal with some land and trees and high up so birds would want to come.  I still have hopes and the good thing is I see the mortgage person Friday. Today Dave Gaby will speak with me at 4PM.  I was so tired by noon that I spent over 90 min in the Dakin animal shelter's petting area petting the dogs and talking with people and falling asleep.  I got back to rest only a few minutes and then go off to Saratoga Street for the Community Policing, Sector E meeting.  I talked with officer Tybersky and he wants me to sit by Carol Costa at the dinner they have December 4th at the Greek Cultural center, I agreed.  Then asked Linda Bartlett to type up a letter from Maple High, Six Corners Neighborhood Council saying they wanted to see 257 Central fixed up.  I should have gone to the Walk/Bike Springfield meeting (I did not get there at 1PM for the free bicycle lights) at the Forrest Park Library, but I was to tired and Officer Ty offered to put my bicycle in his truck and take me back to the apartment. I said yes and went back there and slept some.  Worked on papers and such for the meeting with Freedom Credit Union and doing what Dave Gaby of Uptown Construction said to do.  So tired but trying to go to bed by 9:30 or 10PM these days.  This is All Souls Day.
01 November, AD 2017
So much to do.  The tree planting that was put off from October 25th because of the rain. It was so very cold today I did not take the clothes off and the city forester type person said he thought it would be ok to leave them on until afternoon. We planted a bunch of trees but I was pretty much useless with my messed up leg except for taking pictures and giving advice, which I had in abundance from this course and the classes I took in the Landscape Design and Maintenance Associates Degree program.  Then to go up where they had box lunches, took some pictures and spoke with councilman Melvin Edwards.  I did not eat as Bob had given me milk and a sandwich before he took me up to the Celestial Praise church.  I left and missed 3 buses but got to the apartment about 15 min. before the meeting.  Then went to the meeting.  Our President was just contentious and I think she does not know what she is speaking of at times as I see it differently than her.  She dislikes my friend Bob's suspicion of the property management people and I dislike her suspicion of the funding people and the consultant they could get for us.  I left knowing I should look at email, but also knowing I most probably would not do so until Sunday, it will be 8 days then, probably over a thousand emails to see, even if I do not look at many of them to read all the contents.  I then went down to print at the AQCA office the stuff I had made in the early morning before Bob got back. I could not go to Nelson's calling hours or funeral because of these meetings.  Then we had the AQCA meeting and kept it to less than an hour.  Did a good meeting and then went out to meet Steffi who was picking me up at Apermont Triangle.  She was delayed 30 min and Dave kept me company some and then I went to the AQCA office to get some soda I had there to bring with us and some rice-crispy treats for the family.  Seffi came and we got to Emmanuel Church in Warren and what a blessing, Gabe was able to serve at the alter.  It was a High Mass with our Vicar General.  Oh such a holy time, I want to so much return to God and do His will.  Got back to the apartment and forgot to tell Steffi of the frozen meet he wanted to give her. I just did not remember. We came by to see if Bob had taken the clothes off as I had asked me to but I had forgotten about the meat and did not remember until I came to put clothes back on Friday night. Sometimes I forget if I don't have sleep. It was such a good time in Warren.  About 6 or 8 seminarians from Holy Cross Orthodox Seminary were present.  Oh what a joyous time we had with the heavenly hosts that night.  Anything out side of the Will of God is pale and a shadow of the joy and contentment one feels in being in God's will, even when in the midst of a worldly tempest. It is All Saints Day.

November begins

31 October, AD 2017
8AM, but be at the Hotel Northampton for a meeting of social work and service providers regarding energy costs and the needy and indigent.  Then to see Alen S. at 3300 Main St. at 2PM and see if he had found a diagnostician that is willing to evaluate me and make some suggestions. It is Halloween, and I expect to walk up by 257 Central Street again. I still have hope but can I actually get funding to do this, I am wondering if any of this can ever happen. Please Pray for me.  This is the first time I have not spent Halloween at least once by the house at 257 Central Street.  I need to let go of this house and this project and let it be in God's hands. Only He can provide what is needed for this to become a reality. No class today but I stayed at ReGreen and helped Dave load up his car for tomorrow.  They have a class meeting at the UMass center at Tower Square (Computer Lab) Wednesday, but I will not be there. The board meeting is at 4PM and then I expect to be picked up by Steffi and go to the Church service, it is All Saints Day and I have opted to go to Church instead.
30 October, AD 2017
Nothing in the morning, Nurse Inspection of apartment by Noon.  I worked on it all morning and got things almost like I want.  Bob picked me up and some boxes to take to storage.  Others will be left at apartment or in alcove and will be picked up later.  Looks like I have no hypoallergenic soap for washing clothes. Looks like 4 large bags of clothing, some of it washed but I want to do it again before packing them away. Found out Bob and his son have moved my boxes all over the place, have no idea where they are.  So depressed about the city's revocation letter. BUT I will go through with meeting the folks at Freedom Credit Union.  The Nurse came and said we could have done this at the office after all.  Then spoke with Property management and they seemed to think things were OK, they will come in whether I am there or not and take pictures Friday.  Went to Bob's for the night to put clothes over the plants. His inspection of his yard is tomorrow.  I feel so discouraged, but I do believe an addition to 257 Central adding the "el" that Hatti B Hill took off might help to give space so we could rent that area, as it would then have the square feet to meet code, and maybe the Credit Union people will agree. Tomorrow is the Green Skills (Tree Stewardship) Class abut I really want to catch a ride and get to the worship service in Warren with the Vicar General at Emmanuel.  I WANT to be closer to God. It is 47 degrees outside and 63 degrees where I am and so I guess it is time to get into bed and get warmer.  So good to be here and away from the place where the man promised to kill me.  I want so much to purchase 257 Central and be able to move into at least the addition before Christmass and then finish the rest of the house by St. Valentines day inside, and have the windows and such in (the old ones), upstairs de-leaded and a tenant in the building by May.  Want to see if the city owns the land where houses were at Florence and Pine Streets, maybe put up tents there for the celebration of the first care driven down an American street powered by a gasoline engine(September of 2018 is the anniversary of that event).  Thing look so bleak. I need a lawyer skilled in these things, the money, donations, special people and also a good job of my own for income. Pray God's will be done. That is what I told the Nurse.  I want to get and see if insurance will pay for a "life alert" time system that does not require a home phone.  Something that can use a satellite and I can get assistance if I need it anywhere and continue to live alone.  Maybe call me selfish but society has not allowed me to marry, probably a blessing for any perspective wife, so now I am quite content that way.  BUT MOST OF ALL I WANT TO FOLLOW GOD'S WILL.  I have tried the other junk and none of it comes near the joy of when you walk with God.  I want to go back to that and have a piece of the country in the middle of the city. Please pray for me.
29 October, AD 2017
Church today, and then do final things on apartment, so much to be done and I have so much depression over how I can't seem to get the housing and 257 Central worked on at all.  I need help. I spoke with Doug who is going through the Antiochian House of Studies (probably at least $4,000) St. Stephen Certificate program and I think I want to do this. All along I have wanted to know about God and most of what I have is from experiential interactions when attempting to be a Pastor and I do so much want to know what The Church says about things.  I desire so much to be within God's will.  I need to clean my apartment and box up excess stuff for my Nurse Inspection Wednesday and the Housekeeping Inspection being done Friday.  but Pam is wanting me to mop her floor, I can not and get ready for the Nurse myself and do her work for her.  Talked with folks in community room for about an hour or so and told them about Internet Essentials from Comcast for economical internet for people in subsidized housing, etc. Worked on and off much of the night but ate a full meal with hot dogs cut up by the food processor and macaroni.  Then slept a good deal. That helped.

28 October, AD 2017
Nothing planned but to finish cleaning and packing and getting the room ready for a nurse inspection Monday the 30th at Noon, ugh!  Went to Bob's and did some more work on the brush, then back to the apartment.  Went to Order of St. Benedict by bus and then back to  Apartment to work on things.  Bob will come and get me to bring me to Church.
27 October, AD 2017
I have nothing on my calendar but to call Freedom Credit Union (even though it looks like a moot point now) and most likely help Bob load brush assuming he got the trailer to put it in.  I have delayed partly wondering what would happen if I could not get the loan paid off before I died.  Early in the morning I have been looking back over my life and I do NOT see much accomplished at all since I was diagnosed as having epilepsy in 1957.  I am NOT trying to have a "pity party", just looking back trying to see some bright spots and only seeing myself start new training programs in hopes I can get a solid job and prove the folks wrong that said as an epileptic I was mentally deficient and could not amount to anything.  So I feel very sad tonight/this morning.  I will try and sleep but pretty much all the "hope" is gone.  So many decisions I have made "wrong", even when I did what others said and then it was termed "wrong" when it did not turn out as expected.  Yet the words to "Conquest of Paradise" haunts me as I try to go to sleep in the wee early hours of the 27th.  I want to put them here.

There shines a light in the heart of man. Defies the dead of the night.
A beam that glows within every soul.Like wings of hope taking flight.
    A sunny day, when a baby's born. The little things that we say.
    A special sparkle in someone's eye. Simple gifts, every day.

           Somewhere there's a paradise. Where everyone finds release.
           It's here on earth and between your eyes. A place we all find our peace.              

, open your heart. Reach for the stars. Believe your own power.
                           Now, here in this place. Here on this earth.
This is the hour.

It's just a place we call paradise. Each of us has his own.
It has no name, no, it has no price. It's just a place we call home.
         A dream that reaches beyond the stars. The endless blue of the skies.
         Forever wondering who we are? Forever questioning why?

                   Come, open your heart. Reach for the stars. Believe your own power.
, here in this place. Here on this earth. This is the hour.

                                       There shines a light in the heart of man. Defies the dead of the night.
                                                     A beam that glows within every soul.
                                                               Like wings of hope taking flight.
                                                                         Like    wings of hope   taking   f l i g h t.

I want to badly to have that light shine in my heart.  I want that beam to glow, but I fear it is so frail, so fragile, there is little hope to make any flight whatsoever.  I am feeling really "now" at 1:30AM.  Please continue to keep me in prayer and ask God to send me guidance as to what HIS perfect will is for me.   I still have this somewhat silly dream of preaching to crowds all over this country, Canada and Mexico and setting up prayer meetings and groups to pray for "revival" and a "fresh breeze of the Holy Spirit".  The only times I have been TRULY happy have been those times I have been doing what I felt God wanted me to do.  God HAS placed power in each of us.  We have only to seek His will and do as God directs.  Then, and only then, will the power be evident and used.  I want to return to former days.  I want to "walk with God" and I want to do what HE wants me to do.  Thanks for your prayers, I really DO need them right now.  We all NEED to celebrate the GOOD in each other and take pleasure and even JOY in the accomplishments of others for the common GOOD of our entire community. So much I want to accomplish and do, and so much I have done wrong.  BUT, always the but.  "There shines a light in the heart of man", that "defies the dead of the night." A "beam that glows within every soul", "like wings of hope taking flight".  We do need to OPEN our hearts, BELIEVE the power God has placed within us, and let this be the hour, on this earth, right NOW, when we forge the shape of TOMORROW by what we think, say and do TODAY  !  AMEN !!!  I have an appointment next Friday at 9AM at the Credit Union.  This might all be an exercise in futility now, Let God's Will Be Done.
26 October, AD 2017
Nothing planned in the morning, feel like I am missing something, and then be at the U.Mass. Computer Lab classroom at Tower Square downtown 1PM. That class was to go through 5 or 6PM and it was our last bit of instruction.  I messed up and we were not to start until 2:30PM or so but I used the computer to download an old Word document and try and update it.  I don't know where I will go to try and sleep tonight, but I was so tired I just went back to the apartment.  Will need to call Freedom Credit Union tomorrow about getting an appointment about a mortgage for 257 Central Street.  Then I checked email and saw one I had missed before.  The city's time ran out in January and I had hoped I could get funding. BUT so many friends and people i have respected said I could not do it.  At near midnight I checked email again and got this letter of revocation of any authority to rehab 257 Central Street.  Just about everything I had hope to do has come crashing down.  There seems to be nothing I have put my hand to that has been accomplished.  Maybe this is all for the good.  The place where I have been living for the past 21 years is turning into a mad house it seems with people acting like folks in a nursing home or in some other type of facility for the mentally unbalanced.  The selfishness is just plain overwhelming.  People sitting around and watching TV and complaining all day long and doing nothing to help themselves get on their feet at all.  I will go though the motions and call the Freedom Credit Union people tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment, but this might be a moot thing.  Much of me feels like bringing all my belongings up to the shed in at the old family home that is leaking so that when I die and the town burns it up all that spoke of my existence will be on one place and this world can finally erase the memory of me and this sad chapter of someone who could not seemingly get anything of worth accomplished.  I have wanted so much to do good and it seems that I am incapable of any of those efforts.  Net week I go to see a counselor and I really am not certain there is any need in seeking help.  I am 72, perhaps I just need to leave this area and in a few months no one will remember I was ever here and they will move on to much better things. The physical pain is so great and other medical issues.  Maybe the end of my bothering folks is finally coming and this chapter of a multitude of failures will be ended.  At least when that is done people will not be bothered by me and they can go forward to much better and brighter things.  I hear from people locally at lodge and church and my building of how I am not ever seemingly doing anything right.  I came down here in 1993 and pretty much was living hear most of 1994.  I was at the family home in 1995 but told I had to leave and could not stay in Pittsfield assisting a friend and so others got him into "programs" and he died for lack of a medication.  I have felt very guilty over the deaths of many people.  I have felt I have done so much wrong.  From June of 1996 I have been at 32 Byers Street.  So 3 years in the city in shelters and such and in my car, and then 21 years at 32 Byers Street. So it is 24 years and if I can not accomplish even the purchase and rehabbing of 257 Central Street, what can I accomplish.  My father died in March of 1993 and March of 2018 will be 25 years after that time.  That is 25 years of what seems to me as total failures in trying to accomplish much of anything.  Since I finished the college classes in 2015 I have spent the next 2 years trying to help with various things.  I have been active in committees to end homelessness since as year or two before I moved to 32 Byers Street, because it was near the college.  I helped design logos and papers for Walks against Homelessness years before.  So we can say that I have been involved in anti-homelessness efforts long before I became homeless myself.  There was no other call or warning, just the revocation of any hope of a home of my own here.  I am very fearful that if I go back to the Berkshire they will shove me in a nursing home as they have done so many of my friends.  So I live for another 10 years or they put me in a facility and I die within the year.  Does it really matter?  I have not accomplished hardly any of the goals I set out to do.  It seems like I have caused more harm than good.  I have not been able, in the past 2 years, to get any sort of a solid "handle" on what is required of the building codes for a minimum for a certificate of occupancy.  With the city taking out the water and sewer and gas and electric lines, and with the requests for redoing the cellar the costs, if everything they suggested was done, would have make the building up to about $100,000.  I know that is between 3 times or double what the cost really would be.  I continue on tomorrows page as it is now into 12AM.
25 October, AD 2017
Because of the wet weather the tree planting at  Albemarle St. and Wilberham Rd was put off until next week on November 1st. I did not think I could get to the Network meeting so I sent the director this that I put together showing the effects of homelessness pretty much mean that (using Maslow's pyramid to Self Actualization) what a homeless person gets is the exact opposite of self actualization, more like self loathing do to the inability to provide the basic necessities for themselves.  I also send the piece I did about a homeless person's view on the words to "Conquest of Paradise" as sung by Danna Winner. This music on it's own is stirring, even as a Gregorian chant. I felt guilty about not getting to the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness's Leadership Council meeting and went down to the bus station and found out I could get a bus for $25 and got on it only minutes before it left for Pittsfield.   There I got to the meeting a half hour late at 1:30PM and left with a good soul from Westfield that dropped me off at the PVTA bus station there.  I thought we had a few minutes to spare, but the bus has left and I waited another hour to get the 5:05PM bus to Springfield and then a bus to STCC and went to the regreen classroom and talked with the director and showed some books I had bought and a shrub I had identified.  He confirmed my identification was right. This Re-Green Springfield is going to be next week so I got back to Bob's and then helped with some things at night.
24 October, AD 2017
The morning is free, but I am supposed to be at one place from 3:30 to 4:30PM and also at the Green Skills meeting from 4PM on. So I will get there llate at 3:58PM and could not talk with much of any one and then leave at about 5:15PM with our AQCA vice President as she drives us to 1437Carew Street by 5:30PM for the all city neighborhood councils and civic associations meeting.  It was raining very heavily and she brought me afterwards to Bob's house for the trash event also.  Betsy and I represented AQCA and she also spoke for walk/bike Springfield.  It was a good meeting and that night I got the trash out and it rained so hard at Bob's house at one time it looked like the rain was falling right at the picture window as if it were a skylight, the force was so hard and it came in so laterally.
23 October, AD 2017
Board of Directors Meeting at 1PM for 32 Byers Street, Inc.  Major decisions to be done and so I will expect them to also to expect I make the minutes that afternoon. I would like to go up and see Amherst Lodge installed, but I am not certain that can happen. 
22 October, AD 2017
To be in Church today. I made an attendance sheet but can't seem to print it.  I will take the box of apples and such up to Church for fellowship hour. Then maybe go back to Bob's and then maybe clean up some more and get my bookcase back to put in the apartment to put stuff on.  Nothing is planned for Monday and so I guess we will see what I can do for Bob and then the apartment.  I must get things ready for that board of directors meeting, so I might sleep there tonight so I can get up every now and then and work on things.
21 October, AD 2017
Up early and at the computer and still can't seem to get going.  Probably will need to use the bicycle so I will try it today.  It has been 7 or 8 days since I was on it last I think.  So I go up to Church and the Fellowship of St. Benedict.  I got there to late for most of the eating, so had some sausage and cider and just listened to the recorded message. I am so tired, fell asleep many times. It is either narcolepsy and sleep or it is small epileptic events. I will find out when I talk with the "specialists" and that will not be until January.  It was a good time and from there I went to the special event at Johnny Appleseed Park.  Not a lot of people, but most of us from the Green Skills classes showed up and some children and it was a GREAT time.  I got back to Bob's house and then Dave B. brought some eating apples I had been given and talked of his time government employ as Bob talked of this times as a flight crew member on Air Force One. Dave was shown the damage to a tree and he will talk to the city forester.  We raked up some more stuff and cut it and then Bob took me to the apartment to get a shirt and the two wheel cart while we swung by the Rifle Street and Hancock Street triangle where we had left pumpkins so I could get one for Bob's grand daughter and Bob got some of the literature that I had obtained from the three tables set up. We had fresh cider Joey P. had made with a contraption he had designed from elements obtained from Home Depot. A great event and the fresh cider was delicious. Nothing added, just squish up the apples.  But the cider attracted a huge number of wasps.  Got back from that and put clothes on the plants, not certain I needed to, and then Bob made some macaroni and cheese for us and I ate it and went to bed. Then typing up these reporting notes.  Today I missed the electronics recycle event, forgot about it entirely.  Also forgot about the walk against Suicide I wanted to be at.  Just can't seem to be everywhere.  Bob got some really nice apple sauce from a school, very good.
20 October, AD 2017
I had gotten up early and washed dishes from the AQCA meeting and Bob took me to the AQCA office where I worked for an hour on a flyer for next month's meeting. I had done much of this from 3-6AM that day.  Then to the Hampden County Health Improvement Plan, our county has ranked last in all the counties in Massachusetts for years, and we aim to change that.  I walked back to the AQCA office and gave a copy of the preliminary plan to the property management people at the Kimball Towers and also the Property Manager gal at 122 Chestnut Street, which was recently put on the market for sale.  Then I walked back to the apartment after looking again at the damaged locks at Armory Commons Park.  Also put the board of events we found out about yeasterday up on the window by the office door at AQCA so other going by to see property management can see the many events happending in our area soon. I had hoped to respond to my telephone call of yesterday that I could not reply to then, but Pam and the property manager had to find out what I was talking about when I asked the Portfolio Manager about a Building and Property Committee meeting and if she had checked into the drain issue next door. Our building was draining out sprinkling systems and washing away the dirt next to the next door neighbor's walkway.  By the time this was done there was no time to call the fellow back in New York City about my failed back pack.  I did some email and such and took a bath and slept.  So nice to me in my apartment. I pay the rent but ever since a man who is often drunk promised to kill me back in April of 2016 I have spent at least one and often 5 or 6 days and at least evenings elsewhere. A friend called and talked for hours. I am afraid I fell asleep on them as we talked.  I would love to return to my family property and repair it and live there in the Berkshires, at least for the summers...
19 October, AD 2017
What a day. Got a ride with Bob to the AQCA office and had forgotten the knee brace in the rush to get going.  I worked there from 9AM to 1PM getting things ready for the General Meeting tonight and then walked down to UMass., Springfield and the Computer Lab.  There we had a great presentation on birds and land use and how horrible well mown lawns are, contributing almost NOTHING to the betterment of mankind.  Also as to how many million birds are killed by cats.  Even so, I want a cat, and yet I want to build a bird sanctuary also.  The folks from Uruguay and Peru were there also.  One of the gals from Uruguay is very dangerous. A nice lady that you can get caught up in her enthusiasm and would (as a male) probably do anything she asked.  We spent a lot of time learning about birds, the novel habitats we humans make that are not friendly to other species, and who this is seen in other countries and some of the problems they have in teaching that we are all part of one ecosystem and need to "get along" and "share" with each other. Then the fellow from Davey Tree showed us much about iTree Eco and yet I had to leave early at 5:30PM to get up to the AQCA office and help move things over to the General Meeting site this month at Classical High Condominiums. We had the meeting and Betsy, our Amoury-Quadrangle Civic Association Vice President gave a great talk and presentation on "Complete Streets" and there were question and answer periods and as an exercise we all reported some 15 intersections, streets, or spots we thought needed closer scrutiny and agreed to get together before Spring and do a "street audit" of the area, maybe when the time changes so we can identify problem areas at dusk, when many have already left for work so they might not see these things. There were many people socializing before and after the meeting around the light refreshment we go and that were donated by Bob Maurice.  Our Next meeting will be about Safety during the holiday season.  Wayne helped us bring stuff back with his truck and then bring me back to Bob's place where we checked out the Complete Streets work that was done while changing things around the intersection of Alden St. and Roosevelt Ave.  I got the clothes on the flowers and then just crashed in bed.
18 October, AD 2017
Plan was to go back to my place and had pastries with me for class tonight.  BUT instead I went to the bank. I was waiting at the bus stop and a friend from various committee that works in City Housing came by that corner and offered me a ride.  I took it and went from where he parked to the Westfield Bank and took enough money out to wash clothing and do bus passes.  I had gone back to the house and "borrowed" some coins but was able to bring them back when I was able to go to the bank.  At the Union Station bus window for PVTA I asked about the bus pass for a senior or disabled person and bought the $22 pass and used it to go to the clinic, back to the bus station, up to Mercy Hospital and get my glasses frames replaced, and then back to the Apartment and then I walked up to the college. Should have used the pass for the latter. BUT those 4 trips would have cost me, at a senior fare, at least $1.40 and maybe $2.40.  I saw Dr. Gaberman who order no medications but said I could take the brace off when I got in for the day and I did not need to put it on until I went out.  She is sending me to New Englad Orthopedics and that will be in November.  (I am writing this Saturday night, I did not use that pass at all Thursday or Friday or Saturday, so I might have been a fool for buying it as I am now using the bicycle again.) As I left to rush back to College for the class at the enterprise Center Pam was back and looking much better than when I saw her last week.  I got a ride with the instructor back to Bob's house after the class.  Again plants are covered and I collapse.   
17 October, AD 2017
Did things the night before and printed out some information.  I was thinking of how sad it was for my Father to be told in 1957 that his only son had epilepsy and given the teaching so of Margaret Sanger and crew, he felt that meant I was useless and mentally worthless.  I think the tabled document giving things by date got to be 6 pages long.  I shared that with the counselor I go to about behavioral health issues of picking up discarded or abandoned things.  I do not want to change therapists, just that I now feel I need to be diagnosed to see what else might be hampering my progress. It seems I have just as much energy being put out to make certain I fail as I do to make certain I succeed at just about anything.  Not a good situation at all. Then from there I took the bus to the STCC Enterprise Center and my Green Skills class I enjoy so much.  We were asked and all agreed to extend the classes for a month so we can continue to learn and practice skills for the exam and perhaps spend some time on resume writing and maybe some job interview "role playing".  At class there were students from South America, two from Peru and two from Uruguay.  One of the gals (from Lima, Peru) gave me a pan flute, which I cherish.  Got a ride back to Bob's house and just about crashed. So very tired.  Leg hurts so much, see the Doctor tomorrow.
16 October, AD 2017
Bob dropped me off at Boland School on Armory/Springfield Streets by 10AM .  I was scheduled to be at a Doctor's at 3300 Main Street at 10:30AM, so I changed that appointment date to be a later day, in January.  I was in great pain so I took the bus back and saw SAM that used to be with RLC and she is now going to college and working and credits RLC for much of her success.  I stopped off at STCC and visited some people at the college and then walked back to my apartment the long way around as I thought the gate was locked.  I was so very tired when I got in the door of my apartment, and lay down to rest.  I was invited to a bar-b-q at 233 Franklin Street, 2-5PM, but just rested, checked email and awaited being picked up by Wes Browning.  I went back from the Lodge meetings, I am scribe for one of them and elected as Noble Grand for the other, to Bob's house to put clothes on the plants as it is to be cold tonight.
15 October, AD 2017
The month is half over, where have the days gone to.  It seems like it was only April or May "a few weeks ago".  Church today and tomorrow I read at Boland School. Need to re-read the lesson. Thought I was reading for pre-school, but now I am told 5th grade. Bob gives a pastry for me to present after Church at the fellowship hour and he drops me off at Church. He had not been able to go to the Roman Catholic 4PM Mass so he is going to the one at 9AM today.  It is so horrible trying to stand. I am using a mop handle with a rubber tip on it and I think that is doing better than a cane.  After Church I am in the fellowship hall later listening to Deacon Michael recount the great times they had at the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russian's Western Rite Conference where Br. Mark was made Vicar General for their Western Rite.  Such a nice time and then Steffi takes me to here house where she does some things and we do some errands together. Do enjoy being with Steffi so much.  Steffi took me to the Central Library so I could read the book I am to read to the children at Boland School's 5th grade tomorrow. Then she brings me to my apartment and helps me clean up enough so I can put my bicycle in the apartment as it can no longer be in the alcove, because of what others have done in the building.  I need to clean up more and have yesterday asked and the property portfolio officer said the Housekeeping inspection can be put off a week. Hopefully I can get the rest of the stuff done by then but what we did was to tidy up a bit so that if they come to replace the microwave it will look a bit better in the main room.  The bathroom is now full of boxes and such to be worked on later and the rest of the boxes out in the alcove to "go away".  Never could have done any of this without Steffi.  She brings me and the stuff (more clothing and blankets for the plants and for me to keep warm with when it gets colder Monday. We are anticipating I will need to be with Bob at night for a few more days so I am not staying there alone with no way to get to someone if things turn 'bad'.  We talk for a bit outside and I show Steffi Bob'd terraced slope and all the nice trees that shaded the house and gave protection from the winds that the city had required taken down 2 years ago and now we have invasive species everywhere that grow up in one season worse than what Bob had before had grown up in 4 years.  But Bob is afraid to say anything for fear that the "officials" will "just find something else" to bother him about.  This is no way to treat a former Flight Crew member for Air Force One.  I talk with Steffi for a bit in her car as she checks on something through the internet we have a Bob's house and the subject turns to her education she "put on hold" at her husband's untimely passing.  She still misses him immensely, and rightfully so.  But the folks at Lesley College that she will be taking courses at through a location in Holyoke, MA do not seem to understand.   She gave up her education to work and help put here husband through college so he could be a chiropractor, and then he was working and she was to take her Masters Degree in Education. Then he died suddenly and everything just 'stopped'.    Now she is not working and is at least trying to finish up the education so she can afford the rent for her and her children.  She is one super brave and compassionate lady that I feel so honored to be a a friend of. So I spent some time as I might have when a pastor at the New Boston Congregational Church and tried to show her how taking 3 years 'off' to deal with your husband's untimely death would actually be 'normal' and the 'right thing to do.  I spoke of my view of marriage being like tow leaning parts that when they lean together are stable, but when one is gone the other one sort of falls.  So it is when she lost that person to "lean on" and has to sort of "figure out how to deal with life alone" now and there is no "what did your father say" to ask her children. She has to be Mom and Dad all rolled up into one.  I felt I knew that I knew that I knew these words were what I should say and knew once more that with all the skills I have learned I still ONLY feel really "at home" when doing the things a clergyman would do.  Don't know what that says as I guess I am now to old to do that sort of work again, but it is where my heart has been since I was under 5 years old.  It is now 5AM on Monday morning. I will need to print out some things at my apartment and I think Bob wants to get to the Code Enforcement part of the Housing Department before 8AM.  It has been so good having that blasted brace off during the night.
I hope I can get an appointment with my doctor but will call once they open and plead my case.  Now back to bed.  After Steffi left Bob and I raked up some leaves and brush and put them in bags in the back of his van that he will take somewhere to get dumped.  At bedtime I learned more bout the subject that I am to read at Boland School AND looked on-line at Google images of Bob's house and how much nicer it looked when it had the trees and bushes in front screening it from the road and all the pollution of the cars waiting at the stop light.  So sad some inspectors just do not seem to know what they are doing and the needless pain and suffering and the additional lowering of a quality of life they are causing by not understanding well the code as it is normally applied.

14 October, AS 2017
I needed to be at Friendship Lodge, IOOF, in Belmont to do my part in the Degree Rally day and yet by 5AM I was in such pain I could do nothing much. Took the pain killers about an hour before that and they are doing no good.  By 6:30AM I know it is hopeless and facebook the lodge past Grand Masters and such that might be going and say I can not come.  By 7:30AM I have remembered I have the Grand Master's cell phone number from when I walked in the Yankee Homecoming Day Parade and he asked me to be a part of the Degree Rally Day and had given me his cell phone number. So I text him and the texts back and asks to tell him what the Doctor says.  I agree to go to Focus Care that I think opens at 11AM on Saturdays, it opens on weekdays at 10AM at 3400 Main Street.  It turns out it opens at 9AM on Saturdays and closes early and Bob agrees to take me there at 8:45AM so I can be one of the first in line.  It takes me time to get dressed but we get there before the doors open and I join the group waiting to be seen.  There is only one doctor I think and it is nearly after 10AM before he gets to see me.  They insist I put on a brace (later find out if my insurance does not pay, as it might not, this will cost me about $90+) and boy is it tight to go on and very uncomfortable.  Then at about 11AM I am at 3300 Main Street for the lab tests and the X-Ray.  My Doctor had suggested this before but made it sound like something she did not think was necessary but could do for my own "peace of mind" after I saw her after the time I had gone to "Focus Care" about this similar problems in early August (prescription I had to get to put the sodium cream on says August 4th, just after the Newburyport Parade).  So when I saw her later on in August she had suggested I could do the x-ray.  I felt if it was for my own comfort there was no need costing the taxpayers the money and did not get it done.  Now it had "flared up" again within about a 60 day period it was time to "test things out" and so Bob took me over and we had both the x-rays and blood work done. The latter was to rule out some sort of a blood clot.  I am to call My Doctor's office Monday morning and get seen by her or someone "on her team" as only they could order more extensive tests that this Doctor felt were most probably needed to "get to the bottom" of this problem.  So Bob takes me over there and then we check with some friends of his at 90 Avacado Street as he is figuring out the meat and such for the Thanksgiving Holiday Meal. This time there are NO "take outs" and there will be NO meals "delivered" to shut ins, just no money to do it.  Bob checks for things at the GAR hall for the Disabled American Veterans and then we get to my apartment and I get the drugs and such to "put up" for the week in a pill case and clothing for church.  I had texted Steffi and apparently she had been calling me and such and so when we get back and settled I call her.  Bob uses my loppers to cut some stuff and tries to get his brush cutter working, with mixed success.  I try to work on cutting some brush be am having very mixed success and can't stand up much at all, even though I had lain down and tried to sleep for hours while Bob worked with my loppers.  Steffi had asked if I was going to the "movie night" at Church and I had said no.  I find out Sunday it was well attended, one of the best we have ever had as far as attendance went but I was still in so much pain and the brace seemed to be more torture than anything else, so it was good I did not go.  This way if I need to lay down I do.  I tried to soak in hot water last night but it did not good. I'll do the same before morning as I bath before going to Church.  I do take off the brace to try and sleep.
13 October, AD 2017
The Housekeeping inspection scheduled from 1-4PM, the assistant property manger was doing this, will be put off and just as well as Bob has things for me to help him with.  This "housekeeping" inspections might be for everyone, as people having difficulty in keeping up their apartments might be able to get some assistance if they are older.  Pam mentioned something about that last week.  I would have asked her more about it last night but she looked so weak and tired and just plan "sick".   I am 72 so they want to "check me out" as the "disengagement" theory of aging which many sociologists are taught to accept (but has absolutely no proof in fact) sates as a person gets older they disengage from many things, including housework, etc.  I have another inspection on the 30th from the insurance people. I wonder if they will allow me to inspect their home for compliance to 105CMR410 (Minimum standards for Human Habitation for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, formerly called Article II of the State Sanitary Code).  I am to be part of the Degree Rally day tomorrow near Boston so I thought I might take a bus or something down to stay over night in a shelter so I can take a bust from Boston to Belmont and get there early. Bob Bob wanted something and has agreed to take me to the Bus. So he brought me to my apartment early today so I could bicycle back after I did a few items there and checked on a bank balance.  Found out I had forgotten about a payment and moved some money around and the bank took off a fine when they found out the email address they had for me was not something I accessed any more.  I also cancelled an appointment with Neurology for the Epilepsy items they saw and it will now be in January, it was at the same time as reading at Boland School on Monday. I was very late in getting on the bicycle to go back over to Bob's and when I got to stand up my leg hurt so much I could not stand on it.  Hobbled to the bed and lay down.  A half hour later and still no good.  So I had Bob come and pick me up and I brought some clothing and stuff to go to Belmont with in the morning.  Helped Bob a bit with some brush cutting with some cutting of some brush with had pruners.  We had gone back to get the loppers I had also bought last Friday or so when I cut things at the lodge.  I was in great pain and yet after resting some and eating a lot I felt I would be able to get on the bus in the morning and go to Belmont for the Degree Rally Day I was asked to help with.
12 October, AD 2017
The must get those calls about mortgages done and other stuff at the apartment and continue some other reorganizing. BUT I also need to get the posters up for the AQCA General meeting next week and make other AQCA related calls and make up the agenda for that night with the additional speakers.  Contact Earl Miller about that job prospect he spoke of as I need more income for a possible mortgage.  Then be at the Citizen Scientist meeting at the UMass Springfield computer classroom by noon.  My schedule says 1pm instead of 2:30PM but I think they are going to put some more hours in to get some additional labs on using the iTree program. At 5:30PM we finish this long day t teh Citizen Scientist class, and I am so tired. Should go to MassLandlords, Rental Housing Association of Greater Springfield meeting, but instead go to see Pam, a friend and fellow board member at the Hospital. She is in a pretty bad shape it looks like and I go back to the apartment.  But it is going to be cold so off to Bob's to put blankets and sheets on the plants.  He is coming back from something else so he brings me there.  I got a notice the Housekeeping Inspection is put off until next Tuesday.
11 October, AD 2017
MUST be at 100 Wassen Ave for the consultation about the ultrasound done last week.  Then to the Green Skills class and the concluding class on "landscaping 101", which I know I will like.  I hope to be able to stay around for this.
10 October, AD 2017
Housing inspection today.  Must call about seeing the Freedom Credit Union.  Then off to the Green Skills class at 3PM that starts at 4PM with a "landscaping 101" presentation. and then down for the event at the Music School by 5:30 or 6PM.  I think I will come late at 6PM. I am a guest of Develop Springfield but don't want to miss any more of the instruction that I have to.  From here I should rush over to the Maple/High/6Corners Neighborhood Council Meeting that starts at 6PM, but I just don't think I will get there this time.   It is Tuesday so after these meetings I will go to Bob's house to help with the trash and stay the night. It is recycle week and I know we have a lot to go down.
09 October, AD 2017
This day has to be boxing up stuff for storage, not time to sort it out now. Has to be done by afternoon and taken away.
08 October, AD 2017
Writing this the night before. Going to Church in the AM and need to sent out the minutes from the past parish council meeting, but I am now just to tire to do it at 8:30PM.  Maybe later on tonight.  Hope they look by morning. Probably have to print them out also. I want to take the church projector back also.  Want to get there by 8:30AM for Matins.  Then go to Bob's get some fruit cups and come to the apartment to start boxing. BUT probably need to rest first.
07 October, AD 2017
Awoke and set up another website and will need to update the CLA east one, I forgot about that and had no time when I remembered. Left at about 7:15AM to take a string off a tree where the sign about the emerald ash borer had the bole (trunk) growing around the string and might soon cut the cambium layer of the tree. Released that with a box knife and then bicycled over to the Re-Green spot at the Enterprise Center to help carry down equipment for them. I brought the loppers, pruners, and reflective vest that I had bought, my bicycle helmet and glasses so all I needed to borrow was a pair of gloves.  The gloves were so dirty inside I got more dirt under my finger nails by wearing the gloves than if I had done it all bare handed.  This was a great training session. Very interactive and many a good example by real life stories and we had a great time.  Did much, thinned out and pruned some shrubs so people could see over a fence and cut off some dead branches with pole saws and loppers.  At 11ish I started packing up and left for the Church on Wilbraham Road and got in on the discussion on stability the abbot was giving. What a blessing, what a man devoted to seeing God be expressed in our lives. The a great Lunch, a talk and questions and such by the Abbot on how we might think of implementing a holier life and having people see the fruit of the Holy Spirit and a love for God in our lives, even when we need to confront issues controversial to many people today. We ended with vespers and the Abbot will give the message and officiate at the Deacons Liturgy tomorrow. Deacon Michael is getting more Deacon's Liturgies printed at Staples today.  We had hoped that the Metropolitan would have made our Deacon a priest by now, but we are trusting in God's timing.  After vespers I came back and arrived near 4:30PM AND checked email. That took at least 3 hours and I have spent an hour on this so now it is 8:30PM.  So much to do but I just need to close this up and get to bed.
06 October, AD 2017
Awoke at 2-4AM with a fire alarm. The hard of hearing light did not flash in my unit and I thought it was just some fan or other noise as we have lots of such noises in the city. I turned off my fan and then heard strange voices outside my door.  I got my clothing on and went out into the hallway to find fire department men there.  I went outside saying I had slept through the whole thing and they said what a thing to awaken to.  Then when the fire trucks left I came back inside and found out it had been the neighbor that had kept me nights earlier.  She talked with the security people like it was a social outing and I could hear it until just before he left at 5AM.  Then I got a little sleep and emailed the tv guy saying I had heard nothing from Bob.  I got up to Walmart and they no longer had the backpack in question but I did get one with a light back and some orange on it.  Then I went to get the loppers and pruners and they had sent them back. I went up the road to Lowes but instead of going in went to Job Lot. They had 40% off anything under $10. The loppers were $13 so not discount there, but the bypass hand pruners were $5 each so I got them for $3 each and I bought two and a $5 bag of various sizes of bungee cords for the same.  Then I rushed by bicycle down to the Springfield Lodge hall and cut the ivy that was ruining the wall making an opening from about 2 to 4 feet up. Later I will get a ladder and take the ivy off the eaves and then later pull the dead ivy off the wall. In the spring I will transplant the ivy on a fence if I get 257Central Street.  I brought some of the IVY with me then to a meeting of the Stop Access Coalition after dropping off the loppers and hand pruners and bungee and stuff at the apartment.  From there I went to see the folks at Develop Springfield to ask if they got all they needed for approvals from us at AQCA.  I am to be their guest at a meeting next Tuesday afternoon/evening at the Community Music School where we discuss developments for downtown.  Then I got up to the Enterprise Center again for the Green Skills class and this one was about perennials.  Another really great class, learned lots, lots of encouragement.  There was another meeting to go to but I was exhausted by now.   Got to the apartment and did not get to check email, just get back pack ready for tomorrow and go to bed.
05 October, AD 2017
Did some work at the apartment and then rushed down to Union Station to catch the express bus to Holyoke to catch the bus to Northampton. Ouch, schedules changed and it now leaves 10 min. early and I got there to see it drive away. The second bus top is no longer there. Went to City Hall to see if someone from the Housing Dept. was going to be at that meeting, nope, no one. So I went back to the apartment.  I got to the AQCA office and printed 60 of the approved posters and I hope to distribute some, but don't think I can do much until next Tuesday. Then to the computer classroom at UMass, Springfield for the Citizen Scientist Class, and only to find out here had been the word out that we were to meet at 12Noon and I was an hour late.  I was so tired also, many narcoleptic episodes, so I did not retain much. We did some more data collection for iTree canopy and we got to learn some more about evaluating trees. I hope that might be an employment opportunity.  Then we came back and went up to the Enterprise Center for Green Skills / Tree Stewardship class and the man talked about Annuals. A really great presentation.  After then I rushed over to Saratoga Street for the Sector E Community Policing meeting where I brought some of the issues brought up at the AQCA board of directors meeting. After this I rushed up to the Forest Park Library for the Walk/Bike Springfield meeting but did not get there until they had closed up. The police there and the people were concerned about my back pack and I had seen one with lime green reflective colors and purposed in my heart to buy it tomorrow.  Did talk to the police about issues with drivers hitting bicyclists and being antagonistic to them. Got back to the apartment and crashed.
04 October, AD 2017
Wednesday morning I did some computer work at Bob's and made the arraignments to see the fellow after 10PM that was giving away a reverse projection television that was many thousands of dollars when bought.  I wanted to get there at a little after 10AM but Bob had other things and then we ran into traffic. We got there and came back to Bob's house to measure for the tv.  On the way we stopped in to see someone that was leading a program but the thing is closing as the Landlord is kicking them out as the city is opening a new center and has promised to have them gone in June, then July, then August, then September, so he is now saying he needs the space and they must go soon.  Bob was asking if they knew of someone that wanted that TV.  So I don't know what will happen.  I left and just barely got to the apartment and tried to print, I could not, so I bicycled to the AQCA office and printed agendas and set them out for the AQCA board of directors meeting and then back to the Class at the Enterprise Center.  Was there from 3PM to 3:50PM and then left for the board of directors meeting. After that meeting some wanted to talk and the meeting lasted until 5:45PM and with the conversation and such I did not get out of the building until 6:30PM.  Talked with the Director and understood the teacher would be a the Thursday Class at UMass Amherst's computer center at Noon, but I was to come at 1PM as I was to be in Northampton for a meeting from 10:30AM to noon the 5th.  I then rushed over to Amity Lodge on Mill Street for that meeting, I made the quorum, and after that meeting bicycled back to the apartment.  Got awoke by someone who wanted to talk and such and did not get to sleep any until about 4AM.
03 October, AD 2017
Set up stuff for the cable set up and then got to the health appointment at 2PM.  Now I find out that in addition to the special classes on Thursday, Friday and a lab Saturday, we have classes Tuesday and Wednesday, and my other class is on Thursday so they overlap.  So much for an easy time this week.  The class from 4-5PM talked about an iTree program to help you select the best tree or shrub for a particular location, given sun, weather patterns, traffic patterns, usage, and a list of things you want from the tree.  Then we heard about its applications and had to do some paperwork HUD suddenly wants from all of us.  I was just to tired to go to another meeting and went over to Bob's house to help him with the trash and stayed there the night.
02 October, AD 2017
Waited and about the end of the time period Comcast arrived. They went down to the basement and put on the 'f' connectors after sending a signal down to the basement and testing there to see which of two wires had the signal. Then it was connected, Comcast was called and he waited until the signal was finally there, about 12:30PM he left and I rushed down to Pioneer Valley Urology for a doctor ordered ultra sound scan.  I finally got back to the apartment and went to bed.  Later took out trash and rearranged things and set up the Netgear G5 router that seems to resend the signal better. Had ordered RJ45 patch items and a Ethernet cable to go directly from that Netgear G5 router to the computer, it will be a faster signal.  It was late so I called and was brought to the Agawam Encampment and Springfield Lodge meetings.  I will take some ivy down off the wall this week.  Was brought back and was so tired I just went to bed.  Was called to talk with someone and help them with their cable TV reception.  I think I should not have answered the door knock.
01 October, AD 2017
Church, then to Bob's and then back to the apartment. So very, very tired. He did not need me to close up Big E after all.


30 September, AD 2017
Fellowship of St. Benedict and then I guess box up stuff like crazy.  Wonder if I can do the Bicycle Ride with Walk/Bike Springfield tomorrow for 5 miles. The bicycle seat hurts to much. This is the second bicycle with a seat that hurts to ride so terribly much.  Caan only ride a mile or twon and then it is great pain.  Must get the things together and do the mortgage and move ahead on 257 Central if it is going to happen at all. My whole sef concept seems to be tied up in if I can do these things, and I seem to feel I failed at my "first love" which was 60 Byers Street I had hoped to have and rent and run the CCC out of.
29 September, AD 2017
Must look at what I have on the schedule. Steffi does not care aboaut going with me to the Big-E so I might go today, maybe.
28 Sseptember, AD 2017
Will go with Bob at 6AM back to apartment where bicycle is.  He needs to see someone at school. Will do some work on cable internet and maybe talk with property management and then get down to UMass as tower square at 11:30 with shoes I can walk in to do the Citizen Scientist class with lab through 5PM. Then go over and take out the lodge trash and cardboard and back to the apartment or Bob's for the night. Need to briing things to AQCA office today as I did not get there yesterday as I was supposed to have done, was awaiting cable internet package.
27 September, AD 2017
Did not box up anything, but waited for UPS and gave the guy the paper I had saying Jamie could sign for me.  Got it set up but no cable signal coming. Just got to the Green Skills Classes and the instructor was so good I kept falling asleep in class.  That is what happens with narcolepsy, the neurologist's tell me it is that when I get excited about learning or something the brain "short circuits" and I fall asleep.  NO fun at all.  Bicycled to the lodge Meeting at Amity Lodge (ioof) by 7PM and then back to the apartment where Bob picked me up and took me to Staples and then Lowes where I got a 90degree "F" connector for the cable set up and two 3 foot cables (want to put them to a cable surge supressor). I really wanted to see the auction of 60 Byers Street that started at 6PM on the one hand, and did not want to be there on the other hand.  I have not been able to assemble a team and do what was needed for funding.  There is a huge gap in my knowledge about some things and mentally I do not have the self confidence to do much of anything at times.  I do need professional helpt to function the way I want to and assist to many others.  I am so very concerned about this house but I don't think there is much I can do about it given my current mental state that sort of puts me in like an isometric situation; forces equally in both directions so I get really nothing done. Stayed at Bob's house tonight and tried to help set up up with some things.
26 September, AD 2017
Supposed to box up stuff but got not much done. Cancelled nurse evaluation, & look at internet resources and go to the Green Skills classes. Stayed at Bob's house tonight. Came over to help him put the trash out after the Green Skills class (and a side trip to the apartment to take pills).  Helped take out trash and get Bob another convertere box for TV's, this is the third one I have set up for him and at least two if not four remotes.  Then fixed some images for him on the computer and printed them out.  Wish he would take the course to learn how to do things on the computer.  So much agitation and animosity. I am trying so hard not to adopt it but also not to fight.  I want to respect myself as God would have me do while not being arrogant and trying to be humble. Pleas pray for me as I seek NOT to be codependent or submissive, but at the same time to have a healty mental attiude.  Thinking over possible job offer given yesterday.
25 September, AD 2017
Did help in the Tree Planting up by Forrest Park this morning. Then the board of directors meeting for 32 Byers Street, Inc. at noon.
Then should of boxed up more things and get them out of the apartment by nightfall but went and got medications and typed up minutes of board meeting. Bowls & plates need to go back to AQCA office also that I had washed, but looks like now that will be more like the end of the week..
24 September, AD 2017
Church and then back to apartment, so very tired.  Steffi had to get to a friends church event so she just dropped me off. To tired to pack up.
23 September, AD 2017
Up early and finished a box of stuff and things ready for the Open House at 60 Byers Street. Stayed there after we were pushed out of the house for the Whitman Properties person to come and close up the building.  Urine and feces all over the place, now the price is an additional $100,000 I fear because of the "squatters" there and the additional damage done since it was not secured with a gate.  Black mold now in many places since I was last in in April and that was worse than in January.  I feel so bad about this house.  Back to the apartment after it was closed up and was glad to have spent some time there waiting outside for whittman properties people and have may lungs clear up some form the mold, urine and feces smell in the building. So much horrible damage in the past year or so.  I slept and did not do as much boxing as could be and then someone called me on the telephone.  Must clean up almost everything Sunday afternoon. Will call Bob by 7 or 8PM to take some boxes to storage.
22 September, AD 2017
Went to the hearing on an a change to the Dover Amendment and went to the Mayor's office and told about the gate problems I was told of at Armory Commons Park. Also advocated for a bicycle rack at city hall near where you enter the door by the public phone for people to park when they come to city hall and another one at the city's Tapley Street offices. In fact at any city building the public might bicycle to as we try to reduce our carbon footprint.  Then I went and got stuff at Walmart for the open house at 60 Byers Street Saturday, bought to much stuff between there and Staples. Got cd "jewel" cases for Bob and went over to his house and made another 5 "air force one" cd's for him to give out.  Ate some and took stuff back with me and came back to apartment and started boxing up stuff.  Finally to bed again at midnight.
21 September, AD 2017
Tried to work on Apartment, prepare for the Citizen Scientist Class at 2PM and Armoury Quadrangle Civic Association meeting tonight at 122 Chestnut St. at 7pm.  Then got back from the class via Dave Bloniarza and had dropped things off on my way down.  Brought things over to 122 Chestnut with Betsy, Wayne, Dan and David. Got things set up and 3 came from the Gray house and only about 7 or 8 from the civic association.  I have just been to strung out to advertise much.  It was a fantastic meeting.  We moved the chair all around into a circle and they shared about the Gray House and Michael had introduced them. It was a really  GREAT evening.  I told of the hearing about a change to the Dover Amendment amendment the next day and some other issues and such.  We brought things back to the AQCA office and then I had Wayne stay for me to talk with him privately and I told him of my training in Mental Health First Aid for adults and how I had then seen a pattern in my own life and am seeking professional diagnosis and treatment plan to address these signs and symptoms.  I was told the gates to the armory commons park are not working again and stayed until Midnight at the AQCA office so I could check on them to see if anyone was carousing that night. Plan on calling the parks department that next day.  I had put out the flyers but no one took them. So we have them to hand out next time and poster.  So very tired. Hard to sleep.
20 September, AD 2017
Word on Apartment, prepare for classes and fliers fro Armoury Quadrangle Civic Association meeting tomorrow.   I have much to do, but the most important thing for me right not is to box up what I do not need in the apartment and get it stored so the "clutter" is gone and I can think clearer and focus on the things I really need to do.  Your prayers are greatly appreciated as I move forward to try and have this project and concept inch towards a reality while I also try and get my own mental and physical health back in a "much better shape" that I perceive it has been in the past half decade or even decade.                
19 September, AD 2017
Waiting again for someone to check my refrigerator from property maintenance. Left at a little after 12 noon to go vote in the primary and to get to the health appointment at 3300 Main Street by 2PM.  Spoke to the Clinical Social Worker I have there about the Mental Health First Aid course I took and how during the course I realized I needed a professional evaluation and diagnosis myself.  He agree to "make rounds" and when we meet again in two weeks will hope to have a person who could do this evaluation.  He will contact my primary care physician to inform her of my request.  Why am I so open about this?  It is because I am pretty much open about most things in my life.  I share.  This is a horrible decision to come to. One that declares you have a problem you can not "handle" yourself.  But it is not different than having a rash that will not go away on your leg. The solution is not to stop wearing shorts and hide the fact. The solution is to get to a professional who is trained in such things and get some sort of a prognosis and plan of action to get as much as possible back to "normal" again.  I found, having received this extensive training last Saturday, that as I looked back over the past few years, in fact the past 5 or more years, there have been increasing times I exhibited some of the signs and symptoms of a mental "problem".  All I know is that I am not a diagnostician and all I really request is that we find some one who understands Orthodox Christian Theology and the Contemplative way of life promoted by the Order of St. Benedict.  Beyond that I have no special requests.  If I am going to be of any use for God and others, then I need to have any "deficiencies" corrected, and that process started as soon as it can be done.  After this I could not attend the Stop Access Coalition meeting and still get to class in time.  So I just got to class.  An email had been sent asking my assistance, but I did not get that email nor the message sent, as I was not looking at email or have the cell phone on at that time.  I am trying to put some order into my life and hence some of the other things I am sort of 'shutting out' right now.  The director of the program and I talked quite a bit after class and he gave me a ride to my friend's house where I will help with the trash and stay overnight.
18 September, AD 2017
Monday is pretty much a wash out. Could not get much accomplished.  Did get over to a friend's house and make more cd's for him.  Had talked with property management about my situation and how I will seek professional help when I meet with a Clinical Social Worker tomorrow. Waited for maintenance that was not able to look at my failing refrigerator, maybe Tues. or Wed.  Spent much to the day also preparing documents to present to my clinician tomorrow.
17 September, AD 2017
Sunday, went to Church and told pastor of my decision to seek professional mental health evaluations, prognosis and plan of recovery.  I do not think I can be of use to anyone, and not coordinate efforts to obtain and save 60 Byers Street, without getting my own "mental health" issues in order. First things First.

16 September, AD 2017
This is written Sept. 16 at 11PM.  I started the day by not sleeping so well but getting up regularly every hour so I could be up at 5AM and walk to the train station and catch the train/bus to Hartford to get there  by 6:30 or 7AM (bus left Springfield at 6AM) and then walk  to the "Commons" building at the Institute of Living, now a part of Hartford Hospital and go to the 2nd floor to the Hartford room for the Mental Health First Aid for Adults Class.  I wanted this to be able to help others I had seen acting strangely.  I will not go into things in detail right now but I enjoyed and learned much from this class. At the end of the class we had a test and after that Edward Elgars's Pomp and Circumstance  (originally a march tune added to another song with other original words for the coronation of King Edward VII of England entitled "Land of Hope and Glory"),   and our certificates, good for 3 years, were given out. This link is for the one presented to me.  But what I want to write is that in learning of the signs to look for that a person needs "professional help" I saw many things that were just like me.  So I will be talking with someone in the next week or so and seeking a referral for an impartial evaluation of myself so that whatever troubles I have in coping with life we can get about the business of identifying hopefully correcting.  It is scary business, but if I need help I need help and I can not be the person others can lean on if I can't even support myself.  Please pray for me as I seek this help.  Part of this came with the realization that I have been "frozen" and could not seem to move on this project or others, even when a "green light" seemed to be presenting itself to me.  It is now past midnight and I need to go bath and go to bed, and be there early for Church and then the delayed Parish Council Meeting.  I now know I need help.  Regardless of what doors seeking this help might close, I need the help to have other doors opened and so I can be of assistance to anyone going through the "period of utter and unimaginable darkness".
15 September, AD 2017
This is written Sept. 16 at 11PM, will be updated by September 22 at midnight
14 September, AD 2017
This is written Sept. 16 at 11PM, will be updated by September 22 at midnight
13 September, AD 2017
This is written Sept. 16 at 11PM, will be updated by September 22 at midnight
12 September, AD 2017
This is written Sept. 16 at 11PM, will be updated by September 22 at midnight
11 September, AD 2017
Up working on this and getting things ready to go to the Apartment. Had waited until after 9AM, but think I will take my laundry with me and maybe bicyle up to Forest Park and see if I can talk with Pat Sullivan myself.  Did this and will do the laundry and stuff and study for tomorows classes and box up stuff in the apartment to go to storage.  So discouraged I seem to not be able to move on doing anything.  BUT yesterday we had a conversation with some others about demonic activities and how to deal with them. I found myself confident on this subject and knew I was really happy in that arena.  I looked back and knew I had been a failure most of the 17 years I spent serving a small church.  BUT that as been one of the few times I have felt "alive". It is when I allow God to move through me and do something good.  It is not me, it is God that does it.  I feel so much more confident in that field.  I may never get there and have no idea where the money would come from for schooling and feel I am altogether to sinful. BUT I do want to learn of orthodox Theology. I have always loved "preaching and painting; in that order" and have declared that about myself so many times.  I am so sad the house fell in and I did not go up the time the roof caved in and taken stuff out. I am so sad I did not seek advice and put a new roof on after I got the house and saw the black mold. I am so sad about almost every decision I have made outside to ministry work, as most if not all of those decisions are now counted as being wrong ones. I see your prayers for myself.
10 September, AD 2017
Church and after church we do not have the parish council meeting but people speak to me about how foolish I am at wanting to repair things and how bad Springfield is and on and on.  I know I am not sensible or practical nor do I understand good "business sense".   So I go back to Bob's and meet Steffi there to give her some tomatoes Bob has there. She is having her son drive as he is learning.  I jokingly told him to be very careful with here because if he hurt her in any way I would "beat him up".  Then I water the plants at Bob's and bring stuff over to my apartment to wash Monday and check on the garbage can at the lodge (someone brought it back already Friday) and then to the Mattoon Street Festival with some updated flyers and talk with folks running for School Committee and City Council. Talked a lot with a former DPW worker and he told me some information about the security measures with city parks. I got to Glendi and bought some more books and such and was given some beans for Monday's meal.  Bob is not back from the Beach and I got a call indicating he might not be back until Tuesday.  They called to remind me of a meeting of two Lodges Monday I need to be at.  I said I would bicycle there.  Got back to Bob's and ate the pizza the Church had given me and went to bed.  All wrapped up in sweat shirts and such to stay warm.  So nice to be in his house.
09 September, AD 2017
Did the flyer for Matton Street and went to the order of St. Benedict meeting with some bread from Bob.  Then left early to go to the Second Saturday Walking Tour to say "hello" as the current President of AQCA as we we co-sponsor it.  Then to the Mattoon Street Festival and dropped off the flyers I had printed at my apartment on the day before.  Then to the AQCA office to rework the flyer a bit. I want to remove some of the wordiness, if I can. Sometimes you can not work well on editing "down" something if you are the creator of it.  At that time I found out one of the gates at the Armory Commons Park had a key broken off in it and I typed up a report for the Police and will bring it there and then call the Parks Department after 9AM Monday.  From there to the Gendi celebration. Once again they did not need me. So I talked with Lenny Danos and his brother some more and helped fold some boxes for the pastry sales.  I bought books and took them back to my apartment by bicycle about 11pm and printed out things for the parish council meeting after Church tomorrow.  Then off to Bob's house as he is away.  It was very chilly Saturday night, or so I thought as I took a bath and then left in the morning for Church.  So depressed I do nothing on SCARF projects and 60 Byers Street and all sorts of other things.  I just can't figure out why I am so worthless and accomplish so little in life these days.
08 September, AD 2017
Did nothing good. Bob got me and we went to the meal and I had them test my blood sugar. I had originally went over to say how much I had appreciated the girl from AIC nursing program that took care for me at Weldon Rehab when I had the accident in 2009. If God had blessed that and she had wanted, I could have happily lived the rest of my life with that lovely lady.  But I know I was to old for her and am probably to old for anyone now. Bob dropped me off at my Apartment as he went to a VA meeting for his foot at 1PM.  I agreed to come back to his place and stay there the night as he was going to be going to the beach.  I did go to Glendi and before that had planned to stopped off at the AQCA office and work more on the flyer for the Mattoon Street event.  Had a great time at Glendi talking with Lenny Danos and his brother Harry, an Architect.  Lenny took me back to Bob's house, with my bicycle in his car. I bought a nice book at the Glendi "treasures" section. Another person had given me $10 and that is how much they were selling this book for. God blesses worthless me so very much and I give back to little.  I am so guilty of so much sin.  I just wish I could stop some of this and do good for others much more than the little I do do.
07 September, AD 2017
I knew the 2-5PM Citizen Scientist Academy does not meet this week, and I wanted to be back to Berkshires to repair a shed roof;but with the huge tree threatening to fall on it any moment, that is not an option right now.  I did not do well and was at the computer to long and lost track of time.  I sinned to much looking at things I should not have been looking at.  It helped in my viewpoint of my being worthless I guess.  I did get down there as the meeting was closing, did not get in to sign the sign-in sheet, but did talk with officer Tybursky and some others. Then up to put our the Recycle for the lodge and up to the Forest Park Library to sign in at the Walk/Bike Springfield meeting.  Will work on a flyer for AQCA for the Mattoon Street Festival Saturday and Sunday by tomorrow and also go down to the Glendi Festival and offer to help bus tables there.  I hate how little I have been able to accomplish. Bob and I will attend the noon meal at the Mason Wright Senior Center as the lady has been asking us to come by and we do like her and the city will require them all to go to blunt park soon.  I think it is better to have many small senior centers and not one big one to make people take long rides, if they can get one, to go to.
06 September, AD 2017
I did not do much good at all. Did a bunch of stuff on the computer and then to the 4 PM AQCA Board of Directors meeting, and then to the Keep Springfield Beautiful meeting, and I should have attended the Springfield Preservation Trust meeting, but did not have the confidence in myself to do so.  I went back to my apartment having begged off of the trash detail at Bob's yesterday and I wanted to get back to the apartment and sort of cry.  I had not even the confidence to "present my case" for 60 Byers Street.  As I later told people, I often "hate the person I see when I look in a mirror"; my confidence in my being able to accomplish anything good, much less anything great is just plain non-existent most of the time. Need to be at the Community Policing meeting tomorrow.
05 September, AD 2017
I am feeling quite depressed now I am back in Springfield and did nothing good and then bicycled to my 2PM appointment at 3300 Main St.  Maybe try and get out of this town and once again to stay and work on things in Berkshires sooner rather than later.  Bought some things in various places and spent a good deal of money at Savers on some books in Landscaping, Gardening and such subjects.  I know the auction for 60 Byers Street is coming up and I really wish I could have bought the house and rehabbed it, but I don't have money to finance building a dog house, how can I fund the restoration of a historic place in this city. I seem to be such a failure and I have failed twice to get a grant again.  There is so much for me to do today, but I do not feel able to do much of any of it.  I did go to a presentation about saving places and learned that the city now had little money to do much of anything on that score now and in fact does not even have the money to keep from deteriorating the buildings they own.  So much I want to do, so little resources I have, so few things I can do. Often I sin.  It was not such a good night so I begged off of going to Bob's for the trash and went to my apartment as it was to rain, or so I thought.
04 September, AD 2017
I did not sleep well last night, need to be up and ready to be taken to the Ashely Falls Methodist Church Parish Hall for the Leffingwell Reunion.  That was my mother's side of the family.  A good friend is traveling many miles to attend also as he used to sometimes take me when he drove a car. Now he is being driven there by a person he hires to help him do things.  I needed to be up and the tent packed before 10am.  I did not make it and the sun did not get to teh tent until 10am. My friend was delayed and got there about 11AM and I was delayed packing up the last of the tent, but away a bit damp, and closing up the house.  I had, during a break in the storm, did some work so the porch door closes better.  I had a lot of food and they wanted to stop for more but we just did not have the time. By the time we got there the folks were already half way through the meal. We start promptly at 12noon and it was then 12:40PM.  We ate and had the reunion and talked a bit.  Only one or two extended families and not very many people there.  We elected the same officers so I am Vice President again.  I am putting off any thoughts of being elected President.  I have failed at so much and most of my hopes and dreams have been dashed so I don't feel confident to take that job.  However the current President said he might not be able to do it next year so we will see what God has planned.  We left and I had texted Steffi where to meet me in Williamstown.  It is a nice college town and I feel "at home" there. This is where I got the bicycle I had won in a contest for the logo for the Westenhook Historic Trail over 45 years ago.  We left Ashely Falls and went to the Big Y to get some food my friend Wess could eat. Apparently the doctor has him on foods that have no gluten and such.  He is on a very strict diet.  It looks like the current Personal Care Assistant is much better for him.  I do wish he had gotten married at some time in the past.  He does have a lot of love and caring and I think he could have been a blessing to some lady.  We went back to my family land and his worker (Stefanie and here child Amelia stayed near the car while I took pictures of the various trees that I think are now in a mortality cycle and must come down. Hear some limbs going down as it was the night before.  I will as my teachers when I get back to the schooling a week after the Tuesday after Labor Day.  Then we drove up and stopped near Pittsfield at a donut shop and got one for Stefanie and one for Amelia.  I do like Amelia, nice little girl.  We both were in the seat  (she in a car seat) and she is full of life and active, then off to sleep, then active again.  Oh how I wish I had been found worthy to be able to sire a child. But that was not the case.  I had a report I had to talk with city people tomorrow so I could not stay with my friend for a day or so as originally planned.  I will need to come up and do that in the fall with him.  We did talk some though, an my Steffi was delayed getting back to Troy, NY from her family reunion down in South Carolina, if I remember correctly. She had gotten her Mother, who lives in Troy, and then returned back. But there was a bit of a delay in leaving her Mom's again, and rightfully so. They needed some personal time I think. Then they got going and arrived in Willamstown about 5 hours after it had been originally thought she would be leaving Troy.  I loaded up all my stuff (including papers I want to look at) and we left for Springfield.  Steffi dropped me off ant my apartment at sometime near Midnight, I don't think it was yet past 11PM, but I went nearly right to bed and did not do much of anything, other than answer the phone when she said she had gotten back to her home and they were safely in.
03 September, AD 2017
I looked forward to going to Church at All Saints of America in Salisbury, CT and then back working at the family home.  Last night I had tried to visit with Paula Wilson, but she just hid when I knocked at her door. Going out from her driveway I met Robert and his daughter and we talked.  I had met another couple when Joe and I walked back towards his house.  I do have a "family" of people on this road so that if I fixed up a place here I could live in the summer and have folks around I could call upon. I fee so much "at home" here.  BUT the rain is still falling and I have said I would be ready and up at Joe's house by 8AM. So I got ready and out of the tent and walked down the driveway towards Joe's house and there was Joe, in his car, to be there for me when I got out of the tent so I did not need to walk in the rain.  I showered there and then to Church. A wonderful time there and partially charged my phone and laptop.  Nice food.  The priest was away at another place he had to be at so we had an OCA "Readers Service" not much different than the Antiochean Deacon's Liturgy but there is no communion.  Hope's husband is the deacon and it was really nice to see him preside over that service.  Others I know as my Church Family there also and again I felt "home".  Father Kreta had called for a small "Church Picnic" after the service next Sunday an I would really like to go, but I have committed to be at St. George and the Glendi celebration there.  After Church Joe agreed to stop by the Big Y in Great Barrrington, a bit out of his way, and I bought things for the Picnic tomorrow at the Leffingwell Reunion. One of the things were two bottles of soda. One bottle got opened but nobody used any and then  I left both bottles in the car that someone brought me up to Williamstown in where I would get the ride back with Steffi. Once again I had enjoyed a great night at "home" and Sunday was so peaceful and enjoyable. I read a lot of things in the tent while the rain continued all day.

02 September, AD 2017
Do not know what will happen.  But am so happy to be in the Berkshires. Saturday I am up again with Morning Prayer by 10AM and Evening Prayer by 6PM, in other words, Morning Prayer by the time the Sun hits the tent and I am a bit warmer and Evening Prayer just about the time it gets so dark I can't see after that and must go to bed.  Got a lot of stuff cut off around the place and left a note asking Joe Boscarino if I could get a ride to Church with him and wondering if he was going to Vespers.  He was not but came back down to visit me and said he would take me to Church at All Saints of North America in Salisbury, CT the next day and agreed to let me shower at his home in the morning so I would be clean for Church.  Shortly after I am all "settled" for the nigh the rains came and I did not get out of the tent to fix things by the open door to the house.  Heavy rain at times. BUT it was also peaceful to listen to the rain on the tent roof.
01 September, AD 2017
Friday, the end of another week of failures.  The beginning of another month.  When, if ever, will I succeed at anything good. That is what I wrote and when I got to the family homestead all was worse than I had feared.  Just about every building, no every building, has had some sort of limb fall on it and the trees and invasive species around are putting everything else in peril. Throughout the night I had awoken and made notes about the time and the temperature, etc. Now that it was light I stayed in the tent until it got warm. I pitched the tent in a spot that does not get sun until about 10am and then loses it at about 3PM.  But by 9AM I got out the sheets and the Orthodox Study Bible and did Morning Prayer.  So right things felt starting the day this way. Much of the morning was spent looking at things and so discouraged.  Maybe the 24 years spent in Springfield were a complete waste of time.  I got out tools from a shed and started clearing off some of the overgrowth and getting the drive way blacktop to show at least at my Uncle Harold's side of the house. Strained my back doing this, but felt so good to be there.  Continued to work at it this way and ate food I had bought in Lee and read more on a magazine about how animals think and feel.  So restful and relaxing.  Friday night I got to bed and then hauled out extra stuff from the trailer and by 11PM I finally got a second tent up inside the first 9x12 one. The internal tent is 7x9 and was glad I did . The temperature plummeted to below 44 degrees F.  I will try and type these written notes  out and them up here, probably as a pdf file.
31 August, AD 2017
Tried to update and repair some of the html code on the 48th Squadron Association's website early this morning. And that infernal TV is on again.  Can't see what people see in digivison, nothing much of value is on.  It is definitely a mind numbing device the way it is implemented in the USA today. I can't find my files or any images I need and will most likely need to go and get anther copy at the registry of deeds.   Finally I get to see Dr. Plummer.  The pain has been horrible.  I fear nothing can be done.  Maybe this worthless life is now over. I hope to be at the AQCA office in the morning to get an "e-blast" together and then to the SCARF "office" and do some work, pack unessential things to go to storage for others to dispose of later.  Also my stuff for the week in the Berkshires and make certain I can actually go.   I will need to get some soda for the picnic and while there and some peanut butter and put up the pills.  Then go with my bags and such to the 2-5PM Citizen Scientist Academy, do enjoy this training so much.  Maybe, if I get the ride up, I can at least get stuff out and ready to be thrown into an open box and see if anything at the family home can be saved.  I just want to be there and hear the sounds at night and early morning at least one last time. Funny isn't it, the hope of a mortgage for a home here in Springfield seems to be in sight, and yet I have this strong sense that I will not live long enough to participate in the mortgage burning ceremony, and maybe never move into the house.  MayBe that is appropriate.  If I have been such a failure to die as a "ward of the state" since I was so useless.  I think I will try and go to sleep and hope it drowns out the drivile from the TV.  Words that have no real meany and are not really "news" only a different form of "entertainment" and I find little if ANY value in entertainment.  I am so sorry to have let all of you down.
Failure of all failures, I can't even seem to upload this corrected page.  Is there anything I can do right, anything at all????  I am beginning to doubt that.
So I thought all of these things and Steffi called me twice and finally we were on the road by 8PM or so. By 9:15PM we had stopped at my request and bought some things at the BigY super store just off the turnpike in Lee, MA.  By 10PM we were at the family homestead all fallen in and the growth over the "blacktop" road was phenomenal.  Steffi helped me and I got an outside tent up by 10:30PM.  I guided Steffi out and then went to bed.  So very happy to be sleeping at my family home.  So contented and peaceful.  Thankful prayers for all Steffi has done for me and asking for blessings for her, Gabe and Maya.  Really nice to be sleeping at "home" even though I was fearful of the damage I would find in the morning.
30 August, AD 2017
Will not be able to SCARF Office and work until noon, must unload the wood for Bob and try and find an adapter for the computer laptop, a mini hdmi to vga.    Then I need to be at the Enterprise Center by 3:30-6:30PM for the Green Skills Class.  Will need to stay at my apartment and pack for a week long stay in a tent at the family land and evaluate how much it has gone to pieces.  I have made so many wrong decisions in the past 30 to 50 years.  I feel so hateful towards myself and how I let Alice and others down.  I have not accomplished much and feel like huge drag on society with very little if any redeeming value.  It is important I spend tonight getting prepare for my visit with Dr. Plummer.  The pain is not really much better, just I have learned how to adapt to it more.  When you figure out you really do not have much worth, then there is little reason to fight for your comfort or lessening of pain.  It seems sort of like a Divine Retribution for me to suffer.  I did so little to ease my Mother and Father's suffering, and there are no children to make my life miserable, so I guess it is beiing done for me.  The sadness in feeling you have done nothing but harm the lives of others and can not point to anything that are great goals I have achieved is just sort of unable to be described in words.  I know my Lord suffered on the cross for my sins and the more I sin the more he had to suffer.  Why can't I just stop being so sinful and useless and worthless and actually contribute some to society.  The family land, Comart Industries, Country Concepts, Creative Concerns, the Rural Christian Conferrence, Urban Christian Conferrence, the Combined Christian Conferrence, the Feast of Tabernacles Celebration, the concepts of S.C.A.R.F., the Thurston Munson Foundation, the Creative Habitation / Innovative Environment Foundation, and the list goes on.  I have failed to achieve much of what I started out to do. Almost everything very precious to me has been put where it now is destroyed.  The hopes others had for me are now dashed as I have not accomplished much of anything.  A part of me wants to have a cat or some small animal around and just go away and hide and do my Famous Artists Schools books from 55 years ago and just order food now or go and get it once a month and pay my bills through the mail and maybe even not go on line at all.  Just live and read the Bible and stop failing at everything.  The past almost 25 years of failures here in Springfield is such a very painful thing to look at.  After the Bicycle accident in 2009 I have accomplished so very little, found it difficult to study, got sick and people have been paying for bicycles, taking me around, giving me food, I feel like such a leach on society.  The justifiable condemnation is almost unbearable and I seem to be unable to change any of this at all.  Somehow I want to change this negative weight, or at least lesson the burden I am to society.  An since I don't seem to be able to communicate well with people maybe I should stop that also.  BUT the most content times have been when I was "preachiing" and "pastoring" and trying to seek God's will and attempt to do that.  I failed more than I succeeded, but sometimes I was used by God for good.  I fear I have turned my back on all of that and what people tell me I should be doing to be happy is just plain "hell" in my view.  Bob just came by where I am typing at 6am to use the bathroom and he is using a cane his body hurts so badly, and yet I have not been able to do much to assist him.  And here selfish me is planning on going away to be in the country and the cold alone for a bit.  But I think I want to do this, at least one more time.  The end of my life might be coming.  I have hesitated getting a mortgage and doing this house by speaking with the folks at Freedom Credit Union.  I have a sinking feeling I will never live to move into that house.
29 August, AD 2017
No SCARF Office work after all.  Evaluate any progress, which is none, on grant applications. Bob has me go with him to get some wood.  I had listed in my date book "1PM, PHC" and can't remember what that was, so I did not attend.  I ask and Bob takes me to the Savers in West Springfield. I get some shoulder backs and usb keyboards (I seem to wear the keys of of them) and a blue tooth one to see if it will work for Steffi, and a clock for Bob as the other one I lent him stopped working.  Got some underwear for myself, had to hurry as Bob was waiting in the van. Then back to apartment to drop of the stuff bought,  and get some things like my note books for class tonight, and then to Bob's and bicycle to the 3:30-6:30PM Green Skills Class, get there at 3:55PM.  It was a great class, much observations outside, and so we stayed an hour later.  The at after 7PM when I went to go the light would not work. Got toward Bob's and then realized I did not have the proprietary charger, have to do that tomorrow after we unload the wood Bob got to burn when working on the lodge in the winter.  Then to Bob's for Trash detail after the very interesting class and eat a little,  read some of my text for tomorrow's class.  I seem to live on candy these days, and am getting to fat.  Help Bob with ointments for his right foot, he is in great pain an the VA folks can't seem to help him. Good news, my prayers have been answered and his daughter Debby and Bob are on good terms again. They both get to be stubborn at times.
28 August, AD 2017
SCARF Office work to happen in afternoon.  Morning prepares for Noon meeting of 32 Byers Street, Inc. in Executive Session.
12:30PM to 2:30PM 32 Byers Street, Inc. regular meeting, then make up minutes. I go back to Bob's to make up the minutes.  Lastly searching for 257 Central files, can not find them, 3rd or 4th time I seem to have accidentally deleted years of work.  So discouraged with myself.  No SCARF work and trash day.  I decide NOT to take out trash, leave it for another week, only a small shopping bag.  I am trying to honor the social workers desire I not be in the same building at night with the guy that threatened to kill me.  I don't belong much of anywhere in my view.  So discouraged, can get nothing done right it seems.
27 August, AD 2017
Church and I was to prepare for Labor Day and the days around it maybe in Berkshires but instead I just rested at Bob's.  So tired.
26 August, AD 2017
Order of St. Benedict in morning.  Walked up with well ripened bananas Bob had donated. Worked on Bicycle . Must figure out if somehow I can be of any use.  Bob has asked me to take boxes and break them up for him and make a way back, I to that and reorganize things a bit, hope he finds it acceptable.
25 August, AD 2017
No SCARF Office work, should have be all day and packing anything not used recently for storage. Did things with Bob in morning and got things to bring to my apartment to take to picnic.  Wes Browning pics me up for Lodge Picnic in afternoon at Louis's house. Then back to Bob's. Then apartment to get stuff.
24 August, AD 2017
Meeting with Lynne Wallace Cancelled, I am not good enough to meet with her.  2-5PM Citizen Scientist Academy at U.Mass. Springfield's computer lab.
23 August, AD 2017
Got almost no SCARF Office Work in AM, after trash barrels back from Bob's.  Then 1:30PM be at Dr. Cook's office for a meeting. 
3:30-6:30PM Green Skills Class
22 August, AD 2017
2PM meeting at 3300 Main Street.  Maybe this is just a waste of taxpayers money and I am not worth all this expense.
3:30-6:30PM Green Skills Class, then over to Bob's to take out the trash.
21 August, AD 2017
Work on webpage here, then to SCARF office and box up things and at apartment do laundry and got to AQCA offfice to put things away after the candidate's night and write a report.  Then back to Apt. to update AQCA website. Trash Day. I feel so eclipsed so much of the time these days. BUT here is an image of where the total solar eclipse will pass over the USA today (image from npr).
 20 August, AD 2017
Church here at St. Stephen. Was supposed to be in the Berkshires, but just to tired and the folks here I have not been with so I think I should go.  In the afternoon I will check on Bob and then maybe just clean up some around the Apartment.  Monday has to be a time I call Freedom Credit Union and put things away at the AQCA office, and read over the notes and such from the Turff and Lawn class of the Green Skills class.  I do miss my friends both at St. George and Saints Peter and Paul in Springfield, but also All Saints of North America in Salisbury, CT, where I am normally at least a few times in the summer.  I told the folks at church in "fellowship hour' about the young girl with needs, and about the girls that helped me.  I did nothing but go get my cell phone, and Steffi had not called.  I have been thinking about a lot of things lately and I am afraid the people are right. I can not communicate with people.  Maybe it is pest I just "go away" and be "by myself'.  I deserved none of the kindness given to me.  There as no need to break into the apartment to see if I was OK, just because I forgot and left the keys outside the door.  I do NOT want to be "looked after" and that sort of a "nursing home" type of thing is an abomination and an affront to any thinking adult. I love my studies but fear nothing but my enjoyment will come of them.  I see 60 Byers Street is up for a house auction, oh how I want to buy that property and rehab it, but I have NO Money. I will cost about 250,000 many people say. . Please pray that God's perfect will be done
19 August, AD 2017
Not much. Thought to go "online" and see if I could volunteer for the "Convoy of Hope" that comes through today at Riverfront Park.  I got in at 7:30AM or so. Took a bath and by 8AM I had printed out my papers and registration confirmation and brought them and only my I.D. and a bus pass and my keys. We bagged up about 5,000 bags of food for people at the "groceries" section.  I walked around some and saw all the tents with people helping people. Not the least of which was the prayer tent full of folks willing to pray with people, reminded me of the good times when I used to do that at Christian Festivals when I was considered worth something.  But towards the end of the day came a white girl in her maybe 20's with a box with blankets and sweaters and such for the winter and she just could not carry the food and the stuff she needed. I asked questions and found out she was not in a stable living situation but was cautious about reaching out for help.  I feared for her well being. I know not what she might be asked to do to be able to stay there.  I stayed one night in Boston in a room that had over 5 locks on it. I did the least I could to leave that apartment the next day alive.  So I thought I saw the same fear.  God know who she is.  PLEASE pray that she get in a good situation.  I am a broken down old man that can't be stoic any more.  I cry.  I want to buy and rehab houses and have those in need is secure places, but I don't have the money.  100 thousand dollars might as well be 100 million in my mind.  I was given food and struggled to take it to my apartment , maybe being back 4:50PM. As I was walking up State Street from the bus stop and almost to Byers St. A young girl asked if I needed help in a car and I said would be OK.  I then went around the corner and stopped again, it was heavy for me. Because I had volunteered, they gave me an extra bag of canned goods (and I had some of the ones the girl had left behind as she had no place to cook in).  That same girl saw me struggling and stopped her car and came down Byers Street and asked carry my box.  This time I allowed her to. Her name is Autumn and her friend Tiari.  Please pray for these sweet people, and others, who have blessed me so abundantly today.  So very tired, it is 6:15PM and I guess I am going to bed Zz.
Well this is interesting.  I awoke and thought I heard a knock, but did not hear it again.  I went to bed again and then got up and as I was going to the door I thought the door had been opened, the box of food I had put just in back of the door had been moved. So as I went to the door sure enough the door was opened.  One of the tenants on my floor went to security and complained my keys were in my door. They had knocked many times but I was in the bathroom and asleep or such and did not hear them. So they opened the door to see what was wrong and there I was. The apartment is a mess and I am so ashamed of it being that way, but have not felt good enough to clean.  Now I guess I have to do so Sunday afternoon, or soon.  Once again, when we don't think well of ourselves, God sends a message that His opinion is much different.  The people offering to help, the young girl watching me and seeing I was so tired and insisting on carrying the food for me (which was heavy for me) and this instance of a tenant calling security because I did not answer the knock on the door and they were concerned about my well being.   
God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good.  
18 August,AD 2017
I called and the visiting with the Stop Access Coalition has been put off a bit.  "Molay"  will tell me when we had things schedules.  I feel so worn out and pressured and doubt so much that I can do the mortgage and things I want to do.  Looks like I am not leaving the room and going back and forth from eating and defecating to sleeping, trying to "recharge" a bit.  It still "weighs" on me a bit when 3-6 people asked about my running for School Committee and expressed sadness I had decided no to do so.  Yet all were supportive of my idea to help mobilize students to have things changes for the better in their school, even if the city has not he funds for it.
17 August, AD 2017
Spent the morning in last minute checks about tonight's Candidates Night at AQCA's General Meeting at Classical High Condominiums at 6:30PM.  I stated by going to copycat printing West Springfield for 20 sheets of card stock at over 12 cents each, with tax almost $3. I had put things on the table the day before at the AQCA office in the afternoon to have things all packed up and ready to go when others arrive.  I did go around to some businesses and stopped by RLC to give them some flyers and try and talk with Earl Miller.  He will try and help me with an urgent application for a mobile voucher section 8 housing based on my disabilities and the threat on my life.  I needed to leave the AQCA office by 2PM to be at the Scibelli Enterprise Center for the class at 2:15PM, tried to leave even by 1:30PM.  I was back by 5:45PM to help pack things into Wayne's truck to go to Classical High Condominiums for the AQCA general meeting.  We had about 50 people attend, not counting the 11 candidates for City Councilor at large.  We brought a whole lot of food and only brought back a little when we brought stuff back to AQCA office around 9:45PM.  The meeting closed at about 8:45 or 8:55PM, but it took some time to pack up things and then move our.  I might did stay at 32 Byers Street as I think we are going to visit people with the Stop Action Coalition tomorrow.
16 August, AD 2017
Bring the trash containers in by 9:30AM from Bob's. Then start to get more boxes to stuff and pack up Summer stuff to go to storage.  Increasingly I am not at the apartment I rent and recently I do not feel comfortable even staying there one night, to much like being in a nursing home or something like that.  Will get there and try to change back packs to one used mainly for the Green Skills and Citizen Scientist Classes.  Off to the AQCA office to set out things to be taken for the event tomorrow night a I might be late.  The Citizen Scientist Classes are apparently starting up a week early or so as I saw the confirmation email and syllabus yesterday after the Green Skills Class and I got to Bob's to stay the night. Then the Green Skills training is tonight and I need to be there by 3:30PM.  Can you believe it. the new back pack I was so happy to get, the handle pulled off of it today.  I have only used it now for two or three days!
15 August, AD 2017
Got to Ed Whitley and delivered AQCA documents and then email the Stop Access Coalition as I was to have done things and I have not gotten replies back; and can not stay for the full meeting which is 2-5PM. Then get to the Scibelli Enterprise Center for the Green Skills meeting at 4PM.Then to Bob's for the trash.  Increasingly having difficulty with the right leg both bending it and straightening it out, horrible pain. Also the body seems to be tense all over. Another reason I did not go forward with the School  Committee position, not certain about the pain and my future.  Bob wanted me to help him tomorrow, but I just could not do it.  Might bicycle over to the lodge to see if there is anything I can do for a few moments after 9:30AM when I take the cans in from the trash and recycling. 
14 August, AD 2017
Up and to the AQCA office to meet with Betsy at 9AM.  At 10AM the meeting about the AQCA candidates night Thursday.  Have "flyers" created and printed on bright colored paper (about the Candidates night) to distribute that afternoon (in addition to any we had given out at this planning meeting.  The fact is no flyers got done and by Wednesday the only ones printed were on white paper. At noon met my contractor at the AQCA office to go over final things about this project and I want to also meet with Freedom Credit Union as the Wayfinders people had suggested for a mortgage.  Will need to set up an appointment with Freedom Credit Union by the end of the week.  Please continue to pray for me & these projects.  Much of me wants to just quite and "go away" somewhere.
13 August, AD 2017
Get up and put up sides of registration/exhibitor's tent and then to Breakfast after packing. Then to NOFA registration and finally to help with clean up. Then somehow get back to Springfield and put clothing in the wash.  Do eblast for AQCA about Thursday's General Meeting and have poster made up.  Also do press release.
12 August, AD 2017
Up to roll up the tent flaps on the registration tend and exhibitors tent at 6:30AM.  My grew is so very good. We are using a "bungee" cord system that is way faster than before, and so much easier also. After Breakfast I  got back by 8AM and worked until 2:30PM .  I had used the laptop to invite folks to come.  Then from 2:30 to 4:30 I attended a presentation on the evils of the main ingredient in "round-up".  Then help get ready for the "teacup auction" drawing and then to the toilet and Dinner.  I was enjoying a conversation with someone from last year that I lost track of the time and got there about 40 min. late.  My "crew" had done a great job in putting the tent flaps down and I  only had to bring some signs and boards in, which people passing by helped with.  But security was not there and no one else so I stayed until after 10PM, then my relief came and I saw some of the music venues and went to be pretty tired this night.  This was the AQCA 2nd Saturday Walking Tour and for the 3rd month in a row I have not even been able to be at the tour to greet people.
11 August, AD 2017
Up and go to bring tent flaps up (6:30AM) and then to Registration Tent from about 7:30 through7PM  But since there wasz no one at yet I stayed in the tent until the "security" came at about midnight.  So tired. I had gone back in the morning to lay down and rest for an hour as I was passing out.  Sleep not good last night and I fear it is possibly the epilepsy coming back.
10 August, AD 2017
Bicycled over to the apartment and tried to print out some things and pack for the bus trip at noon towards Amherst and Hampshire College and the Northeast Organic Farming Association's Summer Conference at Hampshire College.  I eventually got there by 2:30P and worked pretty much continuously until about 9PM.  I am continuing as work the staff meeting pizza party and cleanup afterwards.  I got a dorm room on the first floor and had taken the Lenovo messed up laptop with me and could email a few people.  Then to bed.
09 August, AD 2017
I bicycled to STCC for a STEM Seminar in which Dave spoke.  The seminar and such was great, the "leaders" or "coordinators" of the event seemed a bit clueless, or it seemed to me.  After this I had some Pizza with them and visited with various professors I had been privileged to have studied under.  Then to the Green Skills training, and after lectures we went over to the STCC grounds to see the damage that some insects were making.  Again I went back to Bob's place.
08 August, AD 2017
Not much.  Last night I had gone over to Bob's and then bicycled to 3300 Main Street for an appointment and then back to the Scibellie Enterprise Center for the Green Skills (as it is now called) training.  It was about bugs. This time the instructor flew up from Florida.  From here I went to the Maple-High-6Corners Neighborhood Council meeting.I then came back to Bob's to help him with the trash.
07 August, AD 2017
Be at the Kitteredge center at Holyoke Community College for a hearing, and then back to Springfield and to tired to set up meetings with loan people about 257 Central Street and inform city of that progress.  Your prayers are especially appreciated as I 'move forward'.
06 August, AD 2017
Try to go to Church in Newburyport and then get to the lodge at 10 Green Street to get ready for the Oddfellows portion of the Yankee homecoming parade.  After this is over with get a bus back to Springfield.
05 August, AD 2017
We were to be at Forest Park by 8:15AM for the Green Skills lab that will go until about noon; but because of the predicted thunder storms and heavy rain, we will meet at the Scibelli Enterprise Center at 7:55AM and will walk from there at STCC and down the streets to identify trees.  Then go to apartment, get stuff needed, maybe tuxedo, and go by bus to Boston to get the train to Newburyport to be there at 10 Green Street to prepare for the Oddfellows portion of the Yankee Homecoming parade.  After this is over with get a bus back to Springfield.
04 August, AD 2017
Was at 9:30AM at Mason Square Health Clinic at 11 Wilbraham road and was seen at focus care. They set up an appointment for me with my Dr. also for a "followup" on this.  They had me get a cream at the pharmacy, sodium ointment.  I will try and upload the stuff for the 48th squadron association for Bob by tonight or sometime tomorrow. Betsy got back to me so I went at 2:30PM to the AQCA office and got there by 3:13PM, got here the keys to the office and she got some documents she can look at and have submissions in by next week.  I thought they were supposed to be in by July 31st. Walked Betsy home as I had an umbrella and then arrived at 3:56PM at the Scibelli Enterprise Center for the Green Skills classes I like so much, just in time for classes to start
03 August, Ad 2017
Meeting in Northampton at 9:30 AM and then get my books at Bob's house for the Green Skills (formerly called Tree Stewardship) class from 3:30PM to 6:30PM, and then maybe get to the Community Policing meeting at Saratoga Street or to the Historic Commission meeting.  The pain was to great and I was asked to stay and talk with the program director, so I did and will ask how the police meeting came out.  Maybe someone went to the Historic Commission meeting also for AQCA. Then I was to late for the last bus near Bob's house. I walked to the apartment and from there talked with Steffi.  She was doing some other things but did squeeze me in so she took me to the Lodge to put the garbage out and then over to Bob's.  His phone was not ringing.  I will do some updating of a web page for him in the early morning, then up to the clinic to see about my leg. Hope they can dull the pain so I can go to Boston and then Newburyport for the Oddfellows portion of the Yankee Homecoming Parade Sunday. I showed Steffi the class materials and told how I am SO HAPPY with this class after she had brought me to Bob's for the night.
02 August, AD 2017
I had made the final decision yesterday at about 9 AM that I would NOT get the nomination papers filled out and honor the request of my committee member to support her and not run against her for the School Committee vacant seat. BUT I feel she has only been concerned about her area an her local school  District one is a large area comprising two wards and probably a majority of the people renting in apartment buildings in the city.  It also has much of the people who are struggling to "get along" in the city.  I feel strongly that this district has to look at all the schools and all the students and try to do what is best for all.  With less money to do things with this will be a challenge for anyone.  So I have crafted a position statement saying, in a First Person narrative, why I have decided not to get the nomination papers filled out and how I would continue to learn about and advocate for and empower students and parents to push for the things they believe are needed in their schools.  I will need to ask for the email of the certified people who are running for AQCA to invite them to our candidates night August 17.   I am in pain this morning and have called the clinic and they can see me Friday and to be there at 9:35AM to get "registered".  Today I will go with a friend to the AQCA office and see about what we can do to get in and replace that locked door entrance handle.  Then come back to the AQCA office and make the agenda for the board of directors meeting and such. Then attend one of 3 other meetings and go to bed, probably at the apartment.  
01 August, AD 2017
Very early in the morning I crafted an email to Bob asking him to call and leave a message at my apartment number or email me saying he was OK.  In that email I put out an itinerary for today and expanded it through September 10th.  I crafted a review or restating of the information for Springfield in their National Night Out activities and will print it at the apartment.  Finally got to the apartment and printed things and paid my rent and also contacted the bank and got some fees removed.  I did not know that they had been assessing me $5 a month for months, because the mail was being returned as un-deliverable and yet I was getting mail at the apartment all the time. This might come from when I was using a post office box and the people changed the address on one of the bank accounts and not the others.  One bank swallowed up another bank and that is how that might have happened.  I did get a tax bill written and had it sent off in the mail also.  Then went to the person's house I had worked things last night, I was now over 2 hours later than I had anticipated. Could not reach them with the phone number I had been given, but emailed via the email address I had been given and said I would be there.  I got much of that work done and took the invasive species out and some of the growth that might have been a reverting back to the original stock of a grafted on species of lilac.  Don't know, talked with my Landscape Design and Maintenance Department Chair and Professor and he was not certain what was happening either.  I left there and went to get the light for the bicycle and put the tools back. Did that and was so tired I lay down.  Then, on the way back to the apartment I suddenly had pain in my leg.  I thought it had been before because of a soft tire, but the tire did not seem soft when I pinched it. So it got critical on my way back and was so painful to pedal I had to pull to the side of the road and lay down and massage the leg.  I finally got on my feet again and got back to the apartment.  One of the things I did was to print things and then spend an hour or so in the hottest bath tub water I could stand. Then pack up tables and a chair and a candle and some papers to go to Apremont Triangle for a little get together on National Night Out just to talk and spend the night with folks.  As it was a current student from STCC that knew me from being at the college years ago came by, then the Dept. Chair of the Landscape Design and Management Department at the School of Engineering at STCC came by and an AQCA board of directors member.  Some folks had to go and do other things so they could not be there, but they did call in on my cell phone.  So the time was pretty much good.  When I got to the office I found the door locked, the bottom handle we are not supposed to lock, but someone had done that and I will need to replace it.  I hope to get there today with tools Tomorrow to take the mail slot off and try and get my hand in to unlock that door.  Probably get another lock and put it in so we have a key for it.  Then make up the agenda for Wednesday's Armoury-Quadranglel Civic Association board of directors meeting.   I brought the stuff back to the apartment and got my bicycle and with great difficulty bicycled down hill to Bob's.  Bob was back from the beach and I was to tired to bicycle back so I stayed there the night.  Put ointment on the hurting knee.

  31July, AD 2017
It is now almost 7AM and I should be getting up, but really need to go back to bed (I have been updating this for a half hour or so but am now sleepy again).  I doubt I do much good at all and seem to think of myself as starting and never finishing much of what I talk about. New Month tomorrow, and I need to find money to pay bills before today is over with and this month is gone.   Where did the summer go to?  Must get to apartment by 10 or 11 AM, must print things for the 1PM meeting.  The meeting was held and it will now require an Executive Session next month to evaluate allegations of wrongdoing by a board of directors member. Because of that group's bylaws we could not move any faster and we felt we needed to give them time to prepare a defense to these allegations.  These are difficult meetings that I wish never had to happen.  Prior to the meeting dates were firmed up and I spoke with people for possible people with solid financial backgrounds to assist this organization as a board member.  I wrote the minutes and then spoke with a public servant I trust.  The result of that discussion was that I am pretty much in agreement with a decision NOT to complete the nomination papers for the vacant School Committee seat in District One.  On my way back to Bob's house I met a person I have known for years and they were having trouble getting some invasive species out of their front yard.  So I agreed to go to Bob's and get the tools I have there and help them. It was getting dark so I agreed to come back the next day and do more.  I am concerned that I have not heard from Bob.  That night and into the morning, I agonized over what I should do on this school committee thing.  And checked to see if the AQCA "e-blast" was sent out as yet, and sent it to the 'IT' person again.

30 July, AD 2017
Early in the morning I had crafted a letter to go with my forms to show where district 1 is (comprising wards 1 and 3)  and show it here so you can see the large area that comprises the "North End":, "South End", and "Metro Center" neighborhoods of Springfield.  I slept for a bit and worked on the wording some more and finished email and then bathed and bicycled to Church.  After Church we watched a movie and faith and next Sunday will see one on the Western Rite Liturgy.  I got back to Bob's house and took the medications I had not found with me after the movie at Church. Then I lay down again, so very, very, very tired.  I finally got going again and bicycled towards the apartment but on Alden Street I was hailed by a former Campus Civitan person that had done so very much for us and was now living in Enfield, CT. Her daughter, Jamie, is so full of questions and wants to learn about everything and is so full of life.  Her brother is more reserved.  BUT when I got to talk with that boy I found out he likes to draw and do complicated origami constructions of animals, etc. and found out his temperament is very similar to mine when I was his age.  We talked some and he showed me the dragons and evil monsters he is trying to draw.  I think he just wants a super hero to protect him.  And in drawing he sort of "brings to life" the image of that sort of an entity. Kim is, I think, divorced or her husband is not alive, and little Jamie wants so much to grow up to be big enough to ride the bicycle her Father had bought for her some time back. I think we must have spoken for an hour or so and I would like so much to be able to speak with her children and Kim regularly.  She took my email address and said she sent me an email, but I will need to check my "spam" folder as I have not seen it as yet.  I then got going again and got to my apartment in time to get the computer going and print out the sheets to take with me to go out and seek signatures.  Pam had called and asked me to come to her apartment, so I did.  That took a long time as she wanted to talk about all sorts of things and I got her the "Good Neighbor Handbook" to show the noise violation laws for Springfield, MA.   Pam had lots of issues and the only way to get on my way, as far as I could see, was to get her bureau in from the alcove and put her other stand in her bathroom and clean up a bit.  This I did and finally got "on the road" to go our and seek signatures.  BUT once I got out in the place I "got cold feet" being all alone.  Instead I bicycle to the lodge and brought some wood Bob had obtained for the wood stove they use in the winter when the workmen are working on the lodge upstairs to where it would  go and recharged my cell-phone.  I read a little bit and then got the bicycle out and locked the lodge and drove back to Bob's house.  I had hoped he was home, but he was not, so I came in and put the TV on like he usually does and got ready for bed.  I will need to go back to bed and then go to the apartment to finish things.  So tired, glad my sleeping areas can be shut out from any outside light as I am so tired now I must try and sleep again.
Did the past year's attendance sheet but need to do the sign in sheet and maybe where I think management can cut costs.  Must do the former, had a month to do the later, but I just am being told by others the costs are ok, I doubt that.  I think the first thing we do is to disconnect the cable from the community room.  The cable in that room has been "hell" ever since it was installed.  Mostly I think it is just a few personalities.
29 July, AD 2017
Bob took  me up to Holyoke and the Massachusetts Green High Performance Computer Center and the final class in the First Time Home Buyers Workshop.  Now it is only good for a year and the classes must be taken again each year until you purchase a house as the rules and such are changing so often.  In fact, I was at a loss because the information given out in May when I took the class was way different than the information given out in July.  The class lasted a little longer than I had anticipated and after using the rest room and walking at a leisurely pace back to the transportation center I grabbed the express bus back to Springfield and paid the extra fare to go with a transfer bus right to King Street and walk quickly to Bob's house.  I was so tired that when I got in I just lay down and rested.  I had seen online how this neck problem needed rest and I was having difficulty resting.  I struggled but still could not get much of any rest.  I guess Bob must have left just seconds before I had arrived.   I should have gone out to get signatures but felt so tired I just rested.  There was no note so I felt I should try and do something here so I cut down some of the weeds in front of Bob's house.  I was wondering if I did wrong by taking out the nomination papers.  The lady that already had taken out papers had spoken to me after the Hampden County Continuum of Care meeting saying how much she desired my support in her candidacy.  I like her as a  person, but do not share her distrust of city officials and the attitude that someone is trying to do bad to another group.  I just do not think people "lay awake at night" trying to dream up ways to disenfranchise others.  I might be wrong, but I doubt it.  
28 July, AD 2017
Got up with a horrible neck ache. Then by 10 was at the Community Health Improvement Meeting at the Pioneer Valley Planning Commission and then down to city hall. It was the last day to take out nomination papers and one person had no opposition, so I thought I might see if I could collect the some 300 signatures needed this weekend to verify 100 and get on the ballot, just to "stand" for the office.  So I did that, and on the way in signed someone else's papers to run as a councilperson at large.  Then to Bob's by bus and get the bicycle and go to the Hampden County Continuum of Care meeting being held at the Mental Health Association building's conference room. After that it was to the apartment to rest for a few minutes and then to meet someone at the Hot Table restaurant.  Left there at 5:50PM, meeting was to have happened at 4:30PM.  This person often forgets the meetings he agrees to when it is not local. He is trying to do so much with such little time.  Then back to see Bob and unload wood at the lodge and then back to do a task on the computerfor him and call up and get an "over the counter" medication at the pharmacy and then back to use Bob's heating pad and get to bed.
27 July, AD 2017
Bob gave me a ride to Northampton and there I got the Franklyn County Regional Transit bus to Greenfield and the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness meeting.  I got a ride back with the Director of Housing, Gerry McCafferty and I always enjoy her wise comments on ending homelessness and the difficulties we have in gaining the funds to provide more and affordable housing.  It was raining but I took the bus down to Emmerson-Wight park.  The event did not happen but I think I saw the people drive up, I was under the pavilion a long distance away.  I saw many a child want so much to go to the park, it did not matter if all was wet or not.  I watched so many groups plan and was so thankful for the parks for our children and adults to enjoy. Went back to the AQCA office after this (got mixed up in thinking the next day was Saturday) and did some things there coordinating the lists of other Neighborhood Councils and Civic Associations and then doing an inventory of some other note cards and su that had been returned to the office. Got back at about midnight and before I could get to bed someone called so I did not get to bed until about 2AM.
26 July, AD 2017
Well I prepared for the Annual Meeting of 32 Byers Street, Inc. at Bob's house where I was last night as it was Garbage and Trash day and I normally help set the stuff out. Also put a rack John DeVoie had obtained for me on the back of the new bicycle given by Deacon Michael that had been his son's.  Got to the apartment and printed out stuff for the Annual Meeting and when it came time for it at noon, no one showed up but one tenants that has been representing the Tenant's Union in the building.  I got back and checked my email again and there were questions about the meeting.  As I understand it, since no one came from outside the corporation, we did not even need to vote on anything as we were not changing the way our board of directors are being selected, the other organizational aspects of the corporation, or any articles of organization, bylaws or constitution.  It is just a requirement we hold the meeting and must inform the public if we are making any changes.  I used the afternoon to write up the minutes of the meeting and receive some telephone calls and then rush up to the "Green Skills" class at the STCC Scibellli Enterprise Center. Once again it was great.  I talked with Dave a bit and then went by bicycle back to Bob's house as he had something for me to do.  It was light and as I got to the spot on Walnut Street  just about 50 feet before the turn onto King St a car honked behind me.  I was slowing down for a car to pass Kind Street going North on Walnut so I could turn and put my left hand out as the hand signal.  At that point someone driving South on Walnut in what looked like a fairly new black car, license number IRE 892 increased the gas, sped forward, swerved to avoid hitting the car going North, passing King St., and in so doing pulled into and hit my left hand that was signalling to make the left turn.  It through my hand back towards me as the car then zig-zaged again to avoid a head on collision with another car going north on Walnut Street as it spend off Southward towards 6 corner intersection ahead.  I kept repeating the license number and after I had made the turn onto King street and it was safe to do so, I pulled over and wrote it down.  I continued to Bob's house and he was out and came back to late to do the task he had wanted help with, so maybe we will do that in a few days.  I was quite shook up over this violent assault by an automobile and did not know what to do.  BUT a person sent a note to a list serve I am a part of about the bicyclist that was killed by a truck July 15th, so I replied and sent a CC to Denise Jordan of the Mayor's office (I heard by email later that Mayor Sarno had alerted the police just in case there were any other outstanding problems with that license plate number).
25 July, AD 2017
I had met the office people at the apartment before to sign another re-certification piece of paper. Something like this has been happening every 3 months or so and the last time I signed something that was supposed to be for a year was much less than 6 Months ago, more like 2 months. Don't know why all of this happens.  But that opened up a slot so I could meet with Ed Whitley and speak about what we could and could not do to be reimbursed for activities done in the Armoury Quadrangle Civic Association from the city's Community Development, Block Grant monies from the Federal Government.  The to the Abby brook event for a great hour or so. Then to 3300 Main Street for a meeting with a counselor at 2PM and then back to get ready and be at STCC at 3:30PM to be there a half hour early for our first Tree Stewardship Class. So excited about this class.  The name has been changed to Green Skills and it is fantastic.  The teacher from Chicago was very good.  The class times have been changed to be Tuesday and Wednesdays and in some cases when we have a lab on a Saturday the classes will be Thursday and Fridays.  I won booklet on tree care for one of my answers.  Just like this a lot. It is like condensing much of my college and other information into the "essentials you need to know" type of thing. Really look forward to tomorrow.
24 July, AD 2017
Prepare for Meeting with Wayfinders at 12:30PM.  Then what ever they suggest afterwards. Also trash and clean up room and box up things for storage. I am so excited about the WayFinders meeting and moving towards rehabbing and having a home in the city.  Please pray that God's will be done and that I am able to rehab this and other homes and start things to help others do the same.
23 July, AD 2017
Church, then most probably and help get our stuff put away for the Lutherans as they need all of the space for their special events coming up this week.  Then back to the apartment to do some things and prepare for a meeting Monday at WayFinders where they will go over things with me, budget, Credit History and suggestions as I seek a mortgage.
22 July, AD 2017
I think we can use the Church building for our Order of St. Benedict meeting but have to put a lot of stuff away as the Lutherans will be using the entire area we use for their events and we might not be able to use it next Saturday.  But we found out, or at least Deacon Michael thinks we can, use the nave. So some will bring food to eat and we will have morning prayer (matins) and the normal Benedictine "Circle" as we explore the ascetic life style as a holy alternative to the self-centered lives many of us live today. Anybody know of a Church Building that is for sale or some place so we could have a building of our own to worship and minster out of in the Springfield area?  Deacon Michael gave me the bicycle his son had and his son told him he could do anything with it.  The front tire did not hold air.  Bob did not come back by three and I had called Richie Eames and he was concerned as he was not as yet discharged from Mercy Hospital at abut 1pm. By 3PM Bob had not arrived so I put some air in the tire and pushed it to a bus stop and took a bus to the terminal at Union Station and another bus to Riverside Shops in West Springfield on Route 9. There I went to Dicks sporting goods store, the store chain this bicycle Deacon Michael had given me was purchased from, stickers still on the bicycle.  The man had a horrible time getting the right tube and could not use one of the same brand name but did finally get one, with a presta valve, in the "slime" category, filled with a gell that is supposed to self heal the tube.  What the old one did was it cracked at the point where the valve went through the bicycle rim. This tube with the presta valve has a metal stem and a hex nut to hold it in place.  I took buses back but it was to late to get to Bob's house so I went to my apartment, got some tools an clothing for tomorrow and then rode the bicycle back, even with some light rain.  Back at Bob's I got out the kick stand I had bought (a Japanese or Chinese brand) and used my allen wrenches I had gotten from the apartment and sort of put it on the bicycle.   Now if it does not rain hard tomorrow I can bicycle up to Church.  I am so blessed to have this bicycle.  It hurts to ride in also, but I have read online that they are putting bad seats on the bicycles and you need to buy a premium seat, it used to come with the bicycle, but no more.  Now I need to go to bed.
21 July, AD 2017
Internet still working through the modem Bob bought and the WiFi router and transmitter I bought.  Yea!.  I must make some calls and then go and do laundry and stuff this afternoon and banking for AQCA.  So I must walk out of Bob's house by noontime again.  But I wanted to tell all of this bad experience I had with the so called Netgear employee and that I have done a work around to get this fixed.  Just thought, some might want to look at the Re-Green Springfield's "facebook" page, so here is that link.
20 July, AD 2017
This morning we tried again and Bob was able to get online with a computer that is a brand new lap-top that was not on when the Netgear (supposedly) guy was doing things.  But my laptop that had not been on had accessed that network before, and it could not see not only that wifi but not even the other 5 or so that we can normally see.  So I am certain a hiding was accomplished that would be easy to remove, once you paid the $400 or so that often they ask for.  We were not going to jump for that bait.  I have a router at my apartment I use sometimes as it is faster than the modem that verizon provides.  So I will try and get that.  Bob had to leave and it was after 10AM. I did the transplanting of flowers and left for Emmerson Wight Park and the event in the afternoon. I appreciate Dave who runs these aspects for ReGreen Springfield so much.  He provided sun-prints, bird sounds, bird houses to build, testing of soil temperature at the ground and 3 inches below and soil sampling to feel how it is down about a foot and deeper.  Lots of kids around and they all got something to do. Also there were bird feeders and some other items.  Bird houses and bat houses were constructed and helped a young child named Mat (I think) try and build one.  They brought oranges and apples and such for all.  Also water and we all had a great time.  Before that I talked with a single mother and told her about the 10 week training program they are offering.
Dave brought me back to my apartment afterwards and I got my medications and that router/wiFi transmitter I had there.  When I got back to Bob's I plugged it in, and within a few short minutes it was seen. I put in the code and was online.  The modem we bought was OK, what the so-called Netgear guy did was to disable the WiFi transmission abilities of the router except for certain types of computers I think. Since the newest gaming computer Bob has was able to see it.  I think Netgear owes Bob one of their newest top of the line Modem/Router/WiFi transmitter. I am so disgusted with all of this. BUT my WiFi Transmitter and router works just fine for now.  I feel really good I was able to restore the service for Bob, even though I am apparently to old to get hired by anyone.  Bathed again as I was so dirty and sweaty. It as over 93 in the sun at the park and 88 in the shade at bout 4-5PM today.  I sat and read in the shade at Bob's house for over an hour outside and it was really nice.  Tried to call Steffi, but could not hear her well. She and Gabe and Maya are leaving for Atlanta, Georgia today and then Gab will go to the Diocesan convention to compete in the oratorical contest representing the Diocese of Worcester and all of New England next week. I am so proud of him.  Steffi will be a delegate for us as I was back in 2015 even though she can only be there for a day or two.  The hotel costs are outrageous.
19 July, AD 2017
Not much got done all day. So hot in the apartment but without the bars on the windows I don't think I can install the ac.  Having trouble with the banks, it is the security codes in trying to keep me safe from people who want to steal my identity.  I think in the end the crooks have the information and the good people can't get to it.  I have very little faith in constantly changing passwords, etc. Bob called and had a computer problem. We called verizon and had a hard time getting the information we needed from them.  They wanted to take over the computer and we let them, only for them to say they could not do anything and call netgear.  They were upset we were not using their modem, but it was failing so much we bought an expensive one ourselves.  So we called Netgear and the man there wanted to take over the computer so Bob and I said ok. He said he wanted to configure it and then, after a lot of stuff done in a terminal window in code, he said, when he did an ipconfig a second time, that there were a lot of foreign ip addresses accessing the account. He set up a note pad and wrote out stuff and asked for the contact information.  BUT he did not put on these supposed bad ip addresses and said that he would send it to the people and they would contact us and tell us how much it would cost to take these off for us.  I immediately smelled a rat.  I was leery of the way things were going anyway, but I don't think he thought I knew anything about computers.  It had been hot all day and I was exhausted and not good to talk with.  So I took the mouse and highlighted the text and erased it all and said thank you and hung up.  We tried to get online and he had me get the other computer going and whatever he did seemed to affect all computers in the house.  We went to bed very disgusted that whatever he did was done not as a Netgear employee to help us but as a con artist to steal. He often went to someone else and I think he might not have been an employee at all, just haning out there.  I was a room in some foreign country and you could hear  others on phone in that room.  I think we were mislead and he destroyed the ability for that internet to work.
 July18 July, AD 2017
Did not get to do some stuff on this project in the morning, then get to Abby Brook by 1PM for the Wacky Wildllife presentation from 1 to 4PM.  As it was the topic was different but throughly enjoyed it and talked a bit about this project as well.  I was given a ride to 53 Alderman Street for the Stop Access Coalition meeting only getting there a half hour late.  I then took the bus back to the East Springfield Neighborhood Council meeting in back of Pottenger School at 1435 Carew Street in Springfield arriving before 6PM. This was my first of I hope many visits to other neighborhood councils and associations and such to see how they do things    I hope to find common issues we can work together on and knit this city a little more together.  It is currently spoken of as one of the most heavily segregated cities in the nation, and most of that we have done ourselves as we have isolated ourselves into our own "just us" little groups and geographic areas.  I also want to visit by bicycle many, if not each one, of our parks and recreation areas to learn of these quiet spaces with wildlife, like Abby Brook Park, that we have and I never knew of before.  It rained heavily at the meeting and I was given a ride back to my apartment by a lodge brother and I did not get to Bob's that night.
17 July, AD 2017
10AM, was at a hearing at 1187.5 Parker Road about bicycle boxes and other things to promote and make it easier and safer for people to bicycle and walk to get things done within the city.  The promotion is to see bicycles and walking as normal methods of transportation for short trips instead of using the resource wasteful car.  Most probably should have spend the afternoon at least cleaning up around the apartment, un-boxing t-shirts and shorts and boxing up other stuff to go to storage; but instead Steffi met me at the hearing and we spent the afternoon together doing things she needed to do. It was a really great time for me.  Also I need to prepare for the trip to Newburyport for that Parade with the Oddfellows at the beginning of August and the NOFA summer conference.  Plan to contact them and say I can not be there as I should be for Thursday afternoon staff meeting, because of the course of study I will be in. Also I need to contact Wayfinders before the week is out about the need to meet about my credit and contact some lenders to try and get "pre-approved" for a loan for this project now that the private funding has evaporated and my contractor seems to think it can be done for many thousands less.
16 July, AD 2017
Church (probably go to the AQCA office at 7AM and get stuff for the Church picnic at Stanely Park in Westfield so I can be taken directly from Church to that event).  Then the picnic and don't have much of anything else planned.  Will try to get to a hearing in a really remote section of the city to try and speak up for bicycle boxes and other components of the complete streets program to promote bicycles and walking as alternative methods of getting around than the resource wasteful automobile.  So much of our city life has been in a "love affair" with the automobile, and yet that passion is destroying us.  Much healthier to bicycle or walk the few blocks to get to a store. And much healthier for the economy to have many small stores than to have a "big box" store way out 5-10 miles away from peoples homes.

15 July, AD 2017
To the order of St. Benedict at Church in the morning.  Went by bus and got there late, the ride I had hoped for could just not happen, to much to do.  I was given a ride back and had so much I wanted to do, but did almost nothing.  Had some people call and talk for hours but basically I did not much today at all.
14 July, AD 2017
Up to STCC for the STEM academy event by 8AM.  All sorts of construction so could not get very near. Spent a whole hour finally finding the spot as it had been moved indoors.  A bit chaotic as I am not certain some people "in charge" fully communicated what was wanted to others ahead of time.  However I got to be with the US Fish and Wildlife Service people as they were displaying various pelts that were confiscated and people could feel various animals furs.  It is illegal to own fur pelts now in the USA as we don't want animals to be trapped and killed for their skins.  When I got back to the apartment I went and rested.  I had, however, been told about the Citizen Scientist program and so I signed up for that also.  I will soon be in classes three days a week and I look forward so much to schooling again. I love to learn.  This is the link if you want to sign up for the Citizen Scientist program and I hope they accept you into it as it will be a great 10 weeks or more. <  http://regreenspringfield.com/uncategorized/become-a-citizen-scientist-this-summer/  >  Later that day I went to the AQCA office and got some things done, fixed a minor problem, and then came back and updated the AQCA website through their console.  The new officers are now listed on their important contacts web page
13 July, AD 2017
Took  buses and brought an umbrella to get to Abby Brook Park for an 8am-to-4pm event.  It was great and this is a link to the story about this "bio blitz".  More is about it at MassLive. While there I also was invited to a STEM academy event at STCC the next day, which I will attend. I went on various walks and got to look at various species with guidance by very knowledgeable people.  And it rained so hard at the in that the US Fish and Wildlife people had to order us out of the woods.  Got to play with an awning and that night, after resting and I was very tired after the day's activities, created a pdf from my internet research to tell how to open that type of RV awning that was on the side of the presentation trailer, but someone had forgotten to pack instructions.  When I found out how it was done via some YouTube videos it was so simple and could be described in a sentence.  But boy did we struggle when we did not know how.  A great team effort. One of those things you look back on happily when a lot of people were working together towards a goal and no one person had a great deal of knowledge about the subject but we all were trying our hardest.  This project is based upon cooperation and collaboration and that is why I am involved in many things to help the homeless.  These efforts are also collaborative and cooperative.
12 July, AD 2017
Leave Bob's by 8AM for meetings at Tapley Street all morning, then to Apartment and AQCA office for board meeting, Got to AQCA office early to meet with someone and then tried to use AC.  Blew the fuses twice.  I then went to the Church Men's Group (meeting at the Hot Table) and back to the AQCA office and then apartment and go to Abby Brook event tomorrow at 9AM.  I had told the guys how happy I was to have been accepted into the HUD tree stewardship training program.  Some more might be accepted as the program starts in about less than two weeks from today (the 25th) and the link is here http://regreenspringfield.com/uncategorized/tree-care-job-training-program-begins-july-25th/ .
11 July, AD 2017
With Bob all morning and then to Savers and then 3300 Main Street and then to Apartment and Wallgreens and Maple, Highm 6Corners Neighborhood Council, then Bob's for the night, exhausted.   Bicycle tire does not hold air.
10 July, AD 2017
Not much all morning but did do stuff with Steffi to get my t-shirts from storage and fix it books I bought for her from storage.
Then to Amherst and Lodge picnic with Amherst Lodge and then back to Springfield and Bob's house.
09 July, AD 2017
Church and Parish Council and then back to make minutes at apartment, then bicycle to Bob's house. Just found out he was away and will not be back until tomorrow, must be at house so no one breaks in.  Bicycle almost flat on air and I pumped it up Monday.
08 July, AD 2017
Order of St. Benedict and then with Seffi and such and missed Big Band concert, trying to get stuff done to replace what I ate at AQCA office.  Then work at office some more.
07 July, AD 2017
Up by Bus to the C&SA building in Northampton for the Mental Health First Aid for Youth meeting.  Shocking knowledge, suicide is the 2nd highest cause of death for teenagers after automobile accidents. Then back to AQCA office and clean some more.
06 July, AD 2017
Some stuff at AQCA office and then Individual Services Committee meeting at Friends of the Homeless (C&SO) then back to AQCA office and then to meeting at Police Station for Sector E Community Policing and then to AQCA office and then back to apartment.
05 July, AD 2017
10 AM meeting at 130 Maple Street, then to AQCA office and finish up the inventory and other documents for next week's Board of Directors meeting. 
04 July, AD 2017
Holiday, did almost nothing, got to Riverfront Park for Army Band, it was great, and then up by Central and then over to Steffi's house and then back.  Hated the fireworks junk
3 July, AD 2017
Messed up, went to meeting and tried it a 120 Maple Street, it was the wrong day.  Then to AQCA office and do some vacuming. Can't get much done these days.
2 July, AD 2017
Sunday and I walk to Church and after Steffi brought me to take some things back to the lodge storage area and I work on that much of the afternoon, she comes back to check on me twice.  Then I call and Seffi is on her way to Hartford. I walk over to Bob's house and stop at Springfield College to rest on their green area for about an hour. The security guy asked how I was and I said I was tired but would be out of that area by 6PM.  So much to do at the AQCA office but that will need to be Monday night.  Back at Bob's by 6:30PM but can't seem to get the energy to go to the AQCA office and rested. Ate and altered an image we have of 257 Central with a garage trellises between the divisions of the houses and the road. This version eliminates all but the central door and puts windows in there instead. The garage section is on the right and mirrors the 1923 addition on the left. I put it up for you to see, just click here.  It might be important to note this shows the home with the windows I got from a 1917 building so it changes the entire appearance with a 12 over 1 fenestration that I think is more in keeping withe the age of the home.  Please pray, that if it be God's will, that I can accomplish this task.  It is also the idea that the trellises are set forward from the house so you can go around them and towards the back in the area to the West of the front door.  I think this gives the house a better "feel" and does not look so "tiny" from the street.
1 July, AD 2017
Steffi had asked and I was to go up to the book study at Church with her but it got close to the time so I took a bus up.  After the book study she cleaned up and we went shopping for items for Maya at summer camp in Pennsylvania and some things for myself and the AQCA office and such.  Maya leaves at 4AM for the camp, Karen is bringing her with her children. Then off to the apartment and there I got some clothing to wash and went over to Bob's to wash them and have them dry before morning.
30 June, AD 2017
Work on that letter by email to AQCA members apologizing for not getting the items.  Then work on the RLC grant application that is due today.  Then on the stuff for the class and as I am about a half hour late I am rushing out the door when the "trainer" I dislike so much calls and asked why I was not there.  I replied "I am on my way" and she said "fine" and I hung up.  So glad this is the last class with this "trainer", I do hope my coming helps to have her keep employed in some fashion.  I just think her social work "bedside manner" skills are probably just "not there" and I could see her temperament be better suited to a police "booking" officer's job description.  From here I went to the testing laboratory at Baystate Hospital for the electroencephalogram. He asked me if I had ever been told I had micro-amnesia epilepsy, and I did not know what that meant. Later on I found out that is the "new" term used for what we knew 55 years ago or more for having Petite Mal type of epileptic seizures.  So maybe the epilepsy has come back, I hope not.  Then to the AQCA office and finish up this last bit of the RLC grant and some other stuff there.  I had cleaned up and used a carpet cleaning powder and vacuumed the place before.  Got replies back from the email I had sent out in the morning saying we had accomplished what we had intended on doing last year at AQCA and we just need to make a different budget for this Fiscal Year.  I feel much better and called my friend that I thought was bringing me up to deposit the grant application in Holyoke only to find he is going away and can not do that. So I rushed to the Union Station bus section berth for the bus to Hoyoke and was told we would arrive at 4:50PM, so I go on the bus.  Instead we arrive at about 5:05PM.  I rush into the office but the elevator is broken and need to climb the stairs.  Then they are gone, might have been some of the people seen going down the stairs as I was going up.  So I put the application under the door and took the next bus back to the AQCA office. Sent the grant application out by email to my friend to know about my thinking as I know it was "dead in the water" because I did not get it there before 5PM.  Went back to the apartment so very tired and discouraged and disgusted at myself for not being able to function well. Still have to tell Scott Hanson of my progress in getting funding for this project at 257 Central Street, but I fear it might not happen either.  Will try in early July to establish a Web presence for C.H.I.E.F. as a foundation and do that other website this man has been patiently waiting for (a gratis job).  Since Bob said he did not leave last night after all, I stayed at the apartment.
29 June, AD 2017
Another day when I could get almost nothing done.  I hope the test Friday eventually is read and shows something that might suggest why I am this way. I don't want to think it is the Cancer coming back.  Did get to the AQCA office and finish us the inventory and make a sheet to record it on. Will need to be working on that later.  Went to the last class in the Wayfinders Series on Financial Literacy for home ownership.  Called Steffi and she was still in Holyoke and brought me back to Springfield. I then went to the AQCA office and did some more work finishing up that inventory.  I  just can not see much of anything we can justify buying to get reimbursed.  I think I will send out a letter apologizing for failing them so badly.  Back to apartment after midnight and crashed.
28 June, AD 2017
Did not feel like doing much of anything today. On computer some but just worn out and sort of a whole day of this dullness and not seeming to be able to do much of anything. Thinking of what we can do for AQCA for the grant money and think in all probability we must let it all go s we did not have resources other than the block grant money so we could not buy anything until it arrived and that was only about two weeks ago; after our board of directors meeting.  I did get down to the Men's Group meeting for Church that was at the Hot Table restaurant and then up to the AQCA office to do more inventory, I think it was finally done tonight, except for a few small things.
27 June, AD 2017
At AQCA office and then to 3300 Main Street for an appointment with my counselor and some emotional concerns.  Also spoke to Earl at RLC about some items and will try and get the grant application in that he sent me today. It is due Friday, don't know if I can work on it at all this week.  AT 6:30PM I was at the AQCA office and realized I should be at the Green Committee, city council's sub-committee, and called to tell the Chairperson I was on my way. Then back to the AQCA office to continue the inventory.
 26 June, AD 2017
I will finish writing these things about July 2nd or so. I have been writing a chart for my Doctor and am so discouraged. I get the dull or exhausted time for about 3-5 hours each day.  Also when I know I need to turn left to avoid something on my right I instead turn right and crash into it. This is one of the symptoms my mom complained about before they diagnosed her as having Multiple Sclerosis, and then maybe it is just the cancer coming back. Do not know much but I am worried. Thanks for your prayers.  Today we had a very bad Board of Directors meeting where I said certain things had to happen and I was once again not only ignored but told that I was to do things I had not agreed to do.  I did what I said I would do, tell where we needed to take action and leave the specifics up to Property Management.  I am told to come back with specific items, in other words do the work for property management, which I can not do as I do not know the specific real costs of items.  So I will just come back sometime after the 4th of July with a list of items Management needs to trim or eliminate.  So very, very depressed over this issue alone & that they will not listen to reason. 

I am leaving much of this text from before up here.  It tells the extreme negativity and the low opinion of myself that has plauged me for weeks, even months.   I look at only 5 more days in this month and it is another one of failures whereupon I have failed both God and man.  I thought the other day for a second how nice it would be to be dead.  Then at least I would cease to be making people's lives unpleasant by not saying the right things or not doing things right or not understanding people right. I am so tired of being the one that makes peoples lives less than they could be if I were not around bothering them.  I want to help and make this a much better place to live in.   If I am unable to do that, then what justification is there for me to continue to be here.  Maybe I should move to Mount Athos or the like and never return.  I have tried to find out information and it is displayed not as a web page but like a "smart" phone.  The "smart phone" is such a useless device with just a cumbersome interface that takes such a long time to get any information and then it is only very specific and useless for making multiple decisions and creating an array of possibilities to be prioritized.  I just can't see  how American business get's anything done with such and inefficient way of doing things.
I am so sick of failing at everything, denying my Lord, and being so useless.  It looks really good to just go out into the "wild" and let it end this totally useless life.I am just so tired of it seeming like my existence is making the lives of those around me uncomfortable.I do not want to hurt the ones I have loved and am not doubting I can accomplish anything much.  I will not update this again for a week.

25 June, AD 2017
Steffi could not get her family going to get to my place before after 9AM so we got to Worchester part way through the Divine Liturgy and arrived as the special guest speaker was concluding his homily. WE ere not going to stay for the luncheon, but Maya begged and so Steffi said OK and we stayed but had to leave promptly at 12:30PM. I got back and was so tired.  I ended up going to bed and that was the end of the beginning of this week.
24 June, AD 2017
Steffi said she could bring me up to Worcester and we got there after the Divine Liturgy and people were going to eat. I did not have a ticket to eat so I stayed out in another room and read some.  They had a used book table and I bought a book and they gave me a special cup and all sorts of nice things about the church's 100th anniversary.  When the word was that the Bishop was speaking I went in with my bags and such and listened to him and took some images as they had the General Assembly for the Diocese and following that a very special speaker. Oh was he GOOD and he started out with "What has God asked you to do, AND why are you not doing it?   Right between my eyes, so true.  I heard such good things that I got excited and went to sleep just about all the time. That is how narcolepsy works it seems.  Before this we had a presentation on the Orthodox Charitable arm, the I.O. C.C. and that was very good also. Then we went to small groups and the speaker was there with us also. A mos holy man in my eyes, he was oh so humble.  Then it was time for the "Bible Bowl" and I was already not feeling well. Shure enough, just like the past 4-8 days I am getting dull and it lasted way through the Bible bowl.  There was another meal and I was just setting in that other room. I had been dull in the Bible bowl and now dull again.  I could hardly function. I texted Steffi and she aid if I got back to the apartment she could bring me to Church in Worcester and the Hierarchical Divine Liturgy.  So I went to the bookstore people and asked how I walked to the Bus station.  Here husband was the coordinator for the event and he said he could take me. She convinced him to stay and she would go and another person would watch the shop for her.  It was over 3 miles and when we got there it looked like a bus was in the Berth for Springfield and I rushed over instead of having her drive me from the train station to that spot.  I went to the ticket place but they had closed their doors already at 7:30PM.  It was now after 8PM.  I went back to the spot where the buses usually depart from Worcester from and a girl was there who said she was also waiting for that bus.  A bit later she watched a girl walk by that went to a bus that was not a special bay but where buses normally stop just to get extra people or for freight, it is NOT the normal place for a bus to be and they had no lights on the front saying where it was going.  The girl next to me was watching intently the girl that now was talking to that other bus's driver.  I asked why and she said she had talked with that other girl and she also was trying to get to Springfield and if she got on she was going over to see if she could get a seat.  Just then the other girl got on the bus and the one beside me took off for that bus and I said we had best hurry and I did also.
I did not have the money it would have been for the bus, $22.  BUT someone had given me a $20 bill for the convention and I had not spent it, so it was what the driver wanted and I gave it to him.  I got the bus and texted Steffi about 6 times saying I was coming in. She was to tired to come and get me, but I did get back so I could sleep some.  I also made a thank-you paper for the two sweet people that got me to this mysterious bus.  When we got into Springield there was still no lighted sign saying what the bus was. If this was not the last bus in, then it was, as Steffi says, my "angel bus" to get me back.
23 June, AD 2017
Went to Commonwealth Care Alliance's workshop on dealing with Chronic Conditions. Nothing I said or did was right. Should have gone to the meeting with Sen. Lesser instead at STCC.  Got back and windows had been put in without telling me when so I did not have curtains taken down. Got back from the workshop that ended at 11:30 at about 12:30 or 1PM. Had gotten a Belkin KVM switch but for some reason the power supply seems not to have been with it. With the 7 port usb I bought frying my files for this project and the Belkin switch not working I am pretty much depressed.  I have asked about a ride to Vespers in Worcester tonight but gotten no reply. It is 3PM, will need to take the bus at 4PM and hope when it gets in at 5:15PM I can walk to the Cathedral. I feel like I can do NOTHING right at all.  I have not gotten Bob's flowers done or checked on Steffi's or done the work at the AQCA office or anything.  I am so frustrated.  Just hung up the curtains and need to insulate the windows again.  It is now 90 degrees outside and 83 inside.  I feel like my usefulness has ended.  People are just waiting for me to die or "move on" and get out of their way.  I doubt I can say anything good about myself and the best thing to do right now might be to just go to sleep.
22 June, AD 2017
Don't know what else, other than what is listed later in this, but I do need to finish transplanting flowers at Bob's house.  I know that class #2 in the Financial Literacy items I do tonight in Holyoke at 100 Bigalow Road tonight at 6:30PM. Have no idea of how I get back because Steffi says she can not be at this class.  I might take the bicycle up.  In the morning I need to see about bills and see if they are paid, do an email to board of directors at AQCA and make some telephone calls. Probably need to do much of this at the AQCA office.  I want to go up to the Emerson Wright Senior Center while it is open and eat, be there by 11:15AM, and also need to talk to the Mayor's office.  Much to do and I don't seem to have time to do it.   Did not get to Emmerson Wright, went to AQCA office but could not get much done, and then had to leave bicycle there to get to Holyoke for that meeting that gets over after the 8:30PM bus leaves so we need to wait till 9:30PM to get a bus. Thankfully the connecting bus was late so I got it to the apartment and then called to explain why I had not gotten back earlier.
For the 4th time now I have done something and destroyed all my files for 257 Central Street.  The back-up does not seem to have them.  I was to send information to the city, it is all gone, all of it, about 65GB of this and other most important information. Today has been dull again. I do not know what is happening, maybe life is ending as a functional human being. Once again that which I have loved and had such hope for has been dashed.  I bought a 7 port usb hub and it could only "see" three items.  BUT when I went to take them out they were very hot. I guess the Chinese stuff burned up my flash drive. No operating system is able to open it.  I have taken all off of another flash drive in order to download this file so I can continue to report on my total failure as a human being.  The person that was to send me a grant proposal has not done it, nor met with me as promised or emailed me.  I can only take this as another incident of a gentle way of saying I am so useless I can not do anything right and have no value or worth to others.  Theologically death looks so nice to me right now.  Since I can't seem to do anything right it would at least stop my doing things wrong and maybe reduce my eternal punishment a little bit.
I am not a euphoric as to feel depressed right now.  Everything is at the point of starting all over again.  I hate the idea of a "cloud" storage, but I might need to do this in order to save something as all my storage devices seemingly are failing.  It is 2:16AM and my friend has hung up the phone and I have been able to move everything off of this flash drive but do not know how to set the permissions so that I can read it anywhere. I fear this will "all go down in flames" as well.  I write to say that I am so sorry for any harm or hurt I have caused anyone because it looks like I am a totally incompetent idiot and not useful for any task at all.  Ever since 1957 when I was diagnosed as having epilepsy many of my family had "written me off" as being useless and the state would pay for education so I was somewhere fairly safe until I finally died.  That was 60 years ago.  For the past 60 years I can see myself as nothing but a failure that society has been supporting until I finally do what I should have done long ago, just die and let someone else more valuable use he air and food and space.  It is no fun at all to feel that you have spent the last 6 decades as a hindrance to society.  I will try and sleep before I go to the workshop tomorrow where people will deride me and yell at me and others will complain because I have not done something right in their eyes.  I am at my apartment tonight. I am not normally here.  Being here is an offense to so many in this building.  Tomorrow I should be at the Parish Life Conference learning how to live right.  Maybe I am incapable of learning this.  I fear I can do nothing right, ever.  As I go tor try and sleep some before then I will try and remember all the wonderful women I have loved and ask God to bless them as apparently I could only be a curse to those I have wanted so much to be a blessing to.  I have failed at SCARF, at this house, at 60 Byers St., even failed at being able to save stuff to a flash drive. I'm worthless.
21 June, AD 2017
At 9:30AM the garbage was not taken up so I brought it back, the tree belt had been torn up so maybe that is why it was not picked up from Bob's house.  Some things I just can't read well in my old date book, something at 10AM and something in the afternoon.  Must change to that date book I can read. The first was the C3 meeting at their office/conference room in the south end. We were told that as of Sunday the name has been changed to Metro and includes the South End and Metro Center. I talk with someone about consolidating maps so the city does not have so many overlapping districts, so confusing. Still can't figure out what afternoon was so Bob and I were to meet and we misunderstood where.  After about 3 hours I called and found out it was my fault we did not connect well. Once again I could not speak clearly or accurately or something.  Bub Bob came to the Amity Lodge building and we went through some more stuff looking for a cable "modem" which has apparently "gone missing".  After that I go to apartment and get medications and then start to bicycle to Bob's house, only to call him and say I will be late, forgot it was Church "men's group" meeting tonight. I have started using the new date book and keep the old one just for a quick month at a page glance and items into next year.
20 June, AD 2017
Finish moving ALL the stuff out of the veteran's apartment and then over to Bob's house to help him with the trash.  We got the couch/day-bed out and the last of the stuff. People are ripping off wall paper and such and getting ready to clean up . I thought we had to have the keys back by today, Bob said tomorrow. Many wants to see his old apartment empty, but might not be able to do that.  I got to apartment, bathed again and off by bicycle to the Pioneer Valley Planning Commission for a Pioneer Valley Transit Authority Hearing on proposed route elimination plan. Wayne Nelson was there and reminded me the meeting is a Stop Access Coalition committee meeting at C3 room across from Duncan Donuts in the south end of town.  I had an intense verbal argument with another tenant where I called him a liar and I am so disgusted with this person who has been trouble ever since he first moved into the building.  I want to leave and maybe sooner than I had anticipated.  Much pressure to have me resign from the board of directors as I can not seem to get anything right and not move people in the correct direction.  So sick of being a failure all the time. I will try to sleep at the apartment less than 3 days a week during the summer.  I need to be away from the people with alcohol and drug and mental health issues as they are in the entry way much of the time and I have to go back to my apartment and wait until they leave before I can move back towards the door again as I am supposed to be 5 yards away from them at all times.  Sometimes that is hard as they insist on opening the door for me.  I just want to get away from grown adults acting like little kindergarten kids.
19 June, AD 2017
Work on moving rest of boxes and furniture out of disabled Veteran's apartment. Must be all out by tomorrow.  At 1pm the combined Springfield and Amity Lodge and Agawam Encampment pizza party, we then do not meet until August or September.  At 5:30PM be at the Rally for Rails with senator Lessor. Could not do much in morning, went to Lodge and Bob joined me for a bit then the the Lodge Party at Springfield Lodge and then to move more stuff and then to apartment to bath and walk with umbrella in rain to the Rail Rally and then the AQCA office to meet with our Treasurer for AQCA and do some work there. Back to Apartment and bed, so very tired.
18 June, AD 2017
Church and then back to apartment.  Church picnic was cancelled due to expected rain.  Will maybe clean apartment or most likely move more stuff.

17 June, AD 2017
Steffi picked me up for the Diocesan event in Worcester and she left early from that event (where her two children won in both categories in the oratorical contests) and got me back at the apartment at 2:50PM. So I went up to Armory Day at the National Park Service, Springfield Armory Museum until 5PM. Then back to sleep.
Found the larger spaced date books I had bought before and will switch to them by Sunday and be totally moved over by July 1st.  Probably use a Franklin/Ques dy planner type of system starting with January 01 of 2018.  Must get a note to Scott Hanson and meet with Building Department about 257 Central this week.
16 June, AD 2017
I was so tired last night.  Up again at 1AM to redo things Bob wants for his presentation today.  The over to Springfield Technical Community College and their bookstore to buy sheet protectors for Bob to put his images in. Then to Scibelli Hall for the 3rd Annual Leadership Conference with many a really great speaker.  I got back and to tired to do much of anything. 
15 June, AD 2017
Thursday Bob and I worked on the presentation Bob is to give Friday on Air Force One and more of the moving stuff. Then to my doctors with Bob at 11:20 and then more moving stuff after that.  Bob then brought me up early to the meeting at 100 Bigalow Road in  Holyoke and attended the 1st in a three part series on Financial Literacy as relates to home buying.  I have attended with Steffi the class number 3 and all we need is class number 2 for Wayfinders to be able to pull a "soft" credit report and find out what I need to do.  Steffi brought me home to Bob's place at about 10PM.  I totally forgot to bring the lodge recycle out at Amity, now must wait two more weeks. Why can't I remember things & do things right. Bob constantly says I am doing things wrong, as do the people in this building I am tired of being wrong.
14 June, AD 2017
Was with Bob with more of this veteran's move and he took me to the Building Committee meeting and then the Property Management Committee meeting and the two people that said it had to be on Wednesday to fit in with their schedule did not attend.  So neither came and we approved a letter by management to go out to tenants basically saying they need to follow the house rules.  I will seek to speak with some other Property Managers as I am to say where we can cut things.  I do not know, it is the property management people that need to do this. We, as owners, just need to say you have "X" amount of dollars to pay all bills with, so do it.  After this week did some more on moving this stuff and then I went to a UMass meeting at Tower Square about open spaces and our youth with a focus on how we can overcome perceived racial biases.  From here went to the Men's meeting, then back to the AQCA office to work on the "e-blast" and then back to the apartment, and then to Bob's house.
13 June, AD 2017
Can't remember what was done in the morning, I think do more on this veteran's move. Then to the AQCA office, 3300 Main Street for an appointment and then when that was over at 3PM try to get to the Stop Access Coalition meeting that also started at 3PM at the C3 initiative meeting room in the south end. Then back up to the Brightwood Library to talk with Kathryn and go to the Springfield Climate Justice Coalition meeting. Then back to AQCA, but could not stay long as I had to get to Bob's place to take out the trash and such. Stayed there Tuesday night as I often do on Trash day.  Looks like someone put trash in the recycle bin so it was not taken.
12 June, AD 2017
With Bob all day, sort of 7:45AM to 4:PM moving things out of that Disabled Veteran's place.  So very tired.  I seem to be getting nothing done I need to do.
11 June, AD 2017
Church and then back to the apartment and then over to CHD on Pine Street to start the Springfield Preservation Trust's House Tour fundraiser that I had won a ticket to in responding to the correct answer in a newsletter question.  It was a wonderful tour. Very tired when I got back.

10 June, AD 2017
Stuff with Bob (banged my left hand index finger and the finger nail was soon black) and then over to the apartment to get my bicycle and go tothe Second Saturday walking tour to greet the folks and remind them that we do not meet for AQCA general meetings on the Third Thursday during June and July but do meet on the first Wednesday for the board meeting. Looks like it will be 2nd Wed. in July.  Then over to Springfield's Central High School on Roosevelt Ave. for the Relay for Life Walk.  Amity Lodge # 172 and Springfield Lodge # 235 gave $50 each and I was able to turn that in to the folks at the beginning.  They wanted me to wear he survivors purple t-shirt so I reluctantly did so. What was taken off my eye lid was a tiny thing and I guess they "got it all" but often I cut off warts or things of "grissle" on my body and when the scar heals up I seem to be better.  Lost my balance going out of the area at 11pm and crashed and skinned my elbow and knees.  Skin does not do well when going against black top.  I have been sucking the finger that was damaged a bit now and then to try and draw the blood out and maybe save the finger nail.
09 June, AD 2017
I was doing other thins and went to the Commonwealth Care Alliance class on Chronic conditions when I should have been at the Hampden Conty Continum of Care meeting. I am just not remembering things well. I told them I might not be able to come the next two CCA classes. More stuff with Bob that Afternoon, if I remember it.
08 June, AD 2017
Did some things with Bob and he took me to 69 Capital Ave. in West Springfield to a CHD building where we had the Family Homelessness fair with over 44 vendors and at least 3 workshops sponsored by the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness.  Then back and over to Wayfinders by 5PM to be at a "Meet the Lenders" event where I happened to win a Google Home device.   Steffi came to the event a bit late but learned much. I spoke with some lenders and found my views about the debts due by one corporation I sit on the board of directors with is correct, even if the leadership of the corporation feels otherwise.  A good friend in this work died (suddenly for us) and I was not able to go to the calling hours or get to the funeral the next day.  I don't mind if I die, I am not contributing much, but he was a great force for good and I can not see  how his shoes will ever be filled.  I am very depressed over this turn of events.
07 June, AD 20a7
Did some things with Bob and then  back to 140 Chestnut Street, Kimball Towers, for the Armory Quadrangle Civic Association meeting and meet with people who  want our approval in an application for an All Alcohol Beverage license.  I stayed there after the meeting to work on an "e-blast" and some other things and then down to the Men's meeting.  Saw an BUG LIGHT cup and figured it could stand for "Being Utterly Devine, Love Is God's Highest Thought".
06 June, AD 2017
Up to a hearing of the Alcohol and Beverage Commission in Northampton, then bought some books and came back and was at an event at UMass-Springfield from 5-8PM, speaking of ways we can revitalized the city.  A good presentation was given and it was a very inspiring "meet-up" with others who want to improve things.
05 June, AD 2017
I have it listed that I had a Wayfinders Class from Noon to 2PM, but can't remember if I went or not, so depressed lately.
04 June, AD 2017
So tired after yesterday and the day before.  After Church I just got back to the apartment and slept. So very, very very tired and so sad I can't do much right.
03 June, AD 2017
I did not go down to Grand Lodge, I.O.O.F. in Milford last night so Bob brought me down this morning. Then since I was "stuck" Steffi was so kind as to bring me back.
02 June, AD 2017
Helped Bob all day as we try to start getting things out of a disabled Vet's apartment who has gone to a more intensive "Assisted Living" program.
01 June, AD 2017
Meeting cancelled this morning, so I could help Bob with something.  This evening I go up to 100 Bigalow road in Holyoke for a Wayfinders Class in home ownership. Steffi Crivelli comes up after work and she gave me a ride back.  Like the First Time Home Buyers classes, to many months have gone by since I took the class before, so I need to do it all over again.

Did not record much until June 17th. Very Depressed.

JUNE Starts

31 May, AD 2017
Today I meet with Jane Devline at the AQCA office and she turns over the membership things.  Reminds me of years ago when I was on the membership committee, but someone else wanted to be chair (and then she wanted to do most of the work).  So I get the job again and hope I can reduce it down to a written set of instructions for using the awful microsoft Outlook program to track email so others can read it. So glad Betsy is now Vice President and it all does not fall on just my shoulders to make certain we are at meetings. On this last day of May I will most probably (if windows stuff does not happen today) finish with a new update to the Apple OS for the AQCA computer and maybe send out a notice about the association's board of directors meeting next Wednesday.  Most of all a report goes out today to all the city people involved with 257 Central Street and prepare for the Class about home ownership at Holyoke next Thursday and the Meet the Lenders event at the Basketball Hall of fame the following Thursday that Wayfinders is doing. So very tired and yet want to accomplish something good in this life.
30 May, AD 2017
Conference with Property Management and the window replacement company owner about the mess-up in not ordering the windows. I am OK with them being replaced at a later date for my unit.  I know the company has a firm commitment with a large project at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst this summer.  And I will proceed with this project and getting other short term housing.  Please pray I can get the financing for this project and somehow get donations and grants and such so a foundation can be established to continue keeping up the house and such after I am gone.  Also maybe 60 Byers Street and a structure at the family homestead that is so unlivable at the moment. I do appreciate and seek your prayers as I seek God's guidance in all things.  Please pray that I not only seek but am willing to follow what God says for me to do. To often I have rebelled and not trusted God in these matters.  Might need to accompany Bob to Westport and help him get some items, do some things and check on family members.  All of this is "up in the air" and I know I need to get flowers going for Bob soon.  I have made a firm decision to NOT talk with almost anyone at the building at 32 Byers Street beginning with the Fiscal Year 2018 and starting gradually now through June.
29 May, AD 2017
Memorial Day and I will try and accomplish something.  I want to sleep at the apartment so I am there early in the morning when the window people come.  I would like to get the used windows I have obtained will to temporary storage today.  When I get enough I contact the contractor. It would be so good to be able to get the financing and do this house with the older windows and some sort of 1970's type of technology to keep the cold out and the heat in the windows and keep warm at 257 Central, want so much to make this project "work".  News the contractor might have found a funding group and I contact WayFinders Tuesday about credit.
28 May, AD 2017
Church and then back to Bob's house to help with the changing of a valve on a toilet.  It was supposed to be dry in the afternoon so Bob took me up to the Berkshires I put flowers around my relatives graves and some of Grange members and Alice Davis's family. To tired at 5:30PM to do much of anything. Went to lay down and then read email and then update this.  It is now 9:30PM and I am so tired. Going to bed.  Hope I can do some moving of things to storage tomorrow.  Pretty much tired of being wrong all the time and being the reason all others do not succeed.  I think I can not help and will be withdrawing from speaking to any person at this building and not going out of my room if I am there.  Hope to rehab a house and move there by September. If not then I leave Byers Street by Dec.
27 May, AD 2017
I got to sleep maybe at 3AM.  By 4:50 AM Bob was up and put that infernal TV on again.  So I am awake and finishing updating these pages.  He uses the TV to go to sleep with. The articles I have read say you can do that but the sleep you get is shallow and fractured.  I often can not tell Bob much of anything, and yet in some subjects I know (or I believe I know) the subject and will argue forcefully  against his position and not move on it.  It is 5:34 now and that TV blab is so jarring to me. As I think of it, I have hardly watched any TV in the past year and when I did it was a documentary or something like that. So I will attempt to finish this and get back to bed again. This just emphasizes how fragile the little rest is that I get with narcolepsy.  I just yawned, time to get to bed again while I can get the sleep.  Then to the event in Worcester and then maybe back to see if I can get $20 from the bank and go to an estate sale to perhaps only look round at ( a friend is doing this that is associated with the Maple, High, 6 Corners Neighborhood Council, so they told me and I want to go).  Then it will be back to Bob's and rest before Church tomorrow.
26 May, AD 2017
Well I mis-read the clock and instead of getting the 8:15 bus I got the 7:15 one to the bus station to then get a bus to 101 Wasson Ave and the course on dealing with chronic diseases that was put together by Stanford University.  Great instruction but the facilitators are trying to read the instructions instead of learning the lines like you would in a play. Hence it comes off very stilted and really not convincing. Sort of like some actors in the first ready of a  play. The information and what is attempting to be taught I think is quite good.  Now that I am much older I think this sort of memorized scripting is how in 1969 (while at a summer session of the University of Massachusetts in Amherst, MA) a couple presented Transcendental Meditation to me and it was such a vibrant and alive presentation I signed up.  After the class, where one of he people seemed to say I ate to much, and that was probably true, I got on the bus for the apartment; after walking to the Post Office and picking up a book I had bought on world religions while awaiting the transfer to the B6 buss at the terminal.  As I went by Worthington St. I remembered I was supposed to be meeting someone at Theador's for luncheon meeting that had been arranged last month. So I got off at Bolland way walked back and waited at that location until a few minutes before 1PM, then walked back to the apartment as I had spent twice the bus money on a waitstaff tip.  I got to the building and they were taking out the windows that I was told I could have.  I got most of them but Bob came and he asked some questions and wanted to do certain things and I just did not have the strength to argue those things and still politely ask for the windows that were already on the truck to be taken away and destroyed. They were, as I think of it now, the windows in the room my dear friend had lived in across the hall from me. BUT again I was nearly exhausted from little sleep and had little "time to myself" as he was demanding where I was because he could not reach me on the telephone since 7:45AM.  As it turned out the measuring person from the glass company apparently did not measure some windows and so there were not windows for my room, not one for another person's bath room on the wing I have my apartment on and not windows for the community room and the street facing apartment on this floor. So I contacted the Social Service people and informed them of this after the property management people told me that the owner will be down to speak with us Tuesday and nothing can be done till then.  I had them screw my window shut and got clothing to go to Bob's house and stay there until at least Monday night. We might go to the Berkshires and put flowers around the graves Monday.  As we went back to Bob's house he asked if I had anything else to do and I said no. So he went to the lodge building and we spent about 3 hours setting up a water faucet outside so a neighbor next door can get water to test some aspects of a rehab of a structure they are working on.  One part of the city will not allow the water to be piped to that house yet, and still another part of the city demands the work done so far (plumbing and such) be inspected "on time".  It is just something you deal with when there are many departments and one is so short staffed the work can not get scheduled and done in a timely manner.  Why do I talk about this? Because these are yet other things that could "come up" for people we would be helping and they need to be recorded and possible solutions written down or put in a database so that we can talk to our people and have them "get through" the situation without getting all emotionally upset.  Then we got to Bob's house and I was all tired and had to eat and then lay down and rest before I could bath.  The clean clothing was now dirty from messing around the cellar and such and I was filthy. I bathed and yet could not sleep well. Then I got up to update these page and went back to bed when I got tired.  Must get up early  tomorrow.  Bob says he will take me the short distance to the church building's parking lot so I am there by 7:45AM and catch a ride with Steffi or John DeVoie as we go to see the Bishop for a conference on how a Parish Council should function.  Each is to donate some food and I am to bring two bottles of soda and maybe some bananas.
25 May, AD 2017
Should be at Holyoke public library for Unaccompanied Youth meeting, but had  to cancel, so much work to be done on apartment.  Worked on it and two two loads over and got book-case in.  Then at 5PM went down to HAP (Wayfinders) as Bob's passenger for a 6PM Credit Workshop.  Steffi joined me for this one also a bit late.  Learned so very much.  Need to lose credit points to get two more credit cards or most probably can not get a mortgage.  Will contact the instructor and get a one-on-one consultation and contact a credit union regarding this property as quickly as possible.  Also contact the city telling of my plans and actions Tuesday.
24 May, AD 2017
Pack up stuff and put in Van, then go with Bob to Amity Lodge meeting at the lodge hall and then put most stuff in storage and try to clean up more.
23 May, AD 2017
Try to spend most of today sending out minutes and packing up stuff for windows replacement Friday.  Told Jodi Smith, Portfolio Manager about in, will send her.
22 May, AD 2017
Board of Directors meeting we prepare for and print out things. It is a difficult meeting with Bob asking about the windows and debt payment and the President threatening to quite if we don't stop asking questions and challenging things.  Bob is upset because we asked certain things verbally agreed to were not in the contract the President signed and she did not eve write them in.  His contention is if it is not in the contract, then it will not get done. I do Parish Council minutes and send them off and print 32 Byers Street, Inc. minutes for Pam to proof read and then do some other things and rest, so very very tired.
21 May, AD 2017
Church, then Parish Council Meeting, then stay at Church and watch things and man the donation desk for the Still Small Theater rendition of  "Measure for Measure", a Shakespearean play that looks at domestic abuse, among other things.  Then we talked with the play cast and put the hall back in shape and went back to my apartment.  I was tired and went to bed, then up in the we hours of the morning again to prepare for the 32 Byers Street, Inc. board of directors meeting.
20 May, AD 2017
Should be in Hartford, CT but might be here working on things and preparing for the 32 Byers Street, Inc. board of directors meetings.  Must have most of what I had near windows in storage by today or Tuesday of next week.  But I had the opportunity to retake the First Time Home Buyers Class through "WayFinders" (used to be called HAP) and so I took it. I could have another person come with me so I asked Steffi to come. I bicycled over but mistook the time and go there by 7 something AM, took less time without much traffic. They did not open up until 9AM, when the class started.  Steffi got there a bit late but I had the materials for her and she just had to sign in at the break. I paid our $50 fee. We learned a lot.  And finally when it was over with we did some things and I got back to pack up some more stuff and get it ready for the great windows move.  Early in the morning I am getting materials and printing them for tomorrows Parish Council Meeting.
19 May, AD 2017
Should be in Boston for Un-Accompanied Youth Homelessness meeting, but was instead in court to try and defend the anti-harassment  order the many that threatened to kill me is objecting to.  Had planned to revise a document made and signed as to what to do with my body and belongings should I die crafted and maybe noterized just in case the anti-harassment order is lifted and I have no protection against this man who is often drunk or acting as if he is not in control of his thoughts and actions.  We were in court from 9AM on through the 1PM lunch break. Then reconvened at 2PM. But we were now told to go to the lower level courtroom number 2.  Once there we were finally called and sworn in at about 2:30PM.  The Judge asked if we were police officers and we said no. Then it was found out the defendant was mixed up about when his probation ended, it ends abut the 27th of July, if I remember correctly.  So he had this incident mixed up with another one when he fought the police a second time a few months after April of 2016.  The judge asked if we wanted the non-harassment order modified and we said no. So the order protecting me and Bob Maurice stands.  The defendant seems to always want to hang around the building's entrance and community room and lobby much of the time, another person just waiting to become a resident in a nursing home with activities and food and time to talk and do nothing.  So I try to avoid him as much as I can.  We waited in the clerk's office to get the paper work saying the non-harassment order was kept in force and spoke with a lady we had seen there before we went back into court after the noon recess.  She said she had been abused and we got a telephone book and referred her to Open Door Social Services (a part of Open Pantry Community Services and a division of SMOC).  I prayed with her and she hugged me before I left. Bob was already down the stairs.  I thought as I went down those stairs that in dealing with things of God and in prayer is when I am most alive.  I have tried all sorts of sin, but my only real time of feeling alive is when I am spiritually assisting someone. We did other things that day and I started more on boxing things up and preparing things.
18 May, AD 2017
Prepare for and host Armoury Quadrangle Civic Association General Meeting at Museum Park Apartments at 7PM.
17 May, AD 2017
Create the board for the AQCA meeting telling events to end of the month.  Be at Springfield Preservation Trust's preservation awards at tower square.
16 May, AD 2017
Morning, contact court and box up things to move. Looks like man who threatened to kill me will have his non-harrasment order lifted, and I will become vulnerable to his drunken actions again.  At 2PM be at counselor's office  and then prepare for the AQCA General Meeting at the AQCA office and at the apartment. 
15 May, AD 2017
Office work and letters to seek funding for this project and how to establish foundation organizations to keep the thoughts I have going.  Be at STCC by Noon for the Landscape Design and Maintenance students final exam presentation, 17/317 beginning at 1pM.   Them to go to the City Council meeting to support the Food Truck ordinance.  Then throw out trash and any cardboard not to be used to pack up things near the windows at the apartment and get things ready so I can move out of this building near the end of this fiscal year.  Also bring flyers to Armoury Commons Apartments for the AQCA General Meeting this Thursday. Confirm the attendance at the AQCA General Meeting this Thursday of the Election Commission, etc. and see if they need any technological services. 
14 May, AD 2017
Church, then accepted a ride back to my apartment by Deacon Michael as the left leg seemed to be wanting to collapse.  Did eat some and update this record and then sleep. Must box up things and start writing letters and emails to try and secure funding and a pairing down of things for the project at 257 Central Street.

13 May, AD 2017
Can not be late as we are to be at the corner of Boland Way and Main Street on the northeast side by 6AM, so I am up at 4:45AM and bathed and dressed and down to the place.  The batteries were nearly dead on my camera, I found out in the morning. So put it on a charger. Then went to the spot at Main Street by 6AM, got the place secured and things in place when our past President and Gerry Enright, or team leader for this project, arrived and I left at 7:30AM to go and get the camera battery recharged and a warm sweat-shirt.  Got back by 8AM and then left at about 9:50 to be at the 2nd Saturday walking tours after hearing Mayor Sarno's comments and welcomed the folks there and left as they started the walking tour to go back and have some of the Pancake Breakfast myself and oversee our closing up.  At 11:45AM Gerry and the others left and I left shortly afterwards, after stacking chairs on the tables, etc.  My friend Steffi Crivelli came by and I met her back at my apartment and then went with her to pick out and buy flowers for her at the "Pioneer Valley Christian School" and the "Gardening the Community" plat sales since we missed the one at STCC.  Then back to the apartment and to collapse and sleep.  I spent from about 4PM to the next day resting and sometimes listening to the radio receiver a man had given me through the NextDoor program. Send a note to our AQCA team "lead" to ask if I had all the names correct to see about saying "thank you" and then went to bed again.
12 May, AD 2017
Up again at 6:59PM and bicycle over to the LaQuinta Hotel for the Climate Action and Resilliancy Planning program with the PVPC and the city and Arise and such. I was on the Trees workshop but put in a word for my contention that people in local communities (associations and councils) should be given much authority so they feel and actually do have a good deal of input into decisions that effect their lives to the government workshop.  Much good there, then wen to the Community Healthcare Improvement Program in West Springfield.  Apparently the interview of myself by a TV reporter was aired in the next day or so.  Then back to Springfield, and print out the list for the AQCA beverage distribution group at the World's Largest Pancake Breakfast tomorrow.  Calls came in and I did not get to sleep until about 3AM.
11 May, AD 2017
Items at home about AQCA and the upcoming Pancake Breakfast.  WEbinar at 1PM, had to use telephone, might have been more expensive than anticipated, and hour or so long in time.  To the AQCA office to work on things some, if time permits, maybe not and then the the Liquor License Commission meeting at 5:30PM. Got to the license commission and voiced our support for the Smokey Joe's Cigar Lounge request for an All Alcohol Beverage license.   Then I was to go to the MassLandlord's meeting on the new lead paint laws. BUT there was an issue an AQCA board member was concerned about, so I stayed for that and the security issues around 3 strip bars in our area. So it was to late by 8PM to bicycle to the MassLandlords meeting at Twin Hills Country Club, so I went to the AQCA office.  Worked there till about midnight. Everything is pretty much as it should be now. Got back in time to go to bed and bath before being up early in the morning. People called and things to do outline and so I get back to the Rainville but end up at the Computer and such till about 3AM.
10 May, AD 2017
With Bob most of the day as we did things and got ready for the Amity Lodge meeting at the lodge hall building.  At 6PM I am at the Elms College in Chicopee and hearing a presentation on drug abuse and what people use to hide drugs.  An AWESOME program. So tired, also seemed to have a pre-epeleptic seizure aura. Did what I used to do 50 years ago to calm it down. Does frighten me if I am getting epilepsy again.
09 May, AD 2017
7:30AM, at AQCA office, then with Jane to find out about accessing AQCA email.  She left and I continuted to work on updating the operating system. Mostly done but had to leave to get to the Maple/High/6Corners Neighborhood Council Meeting. From the council meeting I went to Bob's to help with his garbage & recycle.
08 May, AD 2017
Movie with Ray Pauley a we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy or something like that.  The ending was nice.  Tomorrow at AQCA  office to learn about looking at email through Microsoft's Outlook program.
07 May, AD 2017
Church and then to the WWI Music presentation at the Armoury, National Historic Site. It was great! hope to have a link here soon.

06 May, AD 2017
Away all day in Dedham, MA at Saint John of Damascus Antiochian Orthodox Christian Church for a diocesan wide choral event and celebration of music ministries in the life ad worship of the Church.  I updated the "Go Fund Me" page to share my frustrations and how I lost the funding and must find other funding before the middle of May, preferably before Mother's Day.  Holy Mary, I seek your intercessions.
05 May, AD 2017
Worked on the E-blast for AQCA and finally got it ready to go. BUT went to sleep first.  Then sent it off around 8AM.  Off in the morning to the Science Museum for the 11AM ceremony of the representatives of the Federal Government and Mayor Sarno signing an Urban Bird Treaty in which we are one of 27 cities nationwide to create habitats and sanctuaries for birds in an urban setting.  After the time I stayed for the "Birds of Prey" demonstration at the Science Museum and it was explained that with our city expansions (over 80 % of our country now lives in cities) the birds have lost their habitats.  I come back and talk with the counselor from RLC and as I am on the phone the woman that was taken away by ambulance the night before comes back, opens my door and asks for matches or a cigarette lighter.  I said I had none and this time I locked he door. I was told by a professional we hied to interface with problem tenants here that the other paramedic last night was for a tenant that had died here.  I was supposed to be somewhere by 1PM, but could not read my own writing in my date book. Need to get another one with more space to it. My refrigerator had failed for about the 16th time last night. Bet the food is all spoiled. I took the nomination down to the school department for the teacher I worked with in the Read Aloud program as she really cares about her students.  It is raining hard so I stop at the AQCA office, eat the condiments I had there and drank some v8 juice while looking to see if we can upgrade the OS on that computer.  Looks like we can upgrade that one bought 7 years ago but the one I go worth $3,000 last year can not be upgraded. And the folks promised me otherwise.  Got back and was told the woman that had been taken away and came back had been seen on a floor she was not supposed to be on. I am just staying away from that person entirely.  I am typing this until Midnight to get it done. Called the person who is driving us to Dedham tomorrow for an diocesan choral event.  Then I will collapse. Must call her if the rid edoes not call me bay 5:30AM. We need to be in Dedham, MA, apparently by 8 or 8:30AM.  Must write those letters Sunday about seeking funding for this house.
04 May, AD 2017
At the court by 8:45AM (Bob drove me down) and by 11AM we were out with the appropriate orders.  I did some things at the apartment and tried to avoid the woman that came back.  She was now yelling to non-existent people to get out of her room, calling it her "house".  I left to get to the banks and transfer monies and get to the Post office to get a bill paid.  Only back to the apartment to grab a warmish wind breaker and then I got to the Community Policing meeting at the Mason/Wright Community Center on Walnut Street (hey are moving when that senior center leaves)  just in time by bicycle and then to the Walk/Bike Springfield meeting at Forrest Park Library and then over to Bob's house to take his trash barrels back in from yesterday.  When I got back the Security people were there and awaiting a second set of medics.  The lady that had been screaming since 2 or 3PM for the non-existent people were in her "house" was now so "off the wall" that the medical people were called for her.  I try and go to bed and not deal with anything.  After a bit it is quiet so I think she has settled down. I finish the graphic arts thing and send it to the printer.  They report the work is acceptable, all is fine with it now.
03 May, AD 2017
Get things ready for the AQCA meeting and thought I was forgetting something. Later on I remembered I was supposed to be with the UMass. students when they were hanging up their plans on chestnut street for the area around Apremont Triangle.  VERY good work they have done.  I so some things from 2-3PM and gen go over the the AQCA office and print out agendas and such for the meeting and finish the work on the flyer to be edited, as well as the e-blast.  At 4PM we have the AQCA board of directors meeting  and I come back to the apartment not feeling well.  From abut 4:15PM on my lower lips swelled up and were burning. Head aches. Throat really back and stuffed up. Came back and took the nasal spray and went to bed.  Must get up in the morning and go to court to seek he extension of non-harassment orders against the man that came up to me, out of the blue, and said he would kill me. We had found we did not need to bring back the small amount of things so I brought the bags to the AQCA office.Jane brought the water bottles and the gloves and such we will give away as someone needs them.  We hope to use some for another event that can advertise Keep Springfield Beautiful.  Work on that councilman's project again.
02 May, AD 2017
Worked from just after midnight through 7AM on these drawings and ideas.  Then went to bed and got up on the computer and started some more things for the AQCA meeting and to pirnt off the things I sent to the contractor so show my counselor.  I left in a hurry as it was no longer raining and I could use my bicycle to get to 3300 Mains Street in time.  As I left the person that less than 6 days ago was demanding I send drugs to her is back in the building and acting worse than ever.  I am shocked at how she has gone down hill. She looks like the images of Dr. Timothy Leary (also of Springfield) near his time of death.  I am so afraid she has come back just to buy drugs.  I was cold to her and went off to my appointment.  She said she left the keys to the hall door back where she was staying in Maine, I doubt it.  Cam back and went over to Jane's and we cataloged the items needed to be returned to Keep Springfield Beautiful if they wanted them.  I had some work to do to help a city council member and was doing some of that design work.  Bob wanted me to take his trash out so I came over and did that and then back to my apartment.  Then I went to try and sleep some, having difficulty doing that these days.
01 May, AD 2017
I am astounded.  I only sent up drugs and such for someone and now they are coming back to the building.  Do some things from 9AM on and then to the AQCA office after going to Armory Commons Park when it was to open.  A bit of a rainy day.  I craft and print off the letters and go back to the Apartment and get the Bicycle as the rain has stopped. I take the things to city hall and speak with the election commission people. I get back to the apartment to bicycle up to Springfield Lodge and Agawam Encampment meetings up on Berkshire Ave. Worked on much of the e-blast for the weekend and a letter to go to the Election Commission to have them also come to the AQCA meeting in May.  I went to hear Mr. Waters (Running as a State Senator) Speak, liked much of what he said.  Then saw the contractor from Uptown Construction and we talked about this project.  He explained how he thought much of the costs did not need to happen at this time.  I left feeling better.  Met a lady from College that had become homeless and was now living in an SRO at Friends of the Homeless. Walked her to the bus stop and waited until she got the bus.  Then to the pharmacy to get the drugs that were ordered.  I am going to stop much of this automatic refill of many drugs. Much of them are PRN (Patient Request as Needed) and I do not need them much of the time. I must have 8 tubes of something I only needed one tube for.  Tried to get trash out of here and go to bed.  Could not sleep so I worked on some plans to change things at this project. I have only a week or so to get letters out and send copies to city planning or they will contract to bulldoze down the house and try and sell the land.  I draw the ideas and then scan them in as pngs and then put them in writer documents and print them off as pdfs and send them to the contractor.  I thought I needed $100,000 but if we can cut down at least $40,000 the project might be able to be done.  If the house would resell after I die for $95,000 and we can accomplish it for $55,000 then the financier could still make a profit upon sale after my death.  What I think I want to do is to set up a foundation to develop and maintain the home while I am alive and to rent it and such after I die.  Sot of like a land-trust but done in such a way that the building is assured to continue on for the next 50 years at least.  I have hope, am excited and must write all this out.  So I am up from 11PM tonight until early next morning doing this.

May Starts

30 April, AD 2017
Church and then back to the Apartment, so very, very tired.  Not doing much.  AQCA board meeting is Wednesday and need to prepare for that.  The Church Parish Council meeting will be on the Third Sunday and not the First or Second in May. I was told some bags were not picked up by the parks dept. so I went looking and came across the Mattoon Street Apple Blossom Festival in full swing. I was invited in and told about a letter that needed to be at city hall by noon tomorrow.
29 April, AD 2017
Up and over to Classical Condominiums at 8:30AM, help Jane bring the items down.  We have people sign in and then we record the routes they are taking. The area is well covered.  Michael goes with me and we go up State Street to Across from Commerce High School, then across the street and down the South Side of the Street and back to Classical. We get there just in time to go and get the lunches ordered.  We get back and eat and clean up and then I go to get my bicycle.  I talk with a girl who is looking for a NA meeting.  Tell here about Revitalize CDC's Alden Street efforts. Then go to that spot and start helping clean up there and get tools back and such. Am given a shirt that is respect as if I was a captain.  Was doing work like that. Nice to be appreciated.   The all are gone but the caterers so I leave also for STCC. Get there in time to hear my friend and former Vice President speak with the new President but I am going thought the STCC buildings for an hour with no luck. What I found was it was a the National Park Service Springfield Armoury Museum. Got there to late, only to see the person going out and hear from an AQCA member what a great presentation it was.  Then did not go to the CARP planning meeting but was so exhausted I just came back to the apartment and went to the computer and sleep.  Put stuff in a box and will get the left-overs later to bring back or whatever.
28 April, AD 2017
Very Sick or at least all tired out.  Resting much of the day. Preparing for the Keep Springfield Beautiful events in the morning and getting AQCA things ready for the work Saturday.  So tired. But did get the letters to the Lawyer for Smoky Joe's and over to Develop Springfield and down to the License Commission.  Jay Minkarah showed me around the house they rehabbed and it is a wonderful building that had been a doctor's office and I guess home as well. Ben Murphy of the Historic Commission was also working there. Must come back with thank-you notes for both of them for our AQCA meeting that was last week.
27 April, AD 2017
So much "on tap" for today. Not the least of which is the World War One Centennial flag raising at noon at Apremont Triangle just across from the AQCA office at 140 Chestnut Street.  Then to STCC for the inauguration of their new President. Then the local students of the UMass. Landscape Architecture and Regional Planning Masters Degree level present their findings for Apremont Triangle area at 122 Chestnut Street. 
26 April, AD 2017
Go up to UMass to see the presentations by the UMass Landscape Architecture and Regional Planning Maaster Degree students regarding the Apremont Triangle redesign that we  talked of last Thursday.  Then at 4:30PM to be at a dinner and talk at St. Michael's Roman Catholic Church's banquet hall facility and have papers with me to talk of the flag raising at Apremont Triangle tomorrow.
25 April, AD 2017
Well I thought I was going to DC, but I guess not.  Do the stuff I need to and get minutes ready and letters out and make calls for the Keep Springfield Beautiful and the AQCA team that will be cleaning up then.
24 April, AD 2017
Must get eblast out and prepare for 32 Byers Street meeting.  Have not looked at email since Thursday the 20th at about 5PM.  I am sick of not being listened to. I will most probably not say anything and just record what is said at the meeting.  I do  not know when, but it looks like it will take me a few months to get all the documents I have electronically and put them on a flash drive.  Should learn about doing an Iso image.  I think it is time for me to start fading away and should be living somewhere else by July 1st.  It looks like I have failed here as well.  Want to be able to sing the Conquest of Paradise but probably can't.
23 April, AD 2017
Steffi got me for Church and then fellowship and then back to the apartment after getting more drugs at the pharmacy. Did not do eblast I should have done Friday, frozen, can't do much, hurt so very much.
22 April, AD 2017
Went to order of St. Benedict and then back by getting bicycle at Bob's and to apartment.  So tired, so exhuasted, so much feeling like a failure, can't even do eblast for my people of AQCA.
21 April, AD 2017
Friday and no clean up much to do and I am inside and will be on the internet. Need to craft an 'e-blast' but am so disheartened I can do almost nothing. Spend all of the day and into Saturday morning inside.
20 April, AD 2017
Spend most of the day with finishing up cleaning up from the Holiday Meals and put trash out at Amity Lodge as we get final things cleaned up.  Then a few hours to get ready for the Armoury Quadrangle Civic Association meeting tonight at 140 Chestnut Street, the Kimball Towers Condominium's Community Room at 7pm.  Some speakers were ill, but others covered and Ben Murphy came to talk of the Apremont Triangle Historic District measures.  Back late.
19 April, AD 2017
Another 6AM up to clean up from the "holiday meal".  The UMass Landscape Architecture and Regional Planning masters degree studio students were not at Apremont Triangle today by 10am.  This is the meeting that was postponed from last week because of the rain was to be today and I wanted to be there to offer the AQCA board meeting space if it is needed.  I also wanted to tell them of the Apremont Historic District proposals and such that will me mentioned at tomorrow's AQCA meeting. So much to say  but when I went into the AQCA office to check email I found out their professor's home burned and the whole project might be 'scrapped' as he has to focus on getting shelter for him (and his family I assume) and all he can do is give the lectures and exams to teach them the competencies without the field work he had wanted so much to do. I feel crushed again.  Everything pushed away from windows into tub and taken to lodge tomorrow, all insulation off the windows to the men can  measure them for the cheesy and of very little value vinyl windows that will most probably not last 10 years without denigrating to trash pieces.  Vinyl windows are shown to be a very poor investment and double pained glass would be much better.  But the board of directors of this building have swallowed the lie so I will most probably be leaving that board at the end of this fiscal year, if not before.  Vinyl windows will pay for themselves in 28 years and be falling apart and probably need to be replaced in about their 18th year and have very little insulation properties on their own and look UGLY from the outside.  I fully expect in about 20 years there will be a big rush to replace vinyl windows with wooden ones again as the "foreces that be" will finally have found out what a poor choice they are.  Same is as what has happened to asbestos and should with fiberglass.
18 April, AD 2017
The "final" hours of "clean up" must happen today from the Holiday meal, and I have a full schedule of other things.  Hopefully I can be of some help as we "wrap up" this thing for a few months. I MUST start in earnest seeking funding somehow for 257 Central Street, it might be this week or never.  Might go to DC next week and try and see some folks.  2PM a meeting at 3300 Main Street with a counselor and then a Stop Access Coalition meeting in the afternoon at 3PM at the C-3 Community Policing initiative office. I will try and go from one meeting to the other but doubt I can get to Stop Access before 3:30PM. 
17 April, AD 2017
32 Byers Street, Inc. board of directors meeting is next week, but it might get pushed up to today since a contract was signed without a Memorandum of Understanding to safeguard the corporation that ones the building I live in from incurring more fees or not getting the things promised by the contractor verbally.  I am so frustrated, sometimes I just feel like walking off the board of directors.  Seems like nothing is listened to that is really important and we spend a lot of time on little silly stuff that are interpersonal matters that never should go past property management and our social services hired components. If I could get 1000 people to donate the cost of a cup of coffee a day, I would have within one year, the full cost of rehabbing 257 Central Street.  That is one person in every 150 in this city as there are over 150,000 people here. I need to seek God's will as somehow I seem to be floundering.  I have finished the biography of Timothy Leary and am so depressed.  His first wife committed suicide instead of living without him. She left two children. He got his son on drugs.  His daughter could not handle all of this and 35 years after her mother, she committed suicide.  Why does a "civilized" culture make life so hard that the only way people feel they can stop the pain that folks say they are causing is by ceasing to exist?  This is culture?  See so many parallels to my own failed life.  Most likely more clean-up and put away stuff for the Holiday Meal event yesterday and it might stretch over a few days.  I need to be at the AQCA office today by about 2PM and we have a meeting, I think there, at 4PM.  So much to do an catch up on the emails from the past 4 days, over 250, so that will take some time as well.  I have Lodge Meetings starting at 1PM that I am being picked up for at 12:30PM and I hope I can be dropped off at the AQCA office by 2:30 or 3PM.  That means the only time to go with Bob for things is this morning.

16 April, AD 2017
Pasha (Passover), Easter, Resurrection Sunday, the victory over sin and death of our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ.  I will go to Church but also help with guarding the back hallways of the Commerce High School for the Holiday Meal for those who do not have much but are greedy and have a hand out for everything to be given to them for free.  I don't think I want to continue to foster an attitude of dependency and the thought that someone "owes" you goodies.  None of this is as I was taught "growing up" and none of it is what I see in the Holy Bible.  I do not know what it is, but it is not the idea of the way life should be lived that the Pilgrims had in Plymouth, and I am not certain I want any part of it.   I got up at about 5:30AM and made signs for the plants (Please do no take the plants) for the Holiday Meal and then got some other things and then went to the High School of Commerce to help set up and put out signs and work on the plants that had been soaking all night. 
Then I went back to the apartment, bathed and caught the first bus up so I could walk about a quarter of a mile to the Church.  Got there just before service and to late for Matins.  The service was OK but a bunch of "special music" and old Latin stuff that I think has no place in worship today.  I think this "music" is reminiscent  of a time when the Church of Rome broke away from the Christian Church and tried to create it's own church. I have had enough of that arrogance and see no need to hear it all over again. So Holy Week was just great until Easter Sunday when we had "special" stuff that sounded pretty much like an abomination to me.  I left as soon as I could after service, was asked to do this and that and might have missed the bus I wanted but caught another one another 1/4 of a mile or so away.  Got to my spot to guard the back hall way and direct people to the bathrooms.  I thought we had help so I did not ask people to help cleaning up, wrong move.  So we did as best as we could and we took some food to an older lady and then I was dropped off back at my apartment at about 5PM.  I will try and east some and sleep. Wanted to go over to Bob's house but think I will eat and stay here.  I was accosted by someone at my building making all sorts of accusations about people harboring fugitives and all sorts of strange thoughts.  I have heard of strange stories like this before when I was an Activities Director at a Nursing Home and I don't want to live among such folks at all.  I will ask the security guy tonight if he knows anything about this.  I am so tired of some people. I want to move away. I would be perfectly happy to die alone than to live long among people that are full of "drama" and really not getting much done.  I now think it is unsafe to live here and Tuesday or Wednesday will continue to see a continuance of the non-harassment order against the fellow who threatened to kill me last year.   But tonight I am very, very tired and we do more of this again tomorrow, clean up.

15 April, AD 2017
Holy Saturday services at night, I do not think there is St. Benedictine morning events.  I guess I am to help most of the day get things ready for this blasted "holiday meal" that I think no longer serves the purpose it was designed for and is not a help to much of anyone any more.  We can all "feel good" about helping the "needy" but in reality we are helping almost NO ONE and instead we are creating a dependency on others for some people that just "greases the skids" for them to be put into a nursing home or other "institution" because by accepting all this help they have "proven" they can not take care of themselves.  The whole thing make me sick inside.  Just got back from helping set up the "holiday meal" for the "needy" and "greedy" and it is almost 4PM. Need to be at Church by about 5:30PM after bathing and then go to help at 6AM and maybe leave tomorrow to get into Church and then back to this fiasco.  So much work to provide a nice meal and setting for people that are more greedy and disrespectful and lazy than the richest people on the planet.  I did not believe some things until I lived among people that do these things and think it is "normal".  I either get to another place and money to rehab it all or leave here for somewhere else.  I have been in subsidized housing for over 20 years and I am "done" with it all.  It would be enough to declare me totally incompetent, not being able to take care of my self that way.  I am not in a good frame of mind and seem to not be able to do anything right.  I am told I did not say things I know I said.  I am told I did not hear things I am certain others did not say. In short I am wrong no matter what I do and I do not desire to continue living that way.  Things change or I am getting out of here.  I can not continue to believe I am hurting everyone and letting people down all the time because I can not function.  The Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself, and if I did that I would be hating everyone.  I hat myself and my inability to do much of anything right. I just HATE me !  I wanted so much to go to St. George and St. Peter and Paul tonight as I normally do, but my legs just would not carry me.  The body seems to be "giving in"  or "playing out" on me.  I am so very, very, very tired physically and tiered of always doing wrong.
14 April, AD 2017
I wanted to go to Commonwealth Care Alliance and see if I can talk with someone there to see if I can just do the work in the book for the class that was cancelled.  I really need to know the stuff about living with Chronic Health Conditions.  However I will have to try and do that at a later date.  We had to be getting stuff to get ready for Sunday's meal for the needy (and greedy).  Just as I feared this day people agreed to something our Building Committee at 32 Byers Street, Inc. does not approve of.  We wanted a document that had in writing all that had been agreed to by the contractors.  But instead a revised document was signed that had NOT been sent to the executive committee for review, only to the board President.  Hence the signature was made without approval and the only way I can see to remedy this is to have an Memorandum of Understanding signed between the contractor and the ownership of the building in which the work is to be done.  I am so tired of arguing over things that should be self evident. 
Things were said that I consider to be downright lies.  So I threw off a letter saying my thoughts and agreed to say the same to the President that did the signing.  I said I stood by the things I wrote on Tuesday (crafted Monday night to Tuesday early before sunrise when I know I was so sick I could not attend a meeting at Noon) outlining what we had repeatedly asked for and asked to have in the form of a contract for us to sign.  I had said I would be not at my apartment to receive calls and would be helping with the Holiday Meals stuff, so the people call my apartment anyway.  I am so  tired.  I feel so much like the cover of this book by Walt Kelly that was first used as an Earth Day cartoon in 1970 and later summed up in this phrase; "We have met the enemy, and they is us".  This is also Good Friday services and I take the last of the Antibiotics tomorrow and hope the sickness does not come back. As I get older it seems to be that when medications end I often get the problems again.  I was asked to read, once again an honor and our Western Rite service had much the same elements as the Eastern Rite service.  I did not go to St. George afterwards, just walked back to the apartment thinking and stopping in at the Pharmacy for an order of drugs they said the had for me (automatic orders) and at H and R Block to ask about taxes. Apparently the laws have changed regarding social security and I just miss needing to file a return.   I thought all the time about what a price Christ paid for us and how much I have let Him down. How much I have not doe what I should have.  I tried t sleep by 8:30 or 9PM but was back up at the computer to write these few things at 10:30PM, fake time (EDT).  I am so discouraged.  I am not certain I have done much of anything "right" after I was diagnosed as having epilepsy in 1958.  This is over 57 years.  Almost 60 years of being a complete failure.  I kept thinking of this and could not sleep.  I would try and remember and pray for the women I have loved, but the doctors said I should not date because I might like her and she might want to marry me and if we did that we might want to have a child and in doing so we would be weakening the gene pool and I would be responsible for degrading humanity.  Much to swallow wen you are near 14 years old.  This same thought came along from various doctors through my 20's and 30''s.  It was the same sort of eugenics we had hatched in the USA and exported to Germany in the 1930's.  I have tried to forget some girls names, but I remember some of their faces and pray God will bless them.  Especially I think of Grace, and Mary,  and another Mary, and Ann-Marie, and the list goes one.  Each one I have given "a room" in my heart to and she only has the key.  It is always her space for as long as I draw breath.  I have loved maybe hundreds of women but only flirted with sex a few times and each time it was a lot of effort with no really satisfying results.  I fee the same about eating and meals and going to restaurants, a lot of effort for no tangible results.  I eat because I have to and the body says "give me fuel" and not for any great pleasure.  I like the idea of eating in silence with someone reading scripture or something like that and then leaving after 10 to 20 minutes to go about our daily events.  Sometimes I have ate and spent some time doing so, but not enjoying the food, but rather enjoying the LOVE that came from God as He provided this food for me.  I am much happier if someone is about to throw food away and they give it to me instead of buying it for me.  In all cases, God provides and I have the best joys when I recognize what I have comes from His hand.  But I have failed God so much. I have failed at being a force for good in this building I have lived in so long. I have failed at making a positive impact on this community and the western part of this state and on the region and nation as a whole. I have failed at being a "pastor" and at helping in churches.  I have failed at academics and at heading clubs and organizations.  I have failed at communicating things and at finding people to help rehab 60 Byers Street and also 257 Central Street.  My main concern I guess should be to get all my belongings up to a shed in some land I own so that when I die all my belongings can be burned up and the last trace of this sorry existence that has been me can be destroyed by the fire department as an "exercise" to help train their men in fighting fires.  Maybe in wiping away all trace that I existed some good will be done.  But I have hurt so many for so long and have failed so many that had depended on me.  I really enjoy hearing of others plans and cheering them on to success. BUT maybe, should I be alive by 2020, I should be doing that only on the internet, assuming that still exists, or by postal service and not having anyone have to look at or hear me.   Somehow that seems so appropriate given the total waste and uselessness I have seemingly become.
13 April, AD 2017
A meeting at 1PM at Friends of the Homeless, if I am well enough to do so.  Also help Bob with getting things in order for the Holiday Meal Sunday.  Holy Thursday services with "foot washing" if I am well enough to go.  Bob called at 8AM and if I do not help him at 1PM go and get the cookies that he has to get today and has to be in Holyoke at 2PM, then he will have to pull a young man out of High School to help him.  Open Pantry seems to give NO help for this event these days and they used to provide a driver and at least one helper. The event means weeks of going various places and providing things so a host of people can assist to make the meal for the 600 to 900 that we serve. Then on that day in addition to those who come to Commerce High School we have volunteer drivers who take meals out to "shut in" people. After Sunday's meal there will be a few more days of cleaning up and then putting excess goods in storage that Bob provides as it can not be stored at the school any more and Open Pantry has not place to store them.  It is a huge operation and much lesser people would have given up on it long ago.  We have less help this year for it as some of our main people have to be elsewhere.  I wonder if the Holiday Meals have run their course of usefulness.  Most of the folks I see now are on a lot of programs and are eating really well.  Also the culture of eating a meal with family and friends at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter is not as prevalent as it was many, many years ago.  All I know is I see my friend getting so exhausted over this and the commitment by the sponsor, Open Pantry, seems to be almost non-existent this year.  Tonight I have been requested to be at the Church services at St. Stephen and I have agreed, so I will email the folks at the MassLandlords meeting that I just can not attend the meeting on codes and marijuana.  It was a nice service and I was honored to be asked to serve assisting the deacon at the altar as well as read the epistle lesson.  So honored, went to Bob's to sleep as he needed up to be up by 7AM, I think he was up at 6:30AM to leave and start getting the stuff for the Holiday Meal for the "needy and greedy" on Sunday.  I got to his place, did some things and was in bed before 9PM>
12 April, AD 2017
Bid on RFP for 60 Byers St due today and I have no ability to do anything. Oh how I wanted to rehab and live in this building. Helpless, useless, worthless, I guess these words now describe me.    I will go with Carol to St. Luke Greek Orthodox Church for Holy Wednesday evening services, if I am well enough to do so is what I wrote before. The Church serves, everything I went without. In bed much of the time but in the morning I wrote an item that was telling of my hopes and dreams for the Thurston Munson House and how I would divide sections of it so it could be used as one owner, or even rent out sections and having a dream of using the space with the "great hall" as a lecture space and the lower level as a restaurant and lounge.  It is a sort of "Scope of the Project" review.  I had to do something, I was so demoralized and feeling I could accomplish nothing since the funding source refused to sign for the funding of 257 Central Street.  I typed some more and corresponded with folks online, getting almost nowhere with the WWI Centennial event for the 27th or 28th at Apremont Triangle.  Then on the 29th there will be an event by the WWI Centennial Committee at Apremont Park in Westfield, MA.  When the 24 hours was up I went to the AQCA office, got there at 1:30PM, fake time.  Soon Betsy arrived and we went through files tossing out some old stuff (but it actually will not probably leave the waste basket until after we have conversed with other members and some more board members) and finding what we needed for this quarterly submission and  the one for the next quarter.  Betsy is doing these submissions that the President used to do because we all know she would be much better at it than I.  We left there after 3PM and I got to the Church service shortly after it started.  Carol was there as she had decided not to go to St. Luke Greek Orthodox Church for it in the evening but rather St. George in the afternoon.  So I came with her.  St. George has some of the services in the afternoon for folks that do not drive well at night.  After this I went back to the AQCA office and responded to our IT guys text and met with him.  We found some coding that needs to be changed in the php console and he will do that and make a back-up of it all on the server so I can try and have the A.Q.C.A. website updated by the 20th maybe and most certainly by the Board of Directors meeting for AQCA in May. I went back to St. George and got there towards the end of service.  It was the same service so I said hello to some people and walked to the bus station and took a bus back. So very tired. The so-called "bid" for 32 Byers Street windows was nothing but a nice letter. I am  so frustrated that people can't seem to just follow simple instructions, but have to "do it their way" and "muddy up the waters" and when that happens I balk, because in the past that has proceeding my being involved in a decision I wish I had not make in hindsight.  Only two days until a deadline set by one of the bidders  that seems to refuse to write into the contract safeguards they had agreed to.
11 April, AD 2017
2-6 AM. Can not breath well. Took out Garbage at 3AM, I try and stay in my room all I can so I am not near the guy that threatened to kill me last April, in fact it was a year to the day last Sunday.  Wrote this and by 6:15AM I will be back in bed again to see if I can get some rest. Then call the clinic at 8AM. I have a 9AM meeting, but have emailed them saying I might not be out of the clinic in time for the meeting.  Plan on resting.  We have a Building Committee meeting and a Property Management Committee meeting today at Noon and 1PM respectively, but I have sent comments in an email and am so sick I might not attend if the doctor has me go somewhere for tests, etc.  This was written in the early morning.  By 8AM I had contacted the clinic.  By 8:30 the Doctor "on call" had called me back and determined I needed to be seen and by 9AM I had an appointment for 9:50AM. Bob brought me there early at 9:25AM.  When I was seen they had to take some tests and wait for the results to see if I had strep throat or not, the throat was apparently greatly inflamed, I could only see it as raw with a lot of mucus when the "On Call" doctor had me take a flashlight and look down it at home.  By noon I was at the pharmacy awaiting the medication being put up.  Walgreens was able to dispense it extremely quickly and I was back at the apartment, taken the medication and in bed before 1PM.  I did not move from that spot for about 24 hours.  Cancelled items for today and everywhere for 24 hours.I had written a long email about how I had expected contracts for us to look and and vote on one and sign it by yesterday, but as of today nothing has come that I know of.  I am so sick and will not look at the email for a few days, just get well.  I typed this entry "after the fact" to sort of "fill people in" on what has happened and my feelings and frustrations.
10 April, AD 2017
Tried to work again on the eblast for AQCA that should have gone out Friday night.  I seem to be getting nothing done.  Bob called and I spent from 11 to 4 with him bringing items around to people to have them so they can prepare things for the Easter Holiday Meal.  This will happen almost every day, then the meal Sunday and then we clean up for a week or so.  I felt like I had somehow gotten an allergic reaction to something I lifted this afternoon.  Got to St. George Greek Orthodox Church for Holy Monday and then back with a ride from Stravola.   By 9PM I am very sick and my throat swelling up. Must contact clinic in the morning.
09 April, AD 2017
Church and then back to the apartment with Steffi. She had come and picked me up . I went to bed, feeling very, very tired.  Awoke late and rushed down to meet Carol at St. George for the Holy Palm Sunday beginning of Holy Week.

08 April, AD 2017
Order of St. Benedict had a special event and I had wanted to be part of the Walking Tour with Ben Murphy, but instead I went to the Church event and I had invited Ray to come.  He showed up before me as I overslept.  WE cleaned up some and found missals for Palm Sunday and the blessing of the palms.  We helped a little to clean up and the Antiochian women will do the same next Saturday.  Then I bicycled back intending to go to the apartment but first to Bob's,  I used the toilet there and he had me go with him to Lowes and I got stuff there I hope will work and then back to the apartment while he solicited donations from the folks at the Golden Corral for helping veterans in need.
07 April, AD 2017
Last day for 11th Annual Civil Rights and Fair Housing Conference. Was to get over at 3PM so when it finished I thought that was what the time was.  Nope they had gone an additional 30 min. so when I got to the apartment I was late for a ride from a friend to Westfield, MA.  I took the buses and just missed the connection and so wait an hour and took the next on to Westfield and walked to St. John's Lutheran Church where I had that meal with my friend, Ray Pauley, that he had invited me to.  I had a great ride over and talked with a really nice and inquisitive girl that hopes to go to college. Then we came back on the bus and I got to the apartment and sort of collapsed.
06 April, AD 2017
At the Civil Rights and Fair Housing conference all day today and back late in the evening.  I had waited by was at the wrong bus stop to get up to the community policing meeting, so I missed that one. Went back and watched the movie "13" and found out over 92% of the people we have in jails are there because of a "plea bargain" and not because they were convicted of any crime.  In most cases the movie indicated if they had gone to trial they would have been acquitted.  It also indicated that if people that had been slaves and were "freed" after the civil war, committed a crime, they could be sort of enslaved again. So for petty or unsubstantiated crimes many a black youth was re-enslaved to provide free labor for the local governments. At a workshop we learned that Springfield Massachusetts is the most heavily segregated city in the NATION.  So much more work to do here.
05 April, AD 2017
I had stayed at Bob's house last night and did the trash for him. Then up and take the container back and and go to 95 Alden Street for the press conference about the Revitalize CDC work to be done April 29th on this building and a whole lot more on that block.  I get back by Noon and by 1PM am working on the flyers and agenda for the AQCA board of directors meeting at 4PM.  I was late getting back from that.
04 April, AD 2017
Bob picked me up and we went to Greenfield to talk with Greenfield Glass about windows, assurances were given and a written document should follow by next week.  Then I go to a counselor and back to the apartment and bed.
03 April, AD 2017
Up to Springfield Lodge and Agawam Encampment and am picked up for it at 12:30AM.  About 1:15PM I was asked to go down with the inspector for he insurance company, checking the natural gas installation.  They found something and called Columbia Gas of Massacusetts. They found a leak and the gas company swung into action to fix it.  After the meetings and some light refreshments (it was my turn to bring them this time so I brought cookies) most folks left but as Vice Grand (like a Vice President) I stayed with our past Grand Master and his wife while the gas people worked. They had to cup up and dig down in the street. Dig Safe was called and the utilities people marked where all lines were.  We all watched a bit from near the sidewalk.  They had to dig so deep to get to the gas line a metal box had to be brought in so the dirt did not cave in on the worker.  The lines going in were reinstalled with a smaller gas plastic sleeve that will not interact with the concrete and corrode as the metal pipe had done.  Some of us thought we had smelled gas but others just thought it was a musty smell from when water had gotten into where we had degree vestments stored. Finally a new gas meter was installed outside the building and the gas turned back on for the furnace and stoves, etc.  At about 8PM we finally got to lock the doors and the work men would be at it for hours still putting the dirt back in and making the ground OK again.  I assume other workmen came in a day or two to put new blacktop on the road and cement on the sidewalk.  So many trucks and vehicles and workmen doing such a professional job, I was so thoroughly impressed with all the good work and how in less than 7 hours after being "discovered" and verified, the gas leak was fixed and all was safe again. Thank God for these workers.
02 April, AD 2017
Church, but I am so very sick today.

01 April, AD 2017
April Fools day, put something up on the internet.  60 Byers Street RFP is at 2PM on the 12th now, and I have no finances or associations to make a bid. Feel very sick inside.  Hopeless, useless, what can I do, nothing!

APRIL Begins

31 March, AD 2017
Classes everything cancelled because of the snow storm that did not do much down here in the Southern part of the Pioneer Valley.  I did some things but mostly rested and "goofed off" in my room. Not safe to go outside with others.
30 March, AD 2017
Stuff in the morning and then an evening time at the Basketball Hall of Fame with the District Attorney with a program called "stop the swerve" where I learn using a telephone while driving is like drinking 4 drinks before driving a car.  Sobering event.  I am crying and shaking part of the time during the moving.  So may young people killed each day because of "distractions" while driving.  Wish my friend had gone to this.
29 March, AD 2017
I do some stuff an then up to a "Quick Books" training given by the Small Business Administration and I am once again reminded of how little I know about things.  No job, no worth, that is seemingly how it is now.
28 March, AD 2017
Nothing much in the morning and then to a training in the computer lab at the Central Library on Foundations.  Asked Bob about his trash and did not need to go over there and do that, so stayed inside for the evening.
27 March, AD 2017
32 Byers Street, Inc. board meeting and an agreement in principle to go with "national vinyl for windows for the Rainville.    Bob is insistent I count the windows as he thinks there are more than in the bid, start to take pictures of them.  Do not feel well and waste most of the day.  Do the board minutes and then nothing much else.  I feel cold.
26 March, AD 2017
Sunday Church and then back to apartment. Prepare for 32 Byers Street, Inc. board meeting.  Once again a review of the past week with nothing to show for it all.  I seem to be so useless and valueless and just plain worthless.

25 March, AD 2017
Grand Encampment of Massachusetts, be here by 8:30AM and the session starts at 9:30AM, I go off as Trustee this year.  I would like to go "through the chairs" but many think I can no do the job as I do not have transportation.  Then I hope to hitch a ride to Gordon Conwell for the Diary of Perpetua that Steffi is in.
24 March, AD 2017
Stuff in the morning and Bob does not show up to take us to 101 Wasson Ave. class on dealing with chronic disabilities or diseases.  So I had to get there late and take the bus.  Got back, got stuff ready and then was picked up to go to the Grand Encampment Banquet. Brought my old clothing and the tux to change into. Often I am asked to do stuff, but not much tonight.
23 March, AD 2017
Tried to make some things so I can do measurements, and brought the tools.  Tried to recharge camera batteries.  Others their that want to turn the building into a condo.  So discouraged, the heart and soul seem to be missing.  Then to the central library fora class in seeking funding from Companies and Foundations.  Will I ever learn  how to do anything right, might be doubtful.
22 March, AD 2017
Bob takes me to Westfield University for the addiction and recovery symposium.  Met folks I like there, then messed up on buses back. Got to 3300 Main Street late as I missed a bus.  Then back to apartment.  Refused to let Bob pick me up and eat at his place and stay the night.  Have to do things here for the 60 Byers Street, walk-through.  So depressed, feel I can't get much of anything done.  No hope for much.  Told counselor I see people genuinely appreciate or like me for some of the things I like to do, like celebrating others successes.  Bu I still seem to be a total failure about getting much of anything really done.
21 March, AD 2017
Co-Chair of the Alcohol working group for the Sop Access Coalition at 120 Maple Street, 305, at 10:30AM, then to apartment and back to Alderman Street for the Stop Access Coalition by bicycle and then to Bob's place. Put our trash and stay there the night.  Typed suggesed alterations of a NoHa letter to go to purveyors of alcohol saying we are going to be testing if their employees are "carding" people. Then tried to get to sleep, noise from the TV almost all night long.
20 March, AD 2017
Not much, a lodge meeting at 12:30PM, someone picks me up then, the Lodge meetings start at 1PM. We then clean getting ready for the Grand Encampment of Massachusetts at our lodge this Friday.
19 March, AD 2017
Church and then back to apartment and do not good.  Frozen sort of, feel anything I co is wrong.  The sins seems so strong.  Hell seems appropriate at I thoroughly hate myself. 

18 March, AD 2017
Order of St. Benedict and thoughts of Spring that officially begins Monday.  I want so much to work on things, but just can not seem to do so.   Am I really worthless?
17 March, AD 2017
Third Friday,  St Patrick's day and at 9AM I am at a month long course in healthy living put on by Commonwealth Care Alliance at 101 Wasson Ave.  I feel so powerless to do much of anything or accomplish much of anything.  Maybe the journal of spiritual discovery will help.  I feel so old and useless when I need to call for help in subjects I have gotten letter grade A in.  Maybe I should just devalue my grades by at least one letter grade.  Maybe the community colleges were to lenient and I did not earn those grades.
16 March, AD 2017
If everything not brought over to Classical Condominiums for tonight's meeting it is done this morning and extra food obtained.  Building Committee meeting at Noon and then Property Management Committee meeting at 1PM. Probably through by about 3PM.  Then get agendas and such posted for AQCA meeting and get over to classical by 5:30PM.  AQCA meeting is at 7PM, and Christine Judd or someone from ROCA will come and speak about their program and someone from the Design Studio of the Master's program at the University of Massachusetts Dept. of Landscape Architecture and Regional Planning will come and say they are interested in input for designs around Apremont Triangle and that area in Springfield, I really enjoyed the efforts these Masters Degree candidates are making to help this be a better place to live and work in.
15 March, AD 2017
Tied to fix problems with web pages, things got put to the wrong places, might be two different hosting companies are actually one company with two brands. Will try and fix all of this and upload changes here. Then we go to get things at the AQCA office for the meeting tomorrow night.  Morning meeting in Holyoke is cancelled/postponed.
Temperature is dropping again it seems, harder keeping the temperature in the apartment above 68 without the furnace pumping heat to the room.
14 March, AD 2017
Storm today, snow started about 4:30AM.  Stayed in and tried to set up a website telling of my church related experiences.  Just frozen, can't do much in seeking funding for this project or the Thurston Munson house or much of anything else.  Do not feel I am worthy and feel I have done so much wrong and made so many bad decisions.
13 March, AD 2017
Was to be at a meeting with a senator but instead sent an email, I missed the bus to connect to get to East Longmeadow and could not bicycle there in time. Did bicycle to Bob's house to get leaves out so he could shovel. Big storm coming up and I just don't see why people have to go outside. Stay in and let the road crew clear the roads.  Finished the minutes for the Parish Council and did some email.  Feel very lazy, don't want to do much.  Did go out and hand out some posters and a good contact  with a property manager.
12 March, AD 2017
Church and then Parish Council and then back to apartment.   Did not do much but did start on minutes of Parish Council meeting.
11 March, AD 2017
Order of St. Benedict in the morning.  Afternoon the preparation for the Parish Council meeting tomorrow. Another month half gone and I have accomplished nothing good.  Had to ask AppleCare about a simple thing like installing an upgrad on my iMac.  So STUPID I seem to be. Going to bed. Sorry about the troubles I caused at Church this morning as they were making 200 sandwiches to donate to the Rescue Mission.  Seems like I cause trouble everywhere I go.
10 March, AD 2017
I was supposed to do what I could to get flyers around about the AQCA meeting and maybe read more about the things we should be submitting.  But this second Friday of the month has become a failure also  I just stayed in Thursday night wen I got back from the MassLandlords (RHAGS) meeting and stayed there through today and then into Saturday morning. Surfed the internet and did all sorts of bad things but got nothing really done.  I was supposed to have purchased the mail box for Church at the central Post Office before the day was out, but forgot all about it.  Must pay phone bill or at least the $70 half of it. DSL is so expensive now.  Start a revised "Scope of Project" for 257 Central to sort of "conclude" things even if funding is found it might not be a place I can live my life in.  Another Open House is at 10AM on Tuesday.  Must also form a foundation to operate this and other entities I have been a part of once I am gone. Once I am permanently "out of the picture" then most probably the project9s) can flourish and reach somewhere near their full potential.
09 March, AD 2017
I have been up since about 2 AM typing this stuff.  Must do something. Laying there knowing I have no value or worth is not conducive to sleep. It is now 6:30AM and I need to spend the next hour getting the report ready for my doctor and then getting up to the clinic at 11 Wilbraham Road by 8AM.  Then back here and contact some of he buildings where people live and hand out the flyers to put up for the AQCA meeting. Tonight the RHAGS chapter of the MassLandlords meeting and some valuable information about leases. Must contact Phil about funding sources for this project and wonder if it even can happen.  Please pray that God's will be done in all of this.
08 March, AD 2017
Got back from Bob's with a ride from him and then emailed the HP contact person.  He called back at 10AM or a little before that.  Then we were doing things with him taking over control of my computers for 4 hours. In the end the wireless aspects of the very expensive printer can not be used and I must connect via an RG45 cat5e cable. The software he insisted on putting on the computers is childish and gives NO ability to functionally scan anything in with any professional controls. He concludes the lengthy session pretty much telling me that this is the only way this can be set up.  I say this is not the way it should work.  But it looks like this is also my fault as I did not fully test everything when I got the printer and now the incompatibilities of the parts are my fault.  I should have done more research. I really should have given the grant money back as I did not accomplish anything I set out to do.  I, instead, became nothing but another failure at this project as well.  I am getting so tired of looking into the mirror and so absolutely HATE the image I see there and the incompetence of the person attached to it.  I went down to the banks and transferred money from one bank to another. Once again I had messed up and Social Security had sent all accounts to one bank. Why is it I can not get something as simple as this done right?  Went to the AQCA office and piddled around a bit and called Steve, the IT fellow we hire to help me.  I got the old printer to work and we set up the new printer and put the old fax printer aside as a dedicated fax machine only.  He got the telephone working and I tried to do an inventory of the snacks we have stored for the meeting next Thursday at Classical Condominiums.  I messed up so much and had to have the people let me in because I can not seem to get my hand and codes right in the electronic door system. Then I goofed again as I guess we were supposed to be somewhere else and I did not remember it so I did not get to the right spot for the weekly Men's Group for Church.  Then back to the apartment and straight to the room and undress for bed.  Got a call from a friend. Then another call from another friend.  He asked why I went to college.  He said I knew so much I could do nothing.  And reminded me of how useless I was in that I can not get hired to do anything.  I thought a lot about that call and how much it is my fault that the $2,000 grant I got was spent on items that do not work.  I need to be seeing people and doing things tomorrow but will in all probability only get to the doctors, do nothing much else, and then go to the RHAGS chapter of MassLandlords meeting.  I need to pay those dues as well and nee to clean up in the apartment.  Much is a failure and it looks like I can accomplish nothing.  Over and over my friends will tell me I am "full of shit" and that I can not reason things correctly.  As I look back the the past the first 17 years were not so bad and until I got epilepsy in High School I did some things and even then accomplished much including Graduation and then attempting the Famous Artists Schools correspondence course from 1962-1965. Dad said I took to long to do it and did not do it well enough.  But after that things started to go down hill.  Berkshire Community College was from 1966 to 1972 and I only got two degrees.  I was on government programs and basically being "taken care of" as I could not seem to be able to get a job and support myself.  In 1972 I sort of "fell into" a job at the New Boston Congregational Church leading the worship services and staying at a person's home. That ended and I came back to help take care of my Uncle and then my Dad, which I did not do  well. By 1996 I had floated from place after my father died and became homeless and even when the folks in Springfield got me a job as a morning clean up person I lost that job.  So they arraigned to have me enter the Massachusetts Career Development Institute and I got a job after completing studies there only to be let go from that job also.  Then a job in Boston that I was let go of after a few months. Then back in Springfield and finally college to keep me off the streets.  Within a year of moving to the single room occupancy I was at the college and was still there in 2013 when a lot of things seemed to be crumbling around me. The accident in 2009 was getting better and then in 2013 things started going down hill. By the fall of r 2016 I was told the nerves were degenerating and it would only get worse.  I have bought books and taken classes and gone to meetings, as I told my friend, to not focus on the fact I can not accomplish anything right and to give me the delusional feeling that I might be contributing to the sum good somehow, by attending these many meetings. The truth is that these meetings tolerate me as the know it is just "killing time" and the meetings are a way of "keeping me off the streets" so to speak.  So this day ends with the full realization that I can accomplish nothing, none of the skills I have tried to learn dose anyone have a value for, and I am pretty much a sore festering on the skin of mankind and maybe the best thing to do is to put all my belongings in the barn at the family property in New Marlborough and when I die the fire department can burn it all up and the memory that I even existed will pretty much be erased and society can move forward to forget the sorry and useless chapter that was my life here.  Not a pleasant thought, but probably is reality.
07 March, AD 2017
Dis some things on the computer and ended up missing bus connections to Amherst due to my not reading the schedules correctly.  What is it with me?  I can't even read a bus schedule?  Got up to UMass just in time to fiind my way to the room for the presentations that began at 1PM.  Was there representing AQCA so was asked to ask any questions I thought might be helpful as the students explore ways to make the Apremont Triangle and the surrounding neighborhood a better place to live in.  I really liked the work done and some of the innovative ideas.  I was warmly greeted by the gal who invited me up to see her presentation and have agreed to keep in touch with her.  I got a ride back with a city person and we talked about my efforts to find funding for this project since my original funders backed out. It is pretty well agreed the only way we can get this done is through non-commercial funding as the commercial lenders will not touch this sort of a project that is trying to save history and not something that is done to "make money" only.  I feel so discouraged and hence I do much to nothing.  I fail more than not. Got back by bus to Bob's and helped with the garbage and stayed the night. Apparently it is all my fault that he did not water his plants and they died.  Just accept it, everything is my fault.
06 March, AD 2017
Some computer stuff and then I am picked up to go to Lodge.  People think I can not get there myself.  So I am picked up as it will be easier for some to meet at noontime this month. We have the Springfield Lodge meeting after the Agawam Encampment meeting, both Independent Order of Odd Fellows meetings. We heard of a fund raiser for the Oddfellows Home in Worcester I want to go to as I know the honoree personally.  We get back and I start on doing the minutes for the encampment but don't get to far.  Do garbage. This apartment is a dump. I can not even keep this small room clean and get nothing else done.  I must work on the code enforcement issues but I fear I just can not do anything well at all. To bed as I must get going early tomorrow.
05 March, AD 2017
Sunday Morning. Awoke with a little time before bathing and Church and went to look at the files on 257 Central on the flash drive I saved them on.  Only to find the contents of the folder, including all that was on this website have been erased, they are all gone. All the work I did for two years, all the documents created, averaging one every two days, and sometimes up to 8 a day, are all gone.  All the images, all the plans, all the communications, all the estimates, every bit of work I did is now as if it never happened at all.   The devil, the forces of evil, misfortune, whatever you want to call it, seems to be "at me" a lot lately.  I tend to question the value of my own existence.  One of the reasons I wanted to obtain this house to partially be away from others and to have a kitten, a cat, a companion, someone who welcomed me home and was glade I came back (if only because I provided the daily food) and now and then would be near me and purr and sort of indicate that someone or something liked to have me around.  I will now bath and go to church, but all that proves I ever dreamed of this is gone.  I was able to make space on that flash drive and download what I wrote here, but all other "evidence" is now gone.  The devastation I feel in the "pit of my stomach" is without my ability to put in words.
I do ask you to please pray for me and that I know "God's will" for this life I live, "so a child of two could understand", thanks.
Back to the apartment not much doing, just being here and contemplating how I can not get much of anything accomplished, looking at the videos on the computer helps. I really must be looking at the many books I bought on CSS (Cascading Style Sheets) but really what is the sense of it all if I can not get hired or can't accomplish much.  I guess I need to continue to read the book I started on aging and try to figure out if I can contribute anything positive to humanity or if I am just a leach on society with no net gain and am only a burden. I would hope that I could find some way to do some good.  BUT I fear only death will stop this series of wrong decisions and inappropriate responses and initiatives that seem to be my life, a burden to all mankind.
04 March, AD 2017
The last 21 days or so I have been in deep doubt as to my ability to accomplish much of anything and the computers have failed.  Nothing seems to be working right and my apartment has been allowed to become a mess.  I am seriously wondering if I can accomplish anything for the good any more.  Very very discouraged. Trying to revise a sheet to record my daily hours so it is for week.  I have an idea of  putting it on one page, maybe it will be weekly hours but only viewed as a month.  Have not got it "down" "in my head" as yet. I seem to be so incompetent.  In writing this I did find an interesting home landscape plan online from Iowa state university extension service.  I find lots of things interesting and often watch You Tube videos for hours.  I did get to the Order of St. Benedict meeting this morning and then back to apartment.  Steffi Crivelli brought me and my apple iMac and printer bought with a grant for a failed project last year to be checked out at the apple store. They had not gotten my registration so I had to wait an hour and I set up another appointment for Wednesday at 3:20PM.  I finally did get seen and after about 90 min of effort we got the computer to print. BUT I fear what will happen when we get back and I must soon change the DSL router/modem to the new one Verizon sent me that actually looks like a step backwards in technology.  I have very little confidence in my being able to accomplish much.  Here I am asking for help in fields I was trained in.  I guess I am a failure.
03 March, AD 2017
Do nothing much of any good.  Can't seem to accomplish much.  Sleep a lot. Almost in a zombie like state of affairs. Go up to Arise for Social Justice and meet with a student from UMass that is part of a "studio" project in a Masters course in Landscape Architecture and then escort her around Springfield Technical Community College and over to the Armoury and then back to STCC to the Landscape Design and Maintenance Dept. where she got to meet with Tom Smith, our Dept. Chair.  I talk to much.  It is the end of another week and nothing much accomplished.
02 March, AD 2017
Friends of the Homeless this morning is the location of the Individual Services Committee of the Network and somehow I messed up as I thought I was to be there at 9:30AM for a subcommittee meeting, but that did not happen.   After this meeting come back and do almost nothing.  Lots of re-evaluations, can see nothing much of value in my life right now.  I did not go to Bob's to help with his garbage, just back to apartment and the internet to try and not focus on my own shortfallings and worthlessness.
01 March, AD 2017
Leadership Council of the Western Massachusetts  Regional Network to End Homelessness meets at the TD Bank conference room this morning.  As of this date there is only about $1,500 left to carry on this work.  I give a gift of 1% of my income and pledge to do the same monthly.  Most people there say that they can not do the same. I find this interesting because I am under the impression that most of the people in attendance are being paid a salary for being there, it is a part of their job.   I get back tot he apartment and have another call at 2PM and then to the AQCA office conference table for the Armoury Quadrangle Civic Association's board meeting.  I am not doing this well.  Only got the speaker confirmed just as the meeting was getting started because of the good work of Jane Devlin in getting me correct information, I was making the wrong calls it seems.  But I should have had the flyers made up already, yet I have not.  The meeting was over with and I got on my bicycle and headed up to Church for Ash Wednesday services.  I got there to late for ashes but he service was so good.  I seems to be so lacking in so many qualities and it would have been so easy to just be there on time, but I was not.  Strong winds blowing against me, maybe Spring is coming after all.  Then back "home" to the apartment and to bed.  The SRO (Single Room Occupancy) is all I have known for at least 21 years and the family home fallen down and my friend put under some sort of a receivership and I can not seem to be employed nor have a relationship or even get myself an apartment where I can have a cat.  So much worthless about me and I have accomplished so very little in life. UGH !!!

March begins

28 February, AD 2017
Stop Access Coalition this afternoon. Puts together final stuff on 60 Byers and 257 project scope papers and Flyer and people to speak and such finalized by afternoon and maybe flyer produced by morning tomorrow for AQCA board meeting too hand out to folks to have put up for March 16th.  Leadership Council meeting has been rescheduled for tomorrow morning in Springfield, must find out where tonight and do more on projects plans.
27 February, AD 2017
32 Byers Street, Inc. board meeting and then up to Amherst for Installation of Amity Lodge officers, and do preparation for Stop Access Coalition meeting tomorrow at the C3 meeting spot in the south end and for the AQCA board of directors Wednesday.  Need to have speakers set and flyers printed by then.
26 February, AD 2017
Church, then over to Springfield Preservation Trust meeting and pay membership dues for the year.  Then to apartment and prepare for 32 Byers Street, Inc. Board of Directors meeting.  I am basically "hid away" until March.
 25 February, AD 20107
Order of St. Benedict and then prepare for Church and the Springfield Preservation Trust meeting on Maple Street after Church tomorrow afternoon.
24 February, AD 2017
Order of St Benedict is tomorrow, do things online this morning and last hand therapy appointment this afternoon then maybe to Bob's to stay the night.
23 February, AD 2017
Finish things in Berkshires and then get bus back to Springfield and apartment this afternoon, but will not speak with anyone until after I am back from the hand therapy, might be last one.  I am basically gone for the week and have a board meeting, and then being installed Mondak night.
22 February, AD 2017
Will need to go back Thursday night to get to Springfield by the hand therapy appointment Friday. Cancelled the one for Wednesday, today.
21 February, AD 2017
This morning my friend and I worked on things and we tried the newer Opera browser and it seems  to connect to the internet. Going shopping today.
20 February, AD 2017
Leave late for Berkshires but only get to destination an hour late, Steffi brings me right there and provides me with food, I feel so loved.  Still can not get on internet, it says it is connected but browser will not work.  Maybe people can help me up there so brought the lenovo with me.
19 February, AD 2017
Church, Parish Council and then Steffi takes me back to apartment.  Get ready to go to Berkshires this evening or tomorrow morning with Steffi as she and her children are going to visit her Mother in Troy, NY.  I have been wondering how Alice is.  We do not leave today, will tomorrow, so I do the minutes for the Parish Council and send them off for review.  Make a bootable flash drive for my friend to install Unbutu 16.4lts with on a new hard drive.
18 February, AD 2017
Order of St. Benedict and back to Bob's house afterwards as the tone of his voice seems to be that he wants me there in the afternoon.  Shoveled some and then helped him move a washing machine down cellar. He brings me back to apartment where I prepare for Parish Council Meeting Sunday and make plans to take a bus or somehow get to visit my friend in the Berkshires people are harassing and have threatened to kill.
17 February, AD 2017
Got to wait for that interview call and it was worth it, very nice lady.  Then a hand therapy appointment at ATI at 300 Bernie Ave and then to Bob's to do some stuff and be a short distance to the Church for Order  of St. Benedict in the morning. 
16 February, AD 2017
Bob called and said he would pick me up and take me to the Read-Aloud session at Boland School as he is going by that way.  I come back and then go to 3300 Main Street to speak with the counselor.  Then I come back and Bob calls and says he will take me to the restaurant where the R.H.A.G.S. chapter of MassLandlords is meeting tonight. Great meeting and I met Ron Cote there (he was Director of Property Management at Home City Housing in the past and I respect his wisdom on these matters).  Ron and I discussed a recent interpretation of 105CMR410.480 C by some city inspectors as related to me by a property manager Wednesday by email and he agreed that is not what the law says. The regulation only says that the front or common door must snap lock when it closes.  Got a ride back to the apartment from a fellow that used to live with us in the building.
15 February, AD 2017
Bob takes me to HAP for re-certification information and then to an Unaccompanied Youth meeting at School Street (part of the network to end homelessness) and then back to the apartment to wait for an interview phone call.  At 2PM off to ATI and hand Therapy, then back to apartment and then to Men's Group at the Hot Table, this is a Church function. I go back to Apartment after this and rest.
14 February, AD 2017
This is the day the bids are opened for 60 Byers Street 2pm.  I have no hope on this right now.  Went to Building Committee and Property Management meetings.  Met with Earl of RLC for a minute or two.  The found out in an email the RFP bid date is delayed until April.  What a nice Valentines day card.  BUT the internet on my lenovo laptop is so messed up it says it is connected but I can not access the internet.  That night I go to the Maple/High/6Corners Neighborhood Council meeting where a project Home City Housing iss trying to do was presented, then I went to Bob's to do his trash an stay overnight. 
13 February, AD 2017
I went up to 60 Byers Street to pray about 24 hours before the bids were to open. Found out someone had broken in and smashed a window to get in. Spent about an hour calling until I found someone to come and board it up again. Then tried to update this website and somehow lost everything. Will try and remember some of what I said, so discouraged.  Thanks for praying for me.
12 February, AD 2017
Church and back home before the storm.  Feel a little better but still pretty discouraged. Will work on some things.

01-11 February, AD 2017
I could not do much. Except for meetings and such I had to go to I stayed in my room.  I felt so depressed and worthless.  Then I started to work on plans and such before the 60 Byers Street opening of bids February 14th at 2PM. I had no hope but wanted to work on something.   About the 8th of February I went to the Historic Museum and got some more information about Thruston Munson.  Before that Tasya Ward had calle and asked if she could give my telephone number to a classmate of ours, Phil.  I did and Phil wonders if we still can not get funding for 257 Central  Street. I talked of 60 Byers Street as well.  So Phil whats some information on my envisioned scope of the projects.  In my research on Thurston Munson I found out he apparently has believed as I have that regular people could do most of the work in "decorating" a house, painting walls, wallpapering, sanding floors, etc. after the "professionals" have put in the wiring, plumbing, etc. Some of what I found is in this newspaper article about him and 60 Byers St. So I felt a little better by the 12th.
February begins

I felt so very bad and tried to "heal" myself by following instructions from "professional" behavioral experts.

Unless something miraculous happens, this project is dead,
and with it my hopes for "redeeming" myself.

31 January, AD 2017
Last day to get things into city hall and ask for time, if they approve, to buy house at 257 Central.  I sort of understand how things work but I am not certain some of the contractors do.  They think they have until today to get estimates in.  I see it as estimates AND house purchase.  The purchase could take 3-6 weeks before lawyers have things ready for signatures.  Often I wonder if I should be doing any of this.  But I feel compelled to at least attempt it.  Tomorrow is February.  Today it all ended. At abut 3:45 to 4:15 the financial backers, backed out. The project came to a hault. I had received the contract and the to be built plans from my Architect and I thought all was a green light. BUT it all vanished before me. The year has ended.  The project has ended. I am so depressed.  Please pray for me.
30 January, AD 2017
Do minutes from Annual Meeting and prepare for Green Committee meeting at city hall tomorrow.  Make certain estimates are at city hall as I understand I can not even buy or clean up or anything at 257 Central until they approve stuff.  So anxious.  I have only one more day left unless another "extension" is given.
29 January, AD 2017
Church and then Annual Meeting.  Please pray for us as we really messed up the meeting last time.  Want there to be transparency.
28 January, AD 2017
Must be back here by noon, preferably by 9AM for Order of St. Benedict.  AT 1pm or so Steffi and I and maybe others leave for Diocesan meeting.
27 January, AD 2017
Plan on being in DC for the March for life.  I know it is not Politically Correct, I believe abortions should only happen in cases like rape. Then back.
26 January, AD 2017
Get things ready and documents about bowel movement for Dr. Plumber, also list and tell of pains in extremities, cold feelings, etc.  Then called and made solid arraignments to get to DC and back. Will catch a bus ride out of Chicopee on the bus there at St. Stanislaus Roman Catholic Parish at 534 Front Street and get back to the same spot about 2 AM Saturday.  So happy I can go after over 15 years of not being able to because of commitments at the college I was attending and then working at and then attending.  So leaving the apartment by before 7PM.  Architect Bill Miller is meeting with the Building Department Friday.  Please continue to pray for me and for this Project and that I know clearly what God wants and be willing to move forward and trust Him to provide the ways.  I gather that every minute and a half a baby's life is ended by abortion.  Those statistics are down from what they were before.  Like the statistics for the number of Christians killed by Muslims are down, now it is one every 6 minutes and before it was one Christian killed every 5 minutes. Thanks for Praying for the little babies of this world, the future leaders and inventors and discovers of cures for all sorts of diseases, if we don't kill them first.
25 January, AD 2017
Prepare for 10AM "open house" at 60 Byers Street, take many images and maybe measurements.  Get to Northampton for 2PM meeting as to outreach to landlords regarding housing formerly homeless people.  Try to arrange before for ride up and back.  Point in Time count be at feeding place by 4PM to go out.
24 January, AD 2017
Finish 32 Byers Street Inc. minutes, do items for 257 Central for contractors, try to meet with Building Dept., then go to get new flash drive for tomorrow's images.
23 January, AD 2017
32 Byers Street, Inc. board of directors meeting at 1PM.  Some consideration of moving the date back to 12 noon.Move things to storage by midnight for inspection by HAP/HUD people sometime tomorrow.
22 January, AD 2017
Church, last announcements and details before the Annual Meeting should have been talked about, but there just was not time. I will talk with Deacon Michael and maybe email is how I will get them.  I went to Bob's to help him with something and he wanted me there by noon.  I got there by noon. At 1:30PM he was not there. I lay down and slept.  At 4PM or so I called, he is somewhere else watching a sports game on tv. AT 8:30PM he still had not arrived and at this point I can only go to Byers Street in the morning to prepare for32 Byers Street Inc. meeting that day.  Make agenda and then bring it to apartment to print.  Do rest of stuff to city hall if not there already on the estimates for 257 Central Street rehab sometime before the end of the week. Also get new flash card for camera for 60 Byers St. images. 
21 January, AD 2017
Spring is about only 60 days away!  Want to code something like that for one of my websites (for all the seasons).  Order of St. Benedict today and Church tomorrow.  I need to have all the things in to the city and if all estimates are not in my hand by now I need to "shake some trees" to get them there by Wednesday so I can have a report into the city by Thursday as I might leave fro DC that night.  The deadline is upon us.  I have not been to a March for Life in DC in at least a decade as I was at college and they wanted us in school that day, Spring classes started and I often was working at the bookstore.  Now, for my own peace of mind, I want to go.  Today I want to get so much done, but I did hardly anything. The computer hard drive seems to have crashed and everything was stored on it.  I will try to find some other solution.  I did update the CLAeast website through a chromebook.  I downloaded and uploaded the file. Not ideal, but the job was done.  I had planned on backing up everything about St. Valentine's Day.  So much for that now.  Steffi and I talked after Church about some things
20 January, AD 2017
This is traditionally the coldest day of winter. I want to have everything I do not need out of the apartment, especially those things that are summer related.  I did not go to Bob's house to stay the night but stayed at Byers St., so tired.  Do want to make some arraignments to be at the Right to Life March in D.C. next Friday. With events starting last night; today is the official presidential swearing in and such.  I do miss D.C., as I enjoyed my time as an intern there and think I tired to do good work for our country.
19 January, AD 2017
Boland School Read Aloud program in the morning was great. Emotional story (The Memory Coat) but great.  Then back to do some things and print stuff and be at 122 Chestnut Street, Hillman Entrance, for the Amory, Quadrangle, Civic Association meeting with the C3 initiative and the Sector E Community Policing people.  So much different now that Kathy Brown has retired.  The program was fine, I messed up a bit and the elections were held, I am an officer again.
18 January, AD 2017
No Amity Lodge meeting, probably in February.  Today I get to 257 and took pictures as 4 other people came to look and make estimates for the city.  I guess I was wrong before, the metal kitchen cabinets are there and that means I will not need to hang others. Much to do, deadline is upon us for estimates to the city.  Need to read the story at the central library I will be reading to the children tomorrow.  I hope to pack up and bring to storage all summer etc. stuff by this weekend or at least Monday night, inspection is Tuesday from 9AM to 5PM.  Also need, by midnight, to have agenda and order of business and other handouts read for A.Q.C.A. meeting tomorrow.
17 January, AD 2017
Must call Mike Cass about getting into 257 Central Street.  Today or Tomorrow, I hope it is more like tomorrow.  I have a building committee meeting at "The Rainville" at noon and for one reason or another this has not happened in two months, going on three.  So I really need to focus on that and prepare for the reading at Boland School.  Contact people about things that were to arrive for 32 Byers Street and where are they.  Finish all plans and accountability pages for 257 Central St. project.
16 January, AD 2017
Martin Luther King day today and I am pretty much staying inside.  Saw a moon phase calendar for this year that I liked and tried to make the same with just the days of the week using the letter "R" for ThuRsday.  An image of it is below and you can click on it to get the PDF of this file. I did it to have a hand sheet I can put lout at any point to find out what day of the week a certain day will be this year. Also the bold Arial font "S" indicates Sunday so you know when each week starts.  I am very tired as others have said they were also, might go back to bed even though I have much work to do an need to print an post flyers for the AQCA meeting Thursday.

calendar image.day of week and moons for 2017
15 January, AD 2017
Church and parish Council Budget Meeting. Then Deacon Michael brought me to the apartment.  I tried to do some things and then called Steffi as I was worried. She said she "was done" and I gathered she had been sick and was trying to eat and rest and get better by Tuesday. We have Martin Luther King day tomorrow. I was at the computer but doing nothing really productive.  A friend called and I need to visit him soon.  Five more days and the coldest day of winter will usually have passed.  With the extremely high heat in the hallways at this building and the heat seeping in under the door, my main room has hovered around 70 degrees, F. and so I have not as yet had to turn the heat on.  I made a chart to record the days and hours I had the heat turned on and Steffi helped me put two layers of 6 mill plastic on the windows and some foam insulation in windows I do not look out of. The result is that it is, according to NOAA,  26 degrees Fahrenheit outside with a wind chill of the same and yet by my door and computer the temperature is 71.9 Degrees, Fahrenheit and closer to the window it is 69.2 Degrees Fahrenheit. Hence I have yet to turn the heat on this heating season.  Adjusting to a temperature between 66 and 73 instead of between 73 and 84 seems to have been much better for me this year so far.  It is winter time so I wear sweaters and sweat shirts.  This is not Puerto Rico where the temperature now is 81 and feels like 83 degrees Fahrenheit.
14 January, AD 2017
Saturday and I walked up to the Order of St. Benedict and gave a dozen boxes of English Muffins (Whole Wheat) Bob had.  He had said he wanted to give out much and they might reject them as whole wheat tastes a bit different, but at least I am making the effort. After this I was brought back to the apartment and I did almost nothing but rest and such. Got things ready for the Budge Meeting of the Parish Council. Finally to bed after bathing.
13 January, AD 2017
Moved the things at the lodge and storage and then brought tubs to Bob's house to pack my things there.  Need to get all summer clothing packed away. Did not get a reply back from Dave Gaby as he did not see my email. So we will try and get into 257 Central on Tues. or better Weds. of next week with his carpenter person.  Bob brought me up to the retirement party for Kathy Brown as he had to be at another event.  A friend from college insisted on paying my way in and we had a good time together. Neither of us are good at being smooth at interpersonal relationships, but my heart has "sung" each time I have done thing with her. We spoke fondly, as she drove me back to Bob's place, of the time we all worked together with Phi Theta Kappa and college mentors to pain buildings at the Forrest Park Zoo for them.   People are wanting me to allow someone else to rehab the house and then sell it back to me.  I really do not want to do that.  I want to rehab it the way I want it done, while staying within code, and allowing for the decoration, such as painting, wallpapering, floor sanding and finish, and such to be done over time.  This is how I envision S.C.A.R.F. to work. Not that everything is done for people and they help with their sweat equity, but rather that ONLY the things we need skilled professionals done by code and law are accomplished to a level of a certificate of occupancy.  From that point on we work with the people to have them gain the skills to do the rest of the work by themselves.  That way they rebuild their shattered lives.  If we were going to just have others do most of the work there would be no reason for our existence as Habitat for Humanity already does that sort of work.  We are to help people rebuild their lives and the tool being used is the rebuilding or restoring of an abandoned or neglected building so it is THEIR home.   I left so discouraged that I am not able to communicate these concepts well.  Maybe again I am the wrong person to promote this type of concept or that this is just a stupid idea.  I have very little self importance these days.  I sent a long email about how some of my people in my building are seeming to be failing and was told I should not tell my personal information as others might thing negatively or not highly of me.   I  can not accept that "wisdom" and deny completely that one must present themselves as strong or in other positive ways in order to get things done.  If I am wrong, then I do not want to exist in that sort of a society.  But if I am right, which I think I am, the Christian community has always talked of "confessing" things "one to another" and in sharing my feelings of weakness and inability to accomplish something I am being truthful.  I someone does not tell me they are having trouble formatting something in a word processing program, I have no idea they need help.  That is a field I learned a bit in and often I can accomplish things in a few moment that people ahve taken hours struggling with so far. It was the many college classes, I know a little bit about that subject.  The same is true with me.  If you do not know I am struggling, how will you know I need help.  If you do not know the goal I am trying to reach, how can you guide me there or offer any other suggestions?  I need help if this thing is every going to happen.  If this does not "get off the ground" by the end of this fiscal year, then it is probably time for me to publish the book about it, walk away, and accept I was not good enough for this task.
12 January, AD 2017
Tried to finish the moving of things at storage but was just to tired to move. At computer but nothing done but to bed and rest a few times in the day. I took the bus to Chicopee for the MassLandlords meeting and Steffi came by after work and brought me home after we did errands. She was so tired and yet getting things for a special day at the school Friday.  I am so discouraged, so many things want to be done the way contractors want to do them and not the way I want them done.
11 January, AD 2017
Went to the Fort tonight after Men's Group (Church). Had spent most of the day moving stuff to another part of storage so workmen could work on things, will do more tomorrow. 
10 January, AD 2017
Other things and then be at 22 Ridgewood for the demolition of the building I wanted to save.  Tonight is Maple, High, Six Corners Neighborhood council meeting.
Masslive today reported the city council voted 12-0 to help historic buildings be rehapped, and they used the image for 257 Central Street.
09 January, AD 2017
Not much work done, called clinic, hand hurts something bad.  They can't see me until the 27th.  Fingers so cold.  I fear I have done so much wrong. Learned today that I need to do financial information for housing, this will make the 6th time someone has wanted this.  About every 2-3 months. Tried to sleep in daytime and it was so cold on the nice soft rug.  Sent More emails about the AQCA meeting trying to confirm that police representatives will be there.  Found out building I had hoped to remodel and have a high class premium restaurant and luxury apartments, with meals, will instead be demolished.  When a building is going to be torn down all the water and sewer and gas and electric services are removed and extra items around it.  I think the city expected to tear down 257 Central, but I am still fighting to try and save this little home.  Tonight I will make a chart for recording the days and hours the heat was turned on and the temperature inside and out at daytime and night.  I have moved the sleeping onto the harder floor in the apartments main room and will sleep their tonight, at least 15 degrees warmer than bathroom.  So sad I will have to turn on the heat, but I don't want the water pipes to freeze.  I hate hot water heating systems, so hard to go away and just let them get cold.
08 January, AD 2017
Church, Steffi came and got me, then went back to be with Maya. Maya was not feeling good.  She did get to Church and I taped up a little of the plastic.  Had tried to sleep in the Bathroom on that nice warm rug. BUT it was getting cold.  Hands cold, tried to warm them up in a hot bath again.  Working on getting the Police to come to the Armory Quadgrangle Civic Association meeting on the 19th to tell of the C3 initiative and the Sector E policing. Emailed the officers tonight.

07 January, AD 2017
Order of St. Benedict in the morning, then finish more stuff for the city.  Must get  all this work done . Also box up stuff to go to storage. Steffi called, Maya had hit a tree the night before and they had been in the emergency room from 10PM to 4AM.  They were so tired and could not get to St. Benedict formation group.  Right hand cold and hurts. Did try and use very hot bath, helped a little. I think fingers were broken or messed up at joints in accident August 19th.
06 January, AD 2017
Finish a lot of stuff for AQCA, the 32 Byers Street, Inc. board minutes and check in on contractors estimates and such for city and start on model for 257 Central St. Also want to see if I can view the joint session of Congress as they count the electoral college's electoral votes for President and Vice President.  I hope to contact the contractors today and urge all estimates to be in within 10 days.  Rest of the day I hope to get the apartment in order and the smell from the fire dept. visit gone.
05 January, AD 2017
10 AM I need to be at Friends of the Homeless for a Western Mass. Network to End Homelessness individual services committee meeting.  Then I need to check on 122 Chestnut for our AQCA meeting for the 19th but it was to cold, I will try and call them tomorrow. I wanted to go to the Sector E Beat Team meeting or contact Officer Tyburski about having someone speak to us and get the "eblast" news ready to go out by Friday, but was delayed by a tenant and was busy working on items for the Historical Commission.  I walked as fast as I could to the Historic Commission an got there by 6:40PM.  My Architect was there so they took me second instead of first.  We presented that we hope to replace to narrow windows with more appropriate ones and try and fit the larger windows with wooden ones that can be obtained.  I am not happy with the idea that the vinyl windows would cost as much to place broken windows as new windows, at that rate I can see no reason for anyone to buy vinyl.  I do think vinyl windows need to be redesigned and I have an idea that may need to be patented to allow such windows to have the glass replaced economically. We did emphasize the desire to have the building look good from the street and that we would ditch the fake shutters. We also spoke of a possible garage in the future and that we would keep the fence around the property perimeter and bring the double gate area in a bit so a car or so could come in off of the road to park and then the gate so people who are visiting can come off the road before contacting me or a parcel delivery person. It is not safe to be at that top of the hill and not be off the road.  I am think of a way a sort of circle drive can be installed and yet not have it be all blacktop.  Much to do in the future to do landscape plantings to please myself and others.  We left the Historic Commission with another vote to approve our plans for the repair of the house and issue a certificate of applicability for the work proposed.  We will have the same type and style of items replaced and rebuild the main porch that was there originally and all to be back to about the 1950's with black pipe handrail and we answered questions about the odd shape of the lot giving the history of it under Hattie B. Hill and how the boundaries had to be redesigned to accommodate zoning ordinances and such. The back porch, full length dormer and such were approved in June with another certificate of applicability.  Next step is to get all the estimates from contractors and images drawn as to how things will be repaired and have the city come and do a "walk through" so we can respond to their suggestions.
04 January, AD 2017
Meeting at the C3 I went to after setting up an agenda for the Board of Directors of the Armory Quadrangle Civic Association.  Met with outgoing President and Secretary and then presided over the board of directors meeting.  Did lots of planning.  Will have a planning meeting at length Feb. instead of a general meeting. Got back to Apartment and Steffi was delayed, hence did not get to the Men's meeting. Called and told John to tell the guys.  Steffi got here about 8:30PM and we spent the next 90 Minutes or so putting 6 mil plastic on my bathroom widows with expansion rods and a little tape.  It increases the temperature by about 6-9 degrees. pleasantly toasty in there now.  As yet I have NOT needed to turn on the heat, but I get some through the interior walls and the hall.   Steffi left and is to call me when she gets home.  She is such a help and I do ENJOY doing things for and with her.  She helped me put a fluffy rug on the floor, we left the excess rolled up under the sink.
03 January, AD 2017
Bob brought me to bank to get a bank check and I had to pay $29.95 for Checks at this old address. I hope to be moving within 6 months. Went to bed early
02 January, AD 2017
Did things and hopefully have finished up the Holiday Meals stuff.  Got back to apartment in time to meet Bill Devlin and go over stuff for 257 Central and the Historic Commission.  The stink of cigarets in the building was making him sick so he had to leave early.  No Springfield Lodge tonight.  Looks like most businesses closed.
01 January, AD 2017
Just a few minutes into the day and I have a image to share and have been listening to Grange Radio.  So disgusted with myself. Nothing accomplished that is good.
However did get to Church and had some people fill out address locations building a good census of our congregation and handing out Annual Meeting notices.



2017 Begins

31 December:2016
Saturday, last day of the week and last day of the month of the last month of the year.  Tomorrow is 2017 and I still seem so far away from my goals.  Today I helped Bob with much of the last of the clean-up from the holiday meal and get him connected again to the internet . I had a wifi adapter. Bet his died.
30 December: 2016
Last Friday of the year.  Want to send greetings as we review this year and look towards another one, if God grants me the life to live it out. I spent the day doing nothing much productive. A bit ready to work on things for Monday's meeting and then prepare for the Historic Commission meeting Thursday.  Still can't upload CLA files.
29 December: 2016
Finality as I look at the past year and am not happy with my "progress" towards getting S.C.A.R.F. and Charles Knight and Associates and about a half dozen other projects "off the ground".  Often wonder if I can do anything right.  So many seem to complain that I "don't know anything" yet I like to try and help make things better.  Did not get the church notices out today, will try and get them out tomorrow.
28 December: 2016
Wednesday, half way through the last week of the year.  Try to get the Holiday Meals clean up done and stuff over to storage and room winterized and such.
27 December: 2016
Holiday Meal clean up and "office" stuff here in preparation for Historic Commission meeting and city building department walk through of 257 Central.
26 December: 2016
Clean Up after Holiday meal and then go to Church for Feast of Saint Stephen with Bishop John. Important day, installation of Parish Council, ordination of Sub-Deacon, and festive program.  I would like to take the St. Stephen Course of Study, but that is about $3,500. And then back to clean up from Holiday Meal and bring stuff to storage.  Maybe other events.
25 December: 2016
Holiday Meal, be there to put up rest of signs and such a bit early. Bring books to read.  Expect to be cleaning up afterwards and then collapse.

24 December: 2016
Holiday Meals stuff and at the end of the day, Christmas Eve at Church.
23 December: 2016
Holiday Meals stuff most of the day.  Rest of day is "office" stuff here and calls to be made to prepare for Historic Commission second meeting.
22 December: 2016
Read Aloud at Boland School and help Bob with Holiday Meals stuff.
21 December: 2016
Long awaited meeting with Dr. Demos is today at 2PM, I need to be there by 1:30PM.  Must talk of face and illness and what happened to scaling after antibiotics. And be available for Bob & Holiday Meals.  Then Men's at the Fort with John.  National Homeless Memorial Day,  let all who would join with S.C.A.R.F. remember the homeless today who have died without a place to call home.  "What does it mean to be homeless?  It is not the same as houseless.  It is not that you do not have the ability to be safely sheltered  It really means you have no place in which you can be comfortably able to rest and relax, to be loved and to love.  It means that there is no place that is happy to have you living in that space.  It means you have no “dirt” to put your roots down in.  It means you do not belong anywhere.  It means you are NOT." (from a flyer about this day).  Might turn on heat but most probably will cover windows for the winter by this date to keep what heat I have in the apartment and not hitting the cold window and going outside.  I am so tiered at times.  Thanks for your prayers for myself, for S.C.A.R.F., for all those we hope to help heal & have a home.
20 December: 2016
Today at 9AM we go into 257 Central for window measurements and the architect needs to look at some things before we speak with the Historic Commission. I am to be ready by 8:30AM.  1PM at Christ Church Cathedral is the Springfield Mass. Homeless Memorial ServiceClick here to download a "card".  Just download and print it and fold it in fourths and give it to someone to have them come to the service or remember all who are homeless tonight.   I doubt it will be warm enough, but soon I need to move summer stuff to storage and up to the upper level there.  Stop Access Coalition meeting is at 3PM atthe C3 office at 806 Main Street. Do preparations with Bob for Christmas Holiday Meal today through Saturday.  Must get minute of 32 Byers Street Inc. meeting done.  Also record things for tomorrow's submission to the Historic Commission so we can meet with them in January.
19 December: 2016
32 Byers Street, Inc. board meeting was at 1PM and will went until 2:15PM.  The meeting with architect on this project was held and we will meet tomorrow to gain access to 257 Central to do window measurements in preparation for a final trip to the Historic Commission.  Looks like we will need to cut windows down to size for th smaller widths of this building. Stop Access Coalition meets Thursday at the C3 meeting place on main street.  Helped shovel snow for Bob. Getting lights and forms ready for the trip into 257 Central Street tomorrow to record what we find.  Yet to have the city go through the place with us again. At times I feel so helpless to move things along to completion.  So much "red tape" with governments.  Why do I want to do this with S.C.A.R.F.?  Because there is a need for people to be healeed.
18 December: 2016
Parish Council meeting rescheduled from last Sunday when many people could not attend. I was sick also. Was not cold inside the building but I felt cold inside my body.  Elections and such and many decisions for the Annual Meeting and going forward with the Church.  In the evening prepare for the 32 Byers Street Board meeting tomorrow. MUST move all extra stuff OUT of "office" and apartment area by day's end.

17 December: 2016
Possibly in Watertown about more on the World Trade Center discussion and other events, and then back by bus or train, (probably bus).
16 December: 2016
To Boston by bus for the event at the Boston Society of Architects in thier SPACE section about the fall of World Trade Center building number 7. Be there by noon and maybe try and talk with folks at HUD building in morning.  Then somewhere at night.
15 December: 2016
Awake at 2:30AM, put on sweat shirt and updated this.  Then back to bed. Must call and check about read aloud program. Thought it was today but listing says a week from today. Must call Hood about obtaining milk carton crates for Holiday Meals usage, or at least get telephone number.  Work here and then at Kimball for set up for the party by 3pm.  Might need to get bus ticket to Boston today for tomorrows morning departure.
14 December: 2016
Awoke and dressed and brought garbage cans in from Bob's and went to go but saw cardboard in road and took it back. Then missed G3 bus and walked to Wilbraham road and was eating muffin and ended up vomiting it all up. Happens sometimes. Triggers mucus and fills up throat, probably from nerve damage after accident in 2009. So walked across road and through park and up street to State Street and got bus to Spring and School Streets, then walked to unaccompanied youth committee meeting of the the network and found out the governor cut the budget for the network after all.  After this very productive meeting I came to "office" did some things and brought notices around about the holiday party tomorrow.  Went and read book I will read for Boland school.  Usually is 3rd Thursday but they have it listed for the 4th Thursday, must check with the school.  Came back and rested some after checking email and put empty boxes in alcove to work on apartment.  Then went to Men's group for Church at the Hot Table downtown and came back. More email and then so tired I went to bed.  Did not awaken in time to bring boxes in but will do it tomorrow.  Must leave tomorrow to arrive at 3PM to set up for Christmas/Holiday party at the Kimball Tower.  Spoke to Jodi (Portfolio Manager, covering for property manager) about missing last week's Building Committee meeting and how we need to schedule another meeting.  Try and get this "nailed down" tomorrow or Friday so it is presented at board meeting Monday.  I would rather work with people than be contentious against them.
13 December: 2016
Back from Amherst Lodge and then to bed, got up at 5:30 and then rolled over and back to sleep. Finally up at 8:30AM and worked on cleaning up until 1:30PM when I found out she is not coming to inspect until there is a second treatment for bed-bugs in the building. Did not know we had a first treatment.   So I bicycled to the counselors meeting and then back and then walked to the Maple, High, 6Coprnerrs Neighborhood Council meeting. Then got a ride back to Bob's house to help him with the garbage and sleep here.  Had a great facebook conversation with Tasya Ward, who was a classmate of mine at STCC and now is going to UMass. Almost 11PM, must be in bed by 11PM. Meeting tomorrow at 9:30 at 91 Spring Street, Unaccompanied Youth meeting of the Western Mass. Regional network to end homelessness.  Help Bob and work more on the apartment.  Made the date to work with Bill on the drawings he has done Sunday after Church, say 12PM at 400 Wilbraham Road.
12 December: 2016
Bob had things to do and I was feeling a little better. We helped Bob and he got my refrigerator from storage. An argument about how to do it and he insisted on laying it down and the banging it nearby into a two wheel cart. But shot is the thing I found out later Tuesday does not work now and when I had it in the lodge it did work well. I busted it somehow in transit.  Bob and I went to get stuff and he took it to others and we looked for things.  I got boards I want to make a bookcase out of and Bob took them out of the car and hurt his hand on a nail I did not see in them. I apparently do everything wrong.  WE got some wrapping paper and tape at the dollar tree and then Bob wanted me to go in and get Bows.  As I said, I apparently can't do anything right.  I bought a small cardboard like mail box and about 7 things, keychain lights, pointers, tape measures, USB car cigarette lighter charger, a three prong electrical receptacle  one to three adapter and then the batteries for the elements and wrapping papers and such. It was fun creating something for the Yankee Swap gift exchange at the hall were we at a catered dinner in Belchertown that night with Amherst Lodge.
11 December: 2016
So cold. It is not that bad inside, maybe 66-67, but I feel so very cold inside my body. Like when I had pneumonia so many years ago.  Did not go to Church. Stefi offered to come and get me, but then she would have been late.  I said no but asked her to come by and help me pack, etc. and bring some things to the lodge. We did that and Gabe helped and then I went back to the apartment. Stefi had brought me some "Shepherds Pie" and pastries.  From there I went right back to the room and worked on some stuff but mainly went to bed.  I felt so cold inside.  In the evening I ate the shepherds pie, popcorn, fruit, an a lot of stuff and then went to bed all warmed up.  When I woke Monday that had helped some.

10 December: 2016
Two weeks from tomorrow is Christmas Day.  With the efforts being made to do the Holiday Meal, I will most probably not be posting much here.  Sunday is the Parish Council meeting, Monday the Amherst  Lodge Christmas Party and Thursday the 15th is the A.Q.C.A. Christmas Party, and the following Monday is the 32 Byers Street, Inc. board of Directors meeting. The general plan is to work some in the morning on S.C.A.R.F. issues and the afternoon on other things.  BUT to arrange the day so that if some other activity is to happen in the morning, then those hours are devoted to S.C.A.R.F. in the afternoon.  I have bought a sort of ladies cover for a classic Franklin Quest date book/organizer and if the go-ahead is given to do the work on 257 Central we might transition to that organizing tool to try and keep much of all things in the same place.  As I am carrying much with me on a back pack it gets destroyed if I do not have such covered.  The Dollar Store date book fell apart just after Thanksgiving.  Can't find the two dollar tree date books I bought for 2017, I put them up to safe.  As it was I took bus up to Order of St Benedict and Stefi brought me back.  I lay down and was so cold.  Felt Cold all night also.
09 December:2016
This is the end of the first full week and this Sunday will be Rose Sunday, and only 14 days until Christmas.  That means Bob will need help with the Christmas Holiday Meal.  I have an inspection on the 13th and I want to get things boxed up and moved out of the apartment that I will not use until Spring/Summer by tomorrow as well.  I also want to craft a card for Alice and one for Pet (who has been sending me holiday greetings ever since my accident in 2009.  Must also contact my Doctor as I have had the troubles with my little finger and other bad things since the car hit me in August 19th. 
08 December: 2016
Individual Services Committee meeting at the Senior Center in Northampton from 9:30AM to 11AM.
07 December: 2016
S.C.O.R.E. workshop (11am to 1PM) at Scibellie Enterprise Center in the Teliclassroom about how to protect and grow your business using Intellectual Property and then the  Armory Quadrangle Civic Association's board of Directors meeting at 3PM at the Kimball Towers office before I meet Stefi to go to the Cavalier Resturant in Chicopee for the combined Amity and Springfield Lodge's Christmas Party.  Must have toys bought somehow by today also.
06 December: 2016
Finish Rainville Record newsletter and send to board for comment in am  A  Building Committee meeting at noon and a possible Webnare at 1pm. Then meeting at 3300 Main Street. It is the First Tuesday, please pray for the community meal in Ware.  I wonder if Bob would want to take me over and eat so I might be able to help. Doubt it but I would like to be with them.  Also start a crafting of the end of year Holiday Greetings I can use with modifications for S.C.A.R.F. and Church and such.  Want to maybe mail that newsletter out to everyone, at 32 Byers Street, but will most probably just bring it around to them.  Much Check with Earl of RLC personally about stuff at 32 Byers street and his own life and see where we can be of mutual aid.  I must be over at Bob's to do his trash tonight.  I stay there or somewhere else at least 3 or 4 nights a week and if I am at 32 Byers Street I agree NOT to come out of my room after about 7 or 9 pm.  Normally if I am at the "office" (what I call the apartment) I do not come out of my room after 6PM so that I do not interfer with the activities of the person that threatened to kill me.  I also try and not go near the lobby or "community room" if he is present.  I just do not think our "community room" being open all day,  every day, is a good thing for most of our tenants.  Some tend to monopolize the room and self-assure each other that the craziest of things are true.  That is the value and the negative side of groups.  If they do not have any sort of a "reality check" then they tend to self-authenticate ideas that may actually be totally false.  Most of the troubles seen in the past 5-7 years revolve, in 32 Byers Street, around that 'community room' and its monopolization by a select few.  I wonder why that group thinks it must use that room only for its socialization and self validation activities.  Arise for Social Justice on one end, and a host of other  groups on the other end are places where they can be of help and function well in groups.  BUT I fear this sort of insular usage of one room will not do them well if they move to a regular apartment.  Yet if they are to move to a nursing home that usage of that room for the main focus of their lives will fit in just fine.  I would hope we are not preparing them for a nursing home.
05 December: 2016
Must spend much of today on the Rainville Record newsletter and have it ready for approval.  Also an outline for the S.C.A.R.F. January of 2017 newsletter.  Must pack up some things and throw away some trash as today is the day for garbage pick up at 32 Byers Street.  MUST coordianate with Architect and Contractors to go over the Architects drawings AND work with city to get access to 257 Central Street.  We have a deadline to meet, with the city, irregardless of holiday activities, and it is my job to make certain we reach those goals. Hence I need to have that date "nailed down" by the end of the day today.
04 December: 2016
Church, Christmas pageant and Still Small Theater events at Church, I need to be that the Cancer Concert rehearsal at 1:30pm. This is the 2nd Sunday in Advent.So I will most probably need to leave right after Church to get the 12PM bus down State Street in order to get there in time.  I thought I would need to either do that or go back to the apartment and change and take a bus down, and it was apparently going to be colder.   So much to do and so little resources.  I also need to talk and get a time when Stefi and I can use the stuff she bought to make her windows warmer.  She got over $60 worth of stuff to try and keep the warm air in this winter and cut down on wasted fuel.  As it happened Stefi asked if it was OK if she brought me to St. George at 1:45pm AND I agreed.  Well I kind of knew what was going to happen and we left at 2:02PM and we saw the sign was still out so Stefi said she would take me to St. George Greek Orthodox Church, where the concert was being held, and then come back and take the sign back in herself.  Also she agreed to be my escort to the Christmas Party the combined lodges of Amity and Springfield would be putting on this Wednesday.   Please pray for Stefi and for Alice and for Mary and all the people I have mentioned here. Pray for yourself and how you can help us help people to rebuild there lives, in 2017.   Sometimes I wonder if I am the right person to be doing this sort of thing with S.C.A.R.F. as I am seemingly getting nowhere forming it.

03 December: 2016
Must get black binder for Cancer Concert and prepare the pages for that and black pants and four in hand black tie and white shirt..  Would like to travel to Northampton and attend Still Small Theater event at College Church.  The morning starts with Order of St. Benedict and then Wally and I work on frames to keep the heat in the fellowship Hall. Please pray we can do this well. It will mean using all I have learned in 40 years of Environmental Studies and such.  , but I did not get out of church until later and then Stefi took me over to Aldi in West Springfield to see about more Christmas battery operated candles.  They did not have any but we went to Costco and they did. It was $25 but I think if I can I will get another set  They are battery operated, of a higher quality and use AA batteries, and we can select the color of the candle and when not lit it looks like the candle has a burnt wick and when lit it looks like the light is down in the candle.  I set up 4 candles, not the right colors, 3 cream colored and on red (for the rose color) and lit the first Sunday in Advent one today at about 6:45pm. I rested and my head burst inside and it was so painful, I think there are small sinus "eruptions" and I must get upright again as soon as possible to stop the searing pain.  Then I tried to get 15 min. of sleep again. Some guy called from "Windows operating System" asking how my windows computer was.  I said it was doing just fine as a door stop and hung up on him. Then I finally got a little sleep but when I did awaken I found I was to late to get the but to Holyoke to get the bus to Northampton.  The last bus from the Holyoke mall was at 5:55PM and I awoke and found out the time at about 4:30PM, to late to get a bust up to Holyoke and such to get the bus to Northampton.  I really wanted to go also.  Will be putting things together so I can go to Church in the morning and then to the cancer concert to be there by 1:30PM as I think we have a final dress rehearsal at 2PM.  I also want to find our where my good friend and close person I care about, Joan Marcel is.  I think she might be at a rehab place after her operation.  Thanks for keeping her in prayer.  I hope I can continue the weatherization of my room's windows so that I can delay turning on the heat until at least after the 7th.  Must work on a lot of things, newsletter, etc. Monday and Tuesday and what seemed so far away a few days ago is now upon us.  
02 December: 2016
Meeting of a sub committee of the Western Area Regional Network to End Homelessness regarding how we can work with landlords so they will rent to folks that have become homeless and might have other "baggage" that often comes with people who have had to struggle just to survive.  I said a few days ago that this afternoon had to be packing stuff for storage and by 6PM at the Community Policing meeting and then the Historical Commission meeting.  As you can see from the posting before, I was so mixed up and thought the 1st was Wednesday, it was not. It was Thursday and I missed the things I wanted to get to.  BUT I had it right that I was to be in Northampton on this date and Bob brought me up there.  He insieted on bringing me up "in time" so I was there about 2 and a half, almost 3 hours early.  It was a good meeting and I had hoped to get down to see John Fisher with the Saturday Landlords & Property Managers workshop.  I did not get a ride back so I took the bus to Holyoke and then the X90 to the Springfield Mall where the Airport used to be on Liberty Street. There I went to Savers and one fellow had a black binder and then he decided not to get it and I snatched it up plus a back up binder for the small half pages I wrote on the Central Street Project so far. I just wonder if I will live long enough to move into this house.  I fear that just is not to be.  I had bought some books at the book kiosk at the Northampton Senior Center, it was clearance at 50 cents each and I got a lot of books about the world and such that Alice and I used to get.  Then I went to catch the bus and the driver said to do down further, so I did and it kept on going.  Later I found out the stop is one block beyond where I gave up by some construction. The PVTA signs on the norther tier are so much different than the ones on the southern tier.  I thought since the name of the company was the same, Pioneer Valley Transit Authority that the things would be the same, they function pretty much like two different companys.  At any rate I got to the Raven Bookstore and got a book outside they were selling for $1.  What a find It was what I thought was a " classic " that I had read while waiting for people to come for the Valley Interface Macintosh Users Group at S.T.C.C. and it is called "Campfire and Battlefield" and is an illustrated history of the Civil War by Rossiter Johnson; published by Fairfax Press in 1978 and is a reprint of the same work printed in 1894 by B.Taylor of New York.  The abundance of line drawings and engravings made this book and asset and a value to me beyond even $111 dollars in worth.  I can maybe imagine my great grand father, who fought in the 37th Massachusetts Regiment, possibly picking up this book before he died. I can not remember but think his death was in the early 1900's.  So I have a relative that lied about his age to fight in this great war "because no person should be required to work for another person just because of the color of his skin".  It was in Sheffield, MA, (where my High School was) that Elizabet Freedman had "sued" for her freedom and won, the first slave they say to be freed by due process of law.  She was a slave of Colonel Ashley and her decision opened the door for other people so enslaved of color to gain their freedom until the Dred Scott decison, which pretty much put our country on a course for all out Civil War over this issue.   I went to get groceries and many events happened in Great Barrington, MA where W. E. B. Dubois was born.  I sat on committees with friends that name him as their ancestor.  I had this issue of race.  And today it seems to be also many people of color want to be separate when they want to and included when they want to.  Evie Jackson was what people would call a black lady.  I considered the color of her skin and the color of here hair just a genetic thing that had NO bearing on my liking or not liking  her.  As it turns our God spoke to Evie and she is now a preacher.  I have always admired her and do so to this day.  So the folks that take pride in calling themselves Black, and those that take pride in calling themselves White, are both just as wrong to me.  All our ancestors, the scientists say, came out of Africa.  And coming up through to the Tigris and Euphrates River valleys past where Eden was and then northward and eastward.  My linage is most probably from the area of Europe extending to the caucus mountains and also including much of Africa.  I guess you could say we encompase the areas around the Mediterranean body of water.   I and NOT white, that is a color of skin, I am a Caucasian, which denotes where my ancestors came from.   I find the term white just as offensive as the term black.  We all, science says, have our genetic roots in Africa and talk about the development of gene so we do not need such pigmentation. BUT the color of skin I think is totally immaterial, what is important is the "color" of you heart and how willing you are to help another succeed.  Now we come back to the essential element in what is S.C.A.R.F., helping people who have experienced a traumatic event in their life, like becoming homeless, to rebuild a house and hence rebuild their lives and be come interconnected with a community so they start to rebuild that as well as themselves. This we all can play a part in and I believe the entire universe would be so much better if people cooperated with each other so that we all succeeded instead of so much death and war.  At night I went to Bob's place after dropping stuff off at my apartment and getting other things for the church. We can not work on the windows Saturday but I will bring what I have there.
01 December: 2016
Stuff this morning and working on many projects.  Did not get dressed until afternoon.  Got Paper that cost me $48 per box of 8 reams at Staples ($104 in total) from Pam yesterday and today the toner cartridge came (normally about $100) so I can use the older black and white laser printer for many text print jobs.  Slept again in the morning and still feel so discouraged.  Got things for the property management people and will need to ask for the Federal SSI and the State SSI and the Social Security determination letters.  I don't know why they did not ask me for these things when I gave them my screen shots of the deposits in my bank account. I can not forge them.  And the last time I asked for such it took many weeks to get.  Hopefully I can get a firm date soon as to when Uptown and Bill Devlin and I and maybe Bob representing the funders can look over Bill's drawings and see if we can give figures to the city of how much this will cost now we have to add about $50,000 or more in costs.  I feel so horrible and worthless in having these expenses, but I do want to save this piece of history for the city of Springfield.  Bob called and asked if I wanted to come over to his house tonight so I got dressed and he came before I was ready to go.  I have very little or no kinship with most of the people living at 32 Byers Street right now.  So much of their lives seems to be focused on what they want and parties and enjoyment for themselves and so little, it seems, do they do to help anyone.  I have yet to see ONE person of the some 46 living there offer help in the holiday meals or anything else, unless they are going to be eating food connected with it.  But I should not be surprised, I think selfishness is most probably one of the reasons some became homeless in the first place.  When I got to Bob's place I passed up food to get into bed and turn the TV on pbs and go to sleep with an interesting program.  Then I awoke and ate some things I had, Jiff whipped peanut butter and chocolate, delicious.  Then start a virus scan of this computer and update these pages, then hopefully sleep some.  Bob is so nice to let me have an electric heater he had suggested I buy for 257 Central that I can use to augment the heating system and let my sleeping area be really nice and warm.  I fear I was not good at all, passing out a lot when I tried to help Bob do some things for a Grand Lodge report.  Sometimes I am not in good health at all. I seem to go in 17 year cycles, starting with January 1, 1945 (I was born in November of 1944).  The first 17 year cycle brings me to 1962 and the year I graduate from Mount Everett Regional High School (I had come from the Mill River Elementary School in New Marlborough, MA which is now called the New Marlborough Central School and when my Uncle and my Mother graduated it was the High School in the town) and start the now non-existent Famous Artists Schools  which recently sent its archives to the Norman Rockwell Museum in Stockbridge, MA.  I know Norm as a friend and want to search those archives this summer. I also want to do what I can to restore enough of the family home so that I can live in some section of it in the summers from March to September or November at least part of the week or on the weekends. I still love the quiet of the Berkshire Hills and the interaction of Nature and NEED to be there again at least on the weekends to sort of "recharge" and "be grounded" with nature.  Please pray that I learn what it is that I can do that folks will desire to pay for so that I can earn the money to do the things I desire to do.  BUT more than that, please pray that I move towards doing what I feel God has asked me to do.  I have felt I should be doing some things but have put them aside when folks said I needed more education, etc.  I fear I might not live much more, and need to start some things now.
Look at what I did today. I totally forgot it was Thursday when Bob asked me to come to his house. I was so tired and had not lay down to rest and the narcolepsy was messing me up something horrible. So I went with him and went an lay down and slept WRONG MOVE and I feel so awful for it.  I really must lay down and rest when I say I need it folks. For if I do not I am falling all apart.  I knew there was some reason I did not want to go to his house at 6:30PM. This was it. I was to be at the Community Policing meeting and then to the Historical Commission meeting. BUT my mind was so messed up I could not remember or think to look at my date book.  I kept thinking that the 1st was on Wednesday. Oh how I messed up.  I just can't do things for everyone and get caught up in small fires and not get any sleep.  I have narcolepsy and the Sleep Apnea help (CPAP) Constant Positive Air Pressure machine does NOT work for me.  Hence I MUST have a nap at noon and another short one at about supper time. If I do not I fall all apart.  Bob insisted on me working on things this afternoon and then he left for a meeting.  I was in such bad shape and because I could not give my rent money to the property manager since they left early, I waited to 6:30PM to have the security guard witness me putting it in the rent drop box slot.  I was so messed up I was still thinking that tomorrow was Thursday instead of realizing that today was Thursday and that this was the meeting I had been waiting for all month.  Friends, please pray for me. I MUST set hard and fast rules for my rest as with out it I fall apart.  I am now 72 and I feel really horrible about what I did today.  I was encouraging others to go to this meeting and then I did not get there myself.  I was in such horrible shape that I was passing out hitting the computer screen as I was trying to do this graphic arts work for Bob this afternoon.  I really MUST get a schedule together and get the rest I need or I will be dying much sooner than I expect.  However, if the alpha people get me to do things for them when they want them, regardless of what it does to me that will be "no skin off of my nose", as soon as my body is buried, or before, they will have replaced me to do things for them.  It is what I see with "alpha" people all over the world, they are pretty much useless folks that push their way to get done when they want it done and often they could do the thing themselves if they would only take the time to learn, but that is to much effort for them. It is much easier for them to push someone else around and not do it with their own efforts, truthfully I think alphas are to lazy to actually work with and cooperate with others.  I have been an Alpha person and am trying to be different so I actually become more productive in encouraging people so we all get more done.  You can be active in 100 things and think you are making 100 different things happen, when in actuality you are just being a bully and once you leave the folks go back to what they were doing before you pushed your way to happen.  Nothing good changes with that, just that you got your satisfaction because you thought you were "in control".   I am so mad at myself for following the suggestion I make certain I get my rent paid within the hour.  It could have waited 4 hours and I could have been to the meeting I had been so wanting to be at.  So this is a long tirade showing how mad I am at myself. For three weeks, and especially the last two, I have wanted to be at these meetings and gain important information from people there.  BUT I did not take the naps I needed and allowed myself to get pushed around and so I was in no shape for anything tonight.  Even if I had not gone to Bob's to stay the night I could have just been at my apartment and been on the internet and then realize while updating this that I had missed the first Thursday of the month. The fault is no one's but my own.  I MUST schedule the time so that between 11AM and 2PM I get a nap of 15 min. or more.  The same thing is true between 4PM and 7PM, if I plan on going out for a meeting that night.  Without this I am useless and can not function hardly at all.  I am so thankful that Bob asked me about coming back to his house tonight. I will now, at almost midnight, now sleep and rest so that I am fresh for the meeting in Northampton tomorrow morning.  The neanderthals lived in very small groups and the homo sapiens lived in larger groups and that gave the homo sapiens an advantage.  However the society we have developed may have the seeds of disunity in that we do not have functioning small groups as well like the Neanderthals.  I think we need to develop those integral small units as well that help us to interface with the larger group, but the smaller ones are ones we can share life with and be co-dependent with.  I am more and more coming to the conclusion that co-dependency is not so much a mental problem as much as it is a social asset and without it we are psychologically more deficient than the co-dependent person.  The small co-dependent community I seek to establish at 257 Central Street is one in which birds and animals and a cat or two and myself can co-exist and depend on each other for value, and worth, and even our sustenance.  So without the adequate rhythms of activity and sleep we are in rough shape.  I know someone who falls asleep each night to the tv.  Yet I am certain their sleep is not good as it is fragmented with this incessant noise that is the tv.  We NEED to build "away places" where we are not caught up in the constant noise and hub-bub of daily "modern" life and we can naturally "recharge".  During my college years in studying programing I had a professor who said, and proved it with scientific documents, that in studying you need to every 25 min. take a 5 min break and think of NOTHING.  Not even wanting to sleep. Just do NOTHING.  Now try that, it is not easy. HOWEVER, if you do this you will find your brain is "recharged" and you can see the problems that eluded you before and you get more done in the day.  It is like the monastics and spiritual people have said for years. If you start the day, or spend time in the middle of the day to be quiet with God, you will get more done in the day, month and each year.  So this ends my harangue and  I will get to bed so I can sleep well for the meeting tomorrow.  I will need to send apologies as well.  BUT this typing here has helped me to realize how much I need to ORDER my life, what left I have of it, to provide times of rest and quiet and recharge, and teach the clients we will have to do the same.
This is the recipe for happiness and "success", the  ordered rhythm of rest and activity, with rest coming first.  Thanks for continuing to pray for me/us.

December 2016 Begins

30 November: 2016
Cancer Concert Final Rehearsal is tonight.  I need to go over these parts.  I have no idea why they asked me to be a part of this, as my voice is not good at all, I think it was just to swell the numbers and it would look good to have lots of people in the Community Coral. I should be buying tickets also but I am not certain I can do that after spending so much money last week Friday the 18th to go to Boston and back by Bus.  I need to be at the "office" for a webnare on selecting people to work with us. Then it is he AQCA board meeting at 3PM.  Tomorrow is a listening conference by telephone that I am looking forward to which they call a "webnar".  Been reading Black and Decker Codes for  Homeowners book (IRC).  Incidentally, I guess there was some really bad damage from that time the car hit me on my bicycle August 19th, now over 90 days ago.  My little finger, and others, seem to not work right and I have not done much of any drawings for this project.  I seem so depressed.  I do wonder if I am worth the amount of money the city feels needs to be spent on this project. The restoring of the water and sewer they cut off is estimated to be $20,000.oo alone.Adn the restoration to the house of Gas and Electricity and Telephone will be additional trench costs.  We want to do this in the section that was the 257 area so that the old 255, etc. is left untouched and such but for plantings in case the city wants to have us rebuild the house that burned in a similar external shape.  So I bought some more or some duplicate books at Savers yesterday on landscaping, gardening and such for this area.  Also got some things to use like a Home Settings wireless master remote controller to control some devices remotely, like turning on a light when people knock at the door.  I want so much to have this little "house in the oldest part of the city" also have a back yard with birds and a garden and a sitting spot, and an "away place" upstairs so that I can look out and see the country-like trees and back yard even in the winter.  So much to do, and my hopes and dreams are no different than any other person who has become homeless and had the branding of being worthless and no good still has a glimmer of hope for.  Please pray that through S.C.A.R.F. and other ways I can in some small part help to aid these people in putting their lives back together again. Thanks.
29 November: 2016
Do not know what the morning will bring but I went up to Savers and bought some books and things and then to an appointment at 3300 Main Street in the afternoon.  From there to a meeting at 32 Byers Street and then a meeting with a grant writer for 32 Byers Street, Inc.  Need to clean up and get things to storage and move other things in storage to another place really soon.  I have been so very discouraged about everything. Felt I have let down so very many people.  I think, if I ever get into 257 Central Street, I will get a cat the first thing.  Someone I can leave alone on a weekend if need be and will still be able to take care of them selves, but most of the time it would be "company" for me that, for the most part, will not as "crazy" as most of the humans around me.  Did some stuff for Bob and scanned in more things to work on for submission for his lodge.  Brought cd with me and tried to practice the bass parts for the Cancer Concert, what I was asked was what was a "yelling" about. It is now 11PM and I had hoped to get to bed by 9PM, so very tired and often discouraged, no forward progress.
28 November: 2016
Might have to help Bob in the morning. It is the Fourth Monday is today and the 32 Byers Street, Inc. board of directors meeting. I will be taking notes. I think I might just not try and participate at all. The fears I have are great and I get emotional and don't take good notes.  I think I will be happy if we can move this task over to someone else.  Maybe have then as an assistant for now and then take over after I am gone.  Much thought of that lately, going.  Maybe I am to die soon. Not certain how that goes.  No election of officers, but I meet with a grant writer Tuesday.  I feel so inadequate at times but knew I was doing the right thing when I was praying with someone after Church.  That is when I feel most alive, when I am seeking God's will and trying to do as He directs. Bob went to his son's and will be operated on for the neuropathy,  I hope this helps him some.
27 November: 2016
Sunday, Church, want to insulate the windows in the apartment.  I have held off so they could "inspect" them but I see no reason to continue to be cold just so they can finally get around to looking at the windows they will do NOTHING about until Spring.  I seriously doubt we will keep this property management company much longer.

26 November: 2016
Early in the morning, 112:45AM or so, there is screaming and noise and I just assume it is the guy who threatened to kill me having sexual intercourse with his girl.  Maybe when he wanted to do that the other day she refused and that is why they had the argument.  BUT if I get to move into 257 Central there will be no one but me often in the building, or me an an animal.  So there might be some peace and quiet without human noises and big fights.  Today we hopefully finish the cleaning up after the Holiday meal.  I hope I am right in remembering that I got a note saying that the fellowship of St. Benedict will not be Saturday as John has had an operation and is not as up to leading it as he had hoped he would be.  That means I am free to help Bob some more and maybe we do some things at his house.  If not I will water the plants and maybe bath there and sleep for the night as I need to be at Church by 8:30AM. We are having a Baptism and so things are earlier as we must get out to the space for the Church we rent from to have their service.
25  November: 2016
Bob awoke me as I had over slept and we were at the High School to clean up after the holiday meal.  He wanted to take me to go to talk with the folks at Staples about my computer that is dying.  I did not feel like it by then.  I did not feel I was worthy of any such repears.  I slept and at the muffins and apple cider I had been given and tried to fulfill some requests people were making.  MOSTLY I tried to avoid everyone and just be alone and away from the pain and knowledge that I can't do much of anything right and have accomplished almost nothing in this life so far but what I have left undone and what I have not repaired means I have destroyed or allowed to be destroyed the work my fore fathers worked so hard to achieve.  I feel I am worth so much less than zero.  It is costing the people of this country over $1000 week to keep me alive.  I can see NO justification for that expense.  I did find out to day that a course I want to take in becoming a Certified Occupancy Specialist is only 2 and a half days long and is offered soon in Boston. I need to be registered by next Friday, 2nd. BUT with the hotel room for two nights and the fees and transportation it is about $1,500.00!  I am most certainly not worth that cost.
24 November: 2016
Had wanted to get to Church, but did not.  Just plain lazy.  Got to Commerce High School and put up the rest of the signs and then took my position guarding the back bathrooms so most people do not see me.  We then cleaned up and I went back to the apartment to sleep.
23 November: 2016
Helped Bob with the Holiday meal stuff and he got me to my appointment at 3300 Main Street.  I am very depressed.  Helped Bob some more and then back to apartment.
22 November: 2016
Helped Bob with things for the Holiday Meal, then to Arise for a meeting, but it was not held there, I had remembered wrongly again.  Then more work on some stuff and I was told the green committee was not meeting.   I had paid for "Business Basics" course by Score and so I went to that.  I was told the green committee would meet after all. So I forwarded the minutes to everyone and said I was sorry but could not be there. This night at the apartment.
21 November: 2016
Next Report and update today.  Bob had me doing some things with him and then it was the Cancer Concert Rehersal at St. George Greek Orthodox Church.
20 November: 20016
Sunday, Church and such.  Stefi took me to CostCo and we got some stuff and I got my glasses fixed, great. I can see now in relative clarity.

19 November: 2016
Saturday, I was going to try and pick up lose ends but I was so exhausted I just stayed in.  I got a notice I could go to a training in Boston, but had no funds to do so.  Also Stefi came by later with food from the Fellowship of St. Benedict.  I thought we were not going to meet today and yet they did.
18 November: 2016
Left for Boston on 5AM bus & got to unaccompanied youth summit making plans to try and end youth homelessness. Great youth there who had been homeless and I have committed to try and get other youth on all of our Network committees, if possible. Good to see the people I knew and others and was so surprised when people said they liked what I had to say and it was relevant. So many times I hear that I am "full of shit" or other words to express people's displeasure with what I have so say. So many times I want to just disappear and "run away" from everyone. Then there are times like this when I spend the $75 or so and rush out at 4:45AM to get a bus and get back around 9:PM so very tired, but people of important positions validate that what I had to say had some value to it.  I fear though, that a end may come some day when it is not these unusual and rare times but the every day words of my total worthlessness that will be listened to.  As I look back I see NO reason fro ANYONE to remember me if I "went missing" tomorrow, no reason at all.
17 November: 2016
Busy day.  Whatever else I do I need to be at Boland School by 10AM to read to the children.  The FOH final board meeting is tonight at 5PM, then the AQCA meeting but I can only drop in to see if they need any help setting up and then go to the Christmas Cancer Concert Choral rehearsal at St. George Greek Orthodox Church, then back to AQCA to see if they need any help picking up.  I think I am to late for a bus to  Boston. 
16 November: 2016
No word yet at 7:45 but a friend wants me to go to a movie with him today.  I do feel better and might try this if I am not doing the stuff with Bob in the morning.  Want to get to the library and read over the book I am reading to the children at Boland School tomorrow.  Need also to clean up this room and do some more work on the stuff for the city and get extra stuff not needed, like summer shorts and such to storage.  This building is so warm and I have insulated the windows so much that as yet I have not turned on the heat and it is over 70 degrees consistently in my apartment / "office".  No Amity Lodge meeting due to the fall of our lodge member and we hope to visit him in the Hospital today. Might stay at Bob's tonight. Bicycle is still there.
15 November: 2016
Nothing all day, so tired but feeling much better, took last dose of medication and made an appointment to talk with Earl of RLC some. He may be moving to another job that will help him in his desire to help people more with housing.  He has grown a lot and this is the right move, I think, for him.  I will miss him as the "lynch-pin" that holds everything together, but all of us are moving into a very new phase of life right now.  Bob took me to the Stop-Access coalition meeting and then Dwayne took me to the bus terminal. Earl thought there was a bus from Amherst to Holyoke and then to Springfield. BUT at the PVTA station in Springfield they seemed to know nothing about this. Same name but northern tier and southern tier are different worlds, that seem to not "speak to each other" at all. So frustrating for public transportation riders.  So I came back to apartment and ate and went to bed. Bob wants to do something in the morning but I will not call him. He has been up late and just might not wake up early or has gotten someone else to help. I am often not told if I am not needed, just folks forget.  We found out a friend fell and broke his hip and they took him to surgery today and it is worse than expected. Bob and I hope to visit him by Wednesday.  The RLC grant that I got a laser printer with was able to print some things for this DAV fundraising effort. It felt good to be able to use some of the S.C.A.R.F. resources to also help another very worthwhile cause.
14 November: 2016
Did some stuff for Bob and this is my first day feeling better, moved a book-case and looking over some papers, this will take a while. Bob takes me to Walmart to pick up the items I ordered and bought another item to screw into a bare light bulb ceiling receptacle and then put a bulb in it so that the light goes on when one enters the room. Felt so tired after this 50 min jaunt, went back to bed.
13 November: 2016
Church, Parish Council meeting, notice of Annual Meeting, and such.  Stefi took me home but first we went to do some errands  and got her some adaptors to turn lights on at dusk and off at dawn with light sensor capabilities. I then ordered one via Walmart online for 257 Central. Will be very busy on "Holiday Meal" and such for next few days.
12 November: 2016
Order of St. Benedict meeting in the fellowship hall at Church.  Being so sick I am being told  by the doctor it would be best if I did not go out today. So I have emailed my clergy I will not be there.  I must do the same for the lodge and have asked that my friend Bob call the Chief Patriarch of the Agawam Encampment # 25 of the Independent Order of Oddfellows in the Jurisdiction of the Grand Lodge of Massachusetts to tell them I will not be there. I also been so sick that I have not been able to move rest of stuff from Alice's Pixley house to its spot in storage & work on city items to have them ready to be submitted by November 15 but it looks like now it will not happen until more like or near Thanksgiving. The architect and contractors want to have a meeting to discuss things before we have that walk through inspection by city code and building inspectors, etc.  Then we will be reviewing what we need to do and approvals secured about what we plan to do with the emphasis on the certificate of occupancy only, all other modifications to come later.  Get plans for purchase "in the works" to be accomplished prior to Christmas.  And work on cleaning up "loose ends" by November 15th or by the end of the month. I expect to be working on the Open Pantry Thanksgiving "Holiday Meal" with Bob much from the 15th on.  Today is the Agawam Encampment  #25 open installation at the Springfield 235 hall. The encampment branch of Oddfellowship focuses on trust and toleration and a mutual respect for others.  I wanted to obtain and restore the Thurston Wells Munson house at 60 Byers St., but I guess that is not a possibility now.  I wanted to rehab it as an office/studio and work out of there while renting the other two or three units for quality apartments that are geared for the needy.  I am beginning to doubt if I can do ANYTHING right, it does not seem so from the people that speak to me lately.  I have been so very sick all week and hope to get to these events today.  I feel so sick and will spend most of today in bed and forcing fluids and the daily medications at noon.  Thank You for your prayers.
11 November: 2016
Wanted to work on items for the city & have the "Rainville Record" newsletter published and in hands of tenants by today,will be done by Thanksgiving.  I have been so sick nothing as been done. Wondering if I can do anything right, probably not.  Must send an apology for talking at the nutrition workshop.  I have been reminded again that NO ONE wants to hear what I have to say and I go on and on about subjects others are not interested in hearing about.  I guess for some it is really important to be liked and say what they think others want to hear.  I just get excited about learning and I guess that bothers people.  This is Veteran's day and I hope world-wide we honor our veterans.  That mean on both sides of wars, winners and losers, as they all fought for their countries or causes when they were asked to. A veteran is one that has lived through a conflict and often he/she remembers her friends that did not survive that bellicose activity.   I was in DC as an intern 13 years ago and went to the Vietnam Memorial wall. A good friend's name must be there, John with a last name beginning with a 'B'.  It hurts so much I did not find it and when the "traveling wall" came to West Springfield I could not bring myself to look again. North and South, East and West, WWI and WWII, men and women on both sides answered the call of their people's leadership and put their lives "on the line" AND many did not return alive.  So, if you see a veteran, tell them thank - you, and pray for the dead and the vanquished that fought as valiantly.  I am still so very sick and even though last night I felt a little better I will spend today inside as well and not take any chances. Nothing done this week.  Once thing is good about me being to sick this week, it shows the world can function just fine without me at all.  That is indeed comforting.  I tried to work on things but could not. Did some work on the computer only to find a package I bought online from long island got shipped to California.  I was beginning to feel both good and bad at the same time. I am asked over and over again to contact the clinic and finally I get through. About 2 or 3 hours later the nurse calls me back.  She says I need to go to focus care at 3400 Main Street. I call Bob and in about a half hour he comes to get me. I am in the tub and it takes me a while to get dressed and get down there. They check me out and especially my breathing and figure out I still have or have developed some sort of an infection.  So Azithromycin 250 mg tablets are ordered and I am taken to the pharmacy.  I buy $48 worth of food and a card to pay for the cell phone on Sunday.  The doctor suggested I not go out Saturday and if I took the medications right away upon getting them I might be able to go to Church Sunday.  I want to do that as I am to take notes for the Parish Council meeting after Church. I buy some more generic Robotussin type of stuff, Wall-tussin.  Also I bought lots of juices, milk, orange juice, cookies, some candy, and such.  I had to wait for the medications and finally got back to the apartment. I told Bob I was only out about 2 hours, he said it was more like 3 and a half, but I was exhuasted.  He gave me some donuts and such and I gave a package to the fellow next door that opened the hall door or me. I am so exhausted. I took the double dose of the Azithormycin and will have 4 more doses, each one once a day.  I am looking forward to be able to go to Church, but will email my clergy why I will not be at the Order of St. Benedict.
10 November: 2016
Bob's birthday, and I made an electronic card for him.  All I could do, he just needs to print the pdf and fold it.  I am so sick. Tomorrow is Veterans Day and I had wanted to get the Rainville Record newsletter published before then.  I said Happy Birthday to Bob when he called today, I have some cd's of Air Force One for him and hope his family does a dinner for him !!!  I am so very sick and yet it seems to be getting a little better. I do NOT dare go to the MassLandlords meeting with the people from the Mas Commission Against Discrimination and their Chair, Jamie Williamson.  Now it looks like I will not get the Rainville Record newsletter done and published until more like Thanksgiving. I want items in it so our tenants can know how to keep warm this winter by doing small things themselves, like pulling shades or turning blinds in a certain way so the rising heat does not hit the windows and be lost.
09 November: 2016
Awoke and took a bath at 4AM to try and help.  By 5AM I checked some email and drank some fluids, will take more "Robitussin" at 6pm. I am to sick to go to the 9:30 to 11, meeting of the Unaccompanied Youth Committee of the ...Network... at the Gandara Center in Holyoke, near the road to the mall.  I feel so sick the night before I doubted I could leave by bus at 8 to get there in time.  The morning proved I was much worse. Got only a little bit of the stuff done today for the newsletter and no work to start my company that I wanted to start on this day, even if I need to pay another $50 later to change locations, etc .  I am so very very sick I think what will happen is my staying in bed most of today, and maybe tomorrow also.  Must make at least an electronic card for Bob.
08 November: 2016
Again I had a meeting at 3300 Main Street and tonight a Maple, High, 6 Corners Neighborhood Council Meeting; but I attended neither as I was so sick. Missed the building committee meeting and apparently it is my fault others did not come.  One person came to visit me and complained about some things I was doing at the computer and because I had been on the phone to the clinic and the cell phone company most of the morning and not able to take his call.  So I did not get to contacting people, I was instead blowing my nose and drinking fluids and trying to get well.  I think I missed another meeting as well, just to sick.  I did NOT get the Newsletter together with Brenda, the property manager for HMR and do not know if I can get it published by Veterans Day, Friday.  If I can get it all approved and printed we can maybe mail it Thursday.  If not then it will be dated for November 11th and give it to the tenants at 32 Byers Street as soon as we can.  Need to get tips on keeping warm for them in this issue. But I feel so rotten I wonder if this is more than a virus.  So very very sick.  Bob got me some "'tussin" liquid when he got through with his meetings tonight, just after 9PM. Glad I voted early, there was no way I wanted to go out and vote today.  I have a sadness that long after I applied to work at the polls there were asking for people and yet no reply came back to me when I came in to check if they had my address right as I had not heard.  I just assume I did such a rotten job when I was privileged to work at the polls once before that they do not want me.  Once again I am worthless and unwanted by yet another group.
07 November: 2016
Final Nutrition program meeting and I asked Bob to come.  He brought me and he won the door prize.  Bob says I talk to much and no one wants to hear what I have to say, most probably very true, I have heard that most of my life. They will be prepared a breakfast for us and I felt bad and after the event Bob and I went to do some errands he had to do and get things ready for something he is helping with tomorrow.  Have agreed to come to visit a Senior Center soon, but not today.  We got back at my apartment and I tried to get some images for him off the internet, not good and am feeling worse.  Tonight is the open Installation for Springfield Lodge, I am going in again as Vice Grand, don't think they want me as the presiding officer.  I was told that the collation had changed and mine would be at our next meeting, the 21st of November. Sam White did a great job as our District Deputy Grand Master and I ate with them after the meeting. Web Browning came and got me and dropped me back off at the apartment, went right to bed. Sooooooo sick.  But I did redo a chart to reflect the occasional time I would take two doses of a medication as prescribed instead of the one dose my Dr. and I are trying to do.
06 November: 2016
Church then Stefi brought me to get some foam insulation between rooms where I often sleep at night, because of this I did not go to a talk at Classical Condominiums at 2PM or the $35 organ concert at Old First Church at 3pm.  Bob's Birthday is in 4 days, need to prepare for that but I stayed at his place and went to bed early after having a breakfast at about 5PM.  Tomorrow we go to my last session and graduation from the nutrition class.  Sore throat and felt awful so I went to bed early and watched some public television. Wanted to read about the IRC (building codes) but just did not feel I could.

05 November: 2016
Order of Saint Benedict meeting at Church and then I do not know what, will be very cold tomorrow.  I feel like I am not getting much done, I get so discouraged.
04 November: 2016
Friday, so much not done, hope to get to "the office" and finish plans and then wash clothing and deal with other things at the lodge.
03 November: 2016
Left Bob's for the Western Mass. Network to End Homelessness's Individual Services Committee meeting at Friends of the Homeless and then to the apartment and then by bus to 3300 Main Street for a professional appointment and then back to City Hall where I voted early. I had offered to help at the polls and if they called Monday I wanted to be able to respond.  Then to the apartment after talking about helping some as a volunteer at the local public access TV station. Then by bicycle to the Sector E community Policing meeting. Then to the safety meeting in the South End at the new South End Neighborhood Council meeting in what used to be Bare Auto.  Then back to the apartment and try to help someone get their account balance and then I just took off to go to Bob's and try to get this updated as I felt I might get nothing done there, and am updating this from there.  Will need to tell others on facebook why I left. It is almost midnight, time for bed.
02 November: 2016
I had stayed last night with Bob and then went to the apartment for most of the day I hurt so badly. Tried to take a hot bath, little help. Went to the AQCA board meeting and then to Bob's to attend Lodge and go back to his place to help with the trash. Stayed there and tried to update the computers and stuff I have there.
01 November: 2016
Went to the Nutrition class at 101 Wasson Ave and then back to the apartment. Did some stuff there and was planning on leaving by bus to get a bus to get a bus to get a bus to Amherst. Bob got me to help him with something and then he took me to Amherst and went back to a meeting in West Springfield. I walked around a bit and tried to check for old Springfield Maps, did not find what I wanted.  Then to the Student Union and walked over to the Campus Center and the university book store.  Then back to the student union and God told me to walk from the outside of the campus center, I did and Stefi was driving up with stuff of the play.  I went around from the inside to open the door to the side where she was bringing in things and then helped set up the cafe to become a theater and then watched the really nice and moving presentation of a story of the martyrdom of a young woman named perpetua, killed for her faith in Christ by the still small theater troupe. After the play we had someone talk from an organization called "Voice of the Martyrs" that said that more Christians have been killed in this past century than at any time since the birth of Christ. I checked this out, it seems to be true. Back in 2011 it was stated that a Christian dies every 5 min. because of their faith.  At about that same time it was stated that at that year 7 out of every 10 Christians killed for their faith came from Nigeria. It is  also stated that This Is The Age of Martyrs.
But I can do no other than be a Christian.  Christ himself appeared to me on a road outside of Fiuggi, Italy, in 1972.  I knelt on the ground immediately with a bowed head. He said "my son I have other things planned for you". And then he was gone. I have strayed horribly but all I can be is a Christian, because I have met the eternal Christ and know the peace that comes from trusting in Him and abiding in God's love. I could go on. Please pray for me, that I do God's will, not my own.

November Begins

31 October: 2016
Don't know what but I think I want to be at the house at 257 Central tonight, Halloween.  There is some strong support for the idea that Halloween or All Hallows Eve is of an entirely Christian nature.  But much of today's celebrations focus on non-christian topics and things, so people might not know the origins of this time of remembrance of those that had passed on before us in faith and dedication to our Lord. Hope we can move along so the city can let me obtain and work on this property and maybe get a certificate of occupancy and be moved in by springtime. It would be really nice if I could get that certificate and be moved in by either Christmas, St.Patrick's day or Easter-time. AND even if I can not sleep in the building, it would be nice if I had electricity to it and I and a few friends could warm up some plates of food from Thanksgiving Day and have our own "thanksgiving meal" there.  Alice and I did that after she got her house fixed up after it was flooded and we had to redo the walls and floors and such. It is a hope.  I most  certainly want to be there by May 27th, the 2nd Anniversary of my putting in that RFP bid.  So at near midnight I went out on this cold Halloween night with a trench coal and under it a grey hooded sweat shirt and inside of that a bright florescent green sweat shirt, big staff-like walking stick and a metal lantren glowed with a greenish light.  I said nothing, just walked up State street, over to myrtle, in back of Commerce High School, over to High Street and then Down Walnut, then to Pine and over to Central. Sat at the buss stop waiting station and looked at the house at 257 Central and took a picture or two of it.  Then continued down Central to Maple and took that to State Street and then up to Spring and that north to Frost and that up to Byers and back to the starting point.  I said nothing, just walked with the large stick making a clunk sound on the sidewalk every few steps. I guess it was as if a ghost from the past had come to walk the old neighborhood and then disappear.  The house seemed to be ok.  Then I went to bed at the apartment.

30 October: 2016
Church and then items afterwards, I think we are having our celebration early.  I had hoped I could at least be a part of this event in some way, helping to set up would be a joy.   The first priority is to the Church things.  After I get back from the events in Westfield it will be late, I am often so tired I will most probably just rest.  Must get minutes done for 32 Byers Street, Inc., the green committee and Agawam Encampment all finished by Monday but bet I will not get it done until Wednesday or later.  Friday I was to get the President of the board of directors to sign something, but she had left for home by the time I got back to that location, so I will try and do that Monday.  I spent Friday night and early Saturday morning looking up ways to file this electronically and I think the fax option is what I will use to file the 32 Byers St., Inc. corporate papers on the 31st of October with the Secretary of State's office. They need to be in before, or maybe on, November 1st.
29 October: 2016
Order of St. Benedict in the morning, then prepare for items after Church the next day. I will not be at those events I like so much as a dear friend wants me to go with him to attend Reformation events in Westfield by bus.  We will need to leave the church building where he is having worship service. His is a Lutheran and mine an Orthodox service. The church I am working with right not is renting the sanctuary and space below from his church (Lutheran) and we meet and are out of the Lutheran's nave space about a half hour before their service begins.  So I will go down and be with folks before our events begin and then be upstairs at his events at about noon so we can walk to the bus stop across the park and take the bus, to the bus, to the bus to Westfield.  We will get there about an hour after the events begin.  My friend Ray and I and his late lady Moira (of blessed memory) spent many an enjoyable time together at college and at other places such as a board of directors we were all on at once.  He is the one that urged me to try "star office" and the whole Linux platform which I am very thankful for.
28 October: 2016
MHP meeting in the AM and I, as clerk of the board of directors, was put in as the contact person for the officials that were there to be the person they talk to in order to convey messages through to the board of directors that own that building. Bob dropped me back to "office" to work on items for the 257 Central Street Project but I got very little done.  The architect came by and we went for "coffee" and talked a bit and he brought me to the post office so I could buy some more stamps. Bob came by after that and gave me some food just before that.  Bob came by again and I got a stamp for him and we mailed a letter and then went back to his house to winterize a space he created for air ventilation in his house that had been open in the summer and needs to be closed up for winter. We ate and I stayed there and updated this website from there as I had the flash drive with files on it.  Most of what I wanted to do today will be done Saturday and next week. 
27 October: 2016
Work on stuff for this project in the AM and go to an appointment at 3300 Main Street by 1:45PM.  Bob picked me up there and we did some other things and then dropped me back to "the office" where I worked on the newsletter and talked with the property manager. Try and prepare for a MHP meeting the next day.
26 October: 2016
Did not know how as of Monday, but I needed to be in Pittsfield, MA, today by 10:45AM for a meeting of the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness, Leadership Council.  Bob brought me up and we looked at Alice's house in Pittsfield.  They have thrown out all her belongings and had someone repaint the house and it is now up for sale.  So sad, so against all "best practices" and so down right evil. That is why I am continuing to work on staying in Hampden county most of the time. The evil people that did this to my friend Alice are the same people that control what happens to elderly people in Berkshire, Franklin, and Hampshire counties here in Massachusetts.  Then got back here tried to go to a meeting but it was not at the Chestnut Middle School as I had been told, but at a health center across the street from that middle school.  I looke at that health center but saw no signage about the meeting. So I called Bob and he got me and I went with him to eat. Maybe work more on the plans and prepare a newsletter for 32 Byers St., Inc.when I get back to "the office" Thursday morning.
25 October: 2016
101 Wasson Avenue I will be at this morning at 8:45AM for the nutrition meeting.  They want to have someone check on me because my refrigerator that the landlord provided for me failed 5 times and I have lost food.  I want instead to get permission from the landlord to provide my own that I will then bring over to 257 Central St when I move to be working there, if I do get that far.  Will check next week on clothing at Savers, see if Bob wants to go, as he was not able after to go today. I then worked some more on the measurements of 257 Central and cost estimates. Then it was the Green Committee subcommittee meeting to take notes for.  Then to Bob's to help with the trash and maybe some other computer related things.
24 October: 2016
Got up early and started all sorts of paper work for this meeting.  Forms need to be filed with the Secretary of State in a few days and I need information about people to accurately file these annual papers.  Will need to chase people down, they did not put the information in.  Before the meeting I was asked to check on the status of a court case and I did that and then afterwards we got my tuxedo (one of two given to me) from the dry cleaners and I was brought back to the apartment. By the time the person came to take me to the meeting I could not find much of the stuff for the tuxedo I had put away safely so I used the other one and we went up to Amherst Lodge where I did as best I could the part of the District Deputy Grand Marshall in the installation of that lodge.  We ate and returned me to my apartment to sleep and get up early to update this listing and some other things before going out to a meeting in the morning.
23 October: 2016
Church and after the Mass (Divine Liturgy) went down to the fellowship hall and got set up for the Parish Council Meeting.  Got back to apartment after that and tried to rest and then do the minutes of that meeting and prepare some for the meeting Monday of the board of directors of 32 Byers St., Inc. After fellowship time I found out our clergy's family dog had died. Did not feel good about this at all. I had known the dog and followed "flam" and her antics on their "facebook" page. I was to go to the SPT "haunted" event in the Springfield cemetery where people dress up like folks from the past that are buried there and speak to you about their lives. A great event. But I was remembering my animals and how much they meant to me and so I just stayed in and slept and worked on Parish Council minutes and slept and thought of how much I wanted to share this space, should I ever get int 257 Central Street, with a dog or cat.  I think I lean towards a cat.
22 October: 2016
Up to Church for the Order of St. Benedict Fellowship and got there a little late.  Did measurements of the windows there and have an idea about some plastic to keep the wind and cold out.  Then back to the apartment and rest and work on some of the electrical hand drawn stuff to make a listing of what each receptacle or light switch is for the city on this proposed project.  Sometimes it moves fast and then for long periods goes very slow indeed.
21 October: 2016
This day got all changed around also. Went to the bank at 9AM to have my name taken off the Tenants Union checking account and the new Treasurer and the new President's names put on. Trouble there and it took 40 minutes or more to accomplish this.  BUT finally I am rid of this millstone. I had turned the check books and such over to the new Treasurer back in June, but they could not "get it together" to go to the bank with me. They can plan and order food to eat and watch TV much of the time but not do this, I am so glad to no longer have any connection with that checkbook and maybe the rumors by the same fellow that threatened to kill me that I was using the tenants union monies for my own personal items will stop now. I hope.  I was called to go to the amity lodge building and await the security camera fellow that was putting in a new box for us, which will cost $2,000+ for that item & it's installation.  Went with Bob to get a solid state drive to back up things from the security cameras and then back to the "office" to work the night on some things.
20 October: 2016
Plans all changed.  At the house at 257 Central at 8:25AM, got in and later Bill Devlin, the Architect, came. I left at 9:45AM and Bill called ahead to tell the folks at Boland School I was coming.  Got to a different classroom, but I think it as God's will as we had students from the class I read to before in grade 4 there in this Grade 5 class.  They even kept me longer to "interview" me and find out about my life and such.  Wonderful hope for the future in these kids.  I then got back to 257 Central and took pictures around the outside.  Did not want to startle Bill, but I guess that was worse as he heard me and came up to investigate.  While I was taking images, with a measuring device to determine clap-board width, etc. a Matt Maddon came up and asked if I had broken into the building.  Apparently someone in the city just took over from someone else a month prior and the word that we were granted access to this property did not get to them. So they thought this was a tax-title auction property and we had broken in.  I get in so much trouble when I am trying to do all I can the right way.  I left there and bicycled to 3300 Main Street for an appointment there and then to savers and got something to raise up my monitor on the computer and then change and go over to Museum Park apartments (the old Sheratan Hotel) to help set up for the meeting of the Armory Quadrangle Civic Association in which we explain the ballot questions.  Then, after that meeting, I went back to the apartment and crashed, so very, very tired.
19 October: 2016
Had an invite so did some work on electrical plans and then to the C3 meeting about crime n the area and back to the apartment for other stuff and rest.
Did a bit of calling around and we are scheduled now for access to make more measurements with our Architect and seriously look at any additional flaws at 257 Central that need to be addressed.  This is getting so expensive but want to save it.  Did not know how to save the family home and so much of my heart went down with that building that contained so much that was important to me.  I, Charlie Knight, feel that so much of my life what I enjoyed or wanted had to be put aside to do what others thought I should do, which often I hated doing.  It seems the same way now, I could scream, but I won't.  Had to email Coleen and say I could not be in Holyoke after all at the Revitalize CDC fit and green work on many houses there. I will miss doing that.
18 October: 2016
Not much done on this project but went to the Nutrition Class at 101 Wasson Ave in the morning, then to the apartment for some work on plans and then to 806 Main Street, (the C3 meeting space) for a Stop Access Coalition meeting and then to Bob's to help with his trash.
17 October: 2016
Stayed in and did some things but not much. Do not feel well at all. Was picked up and went to Agawam Encampment and Springfield Lodge.
16 October: 2016
Sunday, nothing much, not feeling so well, in much of the day.  Went to Church and then back to apartment, feel very low.
15 October: 2016
Month half over with.  Degree Rally Day was postponed from today until sometime in the springtime, assuming still at Friendship Lodge in Belmont, MA.  No vespers, just Order o St. Benedict at Church.  Tiring week.
14 October: 2016
Probably work on stuff at the apartment and then to Boston and stay overnight so I can be there the next day for the Degree Rally Day events.
 13 October: 2016
After I help Bob get some staging for a project he is doing he will take me to Holyoke where I attend the Revitalize CDC veteran's breakfast.  Then back to Springfield and get the bicycle and go to a meeting at 3300 Main Street. Then to a meeting at the Hospital about my hands and finally bicycle to Twin Hills Count;y Club for the MassLandlords meeting. Then bicycle somewhere to sleep for the night
12 October: 2016
Went to apartment and worked on some stuff, got to the post office and checked the mail box, then went to Fed-Ex Office and had drawings I did scanned in and one 8.5 x 11 inch printed of each one.  Then up to College for Campus Civitan meeting to encourage them and talk a little what I did when a student in the club.  We did not have the people committed to come so a proposed activity we have done for 14 years we will not do this year. Then to the Bookstore at STCC and show the lady what I made for a case to carry things in, then get my blood pressure checked and back to the apartment.  Had a meeting with city officials about 257 Central Street and code enforcement, building and such will go there with my architect to "nail down" all that needs to be done.  Six people there and I was so glad the Architect agreed to come and help field questions. We now have a few weeks to get all the current costs done and a listing of every items we will be repairing or replacing.  A lot of work.  But I still think this is the right thing to do. Then to the Central Library meeting on the ballot questions in this election.
11 October: 2016
Class on nutrition, eating and exercise for elders at Commonwealth Care Alliance by 9AM (got there at 9:20AM, taking longer with traffic), then to Building Committee at 32 Byers Street at Noon, back to apartment and get minutes for Green Committee done and then to Maple-High-6Corners Neighborhood Council and a review of the citizen review panel for internal investigations.  Then to Bob's to help with his garbage and stayed there that night.
10 October: 2016
Well is is 10/10 today, Was trying to remember where I was and what I was doing on 10/10/10.  It was only 6 years ago but it seems so far away it could be 60 years ago.  We are so focused on the tyranny of the urgency that we can do almost nothing but respond.  I awoke and felt it was a little cool inside. In some ways it was. The temperature is 79.4 at eye level in my apartment.  The valve for the heating unit is turned OFF. And because some seeps through anyway there has been noise of hot water rushing by for hours now.  The temperature outside NOAA says is 42.  One of my windows does not have insulation and the other 4 are insulated up to about a foot from the top.  This has done a lot to keep me warm in winter.  That is why I am not all excited about having a high powered heating system installed in 257 Central. In the image above you see the room called the "Den"  or "Guest Room" is where I plan on spending most of my time in the winter.  The "bathroom" and the "kitchen" are the other two places I would be at part of the time.  They comprise the "addition" of 1923-1924 and are directly over where the furnace would be.  Then I would zone the "dining room" and "living rooms" separately.  I am being told it would cost to much to zone each one, but that is what I desire to do.  In the springtime and autumn I can see being in the "living room" as I hope to use that as my "studio" and put my art table there when I would NOT be using the "living room area".  So why heat an area you are just walking through and will not be spending time in?  The development team also seems to be insistent on heating the upstairs which I plan at the moment to rarely use. It is basically an attic space that had been used as a storage space and "sleeping loft".  The latter might have been just for "guests" once the addition was put on.  BUT if the stairs are there the assumption is we need to use the space.  I am doubtful, if the current configuration of two rooms is retained, that this space can hold two rooms as far as code is concerned.  I am also certain that overhead ceiling lighting would not meet code as the ceiling height is measured from the finished floor to the lowest ceiling projection and a light fixture and bulb would project to far down.  I see really no reason for a ceiling light in these small areas and would just as well have at least one switchable receptacle (outlet) that a wall hanging light can be plugged into to cover such.  And there is some "wisdom" to putting such a light over the existing window, or near such, so the light source is constant whether it be in the daytime or not. Personally, for right now, I say put in outlets and let it go at that.  The point of all of this is that I see no sense in constantly heating a space that will not be used.  I see a lot of sense in providing some sort of blocking so that the warm air in a room does not get to the window.  In my current apartment I have drapes over all windows and especially over the one window that is not covered with a curtain and foam insulation.  Hence the heated air hits the drapes and most of it bounces back into the room.  As I said, it was 79 degrees Fahrenheit in the room with the one window not insulated at eye and yet the temperature outside was recorded at 42.  That is a 37 degree increase and I am certain at least 20 degrees of that is due to the air not hitting the window glass directly.  AND I have the heating system turned OFF currently to that room. Therefore I see no need to heat rooms that will not be used just for the sake of having them heated.  Yet I do see the value in paying the extra money and installing the zones so these areas can be heated and then not using those zones most of the time.  If I had lots of money and could pay for this myself, then I would most probably not do it this way.  BUT I must borrow and hence I  need to also make this house as "resalable" for my borrowers as possible.  This is against all the principles of a "Not So Big House" but I see the need when you were not competent enough to be able to raise and save money to be able to do it without financial backing.  I am trying to save a bit of history here and some of me is so frustrated I would just as well walk away from this and this area and even life itself.  I feel so guilty for having cost the taxpayers so much and no one wants to hire me so I see no value in my life at all.  IF I am so blessed as to get and rehab this house, a part of me wants to get a cat or kitten from the animal shelter here and just live with it much of the time and mabye not go out anywhere to see anyone for much of the time for a few months.  Much of what I see in social life I find to be anathema and find NO joy at all in what much of society around me craves.  I find no understanding as to why people have to talk with other people and relate things back and forth in order to feel good about a decision or even make it in the first place.  Maybe I am "klingon"  like, but I find pleasure in interactive intercourse when it is light and does not involve deep interpersonal involvement.  But when we are talking about close relationships, then I am moving "out of the room" in a hurry.  So, after the Friday conference with those involved in the rehab of this house I find myself feeling like I am moving towards some of the people in Sara Susanka's "Not So Big House" books positions.  It looks like what will be redone is not what I want but what they want done so it can be resold to someone else that wants to have the building "just like the other people have" and I find that whole concept revolting.  Therefore, what I find to be an idea that makes me want to vomit, is apparently what most people find comfort and enjoyment in.  As an only child I have often looked at my society as a person looking in and not a part of it.  Sort of like an anthropologist might look at our society.  I am interested not with "following" the conventions as I am in understanding what they are and why they exist.  I feel so guilty for staying down here and not returning to the Berkshires and trying to subsist on some sort of part time jobs and repairing the house as best I could.  Instead I tried to learn the skills I was told were needed now that I was nearing and then over 50 and would not be hired otherwise.  Over 23 years have passed my Dad died and I feel I have wasted most of those years in wrong decisions.  The worst is I feel I  have not done what God asked me to do.  And event that, the Church, in the United States at least, is becoming something that I can find no comfort in.  It is moving towards what society feels is a "feel good" situation.  It is focused about being a "family" and getting something from the interaction with others that relates to how the person feels and is "included" into the "family",  so much of it now is something I desire to run away from.  If a social intercourse activity is all about the pleasure of those people involved, I have NO desire to be a part of that or be pleasured.  If the social activity is about helping someone to making something better for all, then "count me in", I do want to be a part of that.  This was to be a short entry, and look how it has ended up.  I am hoping some one will read these lines, if they exist at all in the future (as I am writing them on something with as much concreteness as "the wind"), and will understand how I have been trying most of my life to fulfill the medical people's requirements that I not get married and have a child.  In order to NOT want to couple with a female and produce a child, I need to always be alert to "kill" any activity that might move towards (in any way) establishing any form of a relationship that might evolve or develop into some conditions that might fosert the notion that sexual intercourse was a desirable outcome of those interactions.   Hence, anything that makes me "feel good" in any way is suspect and immediately the "alarms" go off and I must consciously fight mentally against such a horrible situation.   You can only stop a wagon at the top of the hill, not while it is going down the hill.  The point is that the time to stop something is in this case, before it begins.  So I have developed a gregarious nature and enjoy public interractions with people when what I do can help towards the good of all, and at the same time shun ALL intimate activities with anyone.  As soon as any of this seems to be developing in the direction most people find enjoyment in something like caring and close interpersonal activities, I am frightened that this might go further and I would eventually end up committing the sin of contaminating the gene pool through reproduction.   I say all of this as to explain why I want to build and live in this house.  I want to find a place to live where I can plan time to be alone or with an animal and peacefully prepare to die.  To be forced to interact with other people, even to the point of them cooking food for me and my being tortured by having to eat with others or interact wtih others as some one else wants me to do, is the closest thing I can think of that would be "Hell" on earth for me.  In many ways I think many people who were only children in their families feel the same.  Hence, I fear being placed in a nursing home because if that were to happen I would know the only way "out" would be death, and my whole being would be focused on achieving that "way out". A way out of what would be constant torture, pain and suffering and what would be written down by the "professionals" as a higher quality of life because it is what they want and of course if they want it you must also.   This all relates to this building and S.C.A.R.F. as a whole in that we need to stop and ask a lot of questions and find out what the people we want to help want in a building to live in and what they consider as "HOME".  It might look far different from what you or I might call "home".  Our job is to help those who have experienced a traumatic event in their lives to obtain and rehab a house to gain a certificate of occupancy and then spend the rest of a 10 year period remodeling that building to make it finally the "home" that "fits" their way of living.  Not what we think would be good.  Not what we think would fetch the best place "in the marketplace" in selling the building.  The whole event must be "client centered" and yet we need the pot-luck type of meals once a month to feed the need most of society has to do things "together" and be a part of something bigger than themselves, club, or group or "family".  Our job is NOT to "help" someone as much as it is to enable the situations to occur where they can "help themselves" as it is the person that suffered the traumatic event, not us, that needs to be the one that "rebuilds" their lives.  It is only this type of "rebuilding" that will be constant and remain active and supporting them as they move forward into the next "chapter" of their sojourn on this planet and in this life.  Let us all remember it is all about them, not us.
09 October: 2016
This is the second Sunday of the month, and it should be Parish Council Sunday.  After Church it will be more things at lodge & apartment.  I have so much work to be done here in Springfield and other places and very few seem to understand that it is difficult for me to be 3 places at once as I age.  I  want to do some research before we speak with the city people about what we have to do according to HUD rules. Nothing looks bright any more.  Now by that I do not mean that the projects will not get done. I mean it is hard getting them to allow the work to be done the way I desire, slowly, and with most of the lower skilled activities being done "over time" by the new homeowner.  Is what I am proposing that daft?  I just want to rebuild people as well as buildings, both of which have been through life altering traumatic events.  Part of the "fixing" is the restoring the confidence that the person is capable of doing things again.  Ask any former "battered wife".  The idea of painting the walls and doing so over a period of 3 - 6 months over the weekends, or other small tasks like this should not be a big thing to grasp.  I just want to reduce the mortgage price by eliminating most of the labor cost associated with things I might call "decorating" tasks. Which can include sanding floors, etc.  All a low skilled worker can do I think a homeowner can be taught to do.

08 October: 2016
Benedictine community at St.Stephen Orthodox Church, then to apartment to do some email, then to the storage space to move things around, then back to church for vespers and then wherever to sleep.  I feel very discouraged and wonder if I have any value in life.  Feel like I fail at most I try to do.  That means that I feel I fail at the goals I have set.  Not anyone else' assessment.  I am seriously questioning what improvements, if any, I provide to life. I am just not getting things done and I have had 6 weeks or more to do some things, probably more like 7 weeks and I will try and get some of it done today.  So much of the time I have pretty much NO self confidence because of my in ability, it seems, to accomplish the tasks I have agreed to do on time.
07 October: 2016
Confusion on when we are meeting, still not figured out by 10:25AM.  Don't know if I am to blame for that or not.  Will eat some breakfast and was checking on bicycles. It looks like it is only about $50 or $60 more, without tax, to buy another bicycle with finders than to get fenders for this mountain bike that I have and that I am so thankful for but increasingly is so hard to pedal.  I looked at another Kent bike today that is meant for commuting.  And tomorrow it is the Benedictine Fellowship and then move things upstairs in the storage space.  It feels like so much is just not happening and that has been the case for about two months now.  By next week I hope to have the principles of S.C.A.R.F. as relates to 257 Central Street clearly laid out and when we talk with city officials about HUD requirements maybe I can show what we want to do now and what we want to do later.   We had the meeting at my current apartment and I guess it went OK, but what I want is all wrong and the cheapest way to do it is the way that is more expensive than I thought and the city is requiring I put in thousands of dollars worth of pavement I will never use. And the list goes on.  Looks like I will be required to put in things that once the certificate of occupancy is granted will most probably NEVER be used, but it is a requirement of the city or someone that these extra things be put in.  Looks like all the principles of S.C.A.R.F. are being ignored for me and if I can not achieve these things with a house for myself how can I do them for anyone else.  It all comes down to money and people thinking we have to make something so the lender can sell it when you default on payments or die.  Somehow I think that way of viewing things is all wrong. BUT this is what I gather we are dealing with. I am not saying my team of people are thinking this way, but I gather from their past experience this is the way the "officials" that must approve these things often look at things.  I ask all to pray and see if there is any way you can give some advice or input.  It has now been 23 years after my father died and I think about 21 or 22 years after I started living in my car in Springfield, MA.  Then it was training at MCDI, other workshops, UMass, STCC etc.  BUT now I guess I am un-hireable.
06 October: 2016
Much to do. Could not sleep so at the computer. Got an email that the architect and I are to meet with a city planner to discuss what the HUD rules are for the rehab of this building.  Progress at least in finding out what we MUST do and what we can let be done at a later date.  This is some movement towards clarity, like the sun starting to "burn off the fog" so you can accurately "get a lay of the land".  I am encouraged.  So it is 4AM, I need to get some rest as I am now tired again (got on computer when I could not sleep) and then awaken by 5:30 or 6AM to move the stuff out of the closet to the pest control people can get in there to put something down and then be on a bus to Northampton (NoHo, but I rather say NoHa) for an individual services committee meeting of the Western Mass. Regional Network to End Homelessness and then back to the apartment at 32 Byers Street for a meeting with the property management people and then put things back in the apartment and prepare for the Friday meeting and then go somewhere else to sleep.  That is what was planned at 4AM, we will see what actually happens.Got to the community policing meeting and then to the Historic Commission and was advised to put in a request to meet with them formally about the new windows and changes and such and the first opportunity for that would be November 3rd as the request has to be in over two weeks before the meeting date.  I am to show current and future windows as how they would look from the street (Central).  So it is back to the drawing boards again.  Thanks for praying and thinking of me.  Blessings to all and safety for those in the FL area.
05 October: 2016
Got over to apartment and worked on some stuff on the computer delineating what the property management agreement for the building I am in now that was just signed says that the new property manager will do and what the owner agrees to do.  This is very enlightening to do when you cut out all the extra words and "boil it down" to see just what has agreed upon.  I felt this was needful as there are "new rules" and a  "game changer" with regards to what we (I am on the board of directors currently that comprises what is called the owner) can demand for our tenants and what rights have been "signed away" by signing this document.  The board of directors did not have this document in hand when the decision was made to consider using this company and we are told the length was agreed to end in June of 2017 instead of June of 2019.  Much is sort of "locked in" and for the first time in over 20 years of operating this rental structure it looks like the ability to accomplish some things has been "signed away" and the work done to identify what we want and such is no longer our option.  Now I wonder what I spent the 11 to 22 hours or so pouring over things and identifying what we wanted to have inserted and agonizing over what needed to happen in order to retain the "spirit" of this project when the person I did this for (upon their request) used none of the data and the excuse was because their version of Microsoft word showed all the corrections made since the time the document (which had been given to me only that week Tuesday, and I saw it Wednesday and had to have the work done by Thursday night or early Friday morning before 8AM) was first created by others.  I can understand this "feature" but would like to have the default be that desplaying it is turned off. Right now Microsoft has the default that it is displayed.  So I finished that and when another board member that lives in the building goes over the papers to see if I "got it right" I will send it out to the board President and some others.  I ate and then rushed over to Baystate Hospital for that consultation about the tests that had been taken months ago and the technician indicated I might need to have surgery on both wrists to combat a carpel tunnel situation.   Got there and the appointment had been "bumped" over to next Thursday but no one seemed to have told me. Bet I get a letter in the male tomorrow telling me about that change.  Then I took a bath once I got back to the apartment as now I was all sweaty, and walked down to the Armory Quadrangle Civic Association's office for the board meeting which I chaired as (as co-President) as our main President was at another meeting that was going to go longer than anticipated when she agreed to be at it.  We discussed many things from an agenda prepared and I got out before the time of 5:30PM, but only just under, as I had told my ride I would be out from 5 to 5:30PM.  I started walking (guess that was a wrong move) and they honked the horn at me and I crossed the street to get to them, a comedy of errors all away around.  We then went to the Amity Lodge meeting that was being held at the Springfield Lodge hall and then someone else brought me back to the apartment to stay the night and deposit my rental check in the drop box for the same since I was not able to speak with the property manager before I had to leave for Weathersfield, CT, yesterday.  I noticed this morning when I got to the apartment that a note was on my door that must have been put there sometime after 2PM Tuesday saying that Thursday they would be coming into the apartment to put down things for insects and mice like they did in May.  Hence they want everything out off the closet floor (which we use the closet for storage) and open under the kitchen sink and the bathroom sink. I called and the pest control people say having it clear to the toilet nearby will be ok. That is what happened in May.  I have the heat turned off in my apartment thus discouraging mice to come in out of the cold into my space.   Hope to sleep some tonight. Put a rug I got down in the bathroom so that the floor is warmer in the winter there.  Got a note after midnight a meeting is to happen Friday at my apartment about this project.
04 October: 2016
This morning I got to 101 Wasson Ave by 8:30AM, for the Food and Nutrition class.  Then to Rehab at 12:30PM, thank God it is the last one. I have only felt the pain in my back subside this afternoon some and actually more like 8or 9PM. It hurt so bad and sore throat that I stayed away from Lodge and because of the sickness I did not get to the Big E after all.  I had a seat to hear Dr. Tolin this afternoon in Wethersfield, but my ride can not get there until 30 or 45 min after the lecture starts. So I guess I did cancel and appointment and got down there by train ( the Vermonter to Hartford) and then local bus public transportation (the CT 55x that another bus graciously took me and another wayward rider to) and was there before anyone esle.  The lecture was fantastic as Dr. Tolin an expert in the field of hoarding and he has a research study going on where people can get some help for free while a part of that study that lasts over many months. My ride arrived and could not get into the building.  When someone came out then she got in and after the event we went and ate at a restaurant.  This was a long and tiring but very nice day. And I doubt myself constantly and often think that if someone helps in this project I might be somehow hurting them.  It is a strange bird that I am, but this house seems to be a hope to move things around and start helping people help themselves.  And I guess I am wanting to try this out on myself.  Am I actually just running away from things I think God has told me to do, yup I am.  But this is a much lesser task and if I can't accomplish this, how can I do anything else.  So what I am saying is that if you see any value in S.C.A.R.F. and this idea of rehabbing the abandoned and vacant houses in this country and helping people who have had traumatic events happen to them to rehab a house and make it their home and rehab themselves at the same time.  Maybe I am just a foolish old man with silly dreams. BUT if you have prayed and thought about this and you feel that this is a Good idea and think you can help, please call me.  It plagues me greatly that I did not in some way get to live with my female friend and help her so she did not get put in a nursing home.   But it brings another aspect to mind. Maybe we need, when helping an elder, to try and convince them to set aside another bedroom and make enough extra room so they could have another person live with them, if they should need it.  In Massachusetts the minimum standards for human habitation (once called Article II of the State Sanitary Code) currently state that you need 150 square feet of living area and 70 square feet of sleeping area for one person, that is 220 square feet. But a second person is not double that amount.  Rather it is 100 feet for each additional person  and for sleeping it is 50 square feet for each person. So instead of 440 is is only 150 plus 100 and for sleeping it is 50 plus 50, Hence 250 and 100 makes 350 square feet for two people.  In this manner a 250 square feet or a little bigger than a 11x11.3 room for each person or two rooms at about that size would give about 250 square feet of sace.  Ad another 10x10 foot room or two rooms at a minimum of 10x7 feet and you have the additional space needed.  So the elder can be in the home they have rehabbed and with another person living in that same apartment, even if they don't eat together the one can watch over the other and keep the owner out of some sort of a "facility" for a long time if not their entire lifetime.  In this case (257 Central St.) the "den" or extra room the bathroom and the kitchen and the so called "Dining"  room (because it is off of the kitchen) would provide the space needed.   To be certain some ingenious actions to place something like a Murphy bed or a "hideaway" type of sofa bed in the so called "living room" would be certain to be enough room even to have that be able to do "double duty" as a sleeping room.  The point is that even this little old house, without including the upstairs could legally and comfortably fit two people.  Do you catch the idea, do you see the dream?  If so, please do contact me at ceknight.spfd@gmail.com and tell me. I truthfully need all the encouragement I can get.  Thanks.
03 October: 2016
So very sick. Will call at 8AM and might not report anything here until a day or so later.  I have finished the wiring diagrams and now will calculate the feet of wire probably needed. Will go with the price for 12-2 although we will most probably use 14-2.  Some will be heavier and we need to wire and plumb for the washer and dryer I am told to pass current codes.  So much confusion.  Some say we don't have to do some things since it is an historic building and others say we do on the inside as it has to be up to standards for people to live in today.  I had finished the placement of items in the bathroom and if I go to another configuration it will be just less feet, so we will finish the plumbing pencil drawings with the longer spans noted.  I hope I get well soon.  Called the Commonwealth Care Alliance nurse number, busy signal only. Called Mason Square Neighborhood Health Clinic and they called back. They will have a nurse call me to discuss the issue and see if I must be seen or can treat it myself. Back still hurts, throat still sore. BUT I feel a tiny bit better.
02 October: 2016
Church Sunday was not an option for me.  I hurt so much that I sent a email saying I could not come.   I have been gargling with a mouth wash every 4-5 hours an sleeping as much as I could. The muscles in the lower back on my left side are all "bunched up" it feels like. I felt that unless I found a reduced ticket to the Big E;  I could not see spending $15 for something I will not appreciate much. I think I will wait and go to the Home Show in March or the $10 Home Show at the Hartford Convention Center later on this month (28-30th). So much to do, & so tired is what I wrote the other day and now I hurt so much I ca do almost nothing.  It is now 11:52PM on Sunday and the pain is unbearable, or so it seems.  Might take a hot bath, have used the hot water bottle.  I do not have a good feeling. Online it suggests that acute sinusitis might be the problem and I know I had to do lots of stuff to get my nose unblocked, so maybe the neti pot is a good idea.    The other suggestion online is Viral Pharyngitis and they say most medicines will not help this, just rest and such.  So I guess I contact the clinic early in the morning.  All sorts of appointments for Tuesday starting at 8AM, so I have no time to be sick.

01 October: 2016
Crash Course in Landlording this morning, walked there to the Hilton Garden Hotel near the Basketball Hall of Fame just off 91 by 8am as I was so distraught about the building I am living in having to sign a property management agreement that contained none of the safeguards of the agreement with the old company and pretty much a license to steal.  I am convinced someone, and it might be myself, will need to create a property management company to understand the difficulties people have who have become homeless and been shredded through the system of "helps" that they are made to go through just in order to live.  Within a week both my building and the homeless shelter in this city seem to have voted to hand themselves over to entities that I have no confidence in as groups that might put the needs of the people we serve before their own profit desires.  So very sad. The event ended by 1PM with the awarding of the certificates for those the 16 people that were there.  The class was purposefully capped at 16 so there would be more time for interactions and questions.  We played a role playing game that tested much of what we had learned.  It was a fascinating experience. In the past I had taken a course covering the basics according to laws with John Fisher at HAP in 2014 and before in 2010, and a few other times. Each time I take such a course I seem to learn more and be more confident in what I do already know.  I felt so despondent I did not feel like doing anything for the rest of the day. The senior day admissions were only through Thursday, so the option of going to the Big E was out.  Probably can not afford to go this year.  By nightfall I was not very well and misunderstood when my ride what there to go to the church building and bring some things in.  I thought I would bring other things when I went to church the next day.  By midnight I had a sore throat and was so very sick, ached all over and just plain hurt.  I also made a new medications chart to record medications to be taken only once a day, Patient Request as Needed.  I do create these documents for "fun".
October Begins

30 September: 2016
Awoke so tired, discouraged and depressed. Today is the last day of my extended "preferred developer" extended status. I need to write some things and seek another extension.  If I get the approval I wonder if the ground will be thawed enough for even electricity to be brought to the building for workmen to work.  Got some calls this morning before I got up and people are asking me to do things for them.  I am also so tired I think I might go back to bed by 8:30AM and see if I can sleep some.  Must try and get some things together by noontime. Will try and email folks at Uptown Construction to see if we can meet today.  Now to rest for a bit.  Tomorrow is the Crash Course in Landlording�.    I also want to get to college and see about some tools and such at the bookstore and visit with some folks, but maybe another day on that.
YOU prayers and offers of support are so greatly appreciated.  I just 'know' this idea that is currently called "S.C.A.R.F." is a great idea, but I don't seem to be getting much of anywhere with an speed and psychologically I just wonder if I am "out of steam" and just  "to old to do anything" as some have suggested.  Do write through email or at the secure Post Office box for S.C.A.R.F. and myself at P.O. Box 30538, Springfield, MA 01103.  Thank you so much your words are such encouragement.  I Found out why this web page did not show correctly, a "forbidden word"  had been used and that is apparently a 'no-no' with this web server.  Just like a bicycle helmet was found to be a dangerous weapon when I went to a court house recently. So I will fix it and upload this again.  Got good news from the city as I had replied and sent them some of the wiring diagrams I had been working on. They are suggesting I get together with my architect and contractors and see what they can come up with and see what time they need and then get back to the city so maybe we can get this project on the road to being accomplished.  Great news for me.  BUT much more work ahead.
I am going to bed early to rest for the big "Crash Course in Landlording" that is at the Hilton Gardens Hotel tomorrow at 8AM.  Looks like that will be the bright spot in the day as rain is to wash us quite a bit tonight and tomorrow, or so they are predicting.
29 September: 2016
Worked on comparing the suggested Property Management Agreement with what we had before and tired to marry the two a bit with notes.  Then noted I have 12:30PM the time to be a rehab. Rushed down by bicycle, the road is clogged with pieces of scrap metal being guided along by distracted drivers, UGH! And then back to the apartment.  Lay down and slept.  So much I should do but need to get this thing done by evening. The board president must meet with the people to sign this thing Friday morning.  So I plugged at it. Got some things in there and sent it off by email at about 5PM.  Went to bed and slept some and ate some.  Then got up and worked on it again noting what was omitted and what was added. Sent that off at 10PM or so. To late to leave now so just stayed in the apartment.  It is no fun to feel like a prisoner in the space you rent because of some other person's actions but since that person is a drunk it is "ok" and we have to "understand" his limitations.  The majority of the tenants in this building I have been in for over 20 years seem to think that their desires come first and if they have an alcohol or drug or some other addiction then the rest of the world needs to accommodate them and they have no responsibility to alter their behaviors. I have been so wanting to help people but the majority of the folks living in this building are just plain "high maintenance" with little or no sense of social responsibility.  For over 20 years I have watched, asked and  even cajoled folks to attend  meetings and be a part of the larger neighborhood and improve the quality of life for all.   This is why Austin Miller , of blessed memory, and others have advocated for a 60/40 mix with no more than 40% being subsidized housing of any kind.  That way the general population is not folks dependent on others for everything and we do not have a "culture of entitlement" in which they live.  The concepts of S.C.A.R.F. are pretty much against that culture of entitlement and seek to show gratitude and thankfulness for the people that help and encourage training and help from all who can give it so that our people learn to do most of the so called "decorating" and minor remodeling things themselves over a 5-10 year period on weekends, etc.  In this manner their self confidence is built up and they are an integral part of the rehab team and not some folks that paint a little and have no idea how much of it got done.  BUT most of all the new homeowner is not saddled with an extremely high mortgage bill covering items they could have done, over time, themselves.  Why is this concept so hard for people to grasp. It is the same concept used with community "barn raising" from a time we seem to collectively romanticize about and admire.  I am so tired, went to bed and got up 3 times before I retired for the night. And then will most probably awake early, be on computer,  and then back at rest again and will not be surprised if the best rest is at 7AM and someone calls.
28 September: 2016
Slept some, not much, and then bicycled back to apartment after setting plants out and watering them at Bob's place.  So much to do this week and I feel pressured on all sides and just want to hide away and ignore it all.  Did more work on the stuff for the city and finally got something done I could take an image of .   Need to get it photo copied somewhere, but do not know where.  I am a bit limited as I go most places by bicycle.  I cut and pasted symbols so it does not roll up well.  I got to the latex test and it took much longer than anticipated. Then to Bob's to take in the plants. I had asked him about something but he had not been able to do it and so I took that extra time. Got the plants in and then bicycled back to the apartment, so sweaty by now. Took a quick bath and changed clothing and up to STCC for the Council Presidents night where I was to go as Wayn represented Carol Costa and I as the other co-President. This was a night to honor with a dinner and to inform the neighborhood council and association's leadership with the projects the city is doing and plans for the future so we have  "the real scoop" and not just rumors.  Waited with Wayn for his bus and got back to the apartment and just hid there while trying to work on alterations to the Property Management Agreement that might put back in some of the safeguards we wanted for the people of our building.  I am discouraged with this project.  Mos of what I did however was to surf the internet and sleep.  It was a bit more restful for me and I ate well from the food that had been given to me Monday (more food than people on that day as I guess it was "Springfield Day" at the Big E.  Noticed I need to sweep and mop this room again, it get's dirty so fast it seems.  But there is no wax on the floor and I did not get to doing that before I moved in.  Got & read the previous and this newly suggested (First saw it Wednesday and it is for different times and all sorts of different language than the one we saw before as it is a "boiler plate" agreement meant for a tax Credit property, which we are not, using a normal rental population, which we are not) management agreement.
27 September: 2016
Got back to apartment and then was asked to speak with a tenant that was so concerned about some minor surgery she was having to help her be able to breath better and not be vomiting so much. She was so worried about it.  Then got back to apartment and had forgotten a meeting I was go go to at 9AM. Got the call at 9:30AM and rushed over there by bicycle for the informational session at 101 Wasson Ave. Will be taking these classes learning about eating and how to do this mentally. I have no great desire to eat and it is a chore for me. So I have to approach it mentally.   I enjoyed what I saw and was given about 26 pages of material which I read as I was waiting for my rehab appointment.  Came early as it seemed no sense to bicycle to the apartment, and then leave in 15-20 minutes to bicycle back to the rehab place that was only a block or so away from the firs meeting the other side of the rail road tracks.  Went to Savers and bought some stuff, of which about $10 worth I found out I could not use, story of my life.  I was looking for electrical symbol templates, knew I had them once. Got back to apartment and worked on stuff for the city and made another appointment for the latex test.  Then went to the Green Committee meeting after the minutes from the meeting Monday were typed up.  From the Green Committee I sat in on the hearing meeting of the city council and then I bicycled to Bob's place to help him with his garbage and trash and stay away from the fellow that threatened my life.  Would be so good to get this building and not be having to sleep most nights somewhere else.  I think I can sleep in the apartment if I do NOT come out of it from 9PM to 7AM.  I think the counselors are afraid I will socialize and  he will be present and some sort of an altercation might happen.  This is NOT a 60/40 mix of market rent/subsidized units and therefore all the mess and troubles we now find that comes with full subsidized units is present here and then some because we only take people that are homeless at the time  they make the application to live here.  So much discussion and disagreement about the decision to try this property management company that has been helping after the first one sold their management business to them.  So tired tonight & so discouraged about this project.
26 September: 2016
Slept elsewhere and then got to apartment to work on Board of Directors meeting for 32 Byers Street, Inc.  Looks like a forced acceptance of a certain property management company as the rest of the board would not allow an RFP to be put out.  Board meeting was not a good one.  Property management people are not very willing to follow what is able to happen, want things done in a specific way that is the way they are used to doing things but not in the best interests of the tenants of this building.  That is my view only.  BUT I have warned people about this group for months.   I think they are well meaning, just clueless as to how to interface with people of the sub population our tenants must be drawn from.  Most probably it is time to set up a separate corporation just to do the work we know must be done.  After the meeting I tried to do the minutes and work on some electrical plans for the city regarding this property.  I know I gave this information before.  And I paid almost $200 which is about a third of my month's money to spend, on a class to happen Saturday, October 1st called a Crash Course on Landlording by MassLandlords as I want to know about this subject and property management from my past experience with at least two property management companies that apparently know how to collect rents and spend money but seem to be clueless as to the management of properties and relationships between tenants that make for an enjoyable place to live in.  Went with Bob to do some stuff and then sleep over there as I am not allowed to sleep at the apartment much because of the person who threatened my life is still here.
25 September:2016
Church at St. George as St. Stephen had most of the men at the Retreat in New Hampshire.  I did not go. Was with my friend who's wife died in France and he could not get over to the funeral (he is recuperating from a knee replacement operation).  Attended luncheon to thank those who helped at Glendi celebration and sang in the choir as I used to when regularly attending that Church.  So thankful for what God is doing amongst the men of St. Stephen Orthodox Church.  Good things happening.

24 September: 2016
No Vespers, depends on how much I get done, I was not able to get up to All Saints of America for worship tomorrow.  Got more things done here first on city requests.
23 September: 2016
Up in the wee hours of the morning, can not sleep so worried about this person to inspect how I am living.  Only a month ago a friend got put in a nursing home after such a visit.  I do not trust any of these "helping" folks.  After this I will most probably go down to court and maybe over to the building department and code enforcement to try and ask a few more question.  Will try and follow through with buying that Study Bible a friend asked me to order and I get part way to it and somehow it just never gets done.  Do not know what the rest of the day holds.  Got to get a firm handle on plumbing and wiring cost at the bare minimum. Probably help with replacing a toilet for a friend.  Will start praying for the Men's Retreat that begins in New Hampshire today.  May they truly have a "touch from God".
22 September: 2016
Off to the Rehab, just got better from the Monday's rehab session by about 4AM. Oh how I hurt.  They did some things and I still think more happened in that bicycle accident when the car ran into me that I thought back then. BUT I did not get the driver's information so I guess I just have to live with it.  Pain get's worse by the day.  Went to stay and read and sort some papers and then went to a Doctor's office.  Made a call to Commonwealth Care Alliance as I had not heard back from the folks that said they would "look into" the "Eat Well, Feel Swell" workshop on healthy eating that starts at 9AM next Tuesday at 101 Wasson Ave.  I got through and the person signed me up.  When I got back there was a message from them.  Apparently the "referal" had come through while I was a rehab, so I am all set for that workshop and some education on healty eating & food buying. Food stamps is reduced now.   Had the appointment down for 2PM, and it is, but on December 21 and not September 22.  Don't know how that error came, and I was certain I wrote it down right.  So off to the apartment and get ready for the Rally on Housing needs at the end of a march from STCC to Court Square.  There was a girl at the rally that I liked what she had inked on her arm. It said "All we have to decide, is what to do with the time that is given us." Oh how much I like that saying and asked her permission to take an image of it. Many people came to speak and this image is of Michaelann Bewsee speaking to some of the crowd of people there.  Some of it, I guess, was uploaded live to facebook and some images are here. Then I went back to the apartment and spent time sweeping and mopping in preparation from the visit from the Commonwealth Care Alliance person that is to inspect my apartment to see what kind of "help" she thinks I might need.  At abut 1AM the next day I finally got things back in place and tried to sleep.  Not successful, but watched some pbs tv from 3-5AM.
21 September: 2016
Nothing much done today. Computer, sin, selfishness, sadness, sorrow, feel maybe this whole thing is "slipping away from me" and I wonder if I am able to accomplish this or anything else.  Today I made the final decision NOT to go with the Church men's group to the retreat in New Hampshire I have joined them with for years.  I need to do all I can this weekend and next week to try and get something to the city and join with others in fighting requirements that might jepardize the integity of this house and it's historical significance to this city for a dubious "modernization" effort.  I stayed in and my back was so much worse.  I did not much all day but surf the internet and bath and try to get better.  So much sadness and doubt and wondering if I am able to do this or anything or am I just a "piece of junk" that is just waiting to die.  Did not want to do anything, but Bob asked me to come and him make more DVD's on the history of Air Force One, so I did before and then back to sleep and think.
20 September: 20216
Did not get up early, hurt so badly. At computer but got a call to come in and see a clinician at 1PM, so I did not respond to the call I got from the Commonwealth Care Alliance, Senior Care Options people as I could go a block over or so and talk with them today. BUT I could not see my "worker" or whatever a 'MA' is.  Then back to the apartment and eat some.  Hurt something awful, but someone needs me to go with them and cut a cd, we need to buy the cd and holders and I am to print some things I made a cover design for about Air Force One.  So I will leave for that now, 4PM as the ride has arrived and put this up Wednesday.
19 September: 2016
Did not get much done in the morning, so tired.  Got going at 9:AM for what I thought was a 10AM appointment, be there at 9:30AM to check in.  Well instead it was a 11AM appointment and someone thought they would tell me earlier to make certain I was there I guess.  So I sat there for a few hours before I was called in. They they said I was  "out of order" and had to go back to the waiting room.  So back and a half hour later or so I am called in. See Dr. Plummber and give her a thank-you card. She thinks there is nothing can be done about the sores at my bottom but they have ordered some cream, I guess to desensitize stuff. Then to Dr. McGovern and he has me not take some medicines for a week and I come back next week to see if I have developed an allergic reaction to latex.  Then to Rehab and oh did I hurt when I left there at Bernie Ave. Then back to the apartment and wait until I am picked up for the Agawam Encampment and Lodge meetings.  Then back to the apartment and do the minutes and lay down. Hurt all night.
18 September: 2016
Got up late and bicycled to the apartment, bathed and bicycled to St. George for Divine Liturgy, it was "home" Sunday.  Then left early and not go to the coffee hour and such because it started to rain. BUT I got caught in the rain and had to seek shelter at an overhang.  So I stayed there and watched the "Rich Port" day parade with various dignitaries I knew walking in the parade.  Then I got back to the apartment and stayed there as I had to get to various meetings Monday morning.

17 September: 2016
Well I was here, so I went to the park and helped with the AQCA picnic. We served over 200 helpings of hot dogs and hamburgers, some people snuck in the line a second tiem, so that meant we could not serve 200 people, but that is an aspect of some people that gravitate to a city, they want everything for nothing and do not care if they are taking food from someone else's mouth.   Stefi came to late to eat but in time to help close down the thing and pack up the tables and chairs. I had eaten the lsat hot-dog available, so I guess I was the "last dog hung".  Stefi took me back to the apartment with some boxes I saved, someone stole the milk crate I had, and I rested and then bicycled up for Vespers at 5:30PM.  Then back to the sleeping place and try and rest. I am so tired and discouraged.
16 September: 2016
Got to the morning meeting late, thought it was 9:30, it was 8:30AM.  Then checked the mail and came back to the apartment.  Took some boxes to storage and spoke with Earl Miller of the RLC about their move.  Then do some updating and recording of things and wait for a 1PM meetings with a Commonwealth Care Alliance, Senior Care Options however the lady just called at 1PM and she is at an event in many miles away that was to start at 11AM and they just got started now, so she can not make it today and will call me Monday to re-schedule . That is OK, I  have meetings with my primary care Physician, Allergist, and Rehab people on Monday and then Springfield Lodge and Agawam Encampment again.   I do need to spend at least one day totally on getting information for the city.  I will rest a bit, then bicycle down to Main Street and then Franklin Street to try and ge t mail back to people that got delivered to the places they are no longer at.  Finally I will make a poster for the AQCA picnic tomorrow showing where the "beat team" community policing meeting is for this sector (E) each month, and where it has been held in the past.
15 September: 2016
Thought person that owns house at sleeping place needed me but left at 11:15AM to meet with Earl of the Recovery Learning Community about my own lack of confidence and items about this building.  Then some packing of stuff to go to storage and sweep the floors, have not been able to do much for weeks since was helping an older man who had a hip and then a knee replacement operation.   Then to the Friends of the Homeless where the board of directors voted to merge with Clinical Support Options, as the July MassLive article said would happen.  I saw NO need for this as far as Friends of the Homeless is concerned, and yet since CSO gets almost all of it's money from government sources and since I expect a horrible downturn in the economy as nation after nation become economically insolvent (as started last summer) I saw the votes were going, with previously mailed in votes already counted for the merger and agreed because I believe that only the staff and workers of Friends of the Homeless will be able to keep the good work of Clinical Support Options going once the government subsidies and support dry up, as I expect them to before the decade is out and be totally gone in another 15 years.  I hope I am wrong, but I expect a world wide economic downturn that will make the "great depression" look like a Sunday School end of year picnic in the Summer with double ice cream servings for everyone.  Only a few economists are predicting this, but I say you need to have your money in real estate or other tangible things because once currency after another will fail and when it is noticed by "John. Q. Public" it will be to late to remedy anything. After this I went to the Armory Quadrangle Civic Association's Monthly meeting, this time at Museum Park apartments (the old Sheraton Hotel/Motel) where peopel from the Mayor's office, Police Dept, and some members of the Citizen Review Board told of the review board's activities and answered questions from the public.  After this I got back to the apartment and stayed here to pack up stuff and prepare for a morning meeting.
14 September: 2016
Overslept and got the unaccompanied youth committee meeting in Holyoke late.  Then took bus back and went straight to 3300 Main St. and read until my Clinician appointment.  Form there to the plastic bag ban hearing at city hall, room to the left of the city council office with councilman Adam Gomez as chair.  No Oblate of the order of St. Benedict meeting at Church, so earlier to the sleeping place after doing some work at computer in apartment.
13 September: 2016
Some stuff at apartment on computer and lost track of time.  Got to Wassen Ave and Commonwealth Care Alliance, Senior Care option. It is so horrible to have to do this but all the medical professionals want me to sign up. I think it is a greased skin to a death bed in a nursing home, just like food stamps are tickets to poverty.   From then I came back on the bicycle and walked down to housing court to see about the cases of two people that rumors said they had been served with eviction notices.  They will be just fine if they do what they promised to do.  Then to the Stop  Access Coalition Planning meeting at 120 Maple Street and then walk up to the Maple, High, 6 Corners Neighborhood Council Meeting.  Off to sleeping place.
12 September: 2016
Today I updated the GoFundMe website and confessed about my frustration in not being able to get the things needed to the city in time and so I might lose the possibility of rehabbing this house for myself.  So much guilt that I have not been able to "pull this thing off".  Will go to St. George and help clean up after Glendi and hence feel I have done something good. Then to rehab. Before that try and find the papers they gave me for exercises, I have not done them.Then I go back to the "office" and await a ride to Springfield Lodge.  Not certain, think I want to not hold an office this year in lodge.  But deal with life and my sins.  Also came across a Bible Reading Guide & made this morning a days of the month chart when a year starts September 1st for ecclesiastical year day counting .  Got back to be taken to Agawam Encampment and Springfield Lodge meetings.  Then back to apartment and bed there so as to get to 101 Wassen Ave by 12:30AM
11 September: 2016
I thought I not be at St. Stephen Church, and would be helping with last day of Glendi at St. George.  We are scheduled to have a Parish Council meeting, and since I found out Friday they have help and really do not need me at Glendi, so I will be at St. Stephen and leave for Glendi after the parish council meeting. That was the plan, but the parish council meeting got put off by the chairperson minutes before it was to happen.  I showed a contractor the l "to whom it may concern" letter I crafted in the wee hours of the morning to tell others in other parts of the world about this project.  I will give it to someone from NH and ME maybe today.   I wanted to bring papers & a calculator to the Glendi event to work on plans for 257 Central St. if I get "idle" at any time in the day; but just could not get to doing this. So discouraged.  But gave the Iconographer at Glendi a copy of "What is S.C.A.R.F.?" as well as the "to whom it may concern" letter.
10 September: 2016
Saturday, will be at St. George Greek Orthodox Church and mainly at the Cultural Center for their "Glendi" celebration, a great big Greek party in the afternoon.  But vespers starts at St. Stephen Antiochian Orthodox Church, so I will be there before Vespers at 5:30PM, then call Bob and not certain where I will stay at night.
09 September: 2016
Should spend entire day at "office" and work on the needed calculations and make phone calls and meeting dates for this Project. Want all done and "wrapped up" by Thursday the 15th when we get ready and go to New Hampshire for the men�s retreat.  But will see what work I can bring to the Glendi celebration at St. George and help there in any way I can, most probably busing tables. Went to the Hampden County Continum of Care Annual Meeting in the morning and then to visit with the friend that sounded so sick. His telephone is not working but he wants to call them himself.  He sees no need to be able to use the telephone right now.  I then went to St. George Greek Orthodox Church's "Greek Cultural Center" for their "Glendi" celebration.  I was not needed to help but did stay and see the video put out some time ago by cbs news, "60 minutes" program about the monks of Mt. Athos in Greece.
08 September: 2016
Work on stuff for 257 Central St. Project at "office" leave about 4PM for Twin Hills Country Club, an hour earlier if it is inclement weather.  I had expected to sell the raffle tickets for the Rental Housing Association of Greater Springfield's Chapter (one of 5 and soon to be one of 6) of MassLandlords.  But a change had happened and they were having board members do that.  The Presidency had also changed back to the former president as the current President has to devote time to her growing business.  Friday was to have been spent on this project but instead I was at the Hampden County Continum of Care Annual meeting and then to Glendi.  I went to Rehab this afternoon and then to the MassLandlords meeting.  Trying to do things and in the middle of all of this I was to visit a friend that sounded sick, but the refrigerator failed and needed to be defrosted, water everywhere. 
07 September: 2016
Work on stuff for 257 Central St. Project and then to AQCA board meeting and to Springfield Lodge for the Amity Lodge meeting that night. Should be at order of St. Benedict, but I still have an office at lodge.  If the city says "OK" to buy and rehab 257 Central, I will need to work on this every day at least 16 hours a day, barring any medial appointments or things I can not change.  Speaking of that, need to contact the lawyer at Springfield Partners in Community Action again.  Email from the city, they want those estimates and such.  The Architect says we now need constructuon plans and to get another extension.  I am not certain that is even allowable now.  Your prayers are so needed and especially at this time of stress and strain I appreciate them so much. 
06 September: 2016
Be at apartment for inspection and such in morning to afternoon.Appointment at rehab (360 Bernie Ave) at 3pm to have muscles checked out.  Then go vote in primary.  Then do other stuff. Start contacts and all sorts of stuff for this project. It is do it now in the next 3 weeks or lose the opportunity completely.  Also move stuff to more permanent storage and continue to help a friend recover from his knee replacement surgery and work on other things in preparation for Men's Retreat, etc. at Church.
05 September: 2016
Do so much want to be at the Leffingwell Reunion, even if nothing else I desire happens for this day.  Stefi (from Church) says she will bring me up to the house to measure windows and then to Ashely Falls to the Methodist Church building. She then goes ups to Troy New York.  After the reunion I try to get back to Springfield & a round of stuff for this project that has to be done this week.  I will call Stefi if I can get up to Lee as that will be best for her to pick me up at when she comes back from Troy on her way back to Springfield and work Tuesday in Holyoke.  I have a rehab appointment at 3PM Tues about my stiff muscles.  Also need to vote in primary.
04 September: 2016
Sunday before Labor Day, oh how I want to spend it at All Saints of America in Salisbury, CT. Will want to get going early the next day to get over to Ashley Falls, MA (where the Col. Ashely House is and the place where "Mum Bet" earned her freedom from slavery by due process of law) and the Leffingwell Family Reunion at noon.  After nearly being killed August 19th when the car drove into me on the bicycle I notice how I can not plan for tomorrow and be assured tomorrow will come.  I only have today.  Do want to see my Mother's side of the family at least one more time. After all, this section of the Berkshires is "home" for me and my "High School" and formative years were spent here. Got to Church and Stefi agreed to take me up to the Berkshires early in the morning. I will bring a book to read and something to drink as I read. We will go and measure windows at the old house that is fallen in, damage by the roofing that I told the lawyer that leaked but he would do nothing about it.  The she will take me to Ashely Falls and she will go on up to Troy and visit her Mom.  Then I will get back as best as I can, but if I can not get further Stefi will come and pick me up, even if it is in Ashely Falls.  She is an angel.  I wanted to much to spend weekends at the family home.  Did talk with "Wally the builder" at church and he says to figure less than $200 per window. It is easy to put the box around them. No need for springs, I want the closures we had at home.  I can not find them online and maybe we will need to have them made. If that does not work then the old pin in a spring that goes into a hole in the side of the casing is fine with me.  I am told vinyl windows will take 28 years to pay for themselves and at about 18 years they start falling apart. I have seen the vinyl crap my friends have to put up with and I see no reason to make this house a "hell" to live in just because others are doing it.  I plan to, over time, obtain interior shutters for most of the windows and maybe make some interior storm placements for others. BUT I want this house to be as it was at least in the 1960�s and vinyl crap was not part of it.  I am so thankful I grew up in the country where we did things that worked. Not fancy, but they worked.  So Stefi will bring me up, I have books to read.  Bob got back from the beach today, he left his phone here, and I thought he would at least stay through Monday.  BUT I really want to come to the Reunion and Stefi said today after Church she was going up to Troy and we would leave about 9AM.  It is now about 9PM and I still have not gotten the floor done at the apartment. Am cleaning up and boxing and doing this page.
This may be my last time to get up there before winter the way things are going down here in Springfield.  Please continue to pray for me and for S.C.A.R.F. and also for the concept of the Combined Christian Conference.  People told me I was not to do this and I have no credentials now, but it will just not go away. Thanks for Praying and thanks for following up on what God has told you to do.   I do not want to do what God does not want me to do "in His name", and God knows how much sin I have been a party to.  B U T  I just can't seem to have this thing go away.  I was active towards it, then spent time with the New Boston Congregational Church, then came to Springfield and spent another 17 years trying to gain educational skills to be hired.  BUT by then I was old and had gotten sick. BUT the concepts will nto leave me.  If either this or S.C.A.R.F. are a reality soon it will be an ACT OF GOD and not the efforts of this weak and sickly old man.  I will up date this in the evening Tuesday after I have

03 September: 2016
Would like to go back to the Berkshires either today or tomorrow and stay in a tent at the family home and just hear the sounds I loved so much as I grew up in the country. Lots of cars going by, but would love to do that and spend some time at the old house we need to tear down by next year.  Also want to attend vespers at All Saints of America in Salisbury, CT, and then Sunday Service there, but that might not be a possibility either.  All these desires might not be "allowed" as others have plans and such.  I have some really deep seated longings that do not seem to "relate" to what others think is important in a city life.  But, as always these days, what I want will come after what other, more important, people think needs to be done and I am required to assist with.  Did not get to leave Springfield, but got to Sts. Peter and Paul for Vespers and then back to clean. Got enough moved to mop floor and then slept at apartment until about 7-8 am. Then moved things back into bathroom.
02 September: 2016
Bob goes to rehab and I went back to the apartment just to bath & pre-wash some stuff. Need to be there Tuesday and clean up for a housing inspection soon. The plans are that after rehab we go back to Berkshires to get rest of stuff and then on the weekend, or next week to put things from temporary to more permanent storage and events in Springfield to attend, but we probably will just crash.  Tomorrow stuff needs to be moved to more permanent storage and that will happen in a few days. I want to try to hitch to the Berkshires Saturday so I can be there for the Leffingwell Reunion on Monday.  We did not get a reply and so went up and note on the door.  Did not get much of what we went for. I did get over to the family home and a locked porch and get some Ryobi tools I had bought over a year ago to work on this project and brought them back. Looks like someone stole the masonry blocks we had stored there so now I am buying them again. Lots of thievery going on, regardless of where you are.  We did go and visit my friend at the nursing home. The love is still there, so hurtful for me to see her, remember the good times we shared (been like a sister for about 60 years) and know I was helpless to help her and now much of what was precvious to her is being discarded by others.  So thankful the nursing home was allowing her to have her ca with her, much progress when they realize how much a pet means to people.  We got some clam chowder at the Friendly Ice Cream store and then came back to Springfield to try and rest. Tomorrow Bob is Grand Knight and has to be a a soccer event they are hosting and I will try and unload things and update this site. Want to mop floors at the apartment & clean up, it looks bad as I have not been there.  I did get to email some responses back to people about this 257 Central Street project.  Want so much to have this happen, (fix up house) if it is at all possible.  I am quite a bit discouraged and really need prayer support at this time, personally and for the S.C.A.R.F. concept.
01 September: 2016
To  day  is moving stuff to temporary storage and meetings and helping another friend. But I need to say something about yesterday as I got 95% of what my friends and I had brought to my friend's house for her to use while she was in that place and was saying she was moving to Pittsfield and the house she had bought there and moved her furniture to.  I had such a heavy heart and was so tired as I climbed the stairs multiple times to get the stuff out. My friend who had driven me up had just come out of a knee replacement operation and he was in pain also.  We must come up one more time, maybe tomorrow to get some foam mattresses and such and anything else they are throwing out that we might be able to donate to a place here in Springfield that helps international families in need.  I kept thinking I had failed my friend and now the thing she feared the most was going to happen.  But I was happy they were going to have someone with her and she could live in the house she liked to be in, even if she did not really understand much of what was going on, dementia they call it.  So here is what happened as I emails someone last night: "While I was at my friends house taking belonging I had there (I had often stayed with her on school vacations and tried to help her with bill payment expectations and such, as gently as I could) I saw a dove.  It was a white dove and came near me and I stopped and talked to (and perhaps with) it.  I has such a feeling of peace in interacting with that pure white dove.  I have never seen one so white, no dark marks on it at all.  The lady that will be living there and running the house so my friend can at least live in one of her homes whether she comprehends where she is or not, also saw the bird.  I said I took it as a good sign.  After that the bird vanished.  BUT I had a peace I did not have before."  So I am trying to build on that peace by reaching out to folks once more to see if I can't save this building and have a space I can live in while in the city in some sort of peace, at least in the winters and when it is still cold in Spring and Fall.  Please continue to pray for me. 
AND pray for God's guidance with regard to Saving Culture, Actively Reclaiming Futures, and the other things I feel He has asked me to begin/accomplish.
Paid rent on apartment I am not allowed to sleep in most nights, due to a person in the building threatening to "kill" me and the property management people doing nothing about it since April 9th (to my knowledge), which now as 4 months ago.  Bob and I tried to be there for the alarm people, but they could not install the new piece of equipment, it was apparently broken coming from the factory.  So Bob took me late to the Individual Services Committee meeting and from there to get stuff and the hammock that failed and brought it back to Aldi's, then some Kentucky fried chicken and then to lodge to see about some railing for Springfield Lodge, but then when we presented the plans they wanted to use pipe they had and Bob thought it was cheaper to buy it and have Home Depot thread it. The folks talked about having a welder do it and we said fine and left.  Then to 3400 Main Street and urgent care to see about the possible cancer items.  They decided to use an ointment and see if that clears it up. So over to put stuff into temporary storage and to then to Walgreens to get the ointment.  They had medications for another Charles Knight and said I had the wrong address. Got it straightened out and then brought things in and exchanged the HDMI monitor I was using with a super-vga one, it can be hdmi as well but I packed that connection cable with the monitor.   We put things away and ate stuff like cereal, called it a day and went to bed.  I listened to a lecture on the church year and Bob watched "reality" shows. So tired..  When I stopped by to pay rent and such I got a package from Melaleuca and the 4 magazine/books I ordered from Linux, two on raspberry pi and on on GIMP and one on fedora to replace XP so you don't have to upgrade to another rotten operating system from Redmond Washington, the Micro and Soft computer-people.

September (and anew Church year and soon fall) begins

31 August: 2016
If things are not into the city today, the the project is perhaps gone for 257 Central Street.  If nothing is posted here until much later in September you will know the worst has happened and I guess I will feel pretty much incompetent.  I still believe in the concepts of S.C.A.R.F. but maybe I can't be the one to do it.  The whole concept is to help someone get a house rehabbed tot he point of a certificate of occupancy, and then work with them for the next 9 years so that over a 10 year period they do much of the remodeling that they can be trained how to do. What if  it only happens on weekends and some nights, it happens and their self confidence grows.  My this is a hard concept for some "officials" locally to grasp as the idea is not to "make money" but to save both an old house and people's self confidence. But this is not a house to sell and make money on.  It is a house with some birds that visit it to live in. And I am way above age 6 so there should be no worries about lead paint..
I want to save a bit of history and live in some peace and quiet. 
I put these comments, in bold in the pdf I created this morning as thoughts in response to the city's questions and will revise tomorrow.  This was done before going off to get some things out so a fiends house, the "authorities" have her in a nursing home and will have someone live with her and the person is pretty much throwing away all that does not look top notch (under orders).  So my friend was convinced she was poor and I told her she had way over $500 a week coming in. So now the "authorities" have found out how much money she really has and they are going to "take care of her" as she "can not live alone". Scary business, I feel I have failed my friend somehow.  So with a heavy heart I make the 2nd trip up there to take the things out that was placed in t his building after she said she was moving to another house, but never did, so we tired to provide her with things.  I also stayed there and tried to help her on weekends and during college breaks and sometimes at night in the summers.  These were all "better days" and this was a family friend I have known since childhood.  Sort of like a sister.  Since I was 14 or so I have met this lady at Grange and before that when her family would come over to visit with my mother and talk about Grange stuff and my father would talk with her "father" about government stuff as he had worked at the US fish hatchery in town.
30 August: 2016
Only one day left and today I must go to the Berkshires and get things out of Alice's Monterey, MA house, have only until end of this month to do it.  The lady was to have called a week or two ago but forgot.  Years ago I had helped Alice put up a web page called "country house" on selling the house at 91 Pixley Road (it is listed as being in Great Barrington, because it has a Great Barrington, MA mailing address and as happens often in the countryside, it has a neighboring Sheffield, MA telephone number, the group of numbers starting with the same three number prefix is often called an exchange), then she had me take most of the information down. I had hoped to buy it myself as it is only 3 miles from the family home, but she did not want to do that then.  Now all of this is most probably beyond the reach of anything that I can do now.  Now I am in a bind to do this. Also things to city.  Fear nothing will happen right now as my back is now getting worse.  The list of things I do wrong continues to grow, & a list of things I am perceived as doing right right shrinks to a point of almost invisibility.  Early this morning I found online a jpeg image that shows the individual vertebrae of the spine and where the nerves go to from a chiropractic source.  I now feel it is entirely possible I might have injured where the screws go into my vertebra to secure the rods that hold me up.  BUT I can probably do nothing about it as I did not get the contact information from the lady who hit me with her van/suv.  All seems to be falling apart and I doubt most of my decisions lately.  I came down to Springfield over 22 years ago to get a job and fix the family home.  I failed at that.  Now I want to have a house here and not live in a congested living situation with a lot of people whom do not seem that they care about moving ahead to do anything positive in their lives.  And it looks like I am failing at that.
29 August: 2016
Could not sleep hardly at all. By 3:30AM I was typing a "To Whom it May Concern" letter about the accident. Looks like I just have to suffer now as I did not get the information about the person who turned and drove into me, pushing me to the the curb and maybe jarring and damaging my engineered back. Each day it seems to get worse and more difficult for me to function.  It might be that my "end" is coming sooner than I thought.  Time to think about eternity I guess.  My friend is complaining that I am not "fighting" for what is "right".  I do not feel that way.  I do not feel what I want or need should of necessity happen just because not to have it happen would be to have me suffer a little.  I feel very content people are willing to suffer through having me around at all.  As I have said before, no one wants to  hire me any more, and often I can not volunteer to do things, hence my worth or value is apparently not good enough to be assessed in any sort of a monetary way.  Therefore whether I live here or somewhere else or do not live at all has no bearing on the well-being of society.   Years ago when we had extended families we had a job or position for every family member, from great grandpa down to the newest two year old. Sometimes they did the same job, both helping to sweep the walk in the morning, etc., but they had a feeling of importance and need.  That is now gone.  And if you can not "pull your own weight" in America today, then you pretty much have no reason for living as far as society is concerned. The theories on appropriate aging are many and so diverse, from when you get to a certain age you need to step aside and prepare to die, to keep doing what you can and putting effort into making this a much better society up until your last breath.  The latter is the one I grew up with, but apparently the former is the one I need to interface with now.  All of this does not make for a very hope filled future.  And when I can not even help the people I care abut in an appropriate manner it makes me wonder about my abilities.  This day I am preparing for another failure and inability to communicate what is needful and get things done. It is no fun to think you are worthless now.
28 August: 2016
Church, then stuck at Bob's house waiting for him to get back from relatives, to Lodge to get pudding for him, then go to bed and try and write the minutes from the Church Semi-Annual Meeting.   More and more it looks like I can not meet the city's deadlines and I will loose the ability to fix this house up or do anything else.  Bicycle is still not seen and now it is to late to document anything.  All decisions about this accident are now probably wrong. The Church Semi-Annual Meeting was today and it went well.  I spent time at night typing up the minutes.  Also a long letter to Deacon Michael and John saying how I could have been killed and wanted to speak to them about  my ideas on certain things, then typed them out in that long email.  Got the minutes finished and sent to them by about Midnight or so.  Then tried to sleep and found it difficult.  Lower back and upper back pains.  I might have cracked something where the screws are.

27 August: 2016
Did some sorting as Bob wanted to wash clothing, but then he did not.  Went to base for things and talk about the computer.  They said call HP, do not do it online, call. I did and got someone from what sounded like India. In the end what has expired, or rather will in 20+ days, is the telephone support about the software that I refuse to update to windows 10 as there has been so much trouble with that operating system iteration from Microsoft.   Went to apartment and tried to fined the old glasses. Apparently they got thrown out in the trash when I has put them somewhere when I lay dona d rested an they must have fallen into the trash bin.  I got the call from the Mercy Hospital people saying they could not fil the prescription because Forest Park Optical got me glasses, even though they were the wrong prescription, in  April.  Looks like I am stuck with these things that make everything blurry to view.   The handle bars are still messed up and nothing can be done right away now.  Looks like I have messed up a lot.  Did some paper work fro the Church meeting tomorrow.
26 August: 2016
Bob said to stay as his house and he would take me to Dick Durant's and we would do Bob's laundry. But then he called at 1PM or so and said that he could not drive after all as long as he had physical therapy. So I take off on the Bicycle and bring the prescription to Mercy Hospital for the new glasses, correct prescription this time.  Then over to Dick Durant's house and visit with him in West Springfield and give a card from Agawam Encampment and Springfield Lodge, I. O;.O. F. and had a nice visit there.   Got back and went to apartment and looked for things that seem to be still missing.  Also dizzy a bit in evening. Had to stay at apartment and try and rest, but people called, so left dizzy and balance not good and bicycled back to Bob's to be there at night for him.
25 August: 2016
Went to Clinic at 9:30AM, finally seen. Apparently nothing much can be done as I did not get the contact information from the driver of the car that hit me. I really did not think about it.  I just wanted to get away from the situation and not need to wait to be seen sitting in a chair 8 - 12 hours in an emergency room.  I went back to the apartment and tried to do some things and called a gain to try and get an appointment with the clinic optician.  They called back and said to come up at 5PM for that appointment, I was up there right away.   He looked at the glasses and then checked them against the prescription.  Well the left lens is ok but the right on is way off, no wonder my head hurts and things are blurry. He gave me a new prescription and said I should go to Mercy Hospital to get them this time.  I came back and stopped by Dollar Tree to buy a broom for Bob's house and a box to put hanging file folders in, also  some other things and had to go to Big Lots to get them all. Looks like Nickie is no longer running the Dollar Tree in West Springfield and the selection shows it.  Nothing we want to buy but selling the stuff the corporation wants to push like many of the other stores, and so laid out that it is difficult to find things there. Stopped by the apartment to get the belt I had ordered for Bob's vacuum cleaner as I knew he would want it as soon as it came in.  Might not get installed for days though.
24 August: 2016
Do nothing, straighten up some at Bob's place and then get to Apartment and get book to go to Stefi about furniture  refinishing I have in the time-life series.  She wants to refinish and sell some things.  I brought the cleaning things back to the apartment that I had gotten for the cleaning the day before.
23 August: 2016
Board of Directors meeting minutes were finally done.  I also went by Apartment and got cleaning supplies for the work at the Church this afternoon. So much I need to do and yet nothing is getting done.  Perhaps I am just no good at doing anything and might just as well admit the fact and give up on it all.
22 August: 2016
Prepares for board of directors meeting at 32 Byers Street, Inc and the election of officers and such (since the President is still on vacation we agreed to not do elections until next month).  Then rest and start to do my own replies to city after I have started on the minutes.  Last few days, nothing back from others, must make estimates and get assurances of funding to the city and get this done or I lose the opportunity here.  The back and head hurt from the accident Friday when the car turned and ran into me pushing me to the ground. Will call clinic today. I rest and do nothing today, Try and straighten up Bob's house. Clinic call finally got through. They can not see me until Thursday at Focus care.
21 August: 2016
Church and then maybe move some things, still resting and tomorrow must need to work hard on 257 Central St. Project, after Board Meeting at 1PM.
20 August: 2016
Recovering from car/bicycle accident last night. Will do not much. Stayed at air conditioned apartment and then left for a friends house.
19 August: 2016
Weekend not so going so well so far. Friday night (August 19th) a car drove into me and dragged me down a bit on the bicycle.  The person said they did not see me, but since it was only me on a bicycle I did not get their information as a accident report would not need to be made. The point is I had light clothing and a very strong headlight on the bicycle.
The person stopped on Florence Street heading East, I thought for me as I was going south on Pine Street.  Instead, as I move forward, they go forward and then make a sharp turn into me.  I am wedged next to their van as they bend my handle bar and I can not turn away while I am pushed backwards and onto the blacktop.  I Had some difficulty getting up and had to be helped. The nerves were not working well.  (She came back to me as people got me up and said how she had stopped to see how I was and she had not see me at all.  It was like people in my building at 32 Byers Street who still seem to use drugs or alcohol, they are all over you with apologies and I know there is no way they can be held accountable for anything.)

Why do I tell you this?  It is because instead of a 71 year old white man with a big white beard and a light grey, almost white, T-shirt, this could have been a black teenager with not so bright clothing but with a light.  The teenager could have been going home in that densely packed part of the city. It was about 9:30PM, about the time to be coming back. In fact some younger people were around me and rushed over to help me up. I could not figure out how to get out from under the bicycle, the nerves were not functioning right.

I was bruised, but what if this had been young girl of say 14.  She would have been not so tall as me and I have a 27.5 inch bicycle and I keep the seat post up high, so I was very visible. BUT she might have a small bicycle for her age and not be so high.  That means that this child could have been hit in the head with the similar damage to the bicycle as I sustained. BUT where it hit my arm it might have hit the little girls head. 

And these days folks are trying to be on their cell phones, talking and texting and this is the 6 corners area of the city.  We have a goodly amount of children in this area and this person I do not know how old she was as she had her arm around me like a drunk or drugged up person would be babbling along a mile a minute and not see where they are diving. I did not look up to see her face, I just wanted to get out of the situation and go on and take the Garbage cans back in while I still could. Knew I would hurt more later.  And I did not want to go to the Emergency room at Baystate as I would have to wait in a chair for some 8-11 hours to be seen and I really wanted to get to a spot so I could take a hot bath and get the grit and blacktop out of me.

I  had the light on the bicycle and she stopped, and then as I got near her van, she came right out, I stopped, and she turned into me.  I am certain she was not looking at where she was going and maybe texting or this also might be a case of drug or alcohol usage or just talking with someone else in the vehicle and not looking where one is driving. 

So I guess I have a greater  sense of importance now of how people need to be where they are hurtling the many tons of scrap metal they are driving.  I see how instead of a messed up bicycle and bruises (I can not tell about internal stuff yet) this could have been serious injury or death for a child.

I still hurt a lot Saturday morning a good 12 hours after I got pushed back on the blacktop and such with the bicycle coming over me,  so I guess the scrapes and bruises are to be expected.

Thanks again for listening to me and praying for me and for the hoped for rehab of 257 Central St. so I have a quiet place in the city to live.  This happened about 150 feet east of the front door of that building.



I did not write this until about 5:30AM  on Sunday.  I just hurt and was shaken up and went back to the apartment with the air conditioner until Saturday afternoon when I had to go to a friend's house to try and help him with a computer issue.  As I did that I noticed two ladies trying to trim overgrowth at their fence.  Once the computer issue was resolved I came back with some tools I had and helped them clean this up. I was so thankful for the years I spent at Springfield Technical Community College in the Landscape Design and Maintenance program as I think had a better idea of what to do and how to help these folks.  It is a really good feeling when you can use what you have learned, some skill or something, to help others.
18 August: 2016
Spoke with a counselor about the various things I think I might be "dealing with" regarding the pamphlets I picked up yesterday at the event at Court Square about helping people recover from Alcohol or Drug or other substance abuse.  Also later I missed another meeting to be available to help as we set up for the Sherif's election debate with the Armory Quadrangle Civic Association.
17 August: 2016
Saw my allergist and showed him the troubles that had happened on my wrists this past weekend.  I am still lethargic and often can't seem to get much done.  Then went to the Court Square event about helping people get off drug and alcohol and tobacco use and abuse.
16 August: 2016
Met with the folks at Commonwealth Care and against my better thoughts did sign up for the Senior Care stuff.  I think it is a waste of time and money actually.  Then from 2-6 PM I was at the Community Planning for the Stop Access Coalition to devise some indicators as to  plans to move forward for this next year in helping to reduce the access the youth have to drugs, alcohol and tobacco until they are much older and their brains are pretty much developed.
15 August: 2016
Will do nothing much but rest in the air conditioned apartment and surf the internet and sleep. So tired after the wonderful NOFA Summer Conference.

 14 August: 2016
Last day of NOFA summer conference and then back here. The beginning of next week might take a day trip to the Berkshires and then back to finish work on the stuff for the city, so hardly any input will happen here (that might change) as we work to get all the "ducks in a row" by August 19th and another conference in town.
11-13 August: 2016
Be at the Northeast Organic Farming Association's Summer Conference in Amherst, MA and speak with many about S.C.A.R.F. and finish some of the drafts for published materials and the things the city needs in order to allow us to proceed with this project.  Do email me if you have any ideas or suggestions for us.
08-10 August: 2016
Work on S.C.A.R.F. review and topics we learned of and items for the city to revise estimates and get approval to purchase and do rehab work on 257 Central St. so this can become the "pilot" project and show in reality what we have been saying are the concepts and hope of S.C.A.R.F. regarding increasing housing stock and rebuilding homes while we rebuild the shattered lives of those affected by a traumatic event, like homelessness.
07 August: 2016
To walk in the Yankee Homecoming Parade in Newburyport, MA with the local Oddfellows lodges as a Past Grand officer, and then down to Salem, MA, to see a production of "Godspell".  Then back here.

05-06 August: 2016
Will be helping a person with a hot water heater out towards the cape, then back for a funeral of a friend's Dad. Then back repack clothing and off to the east and up to Newburyport, MA,  by public transportation and such.
04 August: 2016
Went to Individual Services Committee meeting of the Western Massachusetts Network to End Homelessness and spoke to some there about my reaction to the failure to get another R.L.C. Career Initiatives grant and how that sparked me to write something showing in outline form what we now see the vision of S.C.A.R.F. to be.  You can read the first draft of that letter here. If you can help us in any way, advice, counsel, monetarily, knowledge of grant proposals, etc. please do contact us.  This has somehow spurred me on to speak with more people and soon another website will be established that is not so wordy as this one and just gives the basic information about S.C.A.R.F. and its vision. That domain name has a national flavor to it and with that domain name and the current paid for P.O. box 30538, Springfield, MA 01103 we are poised to be able to transition to a regular "office" whenever such is offered to us.  Exciting times happen when doors are closed, we start looking around to see what other ones are opening.  During yesterday's an today's travels I bought a small book called "Positive Impact" which is basically about helping others accomplish their goals and in doing so you benefit and grow.  I agree with that and hope to be inculcating the principles of this small book in my life and the workings of S.C.A.R.F. in the future, near future. 
03 August: 2016
Attended the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness's Leadership Council meeting in Northampton, then talked with a colleague about various issues and then went to a "flea market" and a bookstore and bought a book at each place, good reading, on about positive thinking and the other about accounting practices that we will need for S.C.A.R.F. going forward, then to an AQCA board of directors meeting and then the local formation group of a possible oblate of the order of St. Benedict. Then back to "the office" and looked at email before retiring and getting ready to go to a meting tomorrow morning and then to help someone put in a hot water heater near the cape, then take a bus back here Friday night. Then off to  a funeral Saturday morning and then to Newburyport.  Then Sunday to walk with the Oddfellows as a past Grand Officer of both the Grand Lodge of Massachusetts and the Grand Encampment of Massachusetts in the Yankee Homecoming Parade.  So this might be the last posting until Monday or Tuesday night.  Looked at email and found we were rejected for a grant from RLC in FY 2017.
I am so thankful for the FY2016 grant we got from RLC and it is the main reason we can produce quality printed matter now to communicate our mission and to provide a reason for others to support us in this endeavor.  Without the RLC grant we might have just "given up" and most certainly would not be able to move forward as we now can towards having a fully functional office to produce 8.5x11 inch documents and receive and submit fax and printed materials.  The future is now beginning as we open up a new chapter and seek new partners to help us move along & start helping others rebuild their lives as they rebuild a house, one success at a time, daily.
So now we look for other support and move forward.  Probably will say more about this about 7 days from now before I leave for the NOFA summer conference in Amherst, MA.   MUST have all paperwork into the city and ready to close on the 257 Central Street property by August 19th.  So much to do, so little time. 
02 August: 2016
Did some food packaging with Bob that we stored and then back to do more web design work for him.  Had called to see if I could see the doctor early, got a call at 10:30AM that a 11AM appointment opened up, so I went. Got back at 12:30PM and sent emails to Stefi. She could help and by 2:30PM I was awaiting her arrival. We went to two different National Night Out events, then over to Emmanual in Warren to help with the community meal and then back for another National Night Out event in a neighborhood Stefi and her late husband used to live in.   We went to pick up some books at Barnes and Noble and then drop off some salad from the meal for our light supper before the order of St. Benedict meeting at St. Stephen Orthodox Church Wednesday at 6PM, all are welcome to check this out. So I got very little stuff done for S.C.A.R.F. today but did get a possible commitment to go up and measure for some windows to get from another property, maybe Monday.  Finished changing some things and will do others over the next few days.  It seems the U.S. Postal service will not deliver if you Post Office Box includes the street address of that Post Office, so the one I use for personal safe "snail mail" needs to be changed to P.O. Box 30538, Springfield, MA 01103 in order for the mail not to be sent back as the forwarding stuff only send the mail to the 1149 Main Street office or often, since that is a Postal Service address, returns the mail.  Live and learn, that seems to me what all of this is about, live and learn.   Went by 257 Central yesterday and the telephone pole I reported is still leaning.  Maybe they don't use that pole anymore.
01 August: 2016
Morning must call Bank to allow taxes check to go through, then call or go down to Welfare, probably the latter and ask about the food stamps.  Try to work on items for city, seems like I can get nothing done on time and the question is whether I can do anything at all well in this life, it seems the answer is NO.  So very Depressed.

August Starts

31 July: 2016
Church and make plans for my absence the first two Sundays in August.  Talked to Wally the builder and he said just make the highest estamites and get stuff to the city so they will give yo the go-ahead to work on things there.  Also put pressure to get the private building inspector.  Stefi is back, just to see her smile gives me great joy.  Did not do much this afternoon, I should have. Will most probably stay at apartment tonight so I do not bother the guy who threatened me. I am often in my room or away.  I the secureity person see my check as I put it in a folded letter and put that in an envelope and put it into the drop box.   So very discourage I have done almost nothing on this house since I was named as preferred developer in October of 2015.  Nothing since the call April 1st.  Nothing since the extension to the end of August on June 30th.
30 July: 2016
Not much to be done, can I accomplish anything.  So much sin.  So much self doubt, degradation, self-condemnation and general feeling of worthlessness.
29 July: 2016
Final Friday of the month, must make certain the RLC 2015-2016 Grant final report is in the files by this day. I sent the report electronically, Earl said he spoke up for me, which I take to mean things did not go well in grant app. review. Went & saw earl, had to be at lodge in afternoon helping to put up ceiling tiles, replacing damaged ones.
28 July: 2016
Must pay for cell phone, lets see if I can accomplish this one small task.   Scheduled to be at two places at once tomorrow, must call on this.
27 July: 2016
Annual Meeting for Rainville, printed documents and crafted reports.  Then went to help someone and never got to other meetings on time. Messed up with homeless.
  26 July: 2016
Board of Directors Meeting at Rainville minutes done.  See person regarding RLC grant and get 90% of report completed, then shut windows at lodge before rain and find someone still sleeping in back yard.  Talked to much and will sent it later. Missed meeting at city hall, I forget to much.
25 July: 2016
AM help someone with something and a very important board of directors meeting 1-2PM and maybe a little longer. Then rest of afternoon and Through Thursday at "office" most of daytime and end of grant report outlined by Tues and delivered by Thursday.  Seek help as to format from Earl Monday afternoon.
24 July: 2016
Church in AM.  Last 4 days to get report in. Told yesterday I need to help someone Monday morning.  I must work on report fully the 26, 27, & 28th & deliver it.
Also this week need to find floor plan items from architect and scan them in at FedEx Office to letter or legal sized paper.  Need to also scan in all I gave to the city May 27th.  Much to do, deadlines fast approaching.  I feel like I have accomplished very little.  Please pray fervently that God's will be made manifest.

23 July: 2016
Very hot, advised to stay in. Might go to "office" where there is ac at noon, might go to park by 257 Central to read.  Feel so lazy.  So very tired & inadequate. Stayed inside most of the day and by a fan, did not get out to go to ac until about 5PM.  Did a list of questions to ask contractors form and made one for electrical questions.  Enough of this "you can't do that" from friends, let's find out from the "licensed professionals" if something can be done.  I need be I will try and talk with someone in the building department.  Nothing gets done when yo argue with folks that have done something a certain way, that most people do things that way, and do not find out if your "new way" would actually maybe work just as well, and what to do to make certain it conforms to code.  I am still trying to get things done as I envisioned them over a year ago and do a quality job at an economical price with the homeowner, in this case myself, doing a good deal if not most of the work.  Sometimes you just can not do the work, but often you can help or at least be there to learn how and why something is done that way.  Very hot even under the fan and I have drank a lot of liquids, maybe if I keep this up I will develop gills.Went with Carol to Vespers at St.s Peter and Paul and then to "the Rainville" to get printed things for Pam and take a picture of what looks like someone has pulled a dead tree down at 257 central. The neighbors have been doing things that don't seem to be quire right and I fear the quality of trust is not great there.  It might be difficult when we get permission to go on the land and re-establish fence lines as they have been use to overstepping those boundary lines for their own desires.  Must establish the limits and make the area within a safe place for nature to be.  Left there late and got to sleeping spot and stayed outside a bit in the "cool" of the night (84 degrees F.) .
22 July: 2016
Need to contact people but am committed to help someone this AM but had "issues" with an entity I am a board member of so I could not get there until about noon.  Help for the person extend throughout the day and into the evening, missed another event..  Must work on grant report, no time to do it. Frustrating. 
21 July: 2016
Tried to get some things accomplished, but did not succeed.  Finally got back to "office" for 15 min.  Then back to work through the night, in between resting.  Other sorts o crisis things meant I did not get work done to see Historic Commission and tomorrow is all booked helping someone.  Fear I just can't get much done at all.  Did almost no work and had to update this and such between 3AM and 7AM and then go to bed for maybe some rest for maybe 30 min.
20 July: 2016
Need to pay for McAfee on the windows box for a year at the sleeping space.  Check Mail after Movie with a friend and plan rest of week. Outline for report to RLC by Fri.  Prepare for Board meeting on the 21 of another group.  So much difficulty getting small things accomplished, just nothing getting done like I want.  Bogged down allover.
19 July: 2016
Here at "the office" for some calls, plastic shelving is 11 dollars each, ouch.  Then worked on a revision of the overview and a S.C.A.R.F. summer newsletter to be published by the 29th with a first run on the 20th.  Will go see a movie with a friend who has been wanting me to go with him for months.  Then work more on the plans needed for the city with dimensions and such and the grant report for the FY2016 grant to the Recovery Learning Community.  Also need to box up more stuff to go to storage. Also need to set up plans of action and follow through on those plans and provide guidelines for our people to do the same.   The AC is like "white noise" it makes me want to sleep.
18 July: 2016
Got to "office" and just collapsed, so tired. Did some stuff and then realized I was to be in Weathersfield, CT, by 6PM.  Caught the Vermonter south to Hartford, then the 101 Fast bus to the 55X going to Middletown and got off at the lecture site, got there early.  Then on the way back retraced my steps. Got in at 10PM, tired, went to bed.
Dr. Tolin talked about the reduction in air quality that many boxes and hoarding can create that can make the "hoarder" very sick.  The website for that research is here.
17 July: 2016
Made a decision today. Tomorrow will start estimates in earnest. Probably to high, but get them to funders so they can approve and the city can give me permission to go forward on the 257 Central St. project.  Very accurate estimates may be impossible as we will not know "what we are getting into" until we are part way through the rehab process.  So estimate high and tell funding sources that and agree we will spend only what is needed for the certificate of occupancy unless spending now on an item (such as a porch) might be more cost effective than to start it again in a year or so.  But for me, I see the estimates to go forward and go towards the higher side assuming we are paying for all the work done by others, even though we expect to be taught and the work done mostly by ourselves.  It is just to much trouble right now trying to explain this "new way" of doing things that I expect to become "best practices" in a decade or so after the financial "bottom" has dropped out of many markets as one by one the world economies collapse. So, at "the office" to work on this stuff early on Monday (and if I 'crisis' comes up, early on Tuesday) with a goal to have the RLC grant report done by the end of the week and the other booklet by the end of July and the estimates into the city with financial approval by August 1st, at the latest August 15th.  I want to get started 'doing' before 'snow flies'.

16 July: 2016
Nothing much, awoke and hand hurt, both of them and allergic problems, so I stayed in all day, then went to Vespers in Enfield with Carol from Church.  She had offered to take me up to New Hampshire to the Oddfellows memorial service at the Cathedral of the Pines in Rindge, NY;  but I just found myself not well enough to do it.  So I stayed inside and out of the way of the pollen and such.  I thought a lot about the estimates I need to do and the plans for the work on the 257 Central Street project.  Need to draw out sketched, plans and make all estimates and even get in to make more measurements next week.  Go on the high side, all work done by others. Don't like to do that, against all S.C.A.R.F. stands for, but am thinking about it will ask about some things of a contractor at Church tomorrow or next week, he might be away visiting folks this weekend.  The point is that it is up to me to get numbers in.  Does not matter if they are numbers that are higher than what we eventually use.  Does not matter if we estimated by a percentage before. We just do it over again and give them the numbers and I make out all the plans and maybe go before the Historic Commission again.  Will contact RLC to get a clear idea of what I need to have done for a report for them and get that outlined at least by next weekend.  So many things to do at once.  But this morning I just rested, and slept some extra.  So what I am coming to is that we need to build in "days of rest" and "family time" for our people so that they not only build self confidence by rehabbing the house they are to live in themselves, but they also do not "burn out" in the process.  At least one day to just "be" with yourself, with nature, with God, with your family, and enjoy whatever you really enjoy is as much a part of the "way it is done" as any other building technique.  The house rehab and personal rehab and the community rehab as well need to be enjoyable tasks over all. Some hard spots, but in the end the sum total of all efforts needs to be positive.
Not certain how we do that other than "scripting out the days" for people and say that the time of rest and personal enjoyment are as much a part of the rehab process as waiting for the first coat of paint to dry before you put the second coat on, or any other examples like that.  It is just plain "best practices" and always has been that way.  We just think we can work three shifts and be 'super people", and what we get is "super bitter" and "super burned out". So what we need to do is help build people's self esteem up after the traumatic event, not give them another traumatic event (being burned out). How to do that though is a "burning" question!  If anyone has some scientific studies to back up this assumption of mine, please email that knowledge to me at ceknight.spfd@gmail.com.
15 July: 2016
Sin all night and not much done.  Go to Hampden County Continuum of Care meeting.  Happy to see Alicia and Kathleen there and really enjoy the shared working in collaboration and cooperation that happens with this group.  Then I try and find out how much paved driveway I need. City folks to answer that question are not at Building Dept. after all but at Code Enforcement.  I go there and they say it is really the zoning folks and they are all out today.  I go back to "office" but get nothing done. Try 4 times to sleep, finally it happens. I am so terribly worn out and the hard lumps in my body are hurting and the finger is catching more and hurting every time I go to close my hand or open it.  Often I must use one hand to open or close the finger on the other hand.  Bob has help with work at the "beach house" and I stay at his place to "house-sit" so no one breaks in. Suspicious people "night fishing" and I call the police.
I am so very concerned with the robbery happening almost everywhere and no one gets punished.  Want to get to Oddfellows memorial service in N.H. Sat.  
14 July: 2016
Bob help's me in going to a friend of his son's in Enfield. The tube had burst. Jamie had patched it twice, but it had burst. The man said even some of their high end bicycles (some at about $4,000) have been coming lately to the shop with cheap tubes in them.  We get basket at Lodge and do some other stuff. Bob has to go to a meeting at 6 and we get flowers into Stefi's baskets (smaller than I thought they would be) by 5:15PM &I pick up bicycle at Bob's and go to "office".
13 July: 2016
All morning and until 5PM or so we spend on the replacement of that window and paperwork, which now Bob has to find more stuff to do.  It should be done by Friday, but might not get done until next week.  I put in the flowers in the window boxes and get most of the hanging baskets done.  We need to get another basket from my storage as he had 4, not 3 as I remembered. We go to fix an error in a plate issue and then buy food and find out all but $4 of my food stamps is gone. I attend the St. Raphael Benedictine Fellowship formation meeting at Church and then back to "office" but have a flat tire so carry bicycle back to Bob.
12 July: 2016
The whole day is spent with Bob and this window project.  Waited bit the professional putty guy did not show.  Bob's son and some helpers got the new piece of glass in his "International Style" aluminum framed house.  That night I attend the Maple High 6Corners Neighborhood Council Meeting. Buy more plants at 16 Acres Garden Shop and will put them in tomorrow.  Got the plants from the Lodge we kept over the winter and baskets to put up on Bob's porch.
11 July: 2016
First full day "at the office" as planned and got here late.  They working on plans and such when Bob called.  He was a distance away but the Police called and said someone had broken into his house.  The Alarm had not gone off.  So I closed down stuff and "dropped everything" to bicycle over to his house.  When there the police were all around and they believe they caught the boy that did it.  We spend the rest of the day going to get glass and doing things relating to it.
That evening we go up to get some flowers at the Hadley Garden Center on our way to the Oddfellows Cook-out in Amherst and send off the notes to our campers at the antiochian village.  Each note comes on an envelope, specially made, with a different planet stamp on each one.  One set to Stefi also.
10 July: 2016
Church, Parish Council Meeting, Stefi and I go looking at houses and just enjoying he afternoon. She and her Mom go to PA and her Mom will drive kids back so Gabe can pitch in the baseball team.  Stefi must stay for the Sacred Music Concert and will take public transportation back. I start daily work on S.C.A.R.F. on Monday of at least budgeting 4 hours a day, somewhere, somehow, probably at "the office".   Must push to get estimates in for the Environmental Review.
09 July: 2016
From the 8th or so onward I have had great difficulty in uploading website changes and so far I do not know what is wrong. I will try and contact the hosting company Monday, it is now Friday night, Saturday Morning on July 14-15th. And I am very frustrated.  I will redo this when I gain uploading access again.
I did nothing this morning, just rested.  What a great idea God had to have one day a day of rest and worship to him.  Stefi and I went to do some things and be at Vespers at St.s Peter and Paul (I got the wrong time so we arrived late) and then attended the Big Band Concert which had moved inside because of rain.
08 July: 2016
Got up and tried to update the iMac and could not.  Did that  second time and finally got a chat window open with an Apple "adviser" and they guided me through fixing the problems with an ID so I could update some programs.  Did that between 2 or 3AM and 6AM and then back to bed.  Wrote this update, and then back to bed again. Will most probably NOT go to the beach with Bob has his family might be going down.  I am so tired.
07 July: 2016
Got to the apartment and then worked on some stuff for maybe the historic commission, might visit them informally tonight, but since it was close to the 4th of July they were not certain if the would have a quorum.  Stefi called and said she could take me to the Apple Store at the Holyoke mall for an "advanced basics" workshop but she could only come at 11AM, not before.  So I could not get to the individual services committee meeting and told the director so in an email.  Will need to explain to the committee chair also.  Was a little late getting out to the car but Stefi got us there and we walked the iMac in and got there and set up before the workshop started. Stefi then went and moved the car so it would be nearer for me to walk out.  Had to stay an extra 30 min until 1:30PM as I made a mistake and it started updating the OS.  Then we spent an enjoyable afternoon shopping and such. Went to Barnes and Noble and found out a "visually" book on the iMac and the "El Capitan" operating system would cost about $30 retail, so I will look online.  Got back to "the office" around 4PM and worked on some stuff until Bob called and wanted me to help load the trash some one had dumped at the lodge into a trailer so we can pay to have it dumped, a second time.  I got down there, dropping everything else, and took images of it that I showed an officer at the community policing meeting that I got to about 10 min. late.  I just do not walk as fast as I used to.  Then after the meeting I got a ride to the lodge and piled up the stuff.  Then more images and Bob came with the trailer and we loaded it up and put a tarp on it.  While I was putting the trash out for the lodge he had called the police, so now we waited for them to come and then I went back to the apartment to work the night and take a long soak in the tub.  Did that and updated things and went to sleep and got up again and then to sleep again by midnight.
06 July: 2016
Up and do paperwork and make forms through the night for measurements. Send email to Mike Cass and he says he can give me 60 min. between 1PM and 2PM, I jump for it and am up there before 1PM.  He lets me in, has trouble unscrewing the plywood over the door. We find out why later as I take the measurements of windows and doors and walls.  Someone has gotten in through the window off of the roof and has now taken out all but two or 4 of the vinyle windows, must now find windows.  The cost to fix this little house is now skyrocketing it seems to me.  Please continue to pray for me and for S.C.A.R.F. as w try to "move forward".  Went to AQCA board meeting almost immediately after returning to "the office" from the measurement session, where I took more images.  Someone has now taken the metal shed and is using it next door, must get permission to put a fence up and secure the property lines.  Looks like someone has thrown a heavy limb that was up towards the front of the yard towards the sidewalk now on the porch.  So much needs to be done and so much repair work.  BUT I like the birds and the cool breeze and want to live here and make it a little haven for birds and wildlife within the city. Finally to the Church for the first of the formation meetings of what will become the St. Raphael Benedictine Order community. Then to "office" to get a flash dive & to sleeping spot.
05 July: 2016
Went to "office" and then the 3300 Main Street. Was raining at first, then hot.  Then got back and Stefi took me to Warren and Emmanuel Church's meal they put on for the community. She helped and I just tagged along.  Will need to ask about access to 257 Central for measurements tomorrow.  Stefi took me to Savers and I got a keyboard (for playing music) for under $25.  No stand and such but it does have the ad adapter.  I want so much to learn how to play the piano before I (Charlie Knight) die.  They took me form music and piano lesson in Grammar school to learn math. Have hated math ever since then.
04 July: 2016
Spent a good deal of the day at Bob's cleaning up and organizing stuff I had left there. So many things I just left for another day, and this was that other day.
Went outside and cut some mores stuff, mostly invasive species and then Bob returned.  Saved images to computer to make space, then to Riverfront Park and the Independence Day ceremonies. Then up to 257 Central Street and finally (fireworks kept going privately) to the sleeping space.
03 July: 2016
Church, then some time with Stefi, then work on cleaning up the space where I have put things to access at Bob's place, and start thinking about the questions the city wants answered.  I am so very tired.  Ended up going to the sleeping spot early,  had cut some brush before.
02 July: 2016
First order of business is to update this website, then get dressed and on buses to the Holyoke Mall at Ingleside and the Apple Store for the basic macOS workshop with the iMac.  Then to get back to Springfield and to the apartment. Then to Bob's to do the weeding out of the invasive species and such. Then go to church for Vespers.  We might not have vespers always at St. Stephen his summer.  Then to the sleeping place with shirts for Sunday Church service.  Will try and check on prices through Home Depot website and seek entrance to 257 Central for some hours to get measurements again on Tuesday.  An appointment that day and maybe the banking they want done, but starting Tuesday I have a busy schedule.
01 July: 2016
At apartment by 7:15AM.  Calls from people wanting to go to Bank.  I said after the inspector came.  The inspector came about an hour early, and it was done before 10AM.  Evan came by with the iMac he had picked up from the Apple Store at the Holyoke Mall so that we can use the software with the printer for ocr stuff.  I made a call to the Apple Store and since I last used the macOS some 5-6 versions ago, I will go up there and bring the iMac with me on July 2nd (tomorrow) to a workshop at the store about using the ElCapitan version, macOS X.11.  I was to send up the last report today that I had not sent up last night.  Totally forgot about it until about 8PM and I was so tired then I just went to bed and will do it in the am.  The lady that wanted to do the bank by 10 am then said do it at 2PM after she had eaten. I go out at 2PM and she wants to wait until next Tuesday as she still has not eaten enough yet?  I go to the bank and then to the Post Office and switch my mail to the Post Office Box I bought the 29th of June. The mail gets put in other people's  boxes and I really need to get all mail right now as I work on 257 Central and need to have what the city asks for done by the end of September, given July, and August to get a lot done.  I am so very tired so very early in the day.  Talked with Pam and was to go and do some "weeding out" of invasive species for Bob, but the rains came and I just got stuck at the apartment.  Did not go tot the sleeping place.
Will leave early in the AM by buses and take something to read.  At night and early morning (12 midnight to 5AM) do sheets to get the additional items I need new prices for to make estimates for the city.  Will talk to Uptown Construction and Home Depot for many prices.  So very tired.

JULY Starts

30 June: 2016
Last day of the R.L.C. grant and the plan was that Stefi was to bring me up to Holyoke to deposit the grant.  That am I had crafted an "overview" of S.C.A.R.F. and printed it on the new printer for inclusion in the grant reapplication. Then we would spend some quiet time and then come back.  It almost worked that way.  But the whole process was about an hour late and we were early and so could not get to see  the "center" that R.L.C. has in Holyoke.  When we were able to go up time was running out and Stefi had to do some other things relating to her work before we could get back into Springfield.  She brought me directly to my appointment at 3300 Main street and I started to walk back.  I was so hot and tired (later found the temperature was over 92 degrees F.) and so I rested at ab us stop, started to doze off and a bus arrived. I had no change but did have a dollar bill and so I took the bus and a transfer to the apartment.  Then Bob called and I got a ride to Church for the Feast of Corpus Christi.  The service was with the Vicar General of the entire Western Rite of the Arch Diocese, so it was a big deal.  A 2.5 hour service and then a really nice fellowship time. Food left over and I got a "care package" given to me also.  The love shown to me is so amazing and I am so thankful for it.   BUT I had to wait until all were gone for my ride back and went to the apartment to change and get the bicycle. Then to see Bob for some software he said had been sent via email and needed to install. It was actually some files and not the software promised. I was so tired I stayed over at his house that night and then back at 6:30AM to be at the apartment before 7AM Tomorrow.  Could not go with Bob to the beach as the iMac was arriving from the grant (a refurbished one from many years ago) and also the HAP/HUD housing inspector was to come by to inspect.
29 June: 2016
Not much other than preparing R.L.C. grant application and starting to work on FY2016 report.  Bob took me to the Dumas opening of "Our House" a place for teenage homeless in Westfield. A great achievement, there has been no place for homeless teens, especially when the extended family can not function well enough to take them in like most would assume happens.  Our society is pretty broken these days  Bob went to his son's and I should have taken a bus back to Springfield, but that would have hurt his feelings and so I did not get to something at 4:30 and got to the church for the clean-up in preparation for the feast of Corpus Christi more like 7:49PM instead of the 6:30PM arrival time I had promised. Lif is like that, often we need to do things and we need to work with others and sometimes people will say no, but you can see in their eyes that they really do want to be allowed to help you.  So it is with S.C.A.R.F., we need to always be sensitive to those non-verbal clues and help people feel "included".
28 June: 2016
All things on hold. What was to be a short trip to Westport, MA and back being back by noon or 1PM has been all day. Got back just in time to print out the note taking sheets for the Green Committee, sub committee of City Council and get there by 6:15PM.  City Hall had to be opened up for us.
27 June: 2016
Am to be at the Hospital (Baystate)  for an "MRI" today at some time after 9AM, will get there at 9AM.  Then maybe try and get access to 257 Central to clean up stuff, at least put in another room. Will put things together to do that if can't do it today.  No news from the city and my request for an extension of time is nerve wracking at the least. This is a therapeutic need for me personally (Charlie Knight) as it is a policy for others.  I want to call the people that we assist "partners" as they will be just that, partners in the healing of the house, their lives, and the neighborhood in which it is.
Need to put in grant application.  Maybe come back from hospital & do it.  Tuesday it should rain, maybe.  Might be good time to be at 257 Central.
26 June: 2016
Church, then to CostCo with Stefi and got a box to put files in (collapsible) for hangiing files  to maybe use "on the site" at 257 Central Street.  I shared with Stephi how I have this feeling over an over again that I might not live long and need to put down on paper my thoughts about many tings and especially these current projects.   I went to bed as soon as I got back from Costco.  Then up to work on the RLC report some and then to bed.  Then up to work more on the presentation and update this web
25 June: 2016
Picked up by Stefi for the Parish Life Conference in Andover MA.  It was a good time and we got there in time for the Morning Divine Liturgy.  Bishop John and the clergy of the diocese were there.  So many youth as well, it was great.  We had a "Bible Bowl" team and our own Gabe gave his oratorical presentation speech he got an award as the top one in his division.  I was so tired when I got up, sin the night before. So many nights fo this dream that I am to die soon and must write down the things I think should happen so some one else can do them.  Got back at light, we left just after vespers and did not stay for the dinner and dancing.  I was so exhausted I was in bed when Stefi called to say she was home and Ok. Had finished revised report that was inspired by the Historic Commission meeting June 16th. Will check the spelling & such and put up by Tuesday PM.
24 June: 2016
Nothing much this morning, just rested where I had slept.  Last night I got to get the wi-fi going on computer that Bob got me and then today came back and spent the morning getting his computer's wi-fi network to be able to use his printer.  Then cut some more stuff down for him of invasive species and finally went to the city and talked about the cut-in's the city wants and asked to see the Historic Commission staff.  Got there late after starting paper work for RLC grant report and updating this website.  Will need to contact these folks Monday.  At apartment to be picked up Sat. AM.
23 June: 2016
So very tired and did not get much done in AM. Went to Apartment and Pam had "issues" and took items I have boxed up to storage. Little by little, day by day, since about April 20th it has been clear I must leave this space.  I will start looking "in earnest" when all but the furniture and "enough to live in a hotel room for two weeks" is all that is left in the apartment.   Right now I am sleeping away somewhere else at least 5 nights out of 7.  Went to the License Commission hearing, concerns the Armory Quadrangle Civic Association is interested in got put off to a later date, so we left.  I then went to the drop off a device to be able to receive a wi-fi signal at Bob's house and then wet to the sleeping space for that night.
22 June: 2016
Tried to find things and went to appointment at 3300 Main St. and then to look for other things, a cable I should have bought for the monitor that I thought was in the box, but it was not.  So I bought it at Savers at the regular price (yesterday was senior day but I did not go).  Then I went to Church that night, last time for the "prophets" study and discussed problems I had with deacon Michael.  Then back to see how the computer is.
21 June: 2016
Evan and I go over things, printer not liking to work with Linux box (Ubuntu 14.4) and instead of downgrading the OS we look on line, see a refurbished computer that should work and agree to purchase it with the remainder of the grant money for S.C.A.R.F. work so the grant will allow us to produce continued folders and such for S.C.A.R.F. and this project in color.  I will find the money from withholding from b uying food to purchase the "insurance" plan for it for 3 years.  Later I go over with Bob to do things and Bob takes me to staples where they find out the lap top I bought for some $499 dollars and added $250 of "protection" to, was so infected it was worthless with "malware".  The staples store on Boston Road did not have the lap top's advertised on a sale that only started 3 days ago.  Bob insists on going to the "base" (air force 'px') and there is one bare bones computer without pci slots or internet wireless access. BUT it is $100 less than the price as the lap-top that Staples advertised but did not have was.  So Bob buys it for me so that when I visit him I can use that computer and he can use his computer at the same time.  Often we have done that when working on projects and that is why I had the lap top at his place.  All the other old laptops I have had do not work as well and the computer with Linux on it is causing troubles back at the apartment and making noises, I think the hard drive is going.  So this is a low end computer but means I will have something and I believe I have a monitor in storage, so he gets it for me and we go to storage to get the monitor.  I try and set it up and stay over at his house that night.
20 June:2016
Went to apartment & finished work on booklet. You can download it here.  Tonight to meeting on Alden/Roosevelt Ave. road work.  Found the city officials very willing to help and kind and willing to try and explain things to the "common person" gently and tenderly.  Good feeling all around.

19 June: 2016
Church, then back to apartment to work on Parish Council notes, then to help a friend cut down evasive species from his land.
That night, well into Monday morning, re-worked items submitted to historic commission to make them one booklet an not files.
18 June: 2016
Armory Day at the Springfield  National Armory after relaxing and doing nothing all morning (missed stuff but rest was needed).
17 June: 2016
Doctors, Doctors, Doctors, I see them a lot. Allergist and Dermatologist and of to the Pharmacy, but the medicine cos to much.
16 June: 2016
Worked on items and made a booklet for the Historic Commission.  I agreed to come back again if I want to do anything over the door on the addition that faces the street.  I doubt I will do anything at this time other than a period "v" on the roof to deflect water.
15 June: 2016
Went to the Berkshires to get  some of my stuff that was brought up there one winter, will go back again next week.
14 June: 2016
Architect Bill Devlin and I went over to West Springfield for breakfast and to talk about the project and our meeting at the Historic Commission on Thursday.  Then Evan from RLC and I went to get new printer for SCARF to print things and make folders and mailers and such & set up an efficient office for this project and the RLC Grant report.
13 June: 2016
More preparation for Historic Commission meeting, other work on S.C.A.R.F. ans at FoH Art sales & show fundraiser at Log Cabin in Holyoke that evening.

12 June: 2016
Church, Parish Council Meeting, Parish picnic, Prepare for Historic Commission Meeting.  Ask people helping me tomorrow to be there on the 16th.

11 June: 2016
At Church event most  of the day in Lawrence, MA. Then back to prepare for the Parish Council Meeting. Also prepare for Historic Commission Thurs.

10 June: 2016
One of my last "Friday reports" and prepare to be at a Church event in Lawrence MA tomorrow.  Have S.C.A.R.F. Articles of Organization draft formed and maybe some initial bylaws.  Try to find information about lawyers and start  outline on report for RLC grant.

09 June: 2016
See my primary care physician a 10AM and then maybe check with city.  Hope I feel better, this cold like allergy and such is awful. This is now 60 days or so after the man threatened my life and everything has been turned upside down.

08 June: 2016
See Evan of RLC at 2PMish, probably at studio/apartment.  Get stuff to Historic Commission and map out last weeks of June and end of Grant.  Write Proposals of motions for Tenants Union, I must be at Church, and try and call about their lost Employer Identification Number.  To many people in the building I am leaving want just to complain and not take the initiative to try and solve problems outside of childish "street gang" type of methods.

07 June: 2016
Critical Time Intervention training at Mercy Hospital due to my affiliation with the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness and then work on Historic Commission drawings.

06 June: 2016
Do work on items for Historic Commission, lodge reports, box up more for storage, prepare for training tomorrow.  Many Lodge special event tonight.

05 June: 2016
Church and not certain what else. Maybe report on Grand Lodge.  Do other tings and do work for Historic Commission, must be in Wednesday. Or just plain rest and try and "chill out" a bit.  I think I like the latter.

04 June: 2016
At Grand Lodge of the Independent Order of Odd Fellows and leave with Past Sovereign Grand Master for a ride to a bus station in Providence, R.I.  Get there and I have missed the last bus directly to Springfield. One last chance tonight, on to Worcester and then a 2 and a half hour layover and another bus to Springfield. I take that one at 5:30PM and arrive in Springfield near 10PM.   Go to apartment, put dress garments away and eat, then sleep, bath, write this and then to sleep again.  Plan is to leave from here for Church.

03 June: 2016
Off early to Grand Lodge, trash brought out at lodge first.  Then pick up suitcase at apartment and more medications.  Get down there and do some items and am dropped off at hotel.  Help with registration and other things asked to do.  Can't get other room and folding bicycle fix did not "hold" while in storage, so now it is paying for a hotel room. To tired to try anything else.  Was told a high price and went to go somewhere else and then they asked if I was with the group, I said yes and got the room for a little bit less, still it is about a fourth of my income for the month on this room.  Glad I am here to help and make a report for my lodges.

02 June: 2016
Morning I wait for Property Management people that never come.  So missed appreciation luncheon. Then to Allergist who sees me, asks some questions about something I think is healing fine from what it was before (something focus care did not want to look at) and orders some medications and ointments.  Neighbor patches pinhole in bicycle tire for me. At 2:30PM I meet with the RLC grant person (Evan) and we agree on a purchase of a mutli-function laser printer that is on sale at Staples only until Saturday.  This will help in making flyers and letterhead and such and send fax and scan documents 8.5"x14" for our people. Stuff to storage and then to put bicycle together and get to meeting on the gas leaks in this city and nation-wide and especially in Boston. Then to the Community Policing meeting.  Am told hours before that we must leave early in the AM and not at noon for Milford, so I have to pack things before going to the sleeping area.  I therefore can not go and see my friends graduate, I am bummed out.  But get to sleeping spot late at night after doing these things and doing additional research on the printer for the grant people and sending specks and such.  It is 4 more hours of stuff I had not planned on.

01 June:2016
So very sick, At focus care again (they basically say it is all my fault and intimate I have messed up my medications, this is not true, I think they are missing something and are overworked), then wait for Evan and RLC Grant call, then Armory Quadrangle Civic Association board meeting, then Convocation at Springfield Technical Community College, then move stuff to storage and get to a sleeping spot away from the apartment building.

June Starts

This is a revised document through May 31st, revised June 5th at 5AM.
So much has happened since April first and so much to happen through May 31st.
So this link is to a PDF that tries to summarize it all
More (at least weekly) reporting of daily activities to resume in June.

16 April:2016
I hope to be moving things, also helping in clean ups the 23 and the 30th but maybe not posting things here much.  I will try and access the internet to return emails at least twice or three times a week while I try and get to a safe place to stay.
15 April: 2016
RLC Report Day.  So much needs to be done by today.  Most probably I will not update much until after Pascha, May 1st.  I will go to the Streaming Myrrh Icon at St. George George Greek Orthodox Church. I want to get closer to God, regardless of what happens but I need to do so in case all these dreams and nightmares that indicate I will die before I come into the house are true.  I will be trying to take things with me and do some work on plans for the building and final plans for S.C.A.R.F. written down if I do die.
14 April: 2016
Appointment at 10AM at 3300 Main Street with Baystate and then I can't go to the Arise for Social Justice meeting on Environmental Justice Committee meeting.  I went right from the Police Department where I talked with Kathy Brown and then filed a report and then back to get my bicycle to cycle to the Rental Housing Association of Greater Springfield meeting at Twin Hills Country Club, at 700 Wolf Swamp Road in Longmeadow, MA.
13 April: 2016
Leave early fro Holyoke Community College from Springfield Bus Terminal to get there by 9:30AM for a Housing and Employment for Young Adults  training session in the morning and a Tenant Employment in Permanent Supportive Housing training in the afternoon.  Then back to the Apartment and Bible Study at 6:30PM.  Good training, some folks prayed for me at noontime.
12 April: 2016
Leave early in the morning from Springfield Bus Terminal for Holyoke Community College and a training on Employment opportunities within Section 8 housing tenants. We have had that in the Rainville property management contract since about 1992.  The HAP/HUD housing inspection is that day, hopefully in afternoon.  They did it before I got back and I failed the inspection. But this means not much to me in comparison to being threatened with death.  I was advised to write something in case I do not survive the next few months so people know where my body is to be buried, etc.
11 April: 2016
Day before inspection.  Call the inspector. Maybe have someone at my apartment. Give paper to Property Management authorizing they can go in for this inspection.
ALL items must be out of here and that includes all books probably not going to be used in near future and most efforts focus on the 257 Central St. project.  But I am so distraught that I am not able to focus well on anything. Missed a rehab appointment today.
10 April:2016
Church, then pivotal Parish Council meeting.  Perhaps more stuff to storage that afternoon.  The next day must complete moving things to storage and make the apartment ready for inspection on the 12th. Three trainings  and special meetings the week of the 10th through 16th, and it is nearing the end of lent so soon many church services, probably daily.  Hence I need to also be talking with people and get revised Redevelopment Plans into the city by the end of this coming week.

9 April: 2016
Must bring things to storage, must get them out this weekend. Must get apartment so it can be used for studio to work on plans and such for 257 Central St. Project.  A man came up to me today as I was bringing things into a waiting van to go to storage, pointed his finger at me and said "I am going to kill you".  I did not respond to him. That man also slammed the van door on my friend who is 82 and my friend narrowly escaped being hurt. He called the police.  The man and another person were talked to by the police as were my friend and I. We were told we could go after we made the statement.  The other two people mouthed off at the police, fought with them, and resisted arrest.  They face many charges. The person how
8 April: 2016
Fair Housing and Civil Rights Conference at the Marriott at 8AM. This ends at about 3PM and at 3:30PM a Rehab appointment at 360 Bernie Ave.  Might try and bring some things to storage from the apartment.
7 April: 2016
Fair Housing and Civil Rights Conference and workshops at the Marriott at 8AM.  Then the Community Policing meeting at 6PM at the EmmersonWright Community Room (Senior Center location) on Walnut Street. Then the Historical Commission at City Hall.
6 April: 2016
Trauma Informed Care Training at Mercy Hospital at 8AM, then at 4PM the AQCA Board meeting. Then to Church leadership meeting at 5pM, then to Church for the Bible Study meeting continuing in the book of Jeremiah.  Will be hoping to complete the reading of the Taunton Press "Wiring a House" book by this date but it is taking much longer, might not be for a few more weeks.
5 April: 2016
Morning work on problems at apartment building with a conference call  Then a VIMUG meeting noon, no one showed up and I was waiting in the cold for about 45 min.  Then a Rehab appointment at 2:30PM and then to a HAP forum at the Marriott at 3PM to 5PM. Good conversation with speakers and they like the S.C.A.R.F. concept.  Missed contact with RLC.  Back to apartment and to bed.   I must get things out of here and can not wait much longer.  So tired. Back at Computer 11PM to 1AM to update things.
4 April: 2016
Unaccompanied Youth meeting is planned in Holyoke near Homestead Ave 11:30 to 12:00PM and then to Baystate Neurodiagnostic center for a meeting and maybe tests, with a ride from the City Housing Director who was at that meeting.  Good conversation.  The lodge meetings will not happen in the evening, should have gone to city council meeting but to tired.  We had spent about 4 hours doing laundry and such.  I think I pushed a cart back that an old man's cane was in and now it is lost.
3 April:2016
Church and nothing got done as planned.  All must be out and apartment ready for inspection next Monday night.  I got back from church and did not go to the annual dinner for Holy Cross Seminary and Hellenic College and see the presentation so I could be back to do laundry with a friend to finish the Holiday Meals. Now that might go until Tuesday or Later because of othe commitments the friend had forgotten about. So I spend the time going over what might need to happen first and created that pdf document about this project.  I need to get all my "ducks in a row" so it can happen.  I hope I don't need to find another funding source.  A lot changes in the 5 months or so I have bee waiting for this approval recommendation.

2 April: 2016
Went to Carol Costa's mom's funeral with Bill Devlin, then back and can not get a hold of Bob for laundry of the Holiday Meals items.  Will update these pages.
1 April:2016
News. At about 1PM I got a call from Tina-Marie Quagliato of the Disaster Recovery & Compliance section of the city of Springfield, MA about my bit 15-238. As I had said before it seemed I should not contact them unless they contacted me because to do so might mean I loose the bid on that property.  Well what I am told is that a letter was crated on October 30th after we had provided estimates from Uptown Construction, the Architects Drawings and various certifications on August 28th. recommending that the Mayor designate me as the Preferred Developer of this property at 257 Central Street.  That designation would end on May 30th.  I was told I could ask for an extension of time since apparently the original and not a copy was filed, hence no notification may have gone out to myself or to Mayor Sarno.  Along with the letter of recommendation was a list of 15 or more items they wanted clarified and I now wonder if some of the revised estimates were actually transmitted to the right files.  This letter is here and I am seeking many bits of advice as to how to proceed.  The first full week in May will be trainings and the Fair Housing Conference and I will proceed with moving things to storage and asking about items so I can go a revised estimate.  I will need to contact private inspectors and such and now there might be some question as to the financial package as well.  I do what to do this in phases and do what is needful for the certificate of occupancy first.  Then apply for help with other things and a Mass Historic Grant.  If this letter had gotten to me in time I could have made the application by march 1st.   From this point on, this spot will be the only spot I have a lot of words and updates on. The concepts section will only have bare bones for the concepts.  This is the project we are trying to "work out the kinks" in our plans on.  And I must spend much of my time on that.  The "book" is due June 31st and it looks like I might not be able to get this accomplished until September, however if they give me an extension of time (which we have asked for) this still means the paperwork in doing the work for the transfer of the property and such that might take up until June.  The new window is for a certificate of occupancy by Labor Day.   I went to see the Tiny House project and spoke with Colleen from Revitalize CDC at that event.  What they did for insulation is what I want to do on the addition area of 257 Central St.  If we can "pull this off" that means a feather in the cap of everyone as we show that an abandoned and neglected property can be fixed up and made a home again.   Later Bob took me to Carol Costa's Mom's calling hours. The Architect for this project, Bill Devlin, will take me to the funeral and burial, etc. tomorrow.  Did not get Rent in the Rental Box and so might bring it to Home City Housing on Monday or will most probably put it in the rent box at the Rainville and be "done with it".

April 2016 Starts
  23 March: 2016 through 31 March: 2016
So much has happened and most of it has been my trying to help an older person with the Holiday Meal things for the Western Easter time.  Yet I have had many say that I can not do these things and that I can not even get a reply back from the city.  So I will attempt to establish a for profit company, but not make much profit, tomorrow, April Fool's Day called Charles Knight and Associates to help move this thing along.  It looks like a need to re-evaluate whom it is I work with and maybe there are some questions of availability and appropriateness with some of the people I have selected in the past.  It is a the concept to rehab so that a certificate of occupancy can be granted and that additional repairs and modifications would be "on-going" so that the people continually help to rebuild their lives by rebuilding and remodeling the home and the neighborhood. It is a sort of a sense of community we are building and not a huge debt with things done by "professionals" so the home could be "flipped" or sold soon.  I expect at least a 10 year commitment to live in this house, barring unforeseen issues, and this act of planning and rehabbing will be therapeutic.  I ask you to pray for me and this venture and I seek all the solid advice I can get.  This is a new way of doing things but I think it is the right way to help fairly poor people get on their feet and so they can use the help of many different agencies as they move along. It is a cooperative and collaborative way of doing things and yet it is based on the principle that most rehab stuff the common person can do. We might need help in moving things along for the initial certificate of occupancy as all of the rehab work needed will most probably need to be done within 5 or 6 months. But after the move in the people can progress at their own pace, learning and doing and making this once abandoned house not only their HOME but also an "anchor" building in the revitalization of that local community.
22 March:2016
Must help with getting things ready for Holiday Meals today.
  21 March: 2016
Helping someone who is in his 80's  get things prepared for the Holiday meals that happens here on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter.  Then to meet with Earl at RLC and discuss things and try to work with HAP about moving the inspection date to a few weeks or a month from now.  The people that are to help me move things to storage are not available right now.  I will do what I can now and really want to get to city council tonight.  I just like being there. Want to see about watching it online also. Need to pay the telephone bill as I guess I am stuck with verizon for right now. I have much to report from last week, but have to "process it" and more news might be forthcoming.  If the nod is given for me to develop this property these comments will become much shorter and work will need to be done there about 10-12 hours a day or so. Given transport time an time to get up and back to bed and eating time.  I think all I have left after resting time is about 10 and maybe 12 hrs.
Tried to talk with HAP people, now told I need to call the inspector tomorrow morning, start at 7AM. 
20 March: 2016
Church, got there late, with printed possible Sunday of Orthodoxy for another year. Stayed through from Church through evening Sunday of Orthodoxy, home late.

19 March: 2016
Grand Encampment meeting and then back here, so tired. Just lay down and slept.  Then up to Church for Vespers. Talk some of Sunday of Orthodoxy tomorrow.
18 March: 2016
Grand Encampment meeting is this afternoon. Did some stuff but mentally all messed up a bit. Big news 200 donated through gofundme today. Call with other help.
I sent an email asking the head of City Housing to see if she knows about the bid I made as I have not heard anything back yet .
17 March: 2016
Rehab. They will have appointments for me next week. My limbs are weak.  Went to Savers and got some things, including two books to write things in about our experiences in Lent. Will give one to Stefi as she has helped me so much. Listening session on youth at HUD, HHS telephone # then FoH board meeting.   Then to church for a St. Patrick's Day service and then some discussion about the Sunday of Orthodoxy and our needs to seek God's Will in our lives. Let book given to Stef.
16 March: 2016
Helped someone clean up for an inspection Friday.  Took longer than expected, washed floor, dishes, etc. as well.  The to AQCA meeting and leave early for Ash Wednesday services at Church. I am an Orthodox Christian and we keep the calendar the Apostles had, hence our Pascha ("Easter" ) will be May 1st.
 15 March: 2016
Half way through the month and I am still getting nothing done.  Pray that I somehow get out of this. After the theft and all my wrong decisions I question my ability to do anything right at all.  Much has happened wrong at Church and I feel I am in some measure at fault for that also.  Maybe I just need to go away and let people be happy with whatever they are doing and not try and mess around trying to do things when I have none of the resources to do them.  Maybe I am just a failure.
14 March: 2016
Only worked on getting a website working. No real work done all day. Light still out in foyer for third day in a row.
 13 March: 2016
Church and then back to the apartment to rest.  light out in the foyer, been reported yesterday as well.

12 March: 2016
1PM clean up at my lodge in preparation for Grand Encampment (I.O.O.F.) session. May ride out to 257 Central for good images if weather is nice
11March: 2016
Report Day.  Still not much happening.
10 March: 2016
Meeting with Counselor in early afternoon and Rental Housing Association of Greater Springfield meeting, topic is bed bugs. Might not buy dinner. But will try and talk with Attorney and ask about them inquiring of the city. It was over 9 months ago I put in the bid for this property and folks are asking what has happened.
09 March: 2016
Unaccompanied Youth Committee meeting at 9:30AM ( in West Springfield instead of Northampton), actually harder for me to get to. Special hearing on the Central Street realignment meeting tonight at 5:30PM.  Will go to that as we are located on central Street.
08 March: 2016
Nothing much all day. So discouraged. At Computer. Did not know of meeting in the building. Met with Earl and Samantha about Rainville & code issues.  Went to Maple, High, 6 Corners Neighborhood Council meeting. It is the Neighborhood Council for this area.
07 March: 2016
Went to Doctors. She is ordering a nerve test but thinks I just need to "Will myself well".  Could be. This theft is about the 12th traumatic thing that has happened to me since I came down to Springfield and I guess I am not "handling" it well.  I seem to be 'frozen in my tracks' so much of the time.  Lodge meetings at night.  Did find an old folder with not so much on it that tells about the "Rainville" and can be a self mailer so that was also put up on the 32 Byers Str., Inc. "Rainville" website.
06 March: 2016
Church at St. George, then up to meet folks at St. Stephen and give a book back to a friend at Trinity Lutheran and then back to St. George but could not get in for the oratorical festival, and then back to apartment. Feel so lethargic. Slept and felt a bit better and went to Howard Drew achievement memorial event at Classical.  There has been a website set up that has many of the images I tried to take pictures of at that event. Howard Drew was a black man that went to Classical High School and went on to become "the world's fastest human" in the Olympics, but a torn tendon at the preliminaries pulled him out of competition, and then to become a leader and eventually a judge.  His story is an inspiration for all of us and an encouragement for our own efforts.  I was encouraged, but still question myself.

05 March: 2016
So lethargic and tired. Just stayed in and at the computer.  Did get to Vespers. This is the first month I will try being away on the 1st Sunday of each month. 
Worked some on the beginnings of a possible S.C.A.R.F. newsletter to maybe be called the "Re-Builder" last night, early this morning. Sent in report to RLC.
04 March: 2016
Nothing done today but to attend the Western Mass. Network to End Homelessness report with senators and representatives and such at HCC. Back here 2pm.
03 March:2016
10:30 to Noon WMRNED Individual Service Committee meeting at Friends of the Homeless, then to the bank and such and Community Policing at 6PM and the Historical Commission at 7PM.  Will try and work on this move early in the Morning and make plans for the apartment set up then. Must have all moved out by May.
Set up website for the board of directors of 32 Byers Street, Inc. and on it is the first newsletter we tried to put out.  Tried to use google to translate it to Spanish.
02 March: 2016
Meeting at Liberty Heights condos and then to Kimball Towers at 4PM for an AQCA board meeting and then to the Lodge meeting at 7PM and back to the Church meeting that started at 6:30PM.  I hope to get things packed and boxed so I have much of what I need to get out of here.  So much to do, so little time to do it in.
01 March: 2016
This is the day, that for me, my mind starts shifting into "spring" mode.  Each day that is warm and dry I will be out on the bicycle or taking images.  I will look at college and see what programs for gardening are happening.  I am to late to start seeds inside as had been planned, but I might buy some "plugs" somewhere and start them.  I think I will also plan to be away at least one if not two Sundays a month, especially after May 1st , which is Pasca.  There is much work I have to do and help folks and also much I have "let go" while in college. That ended about a year ago and so my time will soon divided in the summer between here and at some other locations. In addition I will most probably be visiting with people and getting S.C.A.R.F. off the ground as a real entity.  All help with this is appreciated.
Talked with property management people and need to redo at least one image for the "Rainville Record"  newsletter. This thing is taking on a "life" of it's own.  I do need to get out of her in a few hours so I can go to the polls before they close.  Need to Vote today.


29 February: 2016
No plans to do anything on this "extra day" but rest and pray and seek God's will.  Instead I spent the day working on a Newsletter for the "Rainville" apartment complex that I had done much on the night before.  With many changes requested it was, I thought, completed at 11PM Monday night, am so tired.

28 February:2016
By this date 9 months ago the bid was made for 257 Central Street.  By this date at 2PM 6 months ago all the additional information was give to the city.  I am at a loss as to why there had been no movement so far but now nothing is left of the chimney and even if I do not need it, I want the chimney there so the house will look historically correct from the outside.  Much is being scaled back so that we can do what is needed only for the certificate of occupancy at this point.  I do want us to work collaboratively and cooperatively with all "stake holders" in this area and I think we need to do that not only for myself but others as well. I will try to get an Ethernet type of A/B switch (RJ45 sockets) so I can easily disconnect the Ethernet.  This is to be my last time of having it on 24/7.  It will be turned off when not in use and probably taken out altogether by the middle of next month, if need be. The extra money would be nice, but now I am finding I need to be on the internet more than I had expected. Had wanted to go to the Springfield Preservation Trust meeting, but after I got back from the second church meeting I went to as I received a gift to help me after the theft I was all messed up psychologically thinking of the theft. Did not go bowling and forgot about the SPT Annual meeting and just lay down and rested. On the computer just 'surfing' and such. I got almost nothing done and I need to "snap out of this" as soon as I can, without drugs.
27 February: 2016
No work on this today and it is predicted to be cold, if I am in Springfield. Will be working on boxing and moving things to get them out of this building.  Want to set up part of my living quarters so I can have people come by and let me give some sort of a presentation about this project to them and my hopes and dreams for other projects from where I am.  That means taking the bed to storage and bringing back and re-assembling my futon as a couch maybe bring two chairs back.
26 February: 2016
Wrote some more plans and such at 2AM and will be back to bed by 3:15AM.  Need to be dressed, up and be at Mercy Hospital at 8:AM for a training that will last most of the day.  Then try and do the Friday report and send it to RLC electronically.  If I get a ride I might go to Dedham. Otherwise maybe a bus Sat. AM to Boston and then back out for a Church event.  Can not seem to establish internet access. Verizon is getty really bad now unless you pay excessive fees.  Will try later.
25 February: 2016
Bicycled to Boland School for the last  Read-Aloud session. I went last Thursday but the school was out on "spring vacation" week. I went to the pharmacy, but did not have my bank card, so I bicycled to the 257 Central Street area and took pictures with the new camera of 257 Central from the sidewalk of Pine Street in two areas to show how it looks to neighbors once the foliage is off the trees.  Much work is now being done on the building on the corner and if the city grant my bid for 257 Central we want to make friends with all our neighbors.  Because of predicted, and materialized, rain I took the bus to a 2PM appointment at 3300 Main St. and back to the pharmacy.  There also I got in addition to the prescriptions for pain medicines, some candy, milk, and a 32GB SD drive for the new camera.   I used all the coins I had for bus and so I walked in the rain back and stopped in at Arise to tell them of what I had learned at the listening session about trafficked people being homeless. When I got to talk to Michaelann Bewsee I was invited to a potluck supper put on by their housing committee and so I stayed.  After that back to the apartment, put away the milk (the refrigerators are so small and ill designed the gallon of milk must be put in 4 32 oz containers in order for them to be refrigerated).  The old fridge allowed a gallon of milk, then new ones do not and all they allow for is cans of beverage and the motor area takes up much of the space inside.    Minutes not done and maybe by Monday. Need to check at the Registry of Deeds Archives to go back further than January 1 of 1861 for this property's deed search.
24 February: 2016
Plan to work on S.C.A.R.F. stuff and reviewed what to do now, what comes first, in a scaled down version so work can start as soon as the go-ahead comes from city hall.  Documents created detailing current views. I now want to NOT do all that I had planed on at first, and let some things go for a year or so after ownership so that this can truly be a model of how we hope to do the work with other people. The main thing is to get people into the building and get that certificate of occupancy.  Might try and contact folks at the Code Enforcement or some Architects I know to see if we can "nail down" the codes we have to follow so we can get people into a home first and let them work towards new roofs and such later on. Continuing to work with them as they approach other sources for assisting them with this work, assuming they need this help.  At 2:55 PM called in for a listening session HUD has about human trafficking.  Did check and this was a free call from home my phone. When I used the cell phone before for a conference call for an hour it was as high as 14 dollars for the event.  Saw  an indication I needed to do something additional to the "gofundme" account I had set up back in May to July of 2015.  Did that, verified things and within minutes someone saw it on facebook and donated $25 towards the cause of rehabbing this house.  This is my first donation towards this project and I thanked the folks.  Did more forms at night.
23 February: 2016
Spent morning on this update and looking for someone to come and have me sign a paper as I am a trustee for a statewide agency that needs to transfer funds for a statewide event they are having next month.  They came about noontime and I am finishing up this stuff now.  Will spend the early afternoon in minutes and did fold the folders of the 10 points for S.C.A.R.F. and will have some with me.  Then go to Green Committee meeting tonight at City Hall.
22 February: 2016
Board of Directors Meeting, then off to Holyoke and RLC Grant contact person where we make up over 66 folders that give the 10 points about S.C.A.R.F.
I was so tired when I got back I got to the computer and lay down a bit.  Then down to city hall to observe the deliberations about the changes in the casino project that, although the council voted to approve, they disliked and I wondered if this change from what was presented to the voters is a violation of 93(a) sec. 2(a) MGL.
21 February: 2016
Church, Stefi picked me up and then dropped me off while she went to get others.  I had made thank-you notes and gave them out to the very many people that gave me items to try and replace what I had lost in the theft.  Stefi brought me to St. George to visit someone that wanted to give me a card (maybe for a grocery store) but they did not have it with them as I was supposed to meet them last week.  I then went back over to the church service and the sermon.  They have the sermon at the end so children can go and have their Bible Study time in Sunday School classes while the adults are finishing up communion and have the announcemnts, collection and sermon, and then the end of the church service and any special things. The children have communion first and then they go over to the Greek Cultural Center for their classes. I came back for the "coffee hour" to see some people and then walked to the Post Office and mailed a letter to Alice Davis about her house and my willingness to help and anything I have in her house that will not freeze can be put on her porch. I will take it to storage in the springtime.  I walked back and felt to so unbelievably tired.  I rested more and slept some.  Then took the new camera and such and bicycled up to 257 Central St. and took many images.  Click here for an image of one and my new bicycle, which I have ordered a manual for.  I still have hopes for this house but expect I will need to do it slowly.  We need to have this done like we will do all other homes.  Just what is needed for a certificate of occupancy.  There are other groups that will help people with other things once they have owned the home for a few years.  I will talk about that later.
20 February: 2016
Felt so tired today, really, really tired, exhausted, worn out.  Day started that way.  Not done much, did not go to vespers. Just at computer and bed most of day.
19 February: 2016
Had been invited so came to the "Bible Study" a Saint George Greek Orthodox Church.  Reading "the way of the Pilgrim" and had coffee and donuts and clementines brought in. Nice time, then got a ride back and Ray Pauley came over and we tried to search for his family history (ants to know about a relative), without much luck. Want you to pay for each search now.  I wonder if he could get more done at a research librarian's place.  Did more work on computer.
18 February: 2016
2-3AM, something "broke" and I got hot.  Then I had the blankets off. I was up and working on getting the apartment ready for the exterminators to come, they were to come to everyone in the building.  Bicycled to Boland School for the read-aloud only to find out it was wrong on my sheet, school closed this week. I was warm in my winter clothing and sweating when I got back.  Was in shorts and T shirt for visit with Property Manager. Then at computer and helped with Orientation. Then to FoH for executive committee meeting, then to Armory Quadrangle Civic Association meeting with Elected Representatives from State and Cit for our area. Then back and at computer and ate more before retiring about 1-2AM the next day.
17 February: 2016
So very sick still today.  So cold it feels like to me. Wore ski pants and sweat shirts in the house and under other clothing when I went to a meeting downtown. They were surprised the many layers I had on. Then up by bus to Mason Square, Neighborhood Health Center to see them at Focus Care. Got there early and was seen early.  Then blood work done and a cream ordered and I went to the pharmacy and got the stuff. Got back and realized I had no one to put it on my back.  I don't want a guy to do it.  I know how uncomfortable I felt when I put some cream on another fellows back a few times when he had some ointment to take that way.  Went right to bed with many blankets to try and keep warm. Glad it was no lodge tonight.  I did go to church, bible study and was bundled up most of the time. Got a ride back and went to bed.  So very cold. Ate some more food and then went  to bed.  I have been in bed much of the last 4 days and in the apartment for at least 2 eat, sleep, etc.
16 February: 2016
Heard a friend's house had water running out of the windows while she was away.  Firemen came in and trashed the place. She had lots of stuff stored there but had not been able to move it to the storage spot as she was helping another classmate that got sick and in an accident in the countryside.   So now I might need to go up and help her clean out that house she bought and has been flooded and most things destroyed twice.  I will try and re-establish more cards today. Will try and start on a presentation for SCARF using "Impress" which is an open source presentation program and I  think superior to Microsoft's PowerPoint.  Will need to go to the pharmacy and get drugs.  Probably call the clinic to ask about this feeling cold so much.  Seems like everything is happening to stop me working on SCARF and the 257 Central project.  But I don't feel in my spirit that I should stop. So I am trekking ahead as best as I can do.  I feel so "down" there might be only going to get the prescription that I do.  Did not take the pills at 6AM, will do it now at 10AM and do the evening ones later.  Was back and forth to bed again.  Might call doctor I feel so cold.  Stayed inside today also and was so very cold. The room is over 70 but I felt so cold, like it was 30F. Made appointment for clinic tomorrow.
15 February: 2016
Cold. I stayed inside today also. Hard to do much as I feel so cold, but the temperature is in the low 70's. I feel like it is so very cold and the water does not come into the toilet to fill up the flush bucket and I fear the pipes have frozen below ground.  My bathroom has two outside corners to it where the toilet is.  I turned the Heat all the way up and there was no perceptable change in the heat.  Save thing when turning it almost all the way down.  I think the valve might have been messed up when the HMR folks checked it a month ago. Average temp is 70F in main room, 50F in bathroom and does not seem to change much.  Will go down a bit if I turn the knob all the way up or all the way down.  So I keep it at about 6 and the highest it has gotten is 73.3 degrees Fahrenheit.  I think there is sediment in the valve and the whole system needs to be flushed out. At this building, if I get the 257 Central Street property, I want to put in radiant heat as it seems that is heat with a liquid that does not freeze and it is a closed system that can have many zones.  Most of all I know that if I had not had my windows closed and insulated with drapes and such I would have been about 20 degrees cooler, hence in the 50'sF.  I put in some more Styrofoam tonight and went to bed in my clothes with ski pants and sweat shirt and hood and a fleece blanket and a top blanket and warm quilt over the layers of fleece I sleep on. Spent much time at computer or in bed.  Did not go to lodge if we had it.  Before that the firemen came as some one on the fourth floor was cooking smoky stuff and opened the door to the hall and set off the smoke detector there.  I was ready for bed and put clothes on and then when I got back in I went to bed again. Been in bed and back and forth to computer all day.  Called pharmacy and will get prescription tomorrow in the rain.
14 February: 2016
Missed bus to Church, walked in cold. Then Parish Council Meeting, took notes for them. Then was brought to Bob's to help him with items to the trash and then laundry and then to Verizon to try and get something of his fixed and then to Adi's for food and when I got back to the apartment I was so very cold, "chilled to the bone".  B ob goes into the hospital in Hartford Went to Savers and got Red Savers Club card replaced and bought an atomic clock and a sleeve to hopefully put lap top in. Later found out clock had problems, but I have enjoyed it so far, as it also tells the temperature and moon phases as well as the date and time.  I am so cold in the evening.

13 February: 2016
Cold, stayed in room also, did not go out to check mail.  Did almost nothing, in bed a lot. Not feeling well. Did not come out of my room today either but to get mail.
12 February: 2016
 Trainer sick so training scheduled for today is put off until the 26th.  So very cold I stayed in.  Did not go out of room. So cold. Slept much. Pretty much "washed out".
11 February: 2016
 Took the bus to Eastfield Mall to see if my planner was turned in, it was not.  I called it a "date book".  Bought new one at the 1 dollar store.  Took Bus directly from the mall to 3300 Main Street and Clinical person and told them about the stress from this theft.    Read more in Timeless Building by Alexander.  Went to RHAGS meeting on medical marijuana and federal vs state laws and sort of wish the speaker had been more informative and less "yeah marijuana is great".  BUT he did answer my question that taking the element that makes people "high" out of the drug does NOT lower it's medicinal value or it's benefits for other useages.  Hence I see no reason to sell the drug with the capability to alter ones mind, take that stuff out.  Almost missed bus back.  Talked with Melody, sweet lady on Bus.  So tired, exhausted, to bed.
10 February: 2016
 Went to the unaccompanied Youth meeting at Senior Center in NoHa, then stayed for meeting with Evan from the RLC grant.  Talked about steps to take next.  All of this is becoming a bit overwhelming since the theft.  I can talk about things but having trouble moving on stuff.  On the way back on to the apartment on the bus I talked with two people about the project and gave them the last two folders on the project that I had. It is imperative that I get lists together and speak with the folks we want to have "on our team" doing this.  And right now I am thinking that I might just start a for profit company on my own to launch SCARF as a project of that company.
09 February: 2016
I went to a movie with Ray Pauley, we saw Star Wars 7, then I somehow lost the second planner I had to replace the one stolen with my bicycle and back pack.  I have looked all over for it and will continue to look in the next few days.  I attend the Maple, High, 6 Corners Neighborhood Council Meeting at 6PM.  Will most probably talk about the DCAM decision to put the sheriff's department facility relating to alcohol addiction on Mill Street, right near our lodge.  The meeting of the neighborhood council will be at the Emerson/Wright community center, where the Sector E Policing meeting was last Thursday.
08 February: 2016
Came back in snow storm, flagged down driver and he picked me up. Very safe trip with very conscientious Peter Pan bus driver. Was able to "get away" from things, help some one, and attend to writing down 40+ the cards I need to have replaced after the bicycle and back pack theft.

05, 06, 07, 08 February: 2016
Most probably leave Friday night to tend to some things in the Berkshires and not return until Monday night, or maybe even Tuesday.

04 February: 2016
Got up early and down to the bus station but the bus coming up from Springfield did not make it in time to Holyoke so I had to wait an hour to catch the next bus. Then had to walk the couple of miles to the meeting, took me about 30-45 min. and I got there 15 min. late.  I got a ride back from the Individual Services Committee of the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness with Gerry McCafferty of City Housing and she asked how things went with the house I bid on. I told her we put in everything needed August 28th and have not heard a single thing yet.  Gerry said she would look into it for me. I said I desired that as I was told not to inquire but it has been 5 months now and I am anxious to be named the developer and get to work on this house.  I then paid a tax bill on a piece of land I have in the Berkshires I go and camp on once or twice in the summer. Want to go there about every weekend in the summer but just have other commitments that keep me in Springfield.   Then I took the bicycle out to test it and saw it needed more adjusting than I know how to do.  Then went to the Mentor's meeting as Earl of the Recovery Learning Community was giving a teaching on that and how we will be doing an Orientation for new tenants on the 18th.  After a bit I went by bicycle to the Sector E Community Policing meeting and then as soon as that ended to the Historical Commission meeting and back. As soon as I got back I checked the tires. Can you believe Wallmart sold the bicycle with only 20 lbs of air in them and it is rated for not more than 50 but there should have been at least 40 in them.  So I pumped them up. Then eating something and will go to bed. I have an appointment with Earl at the Recovery Learning Community to fill out my SNAP (Food Stamps) renewal form and talk about other things.  Will probably be gone 4 days.
03 February: 2016
All messed up today.  Looked at email, thought it was the next day, rushed to get bus to get the bus to get the bus to Northampton, only to find out the meeting is the next day but it could not be at the location I was at.  Told the lady convening the meeting and by the time I looked at email again she had another place.  I got back and had been passing out a lot. I went to take a bath before the Armory Quadrangle Civic Association's Board of Directors meeting and lay down for a bit. I feel asleep and slept through the board meeting and awoke only in time to rush up to Church for the service of the "blessing of the throats" (a week before Ash Wednesday in the Western calendar).  The to lodge and back to the apartment.
02 February: 2016
Green Committee meets with School Dept at about 1pm, and it will be 43 degrees F. Was in the fifties yesterday.  Maybe spend afternoon checking for back pack in trash.  But still I have calls to make and letters to send out, etc. This has been a nightmare in so many ways.
01 February: 2016
Early in the morning, twas at the Registry of Motor Vehicles by 7:30AM to wait in line for it to open at 9AM, and buy another ID card that expires this year.  Then to banks to try and re-establish ID and income flows.  Not much to report. When back at apartment so tired. Lodge at 6PM. This would have been a good time to look in garbage cans for my back pack, but had to do the banking stuff and ID stuff today. Tomorrow more of it.


31 January: 2016
Church, annual meeting, prepare night before and confer with leadership in "hickups" as to what we were supposed to have done when and focus on quickly going through things.  At Parish All Voting Member meeting try and do nothing but record minutes unless asked for an opinion.
The meeting went ok, but I was not good emotionally because of the theft the day before. I was asked if it was ok if we went to Walmart by the people that were bringing me home from Church and I said OK.  Inside the store they said we were not to leave until I picked out a bicycle.  Other people had offered bicycles and I had another one in storage but there was no getting around it.  So the only bicycle that had shifting features I thought I could handle was the most expensive one in the place.  They bought it for me and cables and a rack for the back.  Don't know if the back rack can actually go on the bicycle very well.  They also insisted on buying me a camera.  This way I can get to church OK and can still take pictures of events. I still am praying for the return of my camera and secure digital media that was stolen as the images there are priceless tome and they are all about this property.  The emotional upheavle of bad and good things happening to me that I had little control over and not much time to evaluate is pretty much overwhelming.  I think I have learned a lesson here.  When we help our people we also need to let them have the time to think things over and be "at peace" with the direction things have to go in.  It is hard when you want to "do it now" but it is their lives and the building selected and the way the work is to be done and the place landscaped needs to be their decision that they make in their own time so they can defend it and support it against any questions in the future.  It will be their home.  I finished the minutes for the church meeting and tried to sleep but could not.  Back and forth on the computer and the internet.  Must get things boxed to storage soon.  Tomorrow I am picked up very early to go to the Registry of Motor Vehicles and try and obtain a replacement ID and then go to banks with it.  What a mess. Please pray for the young man that stole my bicycle that God will show him a better way to live than stealing and he can change to be the man after God's own eye that I know he was intended to be.  Thanks.
30 January: 2016
Write report on what Evan and I accomplishes, or did not in our time together re the RLC grant.  Prepare and do things for end of month. Attend the second showing of 961 St. James and try to bring all the knowledge from my years of looking at "tax auction" properties to help in this.  Do last minute things for Annual Meeting. Try to get more reports in hand.  Thoughts about the end of the first month, what got accomplished graphic.
At 5PM I went to pick up something in the road so cars would not swerve around it and an accident be causes. I parked my bicycle and walked back the few feet to get it. Someone must have turned around as when I started to walk back I saw a young person on my bicycle riding away. I tried to run after him calling to have him stop but collapsed as I tired to turn the cornner following after him.  My ids and back cards, epi-pen and camera and cards with pictures on them from the past I had brought to see if we needed them at church were all in that back pack that was on the basket of my bicycle because of my discomfort in it being on my back with my back injuries on certain days, as it was "acting up" that day.  I will need to spend much of next week trying to borrow money and re-establish some ID cards and try and get  life "back in order" somewhat.  All work will most probably cease on this but I will ask the lawyer to contact me by phone after asking the city about the disposition of my bid.  I want so much to just live a peaceful life without being robbed.  Sometimes it seems like all is bad.  Please pray for the boy that did this that he might turn to God and amend his ways as this sort of stealing from an older person can not lead him to anything good. I ask you to join me in asking God to move in the life of this person so he is redeemed and this be one of the last of such acts he does and by our prayers God moves to reclaim this soul as I want to reclaim abandoned and neglected houses and that he is also restored and becoms an active contributor of good in our society.
29 January: 2016
Finish things in morning and meet with Evan. Try to tell him all of my inner struggles so he knows "where I am coming from".  Discuss "next steps" and the backing I need for them to be accomplished.  I had wanted so much to have that house rehabbed and "behind me" by a month ago so we could focus on the needs of other people and establishing S.C.A.R.F. with at least one house completed. Seven months have gone by and since I got this grant and I feel I am hitting "brick walls" and some of them are of my own making.  It is a Psychological and emotional "roadblock".
28 January: 2016
Try to catch up on work, Business Plan, writing letter to local Habitat for Humanity, crafting things to show Evan. Medical appointment at 2PM.
This the day that 5 months ago the city said if I did not have all the duplicate information in from professionals they would need to reject my bid for 257 Central Street.  If no contact by today I guess I will have to ask the lawyer once again to discreetly ask what has happened. I am now just beginning to be concerned that some sort of a physical communication was sent to me and it just never got delivered to my mail box.
27 January: 2016
Rest some this morning, and await call from Judy at CLA-east about putting up a shopping cart for their website.  Se what is wanted, etc. Do minutes from board of directors meeting for 32 Byers Street (that was Monday) 4PM at Christ Church Cathedral for the "Point in Time" count with the Hampden County Continuum of Care looking to see how many homeless people we find living outside. Rest some and plan rest of week.
26 January: 2016
Got most everything sorted, sort of, and back into room.  Did minutes, sort of, from discussion at Church Sunday.  Then gave Property manager a copy of the first page of a newsletter I had crafted in Libre-Office Draw, from an open source template.  Then Bob took me to Savers and I bought 10 volumes of the Handyman Magazine's series on home repair, etc.  Then he took me to 961 St. James where I looked a property for sale.
25 January: 2016
Board of Directors meeting took up most  of the day, then helping someone with a computer problem they had to go elsewhere for. Finally I got to work on the room and get it mostly sorted.  Prepare for event looking at building that is up for sale, church selling their building. Finally to bed.

24 January: 2016
Church, Stefi called to say there were no vespers as she had got a text message about that and I gather she will pick me up for Church.  I have a sheet made out for people to sing in.  I will ask about what to do about my bid for 257 Central.
23 January: 2016
Supposedly Snow, I doubt it will be as bad as predicted. NOAA says about 2 inches for us, maybe a foot or two accumulation by Monday.
Not well at all. Stayed in. Did not go out and put barrles back at Lodge last night or today, maybe Stefi will take me by tomorrow. Some snow, not much. No vespers tonight as church building is so hard to heat and areas we can heat are used for other activities.  Church meeting tomorrow after the Mass. to determine what we will do about vespers, etc.  Also talk about building issues in preperation for Annual Meeting next Sunday of the voting membership of the Church.  I am still to take notes until Parish Council election in February. Need to draft a letter as nothing came in about the building and bid at 257 Central Street.  I intend to attend the hearings and city council meeting if well enough to Monday.  No real work on this project done. Will call RLC Monday maybe as well and ask advice of Church members tomorrow. Also email lawyer maybe Monday.
Tonight, after eating, I might box up some more things,  Can't figure out where camera went to.  Will eat some food and see if all of it spoiled Thursday when the fridge decided to defrost at number 6 our of 10.  I have thrown much away already.  Wish I could use my own fridge.
22 January: 2016
7:30AM, be at the Castle of Knights in Chicopee, MA, for Human Services Forum. I will speak of the need for equity and equality in the way we pay for shelter beds and services in the state and have with me this document which is essentially a local newspaper article. Then back to watch Right to Life March and such. Also try and contact folks about this project.   I have heard nothing yet and want to see if the lawyer was able to get any reply when I asked them last month if they would discreetly inquire about my bid.   My friends word haunt me "Why do you think you can help anyone else when you can't even get a successful bid on a property yourself."  Maybe the words were a little different, but the meaning was the same.  Write Friday Report.  What has been accomplished this week, when one twelfth of the year is 3/4ths over already.
21 January: 2016
Third Change in Plans: first revise folder for SCARF, then go to Boland School to read "Amos and Boris" for Children, then back and clear off area around and on bed and box and then put stuff ready to do out, if possible back there so I have very little in the hall alcove by the time the property management team leaves and I need to go to meetings.  Meetings this afternoon FoH at 5pm and Armory Quadrangle Civic Association at 7PM, be there by 6:15PM.  Doubt I can be there, but wanted to be at Historic Commission meeting. Looks like I can only get  to them on the 1st Thursday of the Month, AFTER the Community Policing meeting from now on for a bit.  Will email Evan of RLC.
20 January: 2016
Attended Western Massachusetts Network to End Homelessness Leadership Council Meeting and feel so impotent and not able to help end this horrible thing.  Came back and went to college to get the promised boxes to move things to storage. They were gone so I fished some out of the dumpster.  Often people will throw boxes in the dumpster instead of putting them in the cardboard recycle bin quite a ways away from building 20. This looks like the old cardboard recycle bin, but now painted a regular trash color. So trash gets put there. Got back and wanted so rest and go to a meeting at 5:30 and another one at 6 PM. Got to do neither.  Got a phone call and I hurt so much I just went to bed.
19 January: 2016
Worked on stuff for Church and getting ready for S.C.O.R.E. meeting.  Meeting was OK, work to do, not much encouragement.  Bob had me help him get a package off. Did some Boxing up. Made plans for light from window in bathroom to come through translucent window opening in closet to give light to the addition large room and the opposite happen as well. Want to make the house so it uses as little electricity as possible.
18 January: 2016
Martin Luther King Jr. Day, probably no work done today either. Hope I do not hurt and can do some boxing.
Must get boxed things to storage by Wednesday.
17 January: 2016
Church, maybe over to coffee hour at St. George.  Stefi goes to New York.
16 January: 2016
Hurt so bad, not get up hardly at all. Went back to bed. Glad no vespers tonight due to the cold in the building. Talked with Stefi on the phone and we both got the text of vespers online and did them over the phone.  So tired and hurt so much. Want to box but cant move much. Gong to bed. Been awake 12 hours and still nothing done, going to go to bed at 10 probably.  Hurt. C an hardly function even at Computer.
15 January:2016
Tried to work on boxing things this am, but was not good on cleaning. Am sorting instead to get things to storage.  My arms still hurt and the folks came to inspect the heating and pushed the heat all the way up. I have insulated my windows and have no need to waste heat like that. So I turned it down after they left.  It is maybe 45 at the coldest so far and normally round 60 in the bathroom, and that is when it is about 70-75 in the main room.  And it is so warm I am often in shorts.  So I don't need to use so much heat I keep the main room above 80 degrees Fahrenheit. After all this is the middle of January. Right now it is about two months until Spring, on March 20th.  This link goes to an image created by someone to show that a month was half over with. So quickly the days go by and what you wanted to do is now not done.  This link a friend sent about successful people. Oh how I wish I could be like that eventually.  The month is half over with and I still have not accomplished much.
14 January: 2016
Boxed up things in the am. almost 2am and still not in bed. Arms hurt something awful. No sleep. got to medical meetings, license commission hearing (which lasted for an awfully long time as the proprietors of a business that wanted an all alchol license paraded 25 people before the commission and only two of them spoke at all about liquor, such a strange hearing. Carol Costa was so nice as to drive me up to the Rental Housing Association of Greater Springfield meeting at Salvator's restaurant. And because of that help I did get there for much of Atty. Shea's talk and it was really good.  Many a good pointer as to what to do and what to not do, so court cases don't get dismissed.  All this is important as we also want to help people get to the point of owning a second house as a rental property and therefore give them some residual income.
13 January:2016
Went to a meeting, checked with information about getting census data, listened to webinar, helped someone with boxes and back to pack up stuff but to tired to do anything. Must of strained my muscles really bad when bicycling back in the storm. They hurt and are so weak today.
12 January:2016
Did things and went places but still did not accomplish much.  Got caught in a storm and nearly froze 3 fingers, they would not respond.
11 January: 2016
Had to lay down 5 times this morning. Don't know why I am so tired, so listless, so lethargic and I have done almost nothing.  All I did was listen to some one that called me a few times, do some searching on the computer, make a graphic and a page and then update these items on this website. Also I feel very cold when the thermometer shows that the room is warm (70 degrees F.).  This is how it was when I had pneumonia before. Wonder if there is a connection?  It is now 11:45AM and I feel like I have spent 4-5 hours doing what should be a 45min. task.  It will take me a bit of time to get things in order and get up to 1 Federal Street, third floor, for this Basics in Starting a Business seminar. It will get out a bit before 4PM.  I am so tired today, hope I can stay awake.  I was dozing off all throughout the workshop yesterday.  Narcolepsy is no fun at all.
10 January: 2016
Church, then Home Depot training, Stefi took me and her young adult children. She also wanted to learn about the topic and wants to do a similar thing at her house.  I think these workshops will be good for our people.  We went to CostCo also and she bought us dinner there. A nice time but I got back later and so I just went to bed after putting away the items I bought for this project and life. (Milk and a book at Costco, and 6mil plastic, a 2 gallon bucket and Velcro holding straps. I will get to bed early to prepare for the basics of starting a business seminar (2.5 hours) at 1 Federal Street Monday.
09 January: 2016
Home Depot for the interior painting and gypsum board repair training, some shopping, then personal stuff and did not get  to box anything.  To wrapped up on bunches of other things and had to prepare for the Church meeting.  I am often very discouraged at my inability to do things and I get so very tired so early in the day.
Vespers at 5PM.
08 January:2016
Stayed in all day and took Christmas decorations down and put more drapes and such up on the one window closing it up for the winter to retain the heat.  The bathroom seems to have a leak through the wall so I turned the heat way up to 3 out of 8 and I hate to do that.  But the bathroom got down to 49 to 52 last Tuesday and I was afraid of the water pipes freezing.  So I end up being in shorts and a t-shirt in the main room so the bathroom does not freeze.  Had a nice talk with Evan yesterday when he gave me a book and presented 4 more pm electrical wiring,  community building, creating powerful community orgaizations, and writing winning proposals.  Much to read, but information that is becoming essential to gathring the people with the skills to get this thing "off the ground" and able to help others in need.  I leave early tomorrow for Home Depot in West Springfield for a training Interior Paint and Dry-Wall (Gypsum board) Repair to be ther by 9:30AM.   Sunday I hope to be able to go from the Parish Council meeting directly back to that store for a training at 1PM in installing a kitchen backsplash.
07 January:2016
Met Carol at 8AM or so to see if I left the cane in the AQCA office.  Sometimes I just don't need a cane, and forget I came somewhere with it. met folks at Friends of the Homeless for an individual services committee meeting of the Western Massachusetts Regional Network to End Homelessness and spoke with a representative from the Massachusetts Coalition for the Homeless. I spoke with Jay Levy of Elliot Community Services when I showed him our folder and talked of my visions for S.C.A.R.F.; and then walked back to the apartment by 1PM to get ready for being picked up at 3PM to go to Pepperell, MA and be part of that installing suite. Just as I was to leave the Property Manager hailed me and told me she had not as yet received my rental check. I was astounded, I knew I started to write it out so deposit it in our locked box for rent on January 1st .  She spoke with me on the 5th and did not say anything. I told her if that every happens again that it is not in on the 1st or 2nd, then call me.  I wrote another check for the rent  (just barely had it in to cut two checks) and later found out I had most probably not written the check after all. As a narcoleptic, if I sart something and do not continue to get it done, then I remember it as accomplished, not started and not completed. Around the 1st was when Sen. Rosenberg contacted me and I was so exceted with other things being done that day I'll bet I just did not complete that task. Will do the report on this week Friday, much not done.  Am attempting to spend about 8 hours a day for at least 3 days of next week to make up for lost time in meetings, etc. Talked to many about SCARF.  Need to reach out soon to the "movers and Shakers" of this community.  Please E-Mail me if you know of someone you think would like to help us get this "off the ground".
06 January: 2016
A call last night and a friend wants to take me to the cardiac doctor today.  I reluctantly agree.  Mainly because this is a consultation.  If it were a test I think I would rather go via bus or bicycle to represent my normal mode of transportation.  I personally do not think they have found out what is wrong and I need to resist having the doctor order some pills just to make me "feel good".  He said at the last consultation "I don't know what to prescribe for you to take yet" and I replied that I did not want to take a pill.  I wanted to know what was happening. It is then, when we know what is "wrong" that we can ask God for the healing.  However first the spirit needs to be willing to submit and become in harmony with God's will.  Just like a building has to be crafted in harmony with the International Residential Building Codes, in order to be considered a safe place for a family or individual to live in.  Yesterday upon awakening it was minus 7 degrees Fahrenheit, and this morning it is much warmer at 5 degrees.  That is the winter weather I grew up with as a child in the Berkshires, between 10 and minus 10 from the first of the year into February. Often it would hover around zero or 5 to 10 above. It is much warmer "down south" here in Springfield MA.  Partly also due to all the care exhaust fumes.  Back hurts today.
Cardiologist says others have my same problems but the science has not developed far enough so they can do anything for me.  From there I went to the bank and got some money for laundry, then to Fedex Office to get something scanned in for a dollar. Then to the Registry of Deeds to check on 257 Central Street, traced it back to 1860.  Then to the Armory Quadrangle Civic Association Board meeting. Out of there late and then to Church for the Epiphany Service, had to bicycle up. Back in the cold and called to confirm I will be going to Pepperell to help in the installation of that lode, my friend is District Deputy Grand Master for that lodge and I will be helping in his installing suite.  So I will not be at the community policing meeting or the Historical Commission meeting tomorrow.  Probably need to turn the heat down in my apartment. It would not work and now it is keeping the place over 70.  Other people are complaining boaut haveing no heat, but they don't pull their shades down so the heat hits the window and is pulled out by convection.
05 January: 2016
 Did NOT go to Boston. Did work for Church, rested. Cold, stayed indoors. Did not meet with Evan of RLC grant, rescheduled until after the meeting with the cardiac Doctor on Wednesday.  Fiddled with heat regulator, finally got heat at about 9PM, went to bed.  First time all winter.  Almost sad, was learning how to live with just heat from appliances and warm clothing.  However this indicates how we can live working WITH the natural environment and not use excessive fossil fuels to keep warm.  Verifies the architects contention that we do not need special windows as much as we need window coverings (treatments) to keep warm air from cold glass.
04 January: 2016
9:30AM be at Old First Church for inaugural events and then over to City Hall for the first city council meeting.  Then went to the Registry of Deeds and researched some more about the house at 257 Central Street.  Got back to 1862!  Springfield Lodge and Agawam Encampment (I.O.O.F.) met tonight.
03 January: 2016
Church, and then in the afternoon try and get some of the boxing done that was not accomplished when scheduled to be done Friday and Saturday.
02 January: 2016
Office Work and finishing touches made on Friday Report.  Will wait to send it until about 3PM, see if I see any more errors. Replied to a Church related email and put together some things to do the Annual Meeting the end of this month.  Worked on the Vision webpage that was put up today showing S.C.A.R.F. talking points.
None of the personal stuff I had hoped to get done was accomplished.  Must do it tonight and Sunday PM.  Must have stuff ready to go to storage by Monday.  It is very cold, Temperature in Fahrenheit is 36, Wind Chill is 30, and Dewpoint is 20.  I really do not want to go out today.  I feel so cold, and it is in the high 60's F.
01 January: 2016
New method for this new year.  Everything will be left aligned and it will naturally wrap around depending on the viewer's screen size, but Date headings will still be centered.  Hope you like this method as it should help to display things better and not break up comments because of a "hard return" that was placed in the original text.  The contact from a member of the "Great and General Court" gave new hope that this vision is viable.  Folder created and put up on S.C.A.R.F. website.
Report is only partially made, will finish tomorrow morning.  Sent New Year's greetings. Did research but was bothered by friend I was to visit who is very ill right now.


31 December: 2015
Contact from Sen. Rosenberg regarding my Old Year is Ending greetings and S.C.A.R.F. Wants to know more
I sent him initial 10 talking points we are working on.  Finished this into a folder format and sent that to him also. Put on website tomorrow.
Trip to Berkshires put off til mid January. Go to savers and redeem 30% off coupon from previous sales by today.
This may have a new page-style by time work starts on 257 Central.
30 December: 2015
Seek access to 257 Central and secure for winter, try and make so snow can not build up inside;
and so snow and wet does not continue through chimney hole in roof to floor below through ceiling.
Better weather tomorrow, 10°F above freezing N.O.A.A. predicts.
Bob wants to do more being taken from school.  Have no idea why he does it in dibs and drabs.
I assume it is because he is 82 and mainly because of the neurophysiology damage to his nerve endings
when a few years ago the Veterans Administration did not see him when he had shingles until it was to late.
I fear this will take most of the day also.  Rain today so I might not be able to secure 257 Central till tomorrow.
Rain today and bitter cold, wind chill and temperature the same at 28° F. at 3AM.
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION  =  Office Hours set for SCARF,  just like a job I am paid for. 
I am NOT available for friends or others until "free time" has been assigned OR the 'work day' has concluded.
If I must go to a meeting then that TIME must be MADE UP out of my "free time".
Work day for first part of the year, January-March will be 4 hours a day. 
Moving and packing is other "job" of 3 Hours a Day.
29 December: 2015
Bob called, all plans off, he wants to do the Holiday Meal laundry this morning.
We did but he insisted there was no reason for a fan running at his car when I went out to get something.
So, a few hours later, even the doors will not unlock or lock, as the battery is dead to the car.
Missed professional appointment at 2PM, did not get back until after 3:30PM,
and then unloaded much of car.  I had gone to savers and got a few things for 257 Central St. project.
Very discouraged. People called and asked about project.
28 December: 2015
Clean up from Holiday Meal.  32 Byers Street, Inc. at Noon.  Then more stuff for clean up.  Did minutes for 32 Byers St.
27 December: 2015
Going to be late for Church service and don't feel like doing much at all.
MUST box up lots of stuff and get most of my things to storage.  A friend indicates I am about to be evicted again.
He has a good handle on these things and was at the last board of directors meeting so he might know.
Must put things together tonight for board of directors meeting for 32 Byers Street, Inc. Monday. No minutes to me yet.
Worked on designs to see about asking the architect for inside measurements he has for 257 Central so I can do estimates again.
Four months have gone by since the "drop dead" date of August 28th and 7 months since the bid was put in. 
I am so discouraged and frustrated.  But what if this had happened to any of our people.  This is not evil, it is just that the
city people are so over worked that things sometimes "slip through the cracks" when it is not for money.
A commercial rfp came about 5 months after the one I bid on and city council voted last week to transfer the deed to them.
So I must assume that the information came and got put somewhere and maybe the man person is not told of it yet.
If nothing by January 5th, day after the city council reorganizes, I will seek advise, maybe from the Mayor's office.
Now it is 5PM, nothing yet for tomorrows meeting and I was not there, for the last board meeting, at the doctors.
Going to leave tonight to help someone get things moved so workman can do things next week,
a welcome relief from not being able to do anything right.
26 December: 2015
Clean up from Holiday meal. I tried to help but was pretty much useless not doing it as they wanted it done.
The Feast of St. Stephen at Church, break away before festival was over with to help in more of the Holiday Meal clean up.
Then back and bicycle to c